Understanding the Masculine in a Relationship with GS Youngblood Illuminary Leadership with Kirsten Stendevad

In this conversation with GS Youngblood, author of The Masculine in Relationship:  A Blueprint for Inspiring the Trust, Lust, and Devotion of a Strong Woman, we will answer a lot of difficult yet important questions. Questions we often ignore yet comes recurring during the difficult points in our intimate relationships. So many interesting points and ideas brought out here and I hope you’ll also be ignited to take on this discussion with your partners!
Highlights:
Model of masculine groundedness: Addressing the “I have no idea what to do”. But a man who really commits himself, has the power to really turn a toxic and flat relationship into something good. It’s been actually new for men to accept that they have a heart and spirit in the same way as women are quite novices at dealing directly with money and business. The book was written to help men avoid the mistakes GS did in his marriage. He hopes to help men learn from their mistakes, save their relationships, esp marriages. Anytime you hit catastrophe in life, that’s the time you want to grow. It’s the best time actually. From a woman’s perspective, a lot of women find it hard to penetrate a man’s heart. Men seem like to be always guarded, afraid of getting vulnerable, allowing their defenses and letting in love. Women just wanna feel us. A lot of the complaints of men stem from women being frantic precisely because the women in these relationships cannot feel the connection with men. The challenge is like women see green, men see red. Tend to the connection first. Acknowledgement of existence, importance after a day of other things. Women’s center in the brain is 3 times more active than men’s. This is responsible for women being more attentive to details-- many times interpreted as being oversensitive or needy. Strong masculine core: (1) respond vs react; (2) provide structure-- has clarity, decisive. Not being in charge but adding leadership and direction in the relationship; (3) create safety nets, esp emotional safety-- understanding the feminine psychological. To men: Stop blaming women to change. Men can be so proactive in one domain and passive in another. They can be like interns at home.  A lot of women are romantically starved. A happy woman can lift the world, a frustrated woman can smash the world. But it is easy for men to mend this. Translating this to how it is perceived by men, she’s criticizing him, irritable with him and less open to sexuality-- connection starved. And so men must realize how beautiful this power they have to change this. Masculine leadership. Lack of decisiveness usually. Small things. Bigger things like fights-- let’s just pause and come back. Provide structure to get through that a bit better instead of just leaving. From dysfunctional to a more connected place.  Women will not have emotional safety with men who always have a backdoor. Men have to be conscious of the consequences of the side exits that we leave open. Why? It varies. It’s like the Peter Pan syndrome-- being not ready for the serious work of life which takes maturity. Men should come to a higher consciousness, getting past that primordial instinct. But responsibilities should be taken by both sides. On relationships with men and women in the family: Nobody should project issues to anybody else. Sometimes it will happen but see through that, hear the pain underneath and hold or make space for that. On men opening up about their emotions: We have to do our work now on this generation and have something new to pass onto the next generation. For the community men, we don’t always know it but we have a deep longing to make people around us happy. But men also push love away by not engaging. Because we’re actually scared. It’s not like we do it on purpose but we need to be taught. How can a woman gently open a man’s heart: (1) buy the book :) (2) For women, express your pain but don’t blame us instantly, reaffirm that you want us. P