Advancing Women Podcast Dr. Kimberly DeSimone

Too often we as women take on an unfair share of responsibilities and then are blamed for saying yes to every request when we are too busy and feel overwhelmed. But… if we don’t do it, who will? This episode  demystifies why it is so difficult for us as women to say no (hint: it’s not your fault, but it is your problem!)
I explore with compassion (and a lot of evidence) why saying no, while difficult for many people, can be especially difficult for women. I address the very real patterns of bias, social norms, and expectations that contribute to why women often find saying no so challenging AND we go beyond the why and into the how.
 
Want to know how to create healthy boundaries,  control our own narratives, and take back authority over our time and well-being?  Then #tunein You won’t want to miss this one!
 
Episodes referenced in this episode:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/kicking-the-over-apologizing-habit/id1569849100?i=1000617617515
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/two-year-anniversary-episode-its-still-not-your-fault/id1569849100?i=1000615774652
 
For more about Dr. DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcast
 
https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/
 
https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/

Can meritocracy make things fairer? Does it level the playing field?
A meritocracy is a system where power and advancement are granted to individuals based solely on talent, effort, ability, and achievement. That we will be evaluated based solely on performance as measured through objective criteria and demonstrated achievement.The problem is the premise of meritocracy. The assumption is that evaluations in the workforce are objective, despite research and knowledge that we as human beings, social beings with different experiences, are incapable of being completely objective. So then, if we know that, we should be more realistic about the limitations of meritocracy principles in organizations.Indeed, research overwhelmingly confirms that much of our evaluation in hiring and promoting is NOT based on purely objective criteria, despite our utopian belief and desire for this to be the case.So, this episode of the #advancingwomenpodcast holds the idea of meritocracy and women’s advancement up the scrutiny of the scientific knowledge of human behavior, biases, and blind spots, as well as the erroneous assumptions that guide meritocratic ideologies which ultimately serve to hinder women’s advancement. #tuneinReferencesStaniscuaski, F. (2023). The science meritocracy myth devalues women. Science, 379(6639), 1308-1308.van Dijk, H., Kooij, D., Karanika-Murray, M., De Vos, A., & Meyer, B. (2020). Meritocracy a myth? A multilevel perspective of how social inequality accumulates through work. Organizational Psychology Review, 10(3-4), 240-269.https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2021/01/the-myth-of-meritocracy-according-to-michael-sandel/For more about Dr. DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcast https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/ https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/

If you think positive affirmations are a touchy-feely approach to dealing with bias and inequity, think again!
Research shows that positive affirmations are an excellent way to combat negative messaging and positively impact our thoughts and actions. Positive affirmations help us to disrupt negative thinking (that often comes from gender bias that is not our fault but is our problem) and help re-wire our brains for positive thoughts. Women in society, especially in the world of social media, are fed a steady diet of “not enoughness”, but guess what? You ARE  enough, you HAVE enough, and you DO enough (That’s one of many affirmations we’ll be discussing in this episode!)
The best anecdote to negative energy…the best way to interrupt external and internal negative talk… is creating a practice of positive affirmations. With practice, eventually, positive thought patterns appear and interrupt negative thoughts AND those good thoughts then affect your actions.
I often say on the Advancing Women Podcast, that when you sit with warriors the conversation is different and, in this episode, I sit with warriors and we share, and discuss some of our favorite (most impactful) positive affirmations.
 
References
https://dannysessays.com/
Addison Road “This Little Light of Mine”
 
https://youtu.be/CVeB7ACVgO0
 
Hebrews 11:1  
 
https://podcasts.apple.com/ph/podcast/comparison-is-the-thief-of-joy/id1569849100?i=1000612238713
 
https://planetsark.com/yes-to-more-selflove-for-you/
Cingel, D. P., Carter, M. C., & Krause, H. V. (2022). Social media and self-esteem. Current Opinion in Psychology, 45, 101304.
https://www.headwayclinic.ca/4-benefits-positive-affirmations/
 
For more about Dr. DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcast
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“You do not rise to the level of your goals, but you fall to the level of your systems” (James Clear, 2018, Atomic Habits).It is crucial for us as women who so often encounter unique, unfair barriers while also hearing conflicting advice (not created by or FOR women!) to transcend and thrive by creating intentional, actionable, steps and strategic processes that disrupt the bias and better serve us.This episode is about creating the clarity we need to be proactive and effective. When we see the patterns of bias in the situation, we can respond in a way that works for women. If you want to hear more about creating the most effective mindset (what you think), skillset (what you know), and toolset (what you do) to take back control and tackle barriers you won’t want to miss this episode!Resourceshttps://podcasts.apple.com/ph/podcast/tone-policing-vocal-fry-upspeak/id1569849100?i=1000568796565https://jamesclear.com/atomic-habitsFor more on the 4 Ps Advancement Model:https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/4ps-advancement-model-problem-patterns-process-proficiency/https://podcasts.apple.com/ph/podcast/the-4-ps-advancement-model-for-women/id1569849100?i=1000580718803For more about Dr. DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcast https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/ https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/

If you are ambitious and achievement driven, it can be easy to find yourself in an extreme work model and out of balance especially when #presenteeism and constant availability are often erroneously associated with commitment and drive. This outdated “ideal worker” norm is bad for everyone, men and women, but research shows it can be especially damaging to women’s careers.Societal norms and expectations continue to perpetuate the idea that being a wife and raising a family is the top priority for women, while career advancement and financial independence are secondary while for men, the opposite is true.A corporate culture requiring total devotion from all employees, combined with cultural gender norms, ultimately sets the standard for certain workplace behaviors to be seen as worthy of reward.  It has led to the idea of the ideal worker as a present and always available. This model wasn’t designed by or for women and it wasn’t designed for today’s workforce.There have been many initiatives over the past couple of decades in the workforce aimed at advancing women that have helped when it comes to getting us to the middle, but the extreme work model looms over us creating a barrier to those top positions.We have to keep this discussion on the forefront because this model doesn’t work for women and even if it is working for men’s advancement.  it isn’t what most men want anymore.  If it is just women pushing back, it won’t change – we need men to also push back because we know it will be better for all of us.This discussion is all about a mindset shift. We need to ditch the idea that being present and available all the time equals the ideal worker because what it really equals is dissatisfaction, burnout, and a general lack of wellness and happiness.ReferenceDeSimone, K. (2021). Women perceive barriers to corporate advancement as self-imposed. Advancing Women in Leadership Journal, 40(1), 99-107.Shipman, C., & Kay, K. (2010). Womenomics: Work less, achieve more, live better. New York, NY: Harper.Previous Podcasts Referenced in This Episode:Gender Equity = Win-Win https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/gender-equity-win-win/id1569849100?i=1000621456781The Meritocracy Myth https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-meritocracy-myth/id1569849100?i=1000542761335Dad’s Don’t Babysit, It’s Called Parenting https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dads-dont-babysit-its-called-parenting/id1569849100?i=1000557163813For more about Dr. DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcasthttps://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/ https://www.facebook.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

This episode focuses on evidence-based, positive outcomes of gender equity for everyone, men, women, children, businesses, and even nations.A more gender-egalitarian future is one that can improve our lives. It’s a future with a higher potential for more happiness and satisfaction, reduced stress, better health, better marriages, stronger families, and more successful and profitable companies.Research shows conclusively that the more gender equitable an organization is, the better outcomes are for ALL employees when measured against a host of key indicators from job satisfaction to lower turnover to better recruiting to higher rates of creativity and productivity.So…instead of thinking about what gender equality  is going to cost (win-lose) we need to start thinking about what gender inequality is already costing us, less happiness, less wellness,  less life satisfaction, and less abundance Gender equity is about more abundance for all (win-win!)A rising tide lifts all boats, and we can benefit and thrive in a world where we are all afforded our own "pursuit of happiness" unhindered by discriminatory policies, prescriptive social constructs, and gender stereotypes and biases. Let’s talk about how we get there in this week’s episode of the Advancing Women Podcast.#genderequity #genderequality #hapiness #abundance #worklifebalanceReferencesAudette, A.P., Lam, S., O’Connor, H. et al. (E)Quality of Life: A Cross-National Analysis of the Effect of Gender Equality on Life Satisfaction. J Happiness Stud 20, 2173–2188 (2019). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10902-018-0042-8Michael Kimmel: Why gender equality is good for everyone – men included TEDWomen https://www.ted.com/talks/michael_kimmel_why_gender_equality_is_good_for_everyone_men_included?utm_campaign=tedspread&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=tedcomshareCaroline Strachan: Why gender equality is not just about women TEDxFolkestone https://youtu.be/a4WuurpnSbc The Invisible Rules: What’s Really Holding Women Back in Business—and How to Fix It (2021) by Holly Catalfamo (Author), Paul Harrietha (Author)For more about Dr. DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcasthttps://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/https://www.facebook.com/advancingwomenpodcast/