Regular Features Regular Features

Wets here! Get your wets. Fresh wets. Only the finest wets. Just came in this morning. Low low prices. Affordable wets for the family. You sir, want wets? Well you can't have one. No wets for you. Don't even look at my wets.

In this episodes, Log meets a yummy mummy. Joe meets a juice fanatic. And Steve overhears the pope dropping some f-bombs near an archdeacon.

Excuse us, we got hoovered into a big tornado but we're back now.

In this episode, Joe does a feature all about Steve's stag do. Log does a feature all about Steve's stag do. And Steve, well you'd never guess, but he does a feature about a time cop.

This week Matt, Steve and Gav drank precisely 4 pints of lager and got into a room to record a podcast together. What is this, 2013??

If you don't know what we're talking about in your episode, that's actually on you, because you haven't done the research. Joe's discussing his very personal view on a smash hit television series everyone except Log and Steve has hopefully seen. Log, meanwhile, hopes you're au fait with a 1970s album that DOESN'T include Diana Ross. Steve stand, blinking and confused, amidst all of the above.

JUMP! For my love. JUMP IN! And feel my touch. Please, wife, you have to jump now before it's too late. The cruise ship is sinking and this is the last lifeboat. If you don't jump, I'll float away and you'll be left to drown alone on that cursed boat. So, if you want to taste my kisses in the night, or ever again, my sweet love, then... JUMP!

In this episode, Joe is horrified to learn the true meaning behind the 1990 glam rock FILTH anthem "Cherry Pie". Steve wakes up from a nap to discover three-time Grammy award winner Dua Lipa has become trapped inside his walls. And Gav is here too, making a big hoo-hah over nothin'.

"Stop, Children, what's that sound?"

Let me stop you right there, Buffalo Springfield, because I think I know the answer to this one. "That sound" is Episode 562 of Regular Features. And you know what? It very nearly wasn't. This is an unusual episode, in that it survived the total post-recording elimination of one participant, "Log", thanks entirely to "Log".

This is the Little Podcast That Survived. It is a perfectly lovely Frankenstein of an episode. If you were a Lady Frankenstein, I reckon it'd be right up your street.

If you *are* a Lady Frankenstein, and you want me to put you in touch, please send an SAE marked "I promise not to scream when Episode 562 calls me FRIEND, sending it into a suicidal rage" to

WE BELONG DEAD
PO Box 562
Ashby De La Zouch

Thanks for being you. (Unless you're awful)

Features Scheming Weasel by Kevin McLeod off of Incompetech.com