TILT Parenting: Raising Differently Wired Kids Debbie Reber

When I launched the Tilt Parenting website in April 2016, I was excited to share with the world the Tilt Manifesto, a document outlining my vision for a more positive, more inclusive, and more all-around awesome experience for parents raising differently-wired kids, as well as my ideas for how we can get there together.
Because it’s important to us that the ideas behind the Tilt Manifesto are consumed and shared as broadly as possible, and because I know that the Manifesto is a kind of a long read and one thing we parents of atypical kids don’t necessarily have a lot of lying around is spare time, I decided to dedicate an entire episode of the podcast to the Manifesto. In it, I not only share my personal story of how I shifted my experience raising Asher from one where I felt overwhelmingly frustrated, stressed, and isolated to one full of acceptance, optimism, and possibility, but I lay out 10 ideas for things we can start doing today to shift the parenting paradigm to one that embraces our kids and our experience raising them.
So, if you haven’t had a chance to read the Manifesto yet, or you have read it but could use a fresh burst of inspiration, I invite you to sit back and have a listen, and join me in imagining what could be when we join together to shift the experience for families with differently-wired kids.
  
Things You'll Learn From This Episode:

Debbie Reber’s personal story of raising her twice-exceptional son

Why the current parenting paradigm is broken and outdated, especially for parents with atypical kids

How though our journey raising our differently-wired children is unique to us and who our children are, we are tied together through shared experiences of parenting outside the lines

The 10 things parents everywhere can start doing right now to take a lead in shifting the parenting paradigm

 
Resources Mentioned:


The TiLT Manifesto (download link for PDF)


Neurodiversity: What Does it Mean for 2015? by John Elder Robinson (Psychology Today)

Margaret Webb Life Coach



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In this episode, Debbie and Seth discuss how parents can balance the concepts from the book ‘The Self-Driven Child’ with the challenges of supporting a child with ADHD and executive functioning issues. They emphasize the importance of scaffolding and giving children control over their lives while still providing support. They also discuss the need for parents to do their own inner work and manage their own anxiety in order to effectively support their children. The episode concludes with a discussion on the importance of planning and setting goals for children’s development.

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I’m SOOO excited to share this conversation with you, as it’s been a few months in the making and it’s on a topic I’m personally very interested in and I feel like not enough people are talking about — and that topic is, the intersection of traditional therapeutic modalities and neurodivergence.
Specifically, I wanted to examine how some therapies may not meet the unique needs of neurodivergent individuals and what it means for a therapist to be truly neurodivergent-affirming. 
And I have two wonderful guests to get into it with me — author, parent of neurodivergent children and neurodivergent clinical psychologist Dr. Megan Anna Neff, who’s been on this show twice before, and Dr. Debra Brause, the parent of an autistic ADHDer, and a licensed psychologist and therapist who works from a neurodivergent-affirming stance.
And get into it we do. In this conversation, Megan Anna, Debra, and I explore what some limitations and challenges are for neurodivergent clients working with therapists who don’t understand their neurotypes, how therapeutic approaches can be adapted to provide sensory safety and center the client's experience and agency, why cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) may not be as effective for differently wired people, as well as the potential limitations of standard strategies like mindfulness and visualization as. Most importantly, we'll discuss the qualities to look for in a therapist who is truly neurodivergent affirming —what that means, and how it can make all the difference in a child's therapeutic journey. Megan Anna and Debra shared a lot of resources as well that you can go back to if you are a parent looking to get your child therapy. 
 
About my guests
Dr. Megan Anna Neff is the founder of Neurodivergent Insights where she creates education and wellness resources for neurodivergent adults, the co-host of the Divergent Conversations podcast, and the author of Self-Care For Autistic People, which is the book we talked about last time she was on the show. As a late-diagnosed AuDHDer , Dr. Neff applies their lived experiences to their professional focus. They are committed to broadening the mental health field's understanding of autism and ADHD beyond traditional stereotypes. 
Dr. Debra Brause helps couples embrace who their children are, and provides support and guidance through this unique journey. Her professional training includes diagnostic assessment for learning disabilities at the UCLA Office for Students with Disabilities, and clinical work in community mental health settings including The Southern California Counseling Center and the Maple Counseling Center. 

Things you'll learn

Why traditional therapy may not meet the needs of neurodivergent individuals

How emotional regulation strategies might be adapted to provide sensory safety as a foundation for regulation

The role of “goals” in therapy with adolescents and the importance of centering client experience and agency

Ways in which CBT and DBT may not be as effective with differently wired people

What the potential limitations of mindfulness and visualization as therapeutic strategies are in some neurodivergent clients

Qualities to look for in a therapist who is truly “neurodivergent affirming” (as well as what that actually means)

 
Resources mentioned

Dr. Megan Anna Neff’s website

Dr. Debra Brause’s website


Self-Care For Autistic People by Dr. Megan Anna Neff

* A special bonus offer for Tilt Parenting community *

Dr. Megan Anna Neff’s Psychology Today blog

Dr. Debra Brause’s Psychology Today blog

Divergent Conversations Podcast

Neurodivergent Insights on Instagram

Neurodivergent Insights on Facebook

Dr. Megan Anna Neff on LinkedIn

Dr. Megan Anna Neff’s Link in Bio

Neurodivergent Therapist Directory

Therapist Neurodiversity Collective Directory

 
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In this special kid’s POV edition, Asher and I talk about SCREEN TIME. Like many families with children (differently-wired or not), the issue of screen time — how much, what kind, and when — is something we are constantly grappling with. And because like many other differently-wired kids, Asher is really into the games and projects he’s got going on in his virtual world, we’ve struggled to come up with an approach that feels good for Derin and me as parents while also helping Asher learn how to be more responsible for his time and behavior online (and after he shuts down).
In this episode, Asher and I detail our current approach for tracking screen time, which we co-designed in such a way that it will help him learn to track his own time, set intentions for how he will spend his time, and stay emotionally regulated both while online and when it’s time to get off. (That’s the goal anyway!). And if you want to give our approach a try, download our Screen Time Planning Worksheet below!

Things You'll Learn from This Episode:

The strategy we’re using to help Asher learn to be more responsible for his screen time, as well as support more peaceful transitions from screen to the real world

Why time warnings might actually create anxiety rather than smooth transitions

How frequent brain breaks can support healthy screen time habits

 
Resources Mentioned:

Download a PDF of Asher’s New and Improved Screen Time Planning Worksheet


The Productivity Planner from Intelligent Design

The Pomodoro Technique


Time Tracker Visual Timer and Clock from Fun and Function




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Today, we're delving into a topic that's both profound and hopeful: the harm of childhood trauma and the incredible power of resilience. Joining me on the show is Dr. Marc D. Hauser, who's here to unravel these complex topics in a way that's accessible and empowering for all parents. Through his groundbreaking work, including his new book Vulnerable Minds: The Harms of Childhood Trauma and the Hope of Resiliency, which is what we’re diving into today, Marc brings scientific evidence about childhood trauma to a broader audience and sheds light on the pathways to healing and growth.
In this conversation, we explore what constitutes a traumatic experience and why neurodivergent children may be more vulnerable to their effects, as well as ACES, or Adverse Childhood Experiences, often misunderstood but profoundly influential in shaping a child's journey. Marc helps us understand their significance in the context of resilience.
 
About Marc Hauser
Marc Hauser is a scientist, educator, author, consultant and public speaker. Hauser’s scientific research, including over 300 published papers and seven books, has focused on how the brain evolves, develops, and is altered by damage and neurodevelopmental disorders, with an emphasis on the processes of learning and decision-making, as well as the impact of traumatic experiences on development. Hauser’s educational and consulting work has focused on the implementation of quantitative, brain-based methods for teachers, clinicians, and doctors working with children who have different disabilities, including especially those that result from a history of traumatic experiences.
Hauser earned a Bachelor of Science degree from Bucknell University, a PhD from UCLA and Post-doctoral fellowships from the University of Michigan, Rockefeller University, and University of California-Davis. From 1992-2011, he was a Professor at Harvard University. In 2013, he founded the company Risk-Eraser, dedicated to providing software and consulting to programs focusing on students in special education.
His most recent book Vulnerable Minds, published in March 2024 by Avery-Penguin-Random House Publishing, New York.
 
Things you'll learn from this episode

How Vulnerable Minds makes scientific evidence about childhood trauma accessible to a broader audience

How traumatic experiences are defined

The impact of trauma on neurodivergent children as well as ways in which these kids are more vulnerable to trauma

What it means for a school to be trauma-informed in action

What ACES are and how their assignment and meaning is frequently misinterpreted and misunderstood

The role of nature and nurture when it comes to whether other not an experience results in trauma or is met with resiliency

 
Resources mentioned for the Harm of Childhood Trauma and the Hope of Resiliency

Dr. Marc D. Hauser’s author website


Vulnerable Minds: The Harms of Childhood Trauma and the Hope of Resiliency by Dr. Marc D. Hauser

International Children’s Aid Network (iCAN)

Marc Hauser on X

Marc Hauser on Instagram

Marc Hauser on Linkedin

Marc Hauser on Facebook

Dr. Vincent Falliti

Stephen Porges and Polyvagal Theory


The Impact of Adverse Childhood Experiences on Health and Development in Young Children (National Institute of Health Study)


The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk, MD


What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing by Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey


Kelly Mahler on Understanding and Supporting Kids’ Interoception Experience (Tilt Parenting Podcast)


Lori Desautels on Shifting Educational Systems Toward Post-Traumatic Growth (Tilt Parenting Podcast)

Revelations in Education, Dr. Lori Desautel’s website


Intentional Neuroplasticity: Our Educational Journey Towards Post Traumatic Growth by Dr. Lori Desautels

 
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Former teacher, reading specialist, teacher and parent educator, and coach, Heidi Nord, joins the show for a conversation about dyslexia.
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