Advancing Women Podcast

Dr. Kimberly DeSimone

Welcome to the Advancing Women Podcast where ambitious women come together to challenge the status quo, advance their careers, and up-level their lives. The Advancing Women Podcast is hosted by Gender Equity Expert and Executive Coach Dr. Kimberly DeSimone.

  1. 2d ago

    Routine, Wonder & Letting Life Surprise You

    When we're young, life is filled with firsts. First days. First trips. First jobs. First heartbreaks. First moments of realizing we can do something we weren't sure we could do. Then somewhere along the way, we get good at life. We build careers, relationships, homes, habits, and routines. And that's a good thing. Routine makes life manageable. Familiarity gives us security. But does it also have a quiet cost? In this episode of the Advancing Women Podcast, Dr. Kimberly DeSimone explores what happens when a life once filled with firsts becomes increasingly familiar, and whether one of the hidden costs of routine is a gradual loss of wonder. Drawing on the psychology of habituation, novelty, attention, and memory, Kimberly considers why new experiences can make us feel more awake, why familiar experiences can begin to blur into the background, and why creating more “firsts” may help us encounter our lives with greater attention and curiosity. But novelty alone isn't enough. We can travel halfway around the world and still turn Paris into a checklist. We can rush through vacations, optimize our leisure, document experiences before we've actually experienced them, and bring the urgency of an ordinary Tuesday into extraordinary places. Which raises a bigger question: What happens when we stop assaulting life with urgency? From the surrender of sitting beside the ocean, to the unexpected moments that happen when travel plans fall apart, to finding magic in a hot, crowded day at Disney, this episode explores wonder not simply as something we encounter, but as a way we encounter the world. And for women, there may be another layer. So much of adulthood can involve being the person who knows what's next: anticipating, remembering, planning, organizing, and creating predictability for everyone else. Sometimes there is freedom in stepping out of that role long enough to wander, be a beginner, not know what's next, and allow ourselves to be surprised. The takeaway isn't another assignment, bucket list, or life-optimization strategy. It's much simpler: Routine makes life manageable. Novelty wakes us up. Surrender gives us space to notice. Maybe we don't lose our capacity for wonder as we get older. Maybe our lives simply become so familiar, efficient, and hurried that we stop creating the conditions in which wonder can find us. So this week, go find a first.                                    And when you do? Look around. Pay attention. Let yourself be surprised. Let’s continue the Conversation! If this episode resonated with you, why not share it! Listen, Subscribe, Connect! The Advancing Women Podcast Instagram: @AdvancingWomenPodcast  Facebook: Advancing Women Podcast  LinkedIn: Dr. Kimberly DeSimone

  2. Aug 24

    When They're Listening for Errors, Not Understanding

    Have you ever tried to tell someone how something made you feel, only to find yourself suddenly defending the accuracy of your own experience? That's not what happened. That's not what I said. That's not what I meant. You're taking it the wrong way. I guess I just can't do anything right. And suddenly, you're no longer talking about what hurt you. You're litigating whether they did anything wrong. In this episode of the Advancing Women Podcast, Dr. Kimberly DeSimone explores what happens when someone listens to our feelings for errors instead of understanding, and why defensiveness can turn an attempt at connection into a battle over whose version of reality gets to count. Because feelings aren't courtroom testimony. Understanding someone's experience doesn't require agreeing with every interpretation of what happened. Empathy is not a verdict. It isn't a confession, compliance, or an admission of guilt. It's the willingness to stop defending your own perspective long enough to become curious about someone else's. But this episode goes beyond communication. We examine the gender socialization that shapes how women and men learn to receive criticism, research on masculine norms and manipulation in conflict, and the psychological function of defensiveness as protection against shame, vulnerability, and threats to self-image. Dr. DeSimone explores the important distinction between ordinary defensiveness and persistent invalidation, including gaslighting, DARVO, and the concept of epistemic testimonial injustice: what happens when someone's credibility as the narrator of their own experience is repeatedly diminished. Because after enough conversations in which your reality is disputed, the greatest cost may not simply be unresolved conflict. It may be that you begin to stop trusting yourself. This episode is ultimately about something bigger than getting another person to understand you. It's about recognizing that you cannot force someone into self-awareness,  but you also don't have to surrender your understanding of your own experience simply because someone refuses to validate it. Sometimes clarity means recognizing that someone you love gets defensive but genuinely wants to do better. Sometimes it means recognizing your own contribution to a dynamic. And sometimes it means confronting the harder possibility: You may be trying to explain yourself to someone who benefits from not understanding you. The goal isn't to have relationships without disagreement. It's to have relationships where disagreement doesn't require one person's experience to disappear. Referenced: Scott Austin Martin: Are you listening for errors? Or listening to understand?  Let’s Connect: Instagram: @AdvancingWomenPodcast Facebook: Advancing Women Podcast  LinkedIn: Dr. Kimberly DeSimone

  3. Aug 11

    Confidence, Purpose & the Courage to Take Up Space, with Division I Head Coach Kristen Sharkey

    What can a Division I basketball coach teach us about confidence, identity, leadership, and becoming the women we're meant to be? As it turns out…a lot. In this episode of the Advancing Women Podcast, Dr. Kimberly DeSimone sits down with University at Buffalo Women's Basketball Head Coach Kristen Sharkey for a conversation that goes far beyond the basketball court. The connection began at a women's leadership conference, where several young women who had heard both Kimberly and Sharkey speak insisted the two needed to meet. On the surface, a professor and a Division I basketball coach might seem to occupy very different worlds. But when Sharkey later told Kimberly, “My purpose in what I get to do is to help our young ladies grow into the phenomenal women they are meant to be. Basketball is my tool to do that,” the shared mission became clear. Basketball may be Sharkey's tool. Leadership education and this podcast may be Kimberly's. But both are deeply invested in helping women recognize their potential, find their voices, and become more fully who they are meant to be. Together, they explore what Sharkey has learned from coaching women in one of the most competitive environments imaginable, and why those lessons matter far beyond sports. They talk about: • Why confidence isn't something someone else can give you, and why it is often built through discomfort, mistakes, and getting back up • The complicated relationship women have with ambition and competition, and the double standards that still shape how competitive women are perceived • Competition versus comparison, and how women can pursue their own success while still bringing other women with them • The importance of connection, trust, character, and working toward something bigger than ourselves • How to separate who we are from what we do, especially when things aren't going the way we'd hoped • Why women need to stop apologizing for their opinions and voices • Finding purpose beyond performance and discovering what “sets your soul on fire” This isn't an episode about basketball…It's a conversation about becoming. About learning to trust yourself. It’s about recovering from mistakes rather than being defined by them, about taking your seat at the table, even when you're not entirely sure you belong there, and about becoming the kind of strong woman who brings other women with her! Support Women's Sports: One of the themes that emerges in this conversation is that visibility and investment matter. Women's sports deserve our attention, our attendance, and our support. Coach Sharkey and UB Women's Basketball recently launched the Power of One Campaign, a community fundraising movement built around a simple idea: small individual acts of support can create an enormous collective impact. Support Coach Sharkey and UB Women's Basketball through the Power of One Campaign Buy tickets and support the UB Bulls Women's Basketball team And wherever you live, show up for women's sports. Buy the ticket. Fill the stands. Bring your daughters and your sons. Cheer loudly. Every ticket. Every cheer. Every person in those stands matters. Let’s Connect: Instagram: @AdvancingWomenPodcast  Facebook: Advancing Women Podcast  LinkedIn: Dr. Kimberly DeSimone

  4. Jul 27

    The Shell Game: Why Doing Everything Right Still Isn't Enough

    What if everything you've been told about success is true...just not equally true? For generations, women have been given a roadmap to success. Work hard. Earn the degree. Build your expertise. Develop executive presence. Negotiate. Become exceptional. And millions of women have done exactly that. So why do so many still feel like the finish line keeps moving? In this episode of the Advancing Women Podcast, Dr. Kimberly DeSimone explores a question that has been at the center of her research, teaching, and leadership work for years: What if the problem isn't that women aren't following the roadmap? What if they're following it exactly? Using the metaphor of the classic street game Three-Card Monte (sometimes called Find the Queen), this episode examines why doing everything "right" doesn't always produce the same outcomes for everyone. Drawing on decades of research in organizational psychology, leadership, gender studies, and behavioral science, Kimberly explores how bias often shifts rather than disappears, as women become more qualified, more accomplished, and closer to positions of power. Rather than asking women to become even more exceptional, this episode asks a different question: What if the system keeps changing the rules? This Episode Explores: Why the traditional success roadmap doesn't always produce equal outcomes Why credentials alone aren't enough Adam Grant's discussion of the research on intelligence and likability Meritocracy: aspiration versus reality, and the "Prove-It-Again" bias The motherhood penalty, fatherhood premium, and the “second shift” Casuistic bias and how evaluation criteria quietly change depending on who possesses the qualifications Why exceptional women are often evaluated differently than exceptional men Why recognizing patterns is the first step toward changing systems Mentioned in This Episode: Walking on Broken Glass by Shannon Nutter & Julia Carrion Joan C. Williams' research on "Prove-It-Again" bias The Second Shift by Arlie Hochschild Continue the Conversation! Have you ever felt like the goalposts moved just as you reached them? I'd love to hear your thoughts. Why not add a comment on the Advancing Women Podcast Instagram page? ·        Instagram: @AdvancingWomenPodcast  ·        Facebook: Advancing Women Podcast  Connect with me on LinkedIn ·        LinkedIn: Dr. Kimberly DeSimone  Please share this episode with someone who needs to hear it and join the conversation. Every conversation helps us move one step closer to changing the game!

  5. Jul 13

    Micro Moments of Summer Joy: Why Tiny Moments Matter More Than Perfect Summers

    Summer has a funny way of becoming another thing to accomplish. The perfect vacation. The perfect family memories. The backyard projects. The bucket list. The pressure to make every sunny day count. But what if we've been measuring summer all wrong? In this episode, Dr. Kimberly DeSimone explores the surprising science behind micro moments of joy…those small, seemingly ordinary experiences that quietly restore our minds, calm our nervous systems, and remind us what it feels like to simply be present. Drawing from Attention Restoration Theory, positive psychology, and Barbara Fredrickson's Broaden-and-Build Theory, you'll discover why a walk outside, an iced coffee on the porch, a favorite song, or ten uninterrupted minutes in the sunshine may be more restorative than we realize. This isn't about escaping your life. It's about finding tiny moments of joy within the life you're already living. Because sometimes the smallest moments change us the most. In this episode: Why our brains need "micro moments" of restoration  The science behind nature, joy, and resilience  Why savoring ordinary moments strengthens well-being  Five gentle ways to experience more joy this summer, without adding another item to your to-do list An Invitation: Steal back ten minutes this week. No multitasking. No guilt. No productivity. Just ten minutes that belong completely to you. Then ask yourself: What is your favorite micro moment of summer joy? Consider sharing your favorite micro moment on the Advancing Women Podcast Instagram Post! Let’s Connect: ·        Instagram: @AdvancingWomenPodcast  ·        Facebook: Advancing Women Podcast  ·        LinkedIn: Dr. Kimberly DeSimone

  6. Jun 30

    Why Are We So Comfortable with Women's Suffering?

    What started as a frustrating battle with my health insurance over a medication that has worked successfully for nearly two years led me to ask a much bigger question: Why are we so comfortable with women's suffering? In this episode, I explore why women's pain is so often treated as "normal"…whether it's menopause, chronic pain, endometriosis, caregiving exhaustion, or countless other experiences that disproportionately affect women. Drawing on current research, personal experience, and Caroline Criado Perez's groundbreaking book Invisible Women, I examine how women's health has historically been under-researched, underfunded, and too often treated as an afterthought. This episode isn't about blaming individual doctors or healthcare providers. It's about understanding how systems evolve and what happens when women's experiences are consistently treated as secondary rather than central. Most importantly, it's about hope. For perhaps the first time in history, women are connecting their experiences at scale. Through research, storytelling, and yes, even social media, women are realizing something profoundly important: It's not just me. When we name what has been invisible, we can finally begin to change it. Explored in this episode: Why my insurance appeal became a much bigger conversation about women's health Why "it's just menopause" may be one of the most harmful phrases we use The surprising lack of menopause education in medical training What current research reveals about reimbursement disparities in healthcare How Invisible Women explains the "gender data gap" Why women's suffering is often normalized rather than solved The role of social media in helping women compare notes, find language, and create change Why naming invisible inequities is the first step toward changing them Resources Mentioned Caroline Criado Perez, Invisible Women: Data Bias in a World Designed for Men Dr. Jocelyn Fitzgerald and colleagues' research on reimbursement disparities in gender-specific surgical procedures. Here is the most recent study: Penn, M., Colley, D., Koirala, P., King, L., & Fitzgerald, J. (2025). Price and prejudice: reimbursement of surgical care on male versus female anatomies. Journal of Women's Health, 34(5), 665-676. R E N É | J A Y 🇭🇹 on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTSjEqurQ/ If this episode resonated with you, I'd love to hear your story. Share it with someone who needs to know they aren't alone. Because every time women share their experiences, the invisible becomes visible. And that's where change begins. Let’s Connect: ·        Instagram: @AdvancingWomenPodcast  ·        Facebook: Advancing Women Podcast  ·        LinkedIn: Dr. Kimberly DeSimone

  7. Jun 15

    The Hidden Cost of Effortless

    What if one of the most common compliments women receive isn't really a compliment at all? In this episode of the Advancing Women Podcast, Dr. Kimberly DeSimone explores the cultural obsession with "effortlessness" and the hidden costs that accompany it. Inspired by conversations following a recent Women's Leadership Summit, this episode examines how language shapes perception, why precision of language matters, and how the word effortless often conceals the labor, expertise, preparation, and emotional work behind success. From leadership and caregiving to careers and relationships, women are frequently expected not only to achieve, but to make achievement appear easy. The result? Invisible labor, unrealistic expectations, and a growing disconnect between what success looks like and what it actually costs. In this episode: • Why precision of language is a leadership skill • The difference between overwhelm and overfunctioning • How "effortless" can diminish labor and expertise • The hidden burden of invisible work • Duck Syndrome and the pressure to appear unaffected • Why making difficult things look easy is often expected rather than rewarded • How visible effort helps us protect our peace • Why accurately naming the problem is often the first step toward solving it Because maybe what looks effortless isn't effortless at all. Maybe it's expertise. Maybe it's resilience. Maybe it's years of practice. Maybe it's work. And maybe it's time we started calling it that!  #AdvancingWomenPodcast #WomenInLeadership #InvisibleLabor #EmotionalLabor #Leadership #WorkingWomen #Boundaries #ProfessionalDevelopment   Let’s Connect: ·        Instagram: @AdvancingWomenPodcast  ·        Facebook: Advancing Women Podcast  ·        LinkedIn: Dr. Kimberly DeSimone  Referenced: https://shswny.org/duck-syndrome-are-people-what-they-seem/ Akçay, E., & Ohashi, R. (2024). The floating duck syndrome: biased social learning leads to effort–reward imbalances. Evolutionary Human Sciences, 6, e30.

  8. Jun 1

    Life Is Short. Less is BORE. Wear the Ears!

    What if getting dressed became less about managing perception…and more about self-expression and shaping our experience? In this episode of the Advancing Women Podcast, Dr. DeSimone explores the surprising emotional depth behind something that initially seems lighthearted: overdressing for no reason, Disney ears on a cruise, bold earrings, sparkle, whimsy, and the idea that maybe “less is more” has quietly turned into a life philosophy that asks us all to become smaller versions of ourselves. Inspired by a series of Instagram and TikTok posts about “normalizing overdressing,” “living in gray,” and reclaiming joy, this episode dives into: Why “YOU are the occasion” is such a powerful reframe. The psychology of Enclothed Cognition and how clothing can influence mood, confidence, and emotional experience. The cultural pressure toward neutrality, practicality, and emotional minimization. Why so many women are socialized to tone themselves down and avoid being “too much.” How adulthood became associated with restraint, muted joy, & “emotionally beige” living. The connection between joy, self-expression, visibility, and the concept of Deferred Life. Why reclaiming whimsy may actually be an act of self-reclamation. From Disney ears and pirate night themes to the “closet graveyard” of aspirational purchases and unworn outfits, this episode reflects on what it means to stop postponing aliveness and start fully participating in your own life. Because maybe being “too much” was never actually the problem. Maybe too many of us were simply taught that joy should be quieter than it deserves to be. Key Takeaways: • Less is not always more • Whimsy is not immaturity • Joy is not frivolous • Self-expression is not a character flaw • You do not need a special occasion to fully show up inside your own life So wear the fancy dress. Use the good perfume. Drink the good wine. Wear the ears. Take the photo. Because life is short. And Less is BORE! Mentioned in this episode: Advancing Women Podcast episode: Deferred Life Syndrome: Let’s Stop Waiting & Start Living (May, 2026)  New Conscious World on Instagram/Facebook Reel “You Were Never Supposed to Live in Gray”  Feed Me Gems Official Instagram Reel “3 reasons to NORMALIZE overdressing for no reason”  Enclothed Cognition. Gruber Baitz, R., & Rogaten, J. (2026). Enclothed Cognition: How Clothing Shapes Our Thoughts, Feelings, and Behaviour. In Applied Psychology in Fashion: A Research-Informed Approach (pp. 119-144). Cham: Springer Nature Switzerland. Let’s Connect: Instagram: @AdvancingWomenPodcast  Facebook: Advancing Women Podcast  LinkedIn: Dr. Kimberly DeSimone  #AdvancingWomenPodcast #LessIsBore #LifeIsShortWearTheEars #WomenAndJoy #SelfExpression #DeferredLifeSyndrome #Whimsy #MainCharacterEnergy #WomenSupportingWomen #EmotionalWellbeing #EnclothedCognition

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5
out of 5
128 Ratings

About

Welcome to the Advancing Women Podcast where ambitious women come together to challenge the status quo, advance their careers, and up-level their lives. The Advancing Women Podcast is hosted by Gender Equity Expert and Executive Coach Dr. Kimberly DeSimone.

Information

  • Creator
    Dr. Kimberly DeSimone
  • Years Active
    2021 - 2026
  • Episodes
    162
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © Copyright 2021 All rights reserved.
  • Show Website
    Advancing Women Podcast

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