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If you've ever struggled with how to support your child in his/her competitive sport or activity here are some tips from Dave Jones.

MTT Parents True Listening vs Hearing.pd
true listening vs. hearing
What is True Listening?
What is true listening? Dr. James Jones suggests that true listening is not advice, counsel, or trying to solve problems. Listening is just hearing what your troubled teen athlete has to say. Parents often respond to a teen with comments that are judgmental, advisory, or are non-accepting in some way. These responses “close” or shut down the conversation and do not promote further dialogue. Closed responses also “discount” the other person.
Open responses are a much more productive method of communicating with a concerned or defiant teenager. These responses are nonjudgmental, and have no suggestions or solutions. The response is one of simply accepting what is being said. These responses reflect both the content and the feelings the child is projecting to you as the parent.
The book “Let’s Fix the Kids” by Dr. James Jones gives an example of closed parent response and an example of open parent response. See the examples below:
Closed Parent Response:
Teenager: “My science teacher gave me a “C” on that science project. I can’t believe it!” Parent: 1. “I told you to type it but you won’t ever listen, will you?”
2. “Don’t complain; we get what we deserve.”
3. “Teachers aren’t unfair; what did you mess up this time?”
These are called “closed responses” because they effectively close down communication between a parent and struggling teenager. They are usually “put downs” in the form of giving advice or criticism.
Open Parent Responses:
Teenager: “I can’t believe Mr. Green gave me a “C” on my science project after I spent weeks on the stupid thing.”
Parent: “It sounds to me like you’re very disappointed (feelings) only getting a “C” after doing that much work. (content)”
Teenager: “Besides that, he gave Don an “A” because he did the project Mr. Green suggested.”
Parent: “Have I got this right? You feel angry (feelings) because Mr. Green is being unfair. (content)”
Teenager: “You’d better believe it! Anyway I learned a lot from my project; it really was hard!”
Parent: “Then in spite of the disappointing (feelings) grade, are you glad (feelings) you stuck to your more difficult project? (content)” Teenager: “Yeah! I guess I am, but I thought I was going to get an “A” for sure. Hey... what is there to eat?”
LISTEN!
* When a concerned or troubled teen asks you to listen to them and you start giving advice, you have not done what they asked. * When a struggling teen asks you to listen to him and you begin to tell him why he shouldn’t feel that way, you are trampling
on his or her feelings.
* When a concerned, troubled, or defiant teen asks you to listen to them and you feel you have to do something to solve his or
her problem, you have failed them, strange as that may seem.
* Listen! Your teenager asked you to only listen, not talk or do, just hear him.
* Advice is cheap; you can get both Dear Abby and Billy Graham in the same newspaper.
* Your teen can act for himself. He is not helpless. Maybe discouraged and frustrated, but not helpless.
* When you do something for your teen that he can do for himself, you contribute to his fear and weakness.
* But, when you accept as a simple fact that your teenager does feel what he or she feels, no matter how irrational, then you
can quit trying to convince them and get about the business of understanding what’s behind this irrational feeling. And when
that’s clear, the answers are obvious and they won’t need advice.
* So, please listen and just hear your struggling teenager. And, if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn; and he or she
will listen to you.
Mental Toughness Training © 2020

true listening vs. hearing
Listening vs. Hearing
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In this episode Nancy sits down with trauma expert Laura Reagan for an interesting and informative discussion on how important it is to be the adult for your child especially when there has been trauma.

Laura Reagan, LCSW-C is an integrative trauma therapist in the greater Baltimore area. She owns a group practice, The Baltimore Annapolis Center for Integrative Healing, where she offers therapy, clinical supervision and consultation. She’s also the host of Therapy Chat Podcast, a popular interview-based show focused on trauma, relationships, self-compassion, creativity and more; and Trauma Chat, a limited podcast where Laura shares bite-sized information about trauma in short episodes intended for the general public. Laura founded the Trauma Therapist Network, a platform dedicated to teaching people that trauma is real, healing is possible and help is available. Laura’s website is: www.traumatherapistnetwork.com.


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Nancy and Chris Sasser discuss baggage and how it relates to being the adult for our children.

Chris Sasser (a.k.a. “Sass”) is the Pastor of Family Ministries at Port City Community Church in Wilmington, NC. He has served in full-time ministry since 1993, working with children’s, middle school, high school, college, and parent ministries. He has a passion for equipping and encouraging parents and leaders to help the next generation walk with God. Chris shares thoughts and ideas at www.equipandencourage.com and loves to share with students, leaders, and parents. Chris is married to Karin and they have two children, CJ and Kylie. Chris is a graduate of UNC-Chapel Hill and has done some graduate work at Fuller Theological Seminary and Gordon Conwell Theological Seminary.

Please see the following links for further information:

https://thebagsbook.com

https://www.equipandencourage.com


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Marianne Williamson is a bestselling author, political activist and spiritual thought leader.

For over three decades Marianne has been a leader in spiritual and religiously progressive circles. She is the author of 14 books, four of which have been #1 New York Times best sellers. A quote from the mega best seller A Return to Love, "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure..." is considered an anthem for a contemporary generation of seekers.

Williamson founded Project Angel Food, a non-profit that has delivered more than 14 million meals to ill and dying homebound patients since 1989. The group was created to help people suffering from the ravages of HIV/AIDS. She has also worked throughout her career on poverty, anti-hunger and racial reconciliation issues. In 2004, she co-founded The Peace Alliance and supports the creation of a U.S. Department of Peace. She ran for the Democratic nomination for president in 2020, and in 2021 she launched MarianneWilliamson.Substack.com.



For more information on the children's book Emma and Mommy talk to God:

https://books.google.com/books/about/Emma_and_Mommy_Talk_to_God.html?id=1112-46rsssC


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Join us as Psychotherapist Tina Gilbertson, author of Constructive Wallowing: How to Beat Bad Feelings By Letting Yourself Have Them and Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child and host of The Reconnection Club Podcast provides expert adulting guidance!


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Dr. Ann Kelley, licensed psychologist, and co-host of the top-rated podcast Therapist Uncensored shares her insightful perspective about
what it means to Be The Adult, and offers concrete guidance for successful parenting.


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