Normalizing Non-Monogamy - Interviews in Polyamory and Swinging Emma and Fin

Ally has been exploring non-monogamy for about the past eight years but her fascination with relationships and human connection started quite early in life. As she explains it, she never really had the "cooties phase" growing up. Yet, like many of us, she learned to hide her sexuality early on, as well.

Up until 2016 Ally's primary relationship style was serial monogamy. This ultimately led her to have a conversation with a partner about opening their relationship. They came up with some agreements and when she had her first experience it turned out to be a test from him and ended the relationship. However, Ally learned a lot about herself through the experience which eventually led her into the sex and play party scene where her whole world opened up.

This interview with Ally is full of beautiful stories, experiences, and life lessons. We have incredible conversations about compersion, chemistry, compatibility, and... How chemistry and compatibility are very different from one another.

Ally Iseman is the Founder of Passport 2 Pleasure, through which she offers concierge guidance and online courses and resources for couples and individuals exploring healthy non-monogamy and alternative relationship dynamics. She has been a speaker, community organizer, and non-monogamy educator and practitioner since 2016, committed to promoting consensual, empowered, and respectful interactions as a leader within the sex-positive space. As a certified consent and communication specialist and respected non-monogamy ‘sexpert’, Ally sits on the executive leadership board of one of LA’s most distinguished sex-positive nightlife events. She regularly shares her insights on podcasts and at live events, and has been quoted in numerous consumer and industry-facing publications, further solidifying her reputation as a knowledgeable and influential voice on the subject of non-monogamy and alternative relationship dynamics.






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Mrs. N and Mr. N have been together nearly twenty years and started fantasizing together early on in their partnership. Their rich fantasy life together eventually turned into a reality a few years into their relationship. Things moved very slowly for years and eventually they found their sweet spot exploring swinging and hotwifing, or as they like to call it... "The Naughty Hobby"

Their journeys in non-monogamy have been powerful in many ways for both of them. Before meeting one another, Mrs. N suffered with extreme pain during sex for many years and it created an immense amount of shame in her around sex and intimacy. The openness and communication they've fostered has helped them both heal physically and emotionally as they've grown closer together while adventuring together!

These two have also been busy helping others... They host a podcast and have written a book both under the name Vanilla to Vixen where they take listeners behind the scenes of their healing journey together. Definitely check out their podcast and pick up a copy of their book!






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Meshai and Fin team up together to answer amazing listener questions every fourth Friday of each month!
Today's questions are about tips and strategies for navigating drop AND embracing mismatched libidos in a triad.


If YOU have a question, we'd love to hear it! Please, ask us anything by clicking here!

We are super excited to be partnering with Meshai for the Ask Us Anything episodes! She first appeared on the podcast on Episode 233 and we're honored to have her back!

Meshai is relationship coach with the team at Expansive Connection. She believes in the power of living as one’s authentic self, and the freedom that comes from changing perspectives. She loves putting the puzzle pieces of a couple's sexual energy together and aiding them in positive and explorative movement.

Her coaching work implements creative synergy, openness, self-expression, and the confrontation of challenges through self-determination. She helps individuals from diverse populations move forward with their goals while being fully aware that trauma can play on the whole person.

Meshai is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and is certified in both Trauma Therapy and Sex Therapy, and she is trained in Dialectical Behavior Therapy.

You likely know me (Fin) from over 300 episodes of Normalizing Non-Monogamy. Just in case you don't, I cohost the podcast with my partner Emma and we have been in an open relationship together for over 15 years. I also completed a sex and relationship coaching program through the Somatica Institute in March 2024!




 











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Like many of us, Brett started initially exploring non-monogamy before he had the language to describe it or a framework to understand it. Initially, he was in a long-distance relationship that had an agreement around being open. He eventually moved to the San Francisco Bay Area where his relational world opened up even further.

Upon arriving in The Bay, Brett found himself living with a polyamorous couple, exploring the the vibrant play party scene, and getting involved with various Burning Man communities. All of these experiences helped open Brett up to a world of diverse relationship models that he continues to explore as he strives to hone a never-ending list of relational skills.

In 2022 Brett founded the Organization for Polyamory and Ethical Non-monogamy (OPEN). OPEN is a nonprofit organization dedicated to normalizing and empowering non-monogamous individuals, relationships, and communities. More than that, they’re a movement of people working toward a future where romantic and intimate relationships between consenting adults are accepted and protected regardless of relationship structure, gender identity, or sexual orientation. Please check out the incredible work they're doing and find out how you can impact change as well!






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Jessica is in her mid-thirties and has been practicing non-monogamy for over 11 years. From a very young age she decided she didn't want to follow the traditional relationship scripts and norms that most people do.

When she started dating in college, she was very intentional about moving into non-monogamy with her partner from the very beginning of their relationship. Even though they were very intentional about what they were doing and how they were relating, they didn't have the words or language to describe it. In the beginning, they were pretty much making it up as they went.

Jessica and her partner started off dating together and eventually learned about many different ways of being open. This led her to discover relationship anarchy and the relationship anarchy smorgasbord. Today, Jessica is open to the ebb and flow of life and relationships. She focuses a lot of her social energy on fostering deep friendships and community as she lets relationships take the form that makes the most sense for each one.

Jessica's passion for community and helping others is inspirational and goes beyond her personal life. She also volunteers on the board for a Seattle-based non-profit called Evergreen Hearts. Their mission is to empower people who practice non-traditional relationship styles to build community and grow relationship skills through social functions, educational events, and educational resources. We encourage you to check out the incredible work they're doing to build and support community.




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Abbey and Liam have been together for over 12 years and in an open relationship for about 10 of them. They initially started by exploring the idea as a fantasy through talking and sharing sexy stories back and forth on a private Tumblr page.

Eventually, the fantasy turned into "Hey... Ya know, we could actually do this." which inspired them to begin exploring the New York City swinging world as they slowly opened their relationship. Today, their flavor of non-monogamy is a fluid negotiation between the two of them depending on what life looks like and what they're both wanting and needing.

In today's beautiful interview they share about the power of forming deep friendships and community, how coming out changed their lives and allowed them to be honest about who they are, and how they thrive at being loving parents to their kiddo while navigating multiple relationships!

If you can't get enough of Abbey and Liam, you're in luck! For the last few years they've been creating a powerful resource called the Evolving Love Project where they explore the topics of authentic and open relationships, sex positivity, parenting and empowered birth through a podcast, events, retreats, writing, and community! Definitely check it out!



Check out the full show notes here.

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