The EXTRAORDINARY Family Life Podcast Greg & Rachel Denning

In this episode, it seems as though we start talking about one subject and end with another. Yet, they are connected.



We begin discussing how to deal with children who are ‘high spirited’ with minds of their own (which can sometimes be aggravating or embarrassing) and who grow up feeling ‘not good enough’ or as though there’s something wrong with them because of the constant correction they receive.



We also mention the ‘quiet’, ‘good’ kids that ‘go along to get along’ but who internally might be (unconsciously) building resentment to the arbitrary rules and restrictions of their parents (which often leads to some sort of rebellion or rejection of values when they become adults).



Both types of kids struggle because of the (often arbitrary) rules their parents and/or society have for them. Out of the best intentions, parents create rules for their family life so that children can be safe, they can have high standards and values, and some sort of order and control can be maintained. The rules are often communicated in a black-and-white way — we never eat in the living room, we never stand on the table, we never listen to pop music, we never swear, we never stay out past midnight, we never watch rated R movies, we never lie, etc. 



But the reality is, this black-and-white approach has long-term detrimental consequences for your relationship with your child, their critical thinking skills, and their ability to make decisions. That’s because life is rarely black and white. There are variables, nuances, and levels to all parts of our reality.



We end the episode by expounding on how allowing your children to ‘talk back’ and to argue/debate with you in an effort to persuade you to their point of view is a GOOD thing. Your rules are NOT black and white and kids (as well as parents) often intuitively feel this, they just can’t articulate it.



This is where ‘parenting relativism’ is required. And while that sounds bad or dangerous to some, it is actually an effective approach that helps us help our children to navigate the complexities of the world around us and life in general.



At the outset, the approach we outline in this episode seems like more work and thought, and effort on your part. But in the long run — done well — it creates WAY better results because this parenting process develops the ability to think critically, to strategically analyze, to effectively make decisions, and to confront moral dilemmas. As a bonus, it increases the trust and respect your children have for you as their parents and creates stronger life-long relationships.


---

Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/extraordinary-family-life/message

In our work with couples and clients, we often come across marriages that are struggling. One of the MANY reasons this happens (or at least continues as an issue) is because of the husband’s inability or lack of skill in listening to his wife effectively in a way that she needs him to.

Just as women need to understand a man’s need and desire for sexual intimacy, he needs to understand her need for emotional intimacy. This is challenging because it is often communicated in a way that can be undesirable to men and can sometimes come off as complaining, whining, illogical, irrational, or incorrect.

This is something we’ve had to figure out in our own marriage — the best way for Greg to ‘listen’ in a way that produces the results we both want — deeper connection, more intimacy, vulnerability, and security in our relationship and with each other, with the freedom to express feelings that don’t always have to be taken as absolute facts.

(Of course, there are other things that Rachel’s had to figure out too in order to better meet her husband’s needs, but we’ve discussed those in previous episodes.)

Listening in this way can be challenging and complicated — it seems passive but is actually a very active process. When understood and done well it will transform your marriage relationship (and improve your sex life).

Of course, better communication will help in ALL relationships — including the workplace and your community. But listening to your wife in the way we outline in this episode is a whole other level that is very unique to this special relationship.

We’ll expound on emotional stacking, on the yin and yang of male/female relationships, why a woman will sometimes say the opposite of what she means, what she really wants you to do instead of ‘fixing’ her problems, how to get through the ugly crying without strangling her, and why all of this is okay and not something either side needs to be ashamed of or shy away from — because what lies on the other side is truly beautiful.

Learning to embrace the complexities of female emotion — and to understand that it’s an ocean that sometimes results in a storm — will help you to remain the lighthouse in that storm and will bring greater strength to each partner and to the relationship as a whole.

What results is a beautiful circle of intimacy that draws partners together mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically in an eternal loop of intellect, sentiment, passion, and desire — but only if both partners' unique needs are understood, addressed, and accepted.

This is a crucial part of the path to true INTIMACY — Into Me You See

Get more help with your marriage with the Extraordinary Family Life Formula. Learn more at https://courses.extraordinaryfamilylife.com


---

Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/extraordinary-family-life/message

Every year on our birthdays and anniversaries we love to reminisce and ask ourselves, "Where were we celebrating last year? I wonder where we'll be next year?"

Last year we celebrated in Portugal while we were scouting out the country to see if it could be a place we wanted to make a permanent home base. (We did a podcast episode about it because it was so serendipitous.) We could have never guessed then that this year we would be celebrating 22 years together in Turkey on the Aegean Sea!

In this episode, we reminisce about the 15 different countries we've celebrated our anniversaries, as well as discuss the principles and strategies we've used to celebrate our marriage -- because your marriage SHOULD be celebrated as often as possible. It's worth doing something 'big', momentous, or festive on special days to make them memorable. 

If you haven't done this as part of your marriage then it's time to make a change. Yes, we get it. It's not just about the one special day of the year. Every week you should be dating and every day you should be connecting. But you should also make your anniversary something extra special.

Listen to this episode to be inspired on WHY and how to level up your yearly 'honeymoon' trips with your spouse to celebrate your marriage and to reconnect as a man and woman in love.

If you feel like you can't do this because you can't afford it or can't leave your kids or ________, then you MUST listen to this episode now.

To fully level up your marriage in every aspect and to make it extraordinary, make sure to join our Extraordinary Marriage Masterclass. In the next 30 days, you can have a more Connected, Closer, Peaceful, and Passionate Marriage.

It REALLY is possible to create an extraordinary marriage with our 30-Day Step-by-Step Action Plan to an Extraordinary Marriage (with 22 training videos). Take your marriage from 'good' to 'extraordinary' by focusing on 5 simple strategies that anyone can do -- EVEN IF your spouse won't change!


---

Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/extraordinary-family-life/message

After episode #211 about What to Eat we received a lot of follow-up questions (thank you!) and were asked to do a follow up episode to clarify some things, such as:


What if I'm lactose intolerant? What do you recommend to replace grass-fed milk?
What about food storage? I store a lot of grains and legumes. What's the best way to eat them.
Where do I find grass-fed meat, cheeses, butters, milk, etc.?
How do I know I can trust package labels at the store and that they're actually what they say they are?
How do you eat healthily while traveling?
What do you recommend for nutrient-dense snacks?
Do you guys eat much bread?
How do I get my family on board with eating healthier?
Do you have any recipes? What can I cook daily at home that's easy and can be done quickly?
What do you regularly buy and WHERE do you buy it?

If you had similar questions after listening to episode #211, then get them answered by listening to this episode now!




---

Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/extraordinary-family-life/message

Thanks for all of the questions! They help us to have relevant conversations in these podcast episodes. If you have a question about anything in life or family, send them to support@extraordinaryfamilylife.com

This week’s question is related to full-time family travel vs. home base travel but the answer is relevant for all of us — it’s principle-based and applicable to every area of life. So if you’re not a full-time family traveler, you still need to listen to this episode because you’re likely experiencing something similar in one or more areas of your life.

Many of us think that balance means equal. But really, contrast — the yin and yang — is more accurate to how we develop. It’s why we have two hemispheres in our brain and it’s why we need ‘opposition’ in all things. It is how we find meaning and purpose in our life.

But the challenge is we sabotage ourselves. We don't want to let go of what we know to puruse something different, especially when we feel like what we have is 'right'. We want to stay with the familiar, we don’t want to ‘betray’ ourselves by ‘flip-flopping’ between ideas, beliefs, or lifestyles. We identify with this thing and it’s become a part of who we are, so if we change them or open our minds to something opposite, what will that do to our life, family, marriage, etc?

The truth is, we NEED to do that in order to become complete, whole, and fully developed. We NEED to explore the ‘other side’. That’s how we reach our full potential and become our full, complete selves. This is what we call ‘walking the labyrinth' — exploring every area of yourself, life, etc. in order to become fully whole and complete.

But it seems scary, risky, or even wrong and ‘inappropriate’ — yet it is psychologically, biologically, mentally, and physically accurate and demonstrably true. Try it out and see for yourself. You’ll find more benefits, power, development and reach more of your personal and family potential. Listen now to learn HOW.

Book mentioned:

The Master and His Emissary

See a photo of the labyrinth here.


---

Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/extraordinary-family-life/message

In many of our episodes, we often reference food and its connection to behavior and emotion.

So it’s not surprising that we received this request:

“I would LOVE to hear an episode on food! YES it is confusing and hard to navigate! We've already made some good changes, but I'd love to hear your specific thoughts about how you implement this both at home and on the road. I'd also love to hear some scientific evidence from books but mainly how you guys apply it… especially when your kids when they are surrounded by all the not-so-good-foods of their peers...

And I got confused: Rachel said, in the same breath when talking about bad foods/chemicals, almond and soy milk, and then whole foods....meaning those milks are considered bad or good?!

I think your intention was that those milks are bad...I didn't know that!”

It’s true, I did mention in a previous episode that soy and almond milks are not good for you.

In this episode, I expound how and why we came to those — as well as other ‘shocking’ — conclusions about our definition of what’s healthy and what is not.

If you’ve ever wondered ‘what to eat’ and what is actually healthy, then you don’t want to miss this episode. At the very least it will provide some ‘food for thought’. 😁


---

Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/extraordinary-family-life/message