5 Minute Bible Study: Find out we aren't as bad as we think because God is better than we know‪.‬ My Unphotoshopped Life

After a very rough marriage, I spent time looking back at it. The countless empty promises to me. The grand statements and empty gestures. The claims that I was loved but the loneliness that proved otherwise. Five long years of telling myself that words were good enough. Words were all that I needed. 



But that wasn't true. 

If the words aren't true, they don't mean much. They don't do much for my heart. I wonder if God feels the same. We make big promises. We say we believe in a higher power...or Jesus dying on the cross. But do they mean much? Are they empty words? Empty promises? Empty commitments? A lot of claims but do our actions tell God - and others - the opposite is actually true? 

We can come up with all the fancy arguments and excuses but in the end, only actions really matter. 

I'm an impatient person and an aggressive driver. But before you get excited about 'aggressiveness' being a godly trait, hang on. God isn't an impatient driver with road rage, like some of his children....But when I read this and realized He is aggressive, I loved the way it was said. It got me excited. That was a sign that something was happening. If we ever thought he was, this day he proved he wasn't in limbo. 

I also like Jesus' questions to the people about why they went to see John...If it wasn't '......' maybe it was '......'. Maybe, just maybe, you were more curious about God than you wanted to admit? Are you in that place? More curious about God than you want to admit? Go take a peek in the desert. 

If you were a fly on my wall for a week, and then you went home to your family and they asked you to tell them about me...I wonder what you would have to say.  What would a week with me tell you? What would a week with me show you?  What would a week with you tell me? What would a week with you show me?  Would we be satisfied with the reports about us?

When I read this part, I get why people don't want to follow Jesus' way. 

I've been desperate for people's approval for my whole life and now you want me to follow Jesus which will actually cause more people not to like me?

This terrifies me.

Even having begun this podcast/vlog whatever.

I look like a whack job.

I question myself every day when I hit record.

It is so hard to say yes to being the outcast.

Just last night I went to the mall, with an unexplained sadness.  

But for the first time in a lot of sad shopping days, I came home with nothing.  

I didn't even try on anything.   I just walked in and out of a store.  

When effort was required to see if I would like something, I would dismiss it muttering, "That won't make me happy."  

I've never done that and it wasn't a great feeling. 

It isn't like I was feeling so holy in the moment.  More lazy.  

But, though it was dark, I knew that it wouldn't fix me. 

It wouldn't give me the peace I was needing. That I AM needing.   

That's a victory right? 

Are you searching too? Finding anything good?

This really hit me. I won't remember it permanently. I will have to remind myself over and over.   But when I do think about it, how could I think fate is in control? Or me? How can we think we are in control?