A Journey Through Poetry: Week 2 Uncomfortably, Beautifully Human

I feel torn by this my dear
How can you feel so far
yet
so near?
How can you make me feel so deeply
Then have me in the depths of
Confusion where I can’t seem to figure out our road?
Because when I ask my heart
it seems to know
That you’re

'The One'

That you’re the person I want to love until this life is done
I want to know

Are you going to continue to run?

Or will you see what I see?
Will we find each other in joy and harmony?
Or is this a dream that stays confined
to the deepest parts inside of me?

It scares me to think I’ll never experience looking into those eyes
Telling you
"I love you"
Feeling alive with your body touching mine
It scares me to think of living with this for my whole life
Without you by my side
So
what now?
When I feel the confusion taking over
Have I got to get over everything from the very start?
Or do I let you go?
And trust that in your heart, soon you’ll also know

That this love is here to stay

Is here for us to grow together each day
Is here to guide the way back to a Truth
We have forgotten to remember

That this ember cannot die with time
Because it was before time that it was even created
A time, somehow, we both awaited for
Even in moments it felt so unsure

I knew to keep a faith in what I felt so sure of

That just because it seemed illogical
To the logic of physical reality
I now refuse to let anything sway the knowing in me
The knowing there was something more I now feel ready to believe
That our love is more than words can begin to conceive
So, I choose to allow the confusion in
And yet

I know it can never win

Because the knowing from within is too strong
For the part of me that feels I could be wrong
Instead I choose to trust
To go beyond stories that I’m told
I should adjust my feelings to make room for
No, I choose to take the door of uncertainty
Of how it feels to lean fully into a love without guarantee
Without knowing how far I could fall
I follow this call
Because I believe

I am worthy to experience it all

So
my love
I’ll wait for you on the other
side
Of the fears, protection
the need to hide
And hold space for you to start
To see yourself through my eyes
So that we can begin a new
ever-expanding journey
Of both truly,
feeling alive.
That is poem number 19 in the second verse of my book, 44: A Journey Through Poetry. When I read this poem, I think of the intentions when I wrote it. I wrote it for somebody, a man, that when I wrote this book, I really, really felt so much love for. I actually dedicated the book to him.
It's really funny as I read now to see how that love has evolved and also to see how I was, very much, talking about myself. I was projecting this kind of half of myself onto another and trying very hard to bring those two things together. I was witnessing myself in this phase of separation, as if saying to myself, I want to believe in you, but I'm too scared to believe. It was this phase where I was very backwards and forwards between trust and doubt. I was wondering how I could reach this future self I felt? How do I get to the place I feel inside?
I think there's a lot of that created in our society because we have an idea of linear time. We have this idea that from here to there, I need to do X, Y, and Z and I need to get somewhere. I need to make it. Sometimes we apply that concept and that approach to ourselves as well. This need to reach that point where we have everything together and we’re fully healed.
This was kind of how it was with the love for myself. I felt it was somewhere I needed to reach, that there were things I needed to do to attain that love for self. Something that now I've realised, is that we learn about ourselves and we understand ourselves through separation and through isolation. But, we do it as if all the pieces are jumbled up and then we bring them together and I think for me now it's more about starting with the wh