Life Answers: A Complete Audiobook Reading of Sri Nisargadatta Maharajah's I AM THAT Free Association Radio

“An episode chiefly inspired by a 10 second piece of animation by Alyssa ⁠on her YouTube channel⁠.

Check out the full TWELVE SECOND video (plot-twist?)⁠ ⁠here⁠⁠.

Also, if you enjoyed the vid version of this on Spotify, please consider subscribing to my new YouTube Channel Living The Book of Disquiet, for more of these 🙏🏼

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This episode is also inspired by the following quote from fragment 32 of Fernando Pessoa's Book of Disquiet:

Underlying everything, the hushed night was the tomb of God (and my soul felt sorry for God).”

OTHER TOPICS THAT CROP UP: 

-Lucid Dreaming: Rob’s experiences with lucid dreaming and the techniques he used to achieve it (counting backwards, repeating a phrase while falling asleep).

-Finding Beauty in the Mundane: the concept of cultivating a "waking dream" mentality, where one finds wonder and beauty in everyday experiences. Cf. Eckhart Tolle/Nisargadatta.

The Yearning for Connection: Lost loves, and the desire to recapture those feelings of connection and shared experiences. The possibility of finding a similar connection through lucid dreaming.

-Techniques for Lucid Dreaming: dream journaling, sensory deprivation, and meditation.

Life as a Waking Dream: living one’s life as a lucid dream state, rather than feeling trapped in our waking nightmares.

-In The Forest of Estrangement: A text written in 1912 and forming the initial foundations for TBOD according to a letter to João de Lebre e Lima, in which FP talks about his new project. Read both the letter, as well as In The Forest of Estrangement ⁠here⁠.

"Sadly, or perhaps not, I recognize that I have an arid heart. An adjective matters more to me than the real weeping of a human soul. But sometimes I’m different."

-Fernando Pessoa

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I'm taking a bit of a break from Nisargadatta for a while. Heading off to do a bit of communing with another of my gurus (Fernando Pessoa) who I think still has a fair amount to teach me.

If you'd like to keep in touch, please consider joining us on Spotify (or iTunes) for more of this kind of soul-searching.



Thank you, friends.



🙏🏼🦋

M: In my world love is the only law. I do not ask for love, I give it. Such is my nature. 

Q: I see you living your life according to a pattern. You run a meditation class in the morning, lecture and have discussions regularly; twice daily there is worship (puja) and religious singing (bhajan) in the evening. You seem to adhere to the routine scrupulously. 

M: The worship and the singing are as I found them and I saw no reason to interfere. The general routine is according to the wishes of the people with whom I happen to live or who come to listen. They are working people, with many obligations and the timings are for their convenience. Some repetitive routine is inevitable. Even animals and plants have their time-tables. 

Q: Yes, we see a regular sequence in all life. Who maintains the order? Is there an inner ruler, who lays down laws and enforces order? 

M: Everything moves according to its nature. Where is the need of a policeman? Every action creates a reaction, which balances and neutralises the action. Everything happens, but there is a continuous cancelling out, and in the end it is as if nothing happened. 

Q: Do not console me with final harmonies. The accounts tally, but the loss is mine. 

M: Wait and see. You may end up with a profit good enough to justify the outlays.

Q: What is necessary?
M: To grow is necessary. To outgrow is necessary. To leave behind the good for the sake of the better is necessary.
Q: To what end?
M: The end is in the beginning. You end where you start — in the Absolute.
Q: Why all this trouble then? To come back to where I started?
M: Whose trouble? Which trouble? Do you pity the seed that is to grow and multiply till it becomes a mighty forest? Do you kill an infant to save him from the bother of living? What is wrong with life, ever more life? Remove the obstacles to growing and all your personal, social, economic and political problems will just dissolve. The universe is perfect as a whole and the part's striving for perfection is a way of joy. Willingly sacrifice the imperfect to the perfect and there will be no more talk about good and evil.
Q: Yet we are afraid of the better and cling to the worse.
M: This is our stupidity, verging on insanity.

Q: Do you advise shunning pleasure and pursuing pain? 

M: No, nor pursuing pleasure and shunning pain. Accept both as they come, enjoy both while they last, let them go, as they must. 

Q: How can I possibly enjoy pain? Physical pain calls for action. 

M: Of course. And so does Mental. The bliss is in the awareness of it, in not shrinking, or in any way turning away from it. All happiness comes from awareness. The more we are conscious, the deeper the joy. Acceptance of pain, non-resistance, courage and endurance — these open deep and perennial sources of real happiness, true bliss. 

Q: Why should pain be more effective than pleasure? 

M: Pleasure is readily accepted, while all the powers of the self reject pain. As the acceptance of pain is the denial of the self, and the self stands in the way of true happiness, the wholehearted acceptance of pain releases the springs of happiness. 

Q: Does the acceptance of suffering act the same way? 

Q: Must I not examine the teacher before I put myself entirely into his hands?
M: By all means examine! But what can you find out? Only as he appears to you on your own level.
Q: I shall watch whether he is consistent, whether there is harmony between his life and his teaching.
M: You may find plenty of disharmony — so what? It proves nothing. Only motives matter. How will you know his motives?
Q: I should at least expect him to be a man of self-control who lives a righteous life.
M: Such you will find many — and of no use to you. A Guru can show the way back home, to your real self. What has this to do with the character, or temperament of the person he appears to be? Does he not clearly tell you that he is not the person? The only way you can judge is by the change in yourself when you are in his company. If you feel more at peace and happy, if you understand yourself with more than usual clarity and depth, it means you have met the right man. Take your time, but once you have made up your mind to trust him, trust him absolutely and follow every instruction fully and faithfully. It does not matter much if you do not accept him as your Guru and are satisfied with his company only. Satsang alone can also take you to your goal, provided it is unmixed and undisturbed. But once you accept somebody as your Guru, listen, remember and obey. Half-heartedness is a serious drawback and the cause of much self-created sorrow. The mistake is never the Guru's; it is always the obtuseness and cussedness of the discipline that is at fault.
Q: Does the Guru then dismiss, or disqualify a disciple?
M: He would not be a Guru if he did! He bides his time and waits till the disciple, chastened and sobered, comes back to him in a more receptive mood.
Q: What is the motive? Why does the Guru take so much trouble?
M: Sorrow and the ending of sorrow. He sees people suffering in their dreams and he wants them to wake up. Love is intolerant of pain and suffering. The patience of a Guru has no limits and, therefore, it cannot be defeated. The Guru never fails.
Q: Is my first Guru also my last, or do I have to pass from Guru to Guru?
M: The entire universe is your Guru. You learn from everything, if you are alert and intelligent. Were your mind clear and your heart clean, you would learn from every passer-by;. It is because you are indolent or restless, that your inner Self manifests as the outer Guru and makes you trust him and obey.
Q: Is a Guru inevitable?
M: It is like asking 'Is a mother inevitable?' To rise in consciousness from one dimension to another, you need help. The help may not always be in the shape of a human person, it may be a subtle presence, or a spark of intuition, but help must come. The inner Self is watching and waiting for the son to return to his father. At the right time he arranges everything affectionately and effectively. Where a messenger is needed, or a guide, he sends the Guru to do the needful.

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It's early morning, no one is awakeI'm back at my cliff, still throwing things offI listen to the sounds they make on their way downI follow with my eyes 'til they crashI Imagine what my body would sound like slamming against those rocksAnd when it landsWill my eyes be closed or open?I go through all thisBefore you wake upSo I can feel happierTo be safe up here with youI go through all thisBefore you wake upSo I can feel happierTo be safe up here with youI go through all thisBefore you wake upSo I can feel happierTo be safe up here with youSafe up here with youSafe up here with youSafe up here with youSafe up here with youSafe up here with youSafe up here with youSafe up here with youSafe up here with you