Anita Bhagwandas: Finding a Social Balance When You Live Alone Alonement

My guest this week is Anita Bhagwandas, an award winning beauty director, and more recently the author of Ugly: Giving Us Back Our Beauty Standards, a book that examines the damaging impact of narrow beauty ideals and serves as a brilliant manifesto towards a more inclusive attitude. The book explores the importance of practising self care on your own terms, not what the beauty industry tells you - something Anita knows a lot about after 15 years in the industry. Anita also lives alone in London, like me, and we discuss the creative joys of cooking for one, getting to plan a week that perfectly balances quiet night doing laundry with going out to gigs with friends - something Anita loves – plus an honest discussion of why getting flaked on can affect you much harder when you’re single or live alone.
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Takeaways
Alone time preferences can vary from person to person, and it is important to find a balance that works for you.Self-care is not about buying things or following trends; it is about understanding what truly nourishes and rejuvenates you.The commodification of self-care has led to a misconception that it requires expensive products or activities, when in reality, it can be as simple as taking a few minutes for yourself.It is important to advocate for yourself and communicate your needs to others, especially when it comes to making plans and canceling.Cooking for oneself can be an act of self-care, and it is important to challenge the notion that it is not worth it to cook for one person. Don't just follow beauty trends or societal expectations, choose makeup and beauty routines that bring you joy and creativity.Alone time can be an escape from beauty standards and an opportunity to embrace your natural self.Choose what beauty work brings you joy and let go of the tasks that feel tedious or unnecessary.Journaling and checking in with yourself can be a valuable practice for self-reflection and self-care.Chapters
00:00
Introduction and Speed Friending
02:14
Being Good at Time Alone
03:10
Introverts and Only Children
05:39
Alone Time During the Pandemic
08:05
Journalist Mode in Social Situations
11:12
Solo Hobbies
15:31
Changing Relationship with Alone Time
18:04
The Myth of Self-Care
27:57
Counteracting Myths Around Self-Care
32:30
Navigating External Reinforcement of Self-Care
35:08
Overcoming Only-Me-ism in Cooking
36:45
The Joy of Cooking and Makeup
38:20
The Danger of Makeup as a Tool to Hide
39:17
Rediscovering the Joy and Creativity of Makeup
40:30
The Solo Process of Makeup and Self-Criticism
41:35
Cooking for Yourself vs. Cooking for Others
43:58
Escaping Beauty Standards in Alone Time
44:49
Choosing What Beauty Work to Enjoy
47:25
Picking and Choosing What Makes You Feel Good
48:21
Alonement: Journalling and Checking In with Yourself
49:36
The Joy of Writing in a Nice Notebook
You can follow Anita Bhagwandas' Substack at anitabhagwandas.substack.com, and mine at francescaspecter.substack.com
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