Relationship By Design Relationship By Design

Today our topic is “Compromise in Relationships" recorded with the community on October 10, 2020.
Happy Halloween!
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Contact Us Sandy & Lon Golnick
www.RelationshipByDesign.com
760-603-8343

Today our topic is “The Pitfalls of Promises” on our twice-monthly Zoom Community Call.
At the end of the call, someone asked if there would be a replay of the call? We took a poll to make sure nobody would have any problem if we shared the complete call. Nobody objected so here it is. The complete 1-hour and 18-minute audio version of the call.
The complete video version is available from our YouTube channel and can be found here.
Anyone can join in on these calls by going to our Community Page and sign-up to receive notifications about upcoming calls.
Contact Us Sandy & Lon Golnick
www.RelationshipByDesign.com
760-603-8343
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The original title of this episode recorded on August 15, 2020, was “Do you have your relationship handled? Part 2" HOWEVER at the top of the call Lon asked the question “What’s possible with going forward?”
So as it is with all relationships, things change.
Carol England gave us permission to use her extended comments about how she and Jeff are thriving in “possibility” these days. You’ll want to hear about that.
Do consider joining us in the conversations we’re having twice a month. Head over to the Community Page on RelationshipByDesign.com and sign-up to receive notifications about the next call and receive the Zoom links you’ll need to join us.
Contact Us Sandy & Lon Golnick
www.RelationshipByDesign.com
760-603-8343

We thought today we’d give you more excerpts from the Community Calls we have a few times a month. We take people’s privacy seriously. You’ll only be hearing from the leaders of Relationship By Design. If you like what you hear, consider joining us for the next call by going to the Community page on our website at RelationshipByDesign.com and sign up to receive notifications about upcoming calls.
Conversations and Topics Covered Today Introduction to the topic for today Lon, Paul, and Sandy’s comments Carol on COVID and Racism Paul on “handling it” Lon says “Dance with it” Closing words by Lon, Sandy, and Carol Contact Us Sandy & Lon Golnick
www.RelationshipByDesign.com
760-603-8343

We thought today we’d give you some excerpts from the Community Calls we have a few times a month. We take people’s privacy seriously. You’ll only be hearing from the leaders of Relationship By Design. If you like what you hear, consider joining us for the next call by going to the Community page on our website at RelationshipByDesign.com and sign up to receive notifications about upcoming calls.
Conversations and Topics Covered Today Introduction. Power. What do I have to lose? Choice and the little things. Forfeit and power. We don’t know how much time we have left. Education. Live inside. I don’t know. Witness. Hallucinations. Gratitude. Allow and love. Listening and racism. Love and fear. Tomorrow. Being present. Being here now. And goodbye for now. Contact Us Sandy & Lon Golnick
www.RelationshipByDesign.com
760-603-8343
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Have you ever said something snarky, spiteful, unkind, or just plain thoughtless, to someone you love?  How did it go?  Did you get into a fight or hear a defensive reaction? Or worse. Perhaps you ended a relationship. 
It happened to us and opened a door to greater intimacy. As Paul started to take lunch to his desk, Carol let fly this one: “So, do you like your computer better than your wife?”  
The tone was accusatory, not inviting.
As soon as Carol said it, she knew that it had come out sideways, inviting a fight rather than a joyful lunch together.  It was not aligned with her intention at all.  
This is where she should have remembered the acronym WAIT, and asked herself “Why Am I Talking?” 
After a few tense moments, while Paul maintained a stunned silence, Carol apologized for the snarky remark and then revealed some feelings she had not disclosed before – or even consciously recognized. She told Paul that she had expected him to join her, and felt rejected or abandoned when he took his food to his desk instead.  
Anyone who has been in our 2-day workshop, Relationship: The Real Deal, knows the mischief that arises from unexpressed expectations. One person is disappointed and the other one feels blamed out of the blue. In our case, we had no agreement to eat our lunch together, just Carol’s uncommunicated expectation.   
After communicating her (previously withheld) expectation, Carol could lovingly invite Paul to join her.  That’s all it took to restore our joy of being related.  
By the way, Paul wasn’t abandoning Carol when he took lunch to his desk. It was just his habit  – what he’d been doing for decades before he met Carol. 
The next time you hear yourself or another person making a sarcastic or biting crack, you could get curious rather than defensive. You might discover something new, and end up feeling closer than before the remark slipped out.  
With love,
Carol & Paul
Contact Us Sandy & Lon Golnick
www.RelationshipByDesign.com
760-603-8343