Astrology Zoned: A Susan Miller Fan Podcast Laura von Holt, Alex Gershuny

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SCORPIO!!!
It’s another month of brief forecasts as Susan Miller recovers from the eye infection that has left her partially blind. Alex and Laura believe that the Scorps of the world deserve more for their birthday month, but who are they to argue with Susan’s doctor?! Our fearless pioneer of the astrology internet must rest her eyes. 

Even though Susan stuck to the facts for the horoscopes, she managed to write a lengthy Note chock full of tidbits about the AZ team, Henri Bendel, and the ins and outs of the wall calendar. And that’s where this episode begins. Laura and Alex believe that this may be the first time in Astrology Zone’s history where the word count of Susan’s note to her readers far exceeds that of the horoscopes. And, boy, are they ready to provide some hot takes. They also discuss a bizarre social media post by Susan that resonated greatly with Laura and ultimately helped her through the tough leg of a recent trip. 

Without Susan’s usual flourishes, both the Scorpio and Taurus horoscopes this November are less than fun. The Scorps must be vigilant because someone might be embezzling from them, while the Taureans have to contend with unwanted news that will come out of nowhere. Suffice it to say that Laura and Alex are looking forward to December when Susan feels that she will be able to use her eyes for long enough to write the horoscopes to which they’ve become accustomed.  

Laura and Alex discuss the following at these timestamps: 

Note from Susan Miller: 6:44
Scorpio: 21:57
Taurus: 30:16

Share your own thoughts on Susan Miller’s Astrology Zone with us by emailing astrologyzoned@gmail.com.

Links:

Read each episode’s transcript at our website: astrologyzoned.comHelp Laura reach the full potential of her Susan Miller legacy by buying her romance novels: http://Lauralovelybooks.comListen to Laura’s other podcasts, The Mermaid Podcast and You’re Doing Great, at: http://mermaidpodcast.com and http://fairybossmother.comRead Laura’s new book THE BREAK UP ARTIST on Audible: https://www.audible.com/pd/The-Break-Up-Artist-Audiobook/B09ZVQDG9V

LIBRA, IT’S YOUR TIME TO SHINE! 
And Susan Miller is here to tell you how to do that. However, this month she delivers the news in an abbreviated form due to the most Susan reason ever. She is suffering from an eye infection that has left her unable to see and therefore unable to deliver the lengthy and whimsical horoscopes to which we’ve become accustomed. But what is lost this month in fanciful language is made up for in insight into Susan’s process.  

The gals start this episode with an explanation of why the horoscopes were posted early. Early! During the previous month! Laura and Alex are fairly certain that in the long history of Astrology Zone that this has never happened. The gals discuss the pros and cons (mostly pros tbh!) of these shorter forecasts and wonder if Susan should consider some changes to her writing process overall.  

Laura and Alex then tell Libra what October will bring them and the answer is money! Although oddly Libras may still feel the need to hit up their parents for some extra cash. Alex then warns the Scorps that they need to prepare themselves to come out from behind the scenes and into the spotlight, and Laura tells Taurus about the eclipses and thrilling social activities that await them. The episode finishes with an acknowledgment that Susan accurately predicted that the WGA strike could not end until Mercury went direct.

GET WELL SOON, SUSAN!!!!!

Laura and Alex discuss the following at these timestamps: 

Note from Susan Miller:  02:32
Libra: 12:57
Scorpio: 22:53
Taurus: 30:42

Share your own thoughts on Susan Miller’s Astrology Zone with us by emailing astrologyzoned@gmail.com.

Links:

Read each episode’s transcript at our website: astrologyzoned.comHelp Laura reach the full potential of her Susan Miller legacy by buying her romance novels: http://Lauralovelybooks.comListen to Laura’s other podcasts, The Mermaid Podcast and You’re Doing Great, at: http://mermaidpodcast.com and http://fairybossmother.comRead Laura’s new book THE BREAK UP ARTIST on Audible: https://www.audible.com/pd/The-Break-Up-Artist-Audiobook/B09ZVQDG9V

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, VIRGO!!!!!
It’s your time to shine, although unfortunately you must deal with some secrets and surprises first. But Susan Miller is here to guide you through this difficult time so you can come out the other side ready to indulge in beauty treatments and international travel.

The episode begins with a discussion of Susan’s monthly Note to her readers. Here the gals learn that not even Susan is immune to the unpleasant machinations of retrograding planets. Celebrity astrologers–they’re just like us! Laura and Alex break down all the chaos, but most importantly, if any listeners out there have a contact at the social media platform formerly known as Twitter, please let Susan and her team know! 

After they share a hot take, the gals dive into recaps of this month’s horoscopes. It seems that all of the signs need to tread lightly until mid-September when Mercury finally goes direct, but after that, everyone is free to buy electronics and sign contracts with abandon. Venus has gone direct, too, so it’s time to make your Botox appointments! In addition, Virgo may get a good surprise from Uranus, Taurus must socialize as much as possible, and Scorpio is due for some glamour courtesy of Leo. 

Laura and Alex discuss the following at these timestamps: 

Note from Susan Miller: 01:58
Hot Take: 08:38
Virgo: 10:28
Taurus: 20:04
Scorpio: 27:17

Share your own thoughts on Susan Miller’s Astrology Zone with us by emailing astrologyzoned@gmail.com.

Links:

Read each episode’s transcript at our website: astrologyzoned.comHelp Laura reach the full potential of her Susan Miller legacy by buying her romance novels: http://Lauralovelybooks.comListen to Laura’s other podcasts, The Mermaid Podcast and You’re Doing Great, at: http://mermaidpodcast.com and http://fairybossmother.comRead Laura’s new book THE BREAK UP ARTIST on Audible: https://www.audible.com/pd/The-Break-Up-Artist-Audiobook/B09ZVQDG9V

IT’S YOUR BIRTHDAY, LEO!!!!!!
And Laura and Alex are back from vacation to tell you what’s in store for your birthday month! Unfortunately, what’s in store is a lot of retrograding planets, which translates into a less than ideal time to throw a lavish birthday celebration. 

The gals jump right into this episode with a recap of Susan’s Note to her readers. Susan tells us that she has a new feature on her website, but due to the error of one of her engineers, it currently lacks some critical information. But don’t worry because in the meantime Susan Miller Businesswoman is here to tell you all about her many apps and how you can buy them.

The episode continues with a recap of Leo’s forecast. Laura and Alex are disappointed that this month’s birthday horoscope lacks unhinged Susan-style metaphors, but they carry on and deliver the bland forecast anyway. Laura then tells her fellow Taureans that they must watch out for all the supermoons that are supermooning as well as multiple retrograding planets, including Venus, their ruler. Let’s just say this is not the time for Taurus to throw parties or partake in unnecessary beauty regimens. Alex ends the episode by reviewing the rules of Venus retrograde and assuring Scorpio that September will be better.

Laura and Alex discuss the following at these timestamps: 

Note from Susan Miller: 3:10
Leo: 10:06
Taurus: 17:31
Scorpio: 26:54

Share your own thoughts on Susan Miller’s Astrology Zone with us by emailing astrologyzoned@gmail.com.

Links:

Read each episode’s transcript at our website: astrologyzoned.comHelp Laura reach the full potential of her Susan Miller legacy by buying her romance novels: http://Lauralovelybooks.comListen to Laura’s other podcasts, The Mermaid Podcast and You’re Doing Great, at: http://mermaidpodcast.com and http://fairybossmother.comRead Laura’s new book THE BREAK UP ARTIST on Audible: https://www.audible.com/pd/The-Break-Up-Artist-Audiobook/B09ZVQDG9V

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GEMINI!!!!!
Unfortunately, Susan Miller hasn’t written the most compelling horoscope for your birthday this year, Gemini. But Laura and Alex are here to tell you all about it anyway. With a song! 
The gals jump right into this episode with a recap of Susan’s note to her readers. Well, it’s not so much a recap as a dramatic reading; this month’s note is so wild that only Susan’s original text will do. Astrology Zone readers haven’t heard much from Susan lately about her health woes, but boy does she make up for it in this month’s note. She describes all of her recent health troubles, which she believes were caused not only by the May 5 eclipse, but also by the vibrations from a tuning fork!  

Next the gals recap Gemini’s birthday horoscope. They feel bad that it lacks excitement, so Laura writes and performs a special song! Alex then tells the Scorps that they must focus on career advancement this June (love can wait!), and Laura fills her fellow Taureans in on what they can expect when Venus retrogrades this month. Hold off on the Botox, Taurus!  

Laura and Alex discuss the following at these timestamps: 

Note from Susan Miller: 01:58
Gemini: 17:32
Scorpio: 24:34
Taurus: 31:44
Share your own thoughts on Susan Miller’s Astrology Zone with us by emailing astrologyzoned@gmail.com.

ASTROLOGY ZONED PODCAST BIRTHDAY SONG
You say it’s your birthday
The horoscopes are late
You say it’s your birthday
The stars will tell you your fate
Where is Susan Miller
It doesn’t matter
Your birthday comes and goes
You say it’s your birthday
The horoscopes are late
But that's just fate!


Links:
Read each episode’s transcript at our website: astrologyzoned.comHelp Laura reach the full potential of her Susan Miller legacy by buying her romance novels: http://Lauralovelybooks.comListen to Laura’s other podcasts, The Mermaid Podcast and You’re Doing Great, at: http://mermaidpodcast.com and http://fairybossmother.comRead Laura’s new book THE BREAK UP ARTIST on Audible: https://www.audible.com/pd/The-Break-Up-Artist-Audiobook/B09ZVQDG9V

HAPPY TAURUS SEASON!!!!
According to Astrology Zone, the Tauruses of the world have a lot to look forward to this May. And that includes Laura, the pod’s very own Taurus birthday gal. Happy birthday to all!!!
The episode starts with a recap of Susan Miller’s note to her readers. Much of this month’s note is devoted to May’s difficult full moon lunar eclipse in Scorpio because Susan is concerned about the effects of this event on all the signs. But don’t worry–Susan lets us know that she wrote an essay about eclipses that is available on her website! She then moves from astrology to appearances, so next we meet Susan Miller Cinephile, who tells her readers about the film screening she is hosting with her daughter, Chrissie, a New York “It” girl of the mid-aughts.
Laura then informs her fellow Tauruses about the great month (well, second half of the month) that awaits them. Jupiter is entering Taurus, so get ready to enter a period of goodness! A better birthday present does not exist. Scorpio can expect a positive latter half of May, too, and Alex lets the Scorps know what’s in store this month. 
The gals end with a discussion of the coronation of Charles III (a Scorpio!) and bemoan the fact that the Royal Family likely does not employ a full-time astrologer. 
Laura and Alex discuss the following at these timestamps: 
Note from Susan Miller: 02:25
Taurus: 10:29
Scorpio: 19:27
Share your own thoughts on Susan Miller’s Astrology Zone with us by emailing astrologyzoned@gmail.com.
Links:
Read each episode’s transcript at our website: astrologyzoned.comHelp Laura reach the full potential of her Susan Miller legacy by buying her romance novels: http://Lauralovelybooks.comListen to Laura’s other podcasts, The Mermaid Podcast and You’re Doing Great, at: http://mermaidpodcast.com and http://fairybossmother.comRead Laura’s new book THE BREAK UP ARTIST on Audible: https://www.audible.com/pd/The-Break-Up-Artist-Audiobook/B09ZVQDG9V