You Look Nice Today

You Look Nice Today

A Journal of Emotional Hygiene, staffed by lonelysandwich, scottsimpson, and hotdogsladies.

  1. 02.12.2012

    Schrodinger's Conference Bag

    Welcome to the global premiere of the International You Look Nice Today Conference & Expo™! Get ready for an epic showcase of big-idea ideations and tactical tactics to be held in the picturesque Los Altos Community Centre, December 2nd 2012! Join old colleagues and make new friends in an immersive networking environment of blue-sky solutioneering and overcoats! Experience a wide-ranging and impactful offering of Keynotes, Panels, Super-Panels, Breakout Sessions, Birds-of-a-Feathers, Hands-On Demonstrations, and Interactive Receptionettes that will lavish you with a literal bag of pro-active informational materials that you can cuddle with…today! You will learn about: Vertical Market Opportunities Rethinking the Bindles of the Integrated Lunch Solution Space Etiquette of Toothbrush Dispersal Spokane Spoons and Sundry Gift Options Conference Service Conference Service Reselling Services Green and Sustainable Pamphleteering “Why Lie?”: The Ethics of Electronic Reverse Panhandling Far from the Tree: Leaving Your Own Paper Company The Post-Mortem Aerobic Media Space FLAC → LAME QR Code Encoding Codecs Hardtack and Rickshaw: Frontiers in eCommerce Exchange A Wide Net: Targeting the Stout Man Upscale Feline Premiums (US and Intl.) A Charlie Kaufman Multiverse: Retroscripting the Charlie Kaufmaning of Charlie Kaufman’s Charlie Kaufman Enhanced Social Components of Gamification Engineering Peanuts Envy: Cracking the Preferred Legume of the Gaul ROX: Finding New Returns on…Something “The Remora Feel”: Exploring the Physics of Virtual Viral Piggybacking Elements of Pipe & Drape Cos-TUME Presentation Register TODAY! Early Bird Registration: 10 Wampum. Platinum Sponsors: MeeBow®, Nostalgex®, CDrivers®, NRG Hookerz!®, and Sandy's Fancy Dance-A-Tron®.

    33 мин.
  2. 02.09.2012

    Morning Glory

    TO: Paul Polman, CEO Unilever PLC London, United Kingdom Dear Mr. Polman, I hope you can help me. You are in charge of a massive, multinational food and detergent company. So I understand that you are a very busy man. My problem, while small compared to all of the things you must worry about every day, is of dire importance to me. I have been a fan of your Ragu line of pasta sauces for many years. Specifically, I love your Ragu Robusto™ Six Cheese Pasta Sauce. More specifically, I love to have sex with your Ragu Robusto™ Six Cheese Pasta Sauce. Yes, I am a salsaphile—someone who is stimulated by tomato-based sauces or purées. Yes, it is very real. The DSM-IV-TR (psychiatry’s literal Bible) almost refers to it several times. For years, I have loved Ragu Six Cheese. A fine purée and creamy balance of cheeses, lovingly microwaved for 45 seconds, has been my companion for so many otherwise lonely nights. In fact, two years ago I broke off my relationships with all other sauces and decided to see Ragu Six exclusively. After a final, lingering kiss with Newman’s Own Cabernet Marinara, I and Ragu Six were free to begin the next stage of our life together. Then, disaster. Some bean counter in your accounting department must have decided to cut costs. Suddenly, one Saturday evening, Ragu Six changed. The viscosity was off. The skin-feel was different. I looked down into my specially designed bowl and didn’t recognize the sauce staring back up at me. You might think that I am an isolated case, some lone “weirdo” with a grudge. Not true! The forum at NoShameTomato.org is on fire with dozens of complaints from folks who also preferred the amorous texture of the previous formula. Those are complaints from many different people who are definitely not me. Mr. Polman, I understand that you are probably not sexually aroused by a liquified Burpee Super Italian. But, please, I beg that you go back to the old recipe. Give me back the sauce I once loved so much. Best regards, Taylor Martin Grants Pass, OR Special introduction by Matthew “Frenchish” Latkiewicz. Also: Hidden Mickey and the eighth dwarf; a new kind of trust exercise and restaurant; Blueberry Morning; untenable stuff; Mexico is full of 200W bulbs and Concord Grape Pop Tarts; Maximum White Creme Pomade; writing to the CEO; ungrippable body wash; Action Line with the Wet Man; Depression-era food; welcome to The Jungle; brokavore gourmet; the CEO of Can; a handful of gravel; generics.

    30 мин.

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A Journal of Emotional Hygiene, staffed by lonelysandwich, scottsimpson, and hotdogsladies.

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