In this episode, Alexandra Stockwell, MD, a relationship and intimacy coach, reveals what high-achievers typically lack within their personal life. Elliot and Alexandra discuss the common concerns she hears from couples and why her work is so important for future generations. Listen in to hear a relationship expert share some tips to improve your own relationship – and find out what it really means to be good in bed.
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Time Stamped Show Notes:
01:30 – Introducing Alexandra, her background in medicine, and her journey to becoming a relationship and intimacy coach 03:00 – She prioritized her patients and family and wasn’t honoring herself; she learned from other people’s experiences that if she continued she’d get burnt out 05:15 – She took a sabbatical from medicine and found herself chairing a committee for her son’s school three months later 06:05 – She realized that she didn’t know how she wanted to live her life and lacked the skillset of enjoyment and fulfillment 07:00 – She had spent a night in the children’s ICU and came home to her daughter who had just lost a tooth; she lost her touch to feel for less intense situations 07:50 – She enrolled in the School of Womanly Arts and did a lot of personal growth and mindset work 08:30 – She realized that she needed to focus on intimacy, sensuality, and sexuality; she took what she learned to improve her relationship with her husband 10:00 – Alexandra also took a coaching course and realized that coaching is what she wants to do 10:55 – Why people don’t take the time to learn how to improve themselves 11:10 – People are busy and tend to take their identity from other labels 11:40 - When people are high-achievers, they typically aren’t in the realm of intimacy, self-connection, and vulnerability 12:50 – We learn through imitation as mammals but for relationships there aren’t that many role models 13:40 – Barak and Michelle could be a good example; some people use their parents as a starting point for inspiration 15:00 – The idea of being great in bed 15:30 – If you’ve had a great time, then you’re great in bed; being great in bed involves being right with who you are 16:12 – The responses Alexandra gets when working with high-achieving couples 16:45 – She works with couples who ask, “Is it actually possible to transform this?” 18:00 – The couples she works with have a pattern and limiting beliefs of the union 18:45 – Oftentimes there will be a woman who wants her man to change and a man who wants to change but can’t face his inability to please his woman 19:50 – Guiding people through difficult conversations 20:10 – Nothing anyone can say will shock her, she seeks to clarify to couples that they each must take 100% responsibility 21:20 – Advice for intimacy in parenthood 22:05 – A dip in connection tends to happen when a baby is born; her and her husband did sensual practices and never had that dip 22:50 – It’s possible and there’s hope; Alexandra advises awareness and attention towards the significant other when integrating a baby into your life 24:10 – Keeping the marriage strong for the children and family 25:00 – Alexandra believes that the best thing she can do for children is teach their parents how to have a good, nourishing relationship 25:45 – There are gender roles in the household and relationship, but she wants women to feel beautiful, attractive, and attracted and men to feel appreciated in their being 26:50 – Each person should feel that who they are and their being – not just their tasks - is nurtured and loved 27:45 – What high-achievers tend to track 28:00 – With relationships, the parameters are not as clear as with fitness and money 28:33 –