REAL, RAW, RELATABLE Kat John

"I am tired of tolerating ......"
"I am tired of accepting ...... in my relationship."
"I am tired of speaking to myself poorly."
"I am tired of these behaviours I keep playing out ......"
"I am tired of the way I show up at work events and around colleagues."

Once you have your answers, the next question is ...

What am I willing to do about this? What is my next best step?

Self enquiry leads to greater knowing of who you are behind the you you think you have to be. It's worth asking the question.

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If I waited until I wasn't afraid to go after the things that mattered to my heart and my life, I'd be waiting a long (long) time.

A part of me was afraid to leave nursing, make my own money and create my own life.
A part of me was afraid to start my business, speak on stage, create programs, run events, write a book and put myself out there.
A part of me  was afraid to fall in love, commit and get married.

Because what if I failed? What if I got hurt? What if I looked like an idiot? What if I fell flat on my face and somewhere, someone would say, 'told ya so!'

The truth is, a part of us is going to be afraid when we do, say or go for something that is beyond what we're used to doing. Let the fear be there instead of fight it or will it out of your existence before you go for that something.

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You know those uplevels where it’s happening from the inside out? A grumble, a pulse, a rise of ‘something’ that is so darn powerful that you know it’s going to rearrange the way you see yourself, others and life?

It’s that space between letting go of the self that got you here and welcoming in the self you’ve been rooting for. There’s excitement, fear, unsureness (is that even a word?), curiosity, grief, gratitude, silence, noise, questioning, faith all at once.

If you find yourself here, may you save your f***s for giving thanks to the self that carried you to this very place and set your own practice of acknowledgement until it feels right in you. May you welcome in the self that seeks to be embodied with an ease, grace and warmth.

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Steve and I are being tested at the moment. We're in sleep debt. We're sleeping in separate beds. Why? Lately, Steve's snoring has reached new heights and we've gotten into an anxious sleep cycle where Steve is worried he'll snore, so isn't getting deep sleep. I'm worried I'll hear him snore so I'm stressing about getting to sleep first.

This resulted in poor deep sleep and waking up feeling less than fresh. So, we're sleeping separate whilst Steve looks into his snoring and whilst we're catching up on sleep and beginning to be in sleep credit, the closeness of us is strained. Yes we cuddle when I come downstairs but it's different than falling asleep together and waking up snuggling.

And so, this is our reality and we're navigating with as much awareness as we can whilst being slightly off with one another. Not enough to be dire, but enough to feel it.

Today's episode is us sharing this in more depth and what we do when we're tested.

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Previous episodes:
Relationships & Seven Game Changing Words 
Relationships & Setting Agreed Intentions
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Animals have my heart. Period. When their true nature and innocence are taken advantage of, disregarded and used for pleasure, entertainment, food convenience and money, my soul breaks. Something breaks inside me.

A pig at MIDLAND BACON PIGGERY in Victoria Australia has been sexually assaulted by a male, the farm owners son in fact. @dominionmovement are doing their best to free Olivia the pig, @changedotorg have a petition to sign to apply pressure to surrender her so she can be taken into the hands of kindness and care.

Factory farmed animals have little regard in the legal system and therefore protection because they are seen as food and money makers. I get that farmers hands are often tied by the bigger corporations but to have farmers (humans) use their power against an innocent and confined animal quite literally fucks with my face.

We as consumers actually have the power to question where what we eat comes from and the lives those animals have lived. And we should, because green washing is peaking off its head. At the end of our forks are lives that have been lived, or, have been abused.

As you ponder this, and I really urge you to, please sign the petition in my stories or in my linktree to save Olivia and email rickoreilly@bigpond.com.au, the owner of MIDLAND BACON PIGGERY to surrender Olivia.

She, Olivia the pig, like all of us, has a right to know what kindness, freedom and living looks and feels like.

Sign this petition to apply pressure to release Olivia.
Sign this petition to demand stricter laws against beastiality in Victoria.

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Previously I always looked for the metaphorical invisible door for me to escape. Where’s the exit when it gets tough, hard, too much, too close, too vulnerable? That door was something I kept very close to me.

But in the lead up to our wedding, writing vows to Steve and the girls, that door was disappearing. And on the day, our magnificent wedding day, it went. I was in. All the way in.

I know that I can leave at anytime, but I don’t want to. Before, it was a fantasy I played into a lot. Now, it’s not even an option unless it really needs to be an option.

That’s what has changed. All of me is in. This is a big deal due to my past and always needing “aloneness” to be safe. Aloneness is one of my coping strategies that is laying to rest. Now, my fks can be saved for loving with all of me, not just some of me.

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