The Bad Girls Bible - Sex, Relationships, Dating, Love & Marriage Advice Sean Jameson

What if your past didn’t have to dictate your future?
Esin Pinarli is a human behavior specialist offering psychotherapy to couples, using the Imago and Gottman methods in conjunction with emotional-focused therapy. She joins us to share her perspective on the deep-rooted beliefs behind our actions and reactions within the context of relationships.
We touch on how trauma affects us all, and common actions that trigger a trauma response within relationships. Tune in to hear how the support of a therapist can help everyone to unpack the experiences behind their trauma, how the four attachment styles impact our relationships, and how the pandemic has changed the way in which we relate to one another.
Esin also explains the role of our nervous system in creating connection and attachment, common reasons why couples become dissatisfied with their sex lives, and much more.
Key Points From This Episode:
•    An introduction to Esin Pinarli’s counseling practice.
•    Unpacking the buzzword, ‘trauma’, and how it affects all of us.
•    Common actions that trigger a trauma response.
•    The role of negativity bias.
•    Advice for those seeking to address their trauma.
•    How a therapist can support people as they unpack the experiences behind their trauma.
•    The four attachment styles and how they impact our relationships.
•    What the collective trauma of the pandemic has done to the state of attachment.
•    Differentiating between introversion and the avoidant personality type.
•    How codependency fits into attachment styles.
•    Your nervous system’s role in creating connection and attachment.
•    Why couples become dissatisfied with their sex lives.
•    What effective communication might look like.
•    Cultivating ‘the space between’ where intimacy exists within relationships.
•    Simple solutions for the process addiction that comes from porn usage.
Quotes:
“People always think they have to qualify for trauma. Everybody has had a certain level of embedded trauma.” — Esin Pinarli [0:02:41]
 
“We should always be doing the work. There are just so many things in our subconscious that we are not aware of.” — Esin Pinarli [0:10:33]
 
“A therapist is somebody who will help you to make sense of what’s inside of you, and to untangle and unprocess that trauma so that it doesn’t dictate your future.” — Esin Pinarli [0:11:37]
 
“If you don’t have enough rupture and repair, you always end up feeling disconnected from your partner.” — Esin Pinarli [0:42:15]
 
“Not only do we have a dance with our romantic partners, a cadence and a rhythm, but there’s a space between us that is where the intimacy is.” — Esin Pinarli [0:43:13]
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Esin Pinarli on Instagram — https://www.instagram.com/esinpinarli_lcsw/
Esin Pinarli on LinkedIn — https://www.linkedin.com/in/esin-pinarli-73ab1722/
Eternal Wellness Counseling — https://www.eternalwellnesscounseling.com/
Codependent No More — https://www.amazon.com/Melody-Beattie-Codependent-Controlling-Yourself/dp/B004R125R4/
Bad Girls Bible Sex Tips Newsletter — https://badgirlsbible.com/newsletter
Other Episodes You Might Enjoy:
#31 How To Fix A Sexless Marriage & Reignite Fiery Passion with Laurie Watson
https://badgirlsbible.com/31-how-to-fix-a-sexless-marriage-reignite-fiery-passion-with-laurie-watson
#34 The Secret To Reaching Orgasm During Sex with Laurie Mintz, Ph.D.
https://badgirlsbible.com/34-the-secret-to-reaching-orgasm-during-sex-with-laurie-mintz-ph-d
#29 Experience Squirting Orgasms with Female Orgasm Expert, Jason Julius
https://badgirlsbible.com/29-squirting-orgasms-real-foreplay-and-how-guys-can-last-longer-with-female-ejaculation-expert-jason-julius

Today on the podcast we welcome Caitlin and Michael Doemner, authors of Sex Every Day, who are sharing with us some hands-on tips for enjoying sexual intimacy on a daily basis, regardless of busy schedules, kids and periods.
 
They talk about their three-step strategy for practicing frequent intimacy, including how you can communicate your sexual desires in a fun way and what you can do to ensure that both you and your partner are always satisfied. Before you think all of this is unattainable for you as a parent of young kids, hang on a minute! They have four kids of their own and advise you on overcoming the logistics of having regular sex with a house full of small children.
 
Key Points From This Episode  
The interesting story of how Caitlin and Michael got together. Why sleeping naked is such a natural and effective way to restore intimacy in a relationship. How the menu metaphor can be used to communicate and express sexual needs. The importance of being open to both give and receive. What you can do to maintain intimacy with your partner throughout the day. A quick review of the five love languages and what they each entail. Why it is important for couples to prioritize a woman’s pleasure. What couples with kids can practically do to preserve their intimacy and privacy. Why a period should not be stopping you from giving and receiving uninterrupted pleasure. And much more!  
Tweetables  
“It's really hard to be angry with somebody when you're laying full body contact naked with them and in bed.” [0:04:49]
 
“The intimacy and the passion, it doesn’t have to be intercourse …there's a lot of different ways that we can please our partners.” [0:19:45]
 
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode  
Bad Girls Bible Newsletter — https://badgirlsbible.com/newsletter
Sex Every Day: How to Prioritize Pleasure in your Marriage — http://www.lulu.com/shop/michael-and-caitlin-doemner/sex-every-day-how-to-prioritize-pleasure-in-your-marriage/hardcover/product-23974387.html
The Five Love Languages on Amazon — https://www.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-that-Lasts/dp/080241270X
Pussy: A Reclamation on Amazon — https://www.amazon.com/Pussy-Reclamation-Regena-Thomashauer/dp/1401950264/ref=sr_1_fkmrnull_1?keywords=pussy%3A+a+reclamation&qid=1555401985&s=books&sr=1-1-fkmrnull
Sex Every Day Website — https://www.sexeverydaybook.com/homepage25989259
Sex Every Day on Facebook — https://www.facebook.com/QuotidianCoitus/

On the show today we welcome Dan and Dawn Williams, master-slave couple, kink enthusiasts podcast hosts and authors of the new book Living M/S! Our guests unpack their own experiences of discovering their submissive and dominant sides and how they found each other and each other's limits.
 
They explain some basics about the master-slave dynamic and how it fits into the broader world of BDSM and kink play. They explain the important role of trust and the things that are pivotal in making a relationship like theirs work. We talk a bit about the events, parties and activities which they enjoy and Dan and Dawn are so open and honest, explaining the erotic nature of their lives.
 
The conversation also covers, shame, abusive relationships and how sharing stories, using cards and watching porn can help certain couples.
 
Key Points From This Episode  
Dan and Dawn's awakening to their dominant and submissive sides. A little bit about how their master-salve relationship works. Earning trust and taking responsibility for mistakes.  Contrasting Dawns and Dan's average day with other relationships. Parties, dungeons and the BDSM play that the couple enjoy. The parts of play that each of them engage with. Considering the erotic and non-erotic elements of play. Some of the issues of shame related to submission.  Comparing a sub-dom relationship with an abusive relationship. The helpful act of sharing naughty stories and porn.  And much more!  
Tweetables  
“In our case, it happens to be a male led relationship where I happen to be in charge. What that means is that I take responsibility for everything in the relationship.” [0:03:45]
 
“If something needs to be addressed, it’s addressed head on instead of sideways. It’s a very authentic relationship where we’ve decided, what do we want this relationship to be.” [0:11:05]
 
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode  
Bad Girls Bible Newsletter — https://badgirlsbible.com/newsletter
Erotic Awakening Podcast — http://www.eroticawakening.com
Dan and Dawn Email — dananddawn@eroticawakening.com.
Living MS — https://www.amazon.com/Living-Masters-slaves-Their-Relationships/dp/1610981952/
The Kink Starter — http://www.eroticawakening.com/kinkstarter/

Today on the Bad Girl's Bible we a joined by a very special listener named Jaime, who is here to tell us about how her and her husband turned their marriage around after some very tough times. Early into their new marriage, Jaime's husband started to experience some pretty serious health challenges and after his diagnosis and medical prescriptions became increasingly moody and difficult to be around.
 
This, in conjunction with Jaime's own health and anxiety issues, led to a very difficult time, emotionally and in the bedroom. It took a few drastic changes that happened around the time of a mortal scare for her husband to take the relationship back to a healthy place and into territory that Jaime never even dreamed of. Jaime takes us through their complete history, early dates and the proposal before getting into the troubled period.
 
She talks about how different things are now and the difference in connection she feels when they make love. For all this and much more, be sure to join us today!
 
Key Points From This Episode  
Jaime's childhood, parents and the atmosphere at home. The first day that her and her future husband met. Proposal, the wedding and the early days of marriage. Jaime's husband's health problems and the first diagnosis. How the medication affected her husband's moods and their relationship. Jaime's own health problems that she was experiencing at the same time. The near death experience that turned her husband's life around. Changing their sex life around and the effect of the Blowjob Bible. How the challenges have strengthened their relationship. The times that Jaime considered giving it up. How Jaime's life has turned out differently to her expectations. The role of her faith in helping her through tough times. Advice from Jaime to listeners in similar situations. And much more! Tweetables  
“That’s how he is now, he brushes off all the little things and doesn’t let him bother anymore.” —  Jaime [0:15:30]
 
“Sometimes it does take something life altering to make you decide that it’s time to change how you live your life and the way you treat other people.” — Jaime [0:16:58]

Today on The Bad Girls Bible Podcast we are joined by small-town girl, Jenny, who shares with us about growing up in a poor family with parents who did not always get along, moving around frequently and how she and her husband first met.
Jenny talks about their secret relationship, moving in together, how he convinced her to get married after all and the challenges of raising their kids together. The unexpected death of a loved one caused a massive rift in their relationship, however, and her life started slowly spiraling out of control.
Not being able to openly mourn her loss, Jenny went into a major depression during which she behaved in erratic ways that threatened her life and that brought even greater discord in her marriage. She tells of the regrets she has, how she has learned to cope with her loss and what she advises every listener to hold onto in such difficult circumstances. Don’t miss out on this very moving conversation!
Key Points From This Episode:
More about Jenny’s experience growing up in an unhappy family. How she met her husband and their first few months knowing each other. What is was like seeing each other in secret while being in relationships with other people. Their relationship when they moved in together and having to deal with their exes. The difficulty of feeling like she had to do everything herself. The challenge of raising their kids together and having different parenting styles. Why she never thought of getting married and how he arranged the entire wedding. Losing a girlfriend to pneumonia and not being able to mourn her openly. Dealing with her husband’s resentment and jealously after her girlfriend passed away. Becoming clinically depressed, isolating herself and turning to self-harm. The intense moment she realized that she needed help.  The up and downside of moving to a new place and being lonely a lot of the time. What happened when her husband finally left her. Getting her daughter back home and what it meant to her. How practicing mindfulness and breathing techniques helps her to deal with her emotions. Dealing with the disappointment of her life not turning out how she expected it to. And much more! Tweetables:
“I went into a major depression; a clinical depression, anxiety, and I was just locking myself away. I didn’t want to get out of bed. I didn’t want to go to work.” — Jenny [0:17:05]
“He just stopped caring and he said he just started picturing me dead already and that he had thought of what he was going to say at the funeral and stuff. He just kind of wrote me off already.” — Jenny [0:18:55]

On the show today we’re talking to someone who has suffered immense emotional trauma but who has come out the other side stronger, wiser and ready to love again. Our guest really inspires those who have been through divorce, a partner’s infidelity, miscarriage or have been dealt an unfair hand, sharing openly about her two failed marriages, suffering multiple miscarriages and discovering her husband’s affair while pregnant in their first year of marriage.
To add to our guest’s array of disappointments, she poignantly tells us about the letter that ended her second marriage and which left her devastated and alone. Having a partner abandon her after what she believed to have been twelve wonderful years, she had to work through the difficult circumstances all on her own, including managing the business they owned together, while he effectively disappeared for weeks.
She talks about struggling with feelings of guilt and not being enough, and how therapy and support from friends and family restored her hope of finding love again. For more about how this woman conquered the many obstacles in her life, don’t miss out on this episode of the Bad Girls Bible Podcast!
Key Points From This Episode:
More about Susan’s background and being adopted into a wonderful family. How she met her second husband and their early days together. The age gap and her thought processes around it.  Falling pregnant a second time and having a series of miscarriages following the first. Why it is so difficult for Australian citizens to adopt. Her unfulfilling first marriage and their lack of intimacy. Her gut feeling about her second husband’s infidelity. How her partner’s infidelity consumed her and realizing that she needed to forgive. The devastating letter that ended their marriage. Being concerned for her husband’s mental state and worrying that he might end his own life.  The hardest thing about his abandonment and how it impacted her daughter. Struggling with feelings of inadequacy and feeling partly responsible for his decision to leave. Having to deal with her pain, their business and sharing the news with others by herself.  Getting to a place where she is ready to pursue love again. The importance of not being reactive is such circumstances. And much more! Tweetables:
“I thought, hang on a minute, I’m pregnant, we’re in our first year of marriage and you are cheating on me? I was really devastated.” — Susan [0:15:56]
“I felt like he was my soul mate, that’s why it was just so soul-destroying when he left me in the manner that he left me.” —  Susan [0:24:01]
“I’m a hopeless romantic, I believe in love still, so, I’m willing to put myself out there.” —  Susan [0:31:40]