A Journey Through Poetry: Week 1 Uncomfortably, Beautifully Human

*please note, there is potentially triggering content with references to themes of suicide and emotional trauma in this article/email, which some individuals may find distressing. Please ensure that you feel safe to continue reading. If you recognise that you need support after reading this article, please reach out to someone that you trust. Mind are a great UK based support network for people experiencing mental health, as are NAMI, for my readers based in the US. If you're not sure where to start, you can also reach out to me via email emma@emmaevelyncampbell.com and I can help point you in the right direction.

"These words on paper are an overflow of pure emotion, a mirror held up to the beautiful and perhaps less desirable parts of us. A candid expression of the human experience. This poetry tells a story that, as you read, you realise you have lived too. The writing invites reflection which we all need a little room for in our lives. Thank you, Emma, for your vulnerability."

I received this quote from a dear friend, Sofia, as she read my book before I self-published. I loved it so much that I used it as the blurb. My intention for creating this mini-series for the next (probably) 4 weeks, reading a few poems from the book, is to invite you into your own exploration of what it means to be human.

I'll read the poem, provide the context for it's creation and then share my own reflections on it as I read it years later. The questions I ask myself in this reflection are...

'how have I changed?'

'how am I still the same?'

'what is the wisdom I've gained?'

I also invite you to share in the comments or by email emma@emmaevelyncampbell.com what the listening of this poem brought up for you. If you haven't already you can join us for this series by subscribing for free below. You'll also benefit from a growing space where I share weekly thoughts from my heart, meditations and more heart-opening poetry. My intention is to continue to expand this space in a way that nourishes the reader and listener, whilst following my own intuition on what feels good. I want this to be an environment where you feel no expectations to do anything, other than to feel what surfaces for you as you connect with the words that are shared.
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I’ve captured the poem and my reflections below, which you can read if you prefer to engage with this content by reading over watching the video.
This feels so f*****g hard
I feel all the pain in my heart
I feel lost in the words
in my mind
created in a time when I could easily disguise
Now it all comes to the surface
I'm starting to regress to the part of my journey
where I felt so lonely
where I felt so lost
Like I couldn't breathe
Yes, I remember that version of me
where running was all that she could do to survive
Where hiding was all she could do to feel safe in this life
to repress everything that suffocated her
that cut her deep like a knife
Where all those tears she had in her eyes
And all she could do was pretend to be fine.
This poem is number 12 in my book 44: A Journey Through Poetry, which you can purchase here. As I read back this poem, I'm also going through this chapter and transition in my life now where there's this feeling of like, it's difficult. It's hard, but there's not that heaviness that I used to carry. So it's really a moment to see not only my growth, but also this compassion for the one, that version of myself that just was so, so lost and so, so afraid of everything and whatever would happen it would be this need to get away, to avoid, to run. At this phase, it feels more like a need to hold on tightly.
I must have wrote this 3/4 years ago, when I was reflecting on the version of myself aged 16-18. It’s funny now to read it back and see this pattern and how it has played out in different phases of my life. How sometim