Shooting the breeze with Clement Clement Djaja

Following the Men, Hardship and Triumph series of podcast interviews, this is the second series of Shooting the Breeze with Clement podcast called Men, Parenting and Triumph. 

In this series of interviews, Clement talks to different people to get their understanding of the difficulties that they encountered with regard to the subject of male parenting and how they handled the situation. 

In this episode, Clement speaks with Mateo who hails from Manila, the Philippines. Mateo moved to Sydney in 2016 to pursue and complete an Economics degree. During university he was involved with the Economics Society where he had his own podcast series, College Life. After university, he spent time doing PR consulting work in Malaysia and the Philippines, returning to Australia in 2019. Mateo currently works with a major bank, helps with the operations of a dance school, and is completing an acting course. In his free time he reads philosophy, humanities/modern history, science fiction, working out at the gym and spending time with his lovely girlfriend. 

Mateo discusses growing up in a household with domestic violence, sensing conflict from a very young age, walking on egg shells,  the shattering of his concept of an ideal family and his adultification. He discusses what he learnt from his parents' relationship and what he would do differently. He also discusses the healing of the relationship with his father as an adult. 

Summary of discussion:
1. children can sense conflict at a very young age, much younger than the parents think and the danger of adultifying them.
2. the difficulty of breaking intergenerational cycle of violence.
3. the importance of his father's acknowledgment of his behaviour in his later years as a way to help Mateo achieve closure.
4. Mateo's ideas of how he would parent his own children after learning from his father's mistakes including
   i. creating an honest and open connection between father and child where the child can feel safe enough to express his needs without fear of repraisal
   ii. understanding that each action has long term implication to the child therefore requiring more thought than just impulsive action based on emotions and
   iii the need to "build your house to your advantage". 

To listen to other podcasts in the series, go to clementdjaja.com or type "Shooting the breeze with Clement" on your favourite podcast app. 

The Men, Hardship and Triumph podcast series is a series of interviews with men as a resource for other men navigating the minefields of modern life. The men interviewed in this series talked about the difficulties of their lives, how they got through them and looking back, what strategies they used to survive the hard times. 

In this summary episode I’ll be discussing the recurrent themes that were mentioned by a few of the guys in the series. The way I look at it, if different people come to the same conclusion about a strategy that they found helpful to navigate this tough world, surely this tool would be useful for another person, right?

Today, I am shooting the breeze with Robert Merrett, an Adelaide based Counsellor, Mental Health Coach and author of two books. Rob has also managed many programs such as Alcohol and Other Drugs, low-intensity CBT and an Aboriginal Post-Released programs. He is currently the Service Delivery Manager for a not for profit organisation called Skylight Mental Health. I have known Rob for quite a few years and have always found him to be a very thougthful and wise man. I brought him in to hear his wise councel on the strategies that the gentlemen mentioned. 

The points we discussed:
1. To surround yourself with good people
2. To always create an appreciation of what you have
3. To learn to accept help/reach out when you need it
4. To push through the difficult periods because there is usually hope/opportunities/purpose at the end of it
5. To hit crisis or rock bottom can make you stronger
6. To only worry about what you can control
7. To not have regrets, instead, use the past to learn from
8. To generate acceptance from within, to worry less about what others think and to not compare self to others
9. To have a good therapist to work through your difficulties
10. To extricate yourself from unhealthy environments
11. To look for resources mental health problems. There are plenty of resources out there!
12. To never be complacent, it's good to have some fear
13. To be honest with yourself
14. To accumulate a life toolbox
15. To be adaptable to changes/uncertainties of life
16. To focus on the positives and not use hard times as an excuse
17. To do what is right regardless of how hard it is (maintain a sense of honour/integrity)
18. To persevere and be consistent in your approach to life
19. To capitalise on opportunities that come because they are rare

Rob also mentioned his own toolbox which contains some of the points above;
1. Appreciate beauty
2. Be on purpose
3. Resist enculturation
4. Welcome the unknown
5. Be highly enthusiastic
6. Have inner directedness
7. Be detached from outcome
8. Be independent of the good opinion of others
9. Have no need to exert control over others

The books mentioned in the discussion:
1. Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl
2. Tao Te Ching / Dàodé Jīng by Laozi
3. Elements in Being by Robert Merrett

This brings me to the end of the Men, Hardship and Triumph series. I hope you enjoy listening to it as much as I did creating it.
Feedback/comments: clementcounselling@gmail.com
Website: clementdjaja.com

The Men, Hardship and Triumph podcast series is a series of interviews with men as a resource for other men navigating the minefields of modern life. The men interviewed in this series talked about the difficulties of their lives, how they got through them and looking back, what strategies they used to survive the hard times. 

In this episode, Clement shoots the breeze with Reverend Bill Crews AM. Bill is the founder and chairman of the Exodus Foundation, a charity that assists homeless and abandoned youth. The foundation ran the Loaves & Fishes free restaurant in Ashfield, NSW,  which feeds 1000 people each day until it closed due to COVID March last year. It now provides free meals through food vans as well as providing dental, medical and welfare services for the homeless and needy. The foundation also run an outreach program for homeless youth.  

Bill has received many recognitions including being voted Father of the Year, Humanitarian of the year, being included in the National Trust of Australia's 100 "National Living Treasures", named as one of Australia’s 100 most influential people, and was appointed a member of the Order of Australia (AM) for his over half a century of tireless work with the disadvantaged and  with homeless youth. He was the subject of a documentary film titled A War of Compassion that came out last year, and he is currently hosting the radio program Sunday Night with Bill Crews on Sydney radio station 2GB the largest Sunday night listening audience in the history of Australian radio.

Bill has a book titled “12 Rules for Living a Better Life” which is a very honest, frank book about his life. A must read for people to understand his philosophy of Do as well as Reflect! 

A summary of his strategies and what he learnt are listed below;

1. To have a good psychotherapist to clear the baggage we carry from the past

2. To forgive because it frees and allows him to move forward

3. To have mentors because they give him additional ways of looking at the world

4. To surround himself and to cultivate friendships with good people because they help him grow

5. To let go of what he loves because if he held on to what he loves, they will go away

6. To discover himself so that he could become strong in himself

7. That pain and suffering is just the other side of love

8. To meditate on the temptations that are around

9. That crisis can either break you or break you open!

10. To learn to say “yes” to everything

11. To own up to his mistakes and be willing to apologise and listen to the harm he's done with his mistakes

12. To push through the darkest hour because there usually is a dawn at the end of it

13. To always appreciate what he has 

To listen to other podcasts in the series, go to clementdjaja.com or type "Shooting the breeze with Clement" on your podcast app search box.

This brings me to the end of the Men, Hardship and Triumph podcast series. I will do a final short episode tying up all the points that were mentioned by multiple guests which show that while individual people may have some ways of surviving difficult times, there are also some ways that seem to be quite universal. 

I really would appreciate any kind of feedback from you so that I can improve these podcasts. You can email me on clementcounselling@gmail.com. 

My next series of podcasts will be titled “Men, Parenting and Triumph” discussing issues that men deal with while parenting. Hopefully, like in this series, the interviewees in “Men, Parenting and Triumph” will have some good strategies they used that listeners can also use to make their lives easier and more meaningful.

The Men, Hardship and Triumph podcast series is a series of interviews with men as a resource for other men navigating the minefields of modern life. The men interviewed in this series talked about the difficulties of their lives, how they got through them and looking back, what strategies they used to survive the hard times. 

It is also a resource for men who are suffering from being separated from their children so that despite their suffering, they will still be able to do what is right by the children regardless of their circumstance, as well as for men who grew up in less-than-ideal family conditions to not repeat the mistakes of their parents hence breaking their intergenerational cycle of suffering.

In this episode, Clement shoots the breeze with Josh Creasey, a friend and an ex-colleague from their work together delivering a CBT coaching program for Beyond Blue a few years previously. Josh was also a personal trainer and a student of Exercise Science at university who enjoys mixed martial arts. 

In 2018 Josh was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) which included multiple periods of being placed in mental health facilities due to having thoughts of suicides and having attempted suicide. At that time, Josh also struggled with alcohol addiction. 

Josh discusses his journey through managing his alcohol addiction, being suicidal and receiving a diagnosis of BPD, going through Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) to treat it. He touches on some of the differences between DBT and CBT, on learning to discard black & white thinking and lastly, on the negative impact of social media.



A summary of his strategies and what he learnt are listed below;

1. To delay the starting time when the drinking is to start to develop resistance to the urge to drink

2. To plan ahead in the week, so that free time can be used to do more constructive things such as seeing friends, instead of just drinking

3. To have a sense of responsibility/rule for his clients which stops him from drinking before the last client of the week

4. To change the function of drinking from being an escape to being a social one

5. To surround himself with good people as his support network

6. To understand what his drinking triggers or drinking patterns are

7. to accept help from others when he needs help

8. To take the time and effort to find a therapist that’s a great match for him

9. To look for resources or programs to suit his Mental Health needs

10. To extricate himself from environments that are not good for him

11. He advises that if you need help to not be afraid to reach out! There is a lot of help out there

12. To not compare yourself with others, especially with what you see in social media. 

13. To generate acceptance of yourself internally, not to worry about opinions of others, especially from strangers 

To listen to other podcasts in the series, go to clementdjaja.com or type "Shooting the breeze with Clement" on your podcast app search box.

The Men, Hardship and Triumph podcast series is a series of interviews with men as a resource for other men navigating the minefields of modern life. The men interviewed in this series talked about the difficulties of their lives, how they got through them and looking back, what strategies they used to survive the hard times. 

Also a resource for men who are suffering from being separated from their children so that despite their suffering, they will still be able to do what is right by the children regardless of their circumstance, as well as for people who grew up in less than ideal family conditions to not repeat the mistakes of their parents to break their intergenerational cycle of suffering.

In this episode, Clement shoots the breeze with Ian Seggar who owns and runs The Learning Experience International, a successful boutique global management consultancy firm. Ian is an experienced international facilitator and conference speaker who consults in leadership and personal and business effectiveness. He has authored award winning training courses and seminar content over the last 25 years for clients across the world, with an audience that ranges from board level to junior staff. 

Ian discussed surviving through moving to Australia without his family, having to rebuild his business from zero to what it is today and the experience of losing most of his life saving through a trusted person. 

A summary of his strategies and what he learnt are listed below;
1. to see times of turmoil as the times when you experience your greatest growth
2. when going through difficult times, put your head down, keep fighting, and look for opportunities
3.  to ensure that you don’t catastrophise the worse-case scenario (which is easier if you live a simple, fulfilling life)
4. to not get your identity hung up on having the spoils of wealth, what’s important is camaraderie (relationships)
5. to understand that success is only important because it gives you options
6. to focus on and appreciate what you have, as opposed to always chasing what you don’t have
7. when facing difficult decisions, imagine that you are somebody else and give that person advise on what decision to make. This is because it is easier to give good advice to others than to yourself
8. to have a confidant, somebody who you can bounce fears/concerns with
9. to never be too complacent. Some fear is necessary and good
10. to reframe/reposition a difficult situation, don’t allow it to define you, then find the positives in the situation
11. do not lie to yourself, be real to yourself. If you are real with yourself, you’ll know when you are in a low point
12. to always have a purpose/goal because this gets you through tough times
13. adversity gives you purpose!
14. if you do not know your purpose, explore and find it
15. to know that there are always people out there who care
16. to differentiate between success and purpose. One can be successful but still be unfulfilled because they have not found their purpose

If you are interested in Ian's book Ten Minute Tactics please register your interest on tenminutetactics.com
FB: www.facebook.com/tenminuteman/
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/the-ten-minute-man-476b291b1/
Instagram: www.instagram.com/tenminute_man/
Twitter: twitter.com/tenminute_man/

The Men, Hardship and Triumph podcast series is a series of interviews with men as a resource for other men navigating the minefields of modern life. The men interviewed in this series talked about the difficulties of their lives, how they got through them and looking back, what strategies they used to survive the hard times. 

Also a resource for men who are suffering from being separated from their children so that despite their suffering, they will still be able to do what is right by the children regardless of their circumstance as well as for people who grew up in less than ideal family conditions to not repeat the mistakes of their parents to break their intergenerational cycle of suffering.

In this episode, Clement shoots the breeze with Raf Sanchez, the director of Go Dance, a latin dance school in Sydney, Australia. Raf talks about growing up in a family with domestic violence, leaving home at the age of 15 and relying on life as a parent. Raf also discusses his strategies for dealing with mental health issues, drug and alcohol, and his dream project to break the cycle that turns today's victim of domestic violence into tomorrow's perpetrator. 

A summary of his strategies and what he learnt are listed below; 
1. to expose yourself to more people so you can learn alternative ways of approaching life that can be healthier and more productive
2. when things are bleak, deal with it one day at a time 
3. to identify what you can control 
4. to occupy your time with things that can help propel you forward such as reading, exercising and talking to a friend
5. to have a crazy goal that really motivates you to create hope for a better future, also to imagine the best possible version of yourself and start to fight to become that
6. to research where or how you can get support because support may not be as expensive or as scarce as you think! He recommended a book titled “How to stop worrying and start living” by Dale Carnegie
7. to fill your “life skill tool box” bit by bit so that future hardships will become less scary and more manageable  
8. to not focus so much on your end goal that you are not appreciating the present
9. to hit rock bottom is a gift that shows that what you are doing up to that point is not for you and that you have a clean slate to rebuild any direction you like

To find out more about Go Dance, go to https://www.godance.com.au/