How to Live in Denmark Kay Xander Mellish

A story I’ve heard over and over again when I talk to internationals working in Denmark is this: They thought they were going to get fired.
They’d been working for a year or so at professional-level job in Denmark, often one they’d been recruited for, but they’d never heard any positive comments from their manager.
They started to worry. They were doing their best, but maybe it just wasn’t good enough.
Were they going to lose the job? Were they going to have to go back home, humiliated, and explain the whole thing to their friends and family?
Expecting bad news This was what was on their mind when they went into their annual employee review. They were expecting some pretty bad news.
Instead, they got a promotion. And a raise. Their manager thought they were doing great. But the Danish approach to employee feedback is generally – “No news is good news”.
You have a job, you’re doing that job, we’ll let you know if there are any problems.
Positive feedback is uncommon in Denmark, because Danes themselves are often uncomfortable receiving compliments.
The façade of equality Compliments run smack-dab into the Jante Law, which says specifically that “Don’t think that you’re better than us.”

When you give someone a compliment, you lift them above you, if only for a moment, and that disturbs the equality, or at least the façade of equality, which is so important in Denmark.
So compliments are not a natural thing in Denmark, either on the job or in your personal life.
 
Read more at www.howtoliveindenmark.com

Whether you're navigating the cobbled streets of Copenhagen on a first date, exploring the charming countryside with a new companion, or swiping right in the pursuit of love, this episode offers the inside scoop on Danish dating culture.
We explore different facets of the Danish dating scene, from casual meet-ups in cozy bodegas to the commitment in long-term relationships in Denmark. We bring you stories, expert advice, and real-life experiences about finding love and maintaining relationships in the happiest country on Earth.
Let’s start by unpacking the Danish dating culture. Known for its direct communication style, dating in Denmark can be refreshingly straightforward. Danes value honesty and usually say what they mean without much beating around the bush. We'll explore how this directness affects both initial meetings and the development of deeper connections.
We'll take you through the trendiest spots for meeting Danish singles, highlighting popular online dating platforms in Denmark such as Tinder, which is widely used by Danish singles seeking both fun and serious relationships. We’ll discuss the nuances of online dating in Denmark, and how different it is from other countries, with insights on what to expect when engaging with Danish profiles.
Navigating through Danish romantic practices, we'll delve into how relationships often start with a simple coffee date rather than extravagant gestures. Understanding Danish etiquette is crucial; for instance, don't be surprised that when dating a Dane, you might be expected to split the bill. This speaks to the deeply ingrained values of equality and independence that define Danish society.
Furthermore, the episode will cover the importance of public displays of affection in Denmark. You'll learn why a Dane might prefer a discreet smile or a light touch over grand public gestures.
Join us as we explore the heartfelt and sometimes humorous world of romance in Denmark. Whether you are a Dane looking to understand the subtleties of your own dating culture or an expat trying to navigate your way through the Danish heart, this podcast is your companion. Let us take you on a journey through the streets and hearts of Denmark.

Many internationals newly arrived in Denmark struggle with the long Danish winter. 
The darkness that starts to fall in the early afternoon means that 5pm looks just like 8pm, which looks just like midnight, which looks just like 5am.
Dense, inky black sky.
During the daytime there’s a dim grey light, sometimes accompanied by a soupy fog of tiny raindrops.
It’s tough to handle - even for Danes.
Many people living through this time in Denmark describe feeling low-energy – sløj is the very descriptive Danish term. It translates directly to “sluggish”.
Others feel deeply depressed. Some eat too much, or drink too much. Some sleep all the time.
It doesn’t have to be this way. Here are my tips for handling these dark months, which generally stretch from November until the end of February.
 
Enjoy the brown charm of Danish winter nature
It’s important to get outside during the brief period of light every day. Even if it’s just for 15 minutes on your lunch hour, it really helps. 
Walking in nature is wonderful this time of year if you have right clothing, in particular the right footwear. A good pair of solid boots and you can even go out when it’s icy. Don’t neglect second-hand stores in Denmark. You can usually find a lot of good winter clothes there for not very much money.
Parks, botanical gardens, forests – they all have a certain charm this time of year. A brown, winter charm, but a charm all the same.
 
The secret sauce: a project or a list with things you can check off
Go see how the winter animals are doing. Deer parks are good, see what the deer are up to. And most Danish zoos are open year-round. Go see how happy the polar bears are when the weather is freezing!
But my top tip for making it through the winter is a specific project, like learning how to knit, or learning how to make something out of wood, or even better, a list.
If you have a list, you can check things off as you go along, and you get a feeling of progress as the dark months drag on.
Read more at howtoliveindenmark.com.
 

It’s almost Week 1, in the weekly numbering system that’s widely used in Northern Europe, where the year starts with week 1 and runs through to Week 52 or 53, depending on the calendar. It’s very efficient for planning, so you don’t have to say something messy like “What about that week that starts Monday June 3…”
Week 1 starts on January 1, and everything follows that in perfect order.
But before January 1 we have New Year’s Eve, a day that fills me with trepidation to be honest, because in Denmark, New Year’s Eve is all about amateur fireworks.
Cannonballs, Roman Candles, Ding Dongs, Triple Extremes, these are the fireworks you can purchase and set off yourself in a local parking lot, terrifying any nearby dogs and cats. 
Having a family member in the hospital business, I can’t help but think that today, December 26, there are a few amateur fireworks fans who have perfectly well-functioning eyes and fingers right now who won’t have them on January 2.
The Queen's Speech
New Year’s Eve celebrations start at 6pm, when the Queen Margrethe gives her annual speech, live. 
To the uninitiated, this looks like a woman sitting at her desk reading from a pile of papers – she refuses to use a TelePrompter – but it’s all been intricately planned, from the clothes to the jewelry to the flowers to the text itself to reflect the themes and priorities of the year gone by. There’s even a website that gives odds on what words and themes will appear. 
The Queen now keeps her pile of papers together with a paper clip. In past years, she left them loose, and on one particular occasion they got out of order and she had to desperately search through them on air to find her place.
The comedian Ulf Pilgaard, a large man who dressed up as a colorful burlesque imitation of the Queen, used to make this incident part of his act, throwing papers up in the air like Harpo Marx.
Just as an aside, when this comedian who imitated the Queen retired last year, the Queen herself showed up at his final performance and shook his hand. Having such a good sense of humor about herself is why Queen is so beloved, even by people who do not really like the monarchy. 
Some Danes even stand up to watch the Queen’s speech on TV. It always ends with “Gud Bevare Danmark”, God Protect Denmark.
"Wreath cake" 
After the speech, it’s dinner time, followed by a very sweet cake called kransekage – which translates to “wreath cake.” It’s made of a lot of rings delicately placed on top of each other, in a little tower. There’s lot of marzipan involved in this cake. I’m not a marzipan fan myself, but if you are, you’ll like this cake.
 Read more at howtoliveindenmark.com

If you are an international who lives in Denmark, or someone who wants to, you have to learn the Danish way of dealing with conflict. This might be with a colleague, or your upstairs neighbors, or the authorities at the commune.
In these cases, it’s very important not to lose your temper or raise your voice. And this can be tricky if the culture you come from, your culture of origin, is a passionate culture.
Denmark is not a passionate culture. If you hear someone talking about their passion here, it's almost always some sort of hobby, or the summer home they have been fixing up for years. Their passion is almost never a person or a cause. And they generally use the English or French word passion, not lidenskab, which is the rather clumsy Danish translation.
So, the keywords to handling conflict here are not strength and passion, they are humor and equality.
You have to take the approach that you and the person you disagree with are equals. Your counterparty isn’t someone you can push around, but they’re also not someone better than you that you have to bow down to.
One of Danes’ favorite expressions is øjenhøjde, or eye level. They love that concept. When Prince Christian, the future king of Denmark, recently turned 18, several of his birthday greetings from the public said, Remember to always stay at eye level with your people.
The person you disagree with is your human equal, even if they’re a teacher or a manager or someone who works for the government.
The other best strategy getting a conflict resolved in Denmark is to find the humor in it. If you can make the other person laugh at the ridiculousness of it all, you’re halfway there.
Keep it as light as you possibly can, assume good faith, and assume that the other person really would like to solve the problem, and assume that it is solvable, which isn’t always true, but it’s a good first assumption.
Humorously acknowledge your contribution to the problem, whatever it might have been, and own your mistakes. Danes really like people that admit they’ve made a mistake and have a sense of humor about it.
Be as practical as possible. Danes are practical to a fault. Focus on something that can really get accomplished, not big noble concepts of truth and justice.
I have seen internationals in Denmark make disagreements much worse than they have to be by raising their voices, telling the other person they are racist or sexist, threatening to call in somebody’s boss or threatening to expose them online, which is illegal, by the way.
Denmark has very strict privacy laws – if you catch someone stealing your bike and you post a photo of them online, you’re the one who will hear from the police first.
 
Read more at howtoliveindenmark.com
 

Denmark is getting rich selling pharmaceuticals to other countries, but within Denmark itself, the approach is inconsistent. Getting illegal drugs doesn't seem to be too difficult, but getting legal drugs from your doctor can be.