197 episodes

btr.org - Betrayal Trauma Recovery is an online, daily support group for victims of emotional & psychological abuse and sexual coercion. Join a live session today. For women experiencing pain, chaos, and isolation due to their husband’s abuse: lying, gaslighting, manipulation, porn use, cheating, infidelity, emotional abuse, and narcissistic abuse. Codependency or labeling a woman as codependent is a form of victim blaming. Pornography addiction / sex addiction are a domestic abuse issue. Narcissistic abuse is not a communication issue. We help women who are in a relationship, separated, or divorced navigate to recover and heal by establishing safety through boundaries. If you suspect your husband is a narcissist, a pornography addict, or emotionally abusive, this podcast is for you. Every woman on our team has experienced abuse and betrayal trauma first hand. For past podcasts visit our website: btr.org

Betrayal Trauma Recovery Anne Blythe

    • Health & Fitness
    • 4.8 • 824 Ratings

btr.org - Betrayal Trauma Recovery is an online, daily support group for victims of emotional & psychological abuse and sexual coercion. Join a live session today. For women experiencing pain, chaos, and isolation due to their husband’s abuse: lying, gaslighting, manipulation, porn use, cheating, infidelity, emotional abuse, and narcissistic abuse. Codependency or labeling a woman as codependent is a form of victim blaming. Pornography addiction / sex addiction are a domestic abuse issue. Narcissistic abuse is not a communication issue. We help women who are in a relationship, separated, or divorced navigate to recover and heal by establishing safety through boundaries. If you suspect your husband is a narcissist, a pornography addict, or emotionally abusive, this podcast is for you. Every woman on our team has experienced abuse and betrayal trauma first hand. For past podcasts visit our website: btr.org

    Is God Ignoring Me?

    Is God Ignoring Me?

    For women of faith, betrayal and abuse can lead to a faith crisis. Women may ask questions like: is God ignoring me? Why won't He answer my prayers? Does He even care?







    Tom Pryde from Psalm 82 Initiative joins Anne on the free BTR podcast to empower victims to understand God's loving role in our lives - and how to access that love, mercy, and justice - even during dark times. Listen to the free BTR podcast and read the full transcript for more.







    Clergy-Induced Trauma Can Cause a Faith Crisis







    "If any woman reading has lost their faith that they really valued due to the secondary abuse from clergy, that breaks my heart. It really breaks my heart that they have lost faith in God because of their experience."Anne Blythe, founder of Betrayal Trauma Recovery







    Many victims experience a faith crisis after the trauma of clergy abuse. Church leaders traumatize victims when they:







    * Blame victims for the abuser's behavior* Enable or excuse abuse* Refuse to believe the victim* Minimize or rationalize abuse* Cast out or ignore the victim* Ask the victim sexually inappropriate questions* Sexually abuse the victim* Cross physical and/or emotional boundaries of the victim* Refuse to offer resources to the victim* Betray the victim's trust









    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJKXZP7d5KU









    Is God Ignoring Me? When You Pray and Don't Get Answers







    "I truly believe in God and I truly believe in His miracles. And so when I pray and I don't get an answer to my prayers instead of not believing in God, I just kind of get mad at him and I'm like, I know you can do this, why are you not doing this? And it makes me really mad."Anne Blythe, Founder of Betrayal Trauma Recovery







    Many victims of emotional abuse and intimate betrayal pray for answers, help, and discernment. And yet many feel that they don't get the divine help they desperately need.







    Victims can find solace in choosing to express their honest, raw emotions through prayer - including anger.







    Trauma can stunt a victim's ability to feel and think. This can lead to frustration, especially when victims seek divine guidance.







    Choosing to express emotions, even difficult emotions, in real time, is a powerful way to stay present in your spirituality while being honest with yourself about your current reality.







    When You Worry That God Is Ignoring You, Just Hold On







    "In our ministry and in our work, we consistently see the life of those who trust in God defended and helped at every turn. Sometimes in ways you would never imagine, sometimes in ways that don't seem possible. The commitment to do right is always going to be a better way, even when it doesn't feel like it."Tom Pryde, Psalm 82 Initiative







    When victims feel that God is ignoring them and begin to experience a crisis of faith, life may feel dark, scary, and pointless.







    Betrayal and abuse are isolating experiences that lead many victims to feel completely alone.







    If you have lost your faith or are questioning your beliefs, know that you are not alone. Hold on to hope and seek support.







    Betrayal Trauma Recovery is Here For You







    At BTR, we know in a very real way the trauma of the faith crisis that foll...

    • 25 min
    Become Fearless, Free, and Uncontrollable

    Become Fearless, Free, and Uncontrollable

    It may feel impossible right now when your partner has betrayed you, abused you, and devalued you, but you can become fearless, free, and uncontrollable.







    Tom Pryde from Psalm 82 Initiative joins Anne on the free BTR podcast to empower victims to understand how they can find liberation from abuse and experience their own "chair-burning" moments. Read the full transcript below and listen to the free BTR podcast for more.







    Become Fearless







    What does it mean to be fearless?







    Tom Pryde explains:







    "Fearless is not about the absence of fear, but rather it's the presence of courage in the face of fear. And I can be fearless by simply doing what's right, taking the steps necessary to protect myself. My image for this is when I liked to play ice hockey when I was younger. And when you're out on the ice, and that puck is whizzing around, I've been hit without pads by a hockey puck. Shot really, really hard. And it was very, very painful, bruised up. But when somebody winds up for a slap shot, and you've got pads from head to toe, that thing's just going to bounce off your pads. And so, you're fearless because you've protected yourself, you've done the necessary things to take those steps. It isn't that the puck is not a fearsome thing. And it's not that it wouldn't hurt if something happens. It's just that I now have taken the steps necessary to diminish my fear." Tom Pryde, Psalm 82 Initiative







    Victims can work toward becoming fearless by setting safety boundaries, distancing themselves from harmful and abusive behaviors.









    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1ZQFd772Hg









    Become Free







    Victims become free from their abusers when they are able to make decisions based upon what is best for themselves, rather than making decisions out of fear or trying to guess what their abuser wants them to do.







    When victims feel ownership of their own minds and thoughts, their own decisions and choices, they are free from their abusers.







    Some power phrases that victims can use as they work toward freedom include:







    * I am capable of making good decisions* I know what is best for myself* I give myself permission to take however long I need to when making decisions* I am patient with myself when I struggle with making choices







    Becoming Uncontrollable







    "That's the uncontrollable part, that strength of will that says no, I'm going to do what's right and I'm going to do that regardless of what you say. That kind of uncontrollable spirit is embedded in there." Tom Pryde, Psalm 82 Initiative







    Victims can and will become uncontrollable as they set safety boundaries that separate them from abuse. Support, self-care, and education about trauma and abuse can help victims work toward the safety they need to become uncontrollable.







    BTR Is Here For You







    At BTR we understand how overwhelming it can feel to work toward freedom from abuse.







    That is why the Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group meets every single day in every time zone.







    Join today and find the community that you need as you seek support on your journey to healing.







    Full Transcript:







    Anne: Welcome to Betrayal Trauma Recovery, this is Anne.

    • 31 min
    3 Power Phrases You Need Today

    3 Power Phrases You Need Today

    When abusive manipulators get inside your head, it takes everything to stay in truth, hold to reality, and remember your worth.







    Tom Pryde from Psalm 82 Initiative, joins Anne on the free BTR podcast to empower victims of abuse with three power phrases that you need today - to help you deliver yourself, safely, from the grip of oppressive, covert abuse. Listen to the free BTR podcast and read the full transcript below for more.







    "I Will Not Comply"







    "Withholding their compliance from the abuser is saying no, I'm not going to put up with the isolation, I'm not going to put up with the intimidation, I'm not going to respect your entitlements, I'm not going to be controlled, and I'm not going to be coerced anymore. That spirit of I will not comply is essential to breaking the abusive pattern."Tom Pryde, Psalm 82 Initiative







    When victims adopt the power phrase, "I Will Not Comply", they are adopting a firm boundary against abuse.







    Choosing to remove themselves from the "game" of abuse is an empowering stride toward safety.







    "I Choose Community Over Isolation"







    One of the most devastating tools of abusers is isolation. When abusers successfully isolate victims from family and friends, they are able to better manage the victim's perception of reality.







    When victims choose community over isolation, they are actively choosing reality over distortion.







    Tom Pryde explains that victims of abuse need a strong community in order to validate reality and have those "checks and balances" against the abuser's distorted reality that he may try to impose on the victim.









    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1ZQFd772Hg









    "I Honor My Emotions And Deal With Them in Healthy Ways"







    Anger, fear, frustration, grief, joy, and delight.







    Abusers condition victims to believe that emotions are dangerous, stupid, and weak.







    It takes courage and dignity for victims to choose to honor their emotions and express them in healthy ways.







    Specifically, victims can choose to honor their anger.







    Anne shares:







    "Someone might say, 'Well, you're so angry,' and that is true, you are angry. But the implied thing is there's something wrong with anger, and the truth is that anger is awesome. Your anger is welcome here at BTR and it's also welcome at Psalm 82 Initiative, because your anger is justified in this situation."Anne Blythe, founder of Betrayal Trauma Recovery







    How Can Victims Honor Their Emotions?







    Honoring emotions may feel like learning a new language. It may feel awkward and uncomfortable, or even morally wrong.







    However, as victims practice honoring their emotions and practice patience and self-compassion, it can become a beautiful experience.







    Victims can honor their emotions by:







    * Accepting what they are feeling without judgment* Journaling their experiences and accompanying feelings* Sharing their trauma and associated feelings with safe people* Expressing difficult feelings through creativity, exercise, or other physical activities* Reporting criminal behavior







    Betrayal Trauma Recovery Is Here For You







    At BTR, we understand how difficult it is to reclaim reality during and after abuse. Complying with abuse, living in isolation,

    • 28 min
    Help Prevent Human Trafficking

    Help Prevent Human Trafficking

    At BTR, we know that pornography is not a stand-alone issue. In fact, the pornography industry is so closely tied to human trafficking and is blatant sexual exploitation. As an organization that decries sexual slavery, we invite you to help prevent human trafficking.







    Anne Basham, CEO of Anti-Trafficking International (ATI), joins Anne on the free BTR podcast to outline steps that you can take to help prevent human trafficking and work toward a world where women and children are free from sexual exploitation. Read the full transcript below and listen to the free BTR podcast for more.







    Anne Basham has worked in both the legislative and executive branches of the federal government, as well as government relations in the private sector where she advocated on behalf of human rights issues such as violence against women, child welfare, human trafficking, and genocide. She began her career working on Capitol Hill for a US senator, but most recently, Miss Basham was the senior advisor at the Department of Justice for Victims of Crime, the largest federal funder of anti-human trafficking efforts in the United States. OVC allocates over 6 billion in federal grants and other projects and Anne helped develop strategies to help victims of human trafficking, sexual assault, violence against women and children, and elder abuse. Throughout her career, Anne has served victims from all over the world helping them safely leave dangerous situations, navigate the legal system, and secure safe housing and trauma recovery.







    With a master's degree in education from the University of Virginia, Anne understands that education is truly the best form of prevention against human trafficking and other threats to children. This is why she is especially passionate about empowering children, parents, and frontline responders to effectively recognize and respond to human trafficking. Welcome, Anne.







    Help Prevent Human Trafficking: Learn The Signs







    "I've met these trafficking victims; if you sat across from just one of them eyeball to eyeball, you would want to pour everything you could into making sure that that person never had to go through that in the first place, that they never had to experience any of that or have their little girl dreams just ripped up to shreds."Anne Basham, CEO of Anti-Trafficking International (ATI)







    If you are able to quickly learn the signs of human trafficking, you may be able to save a life. Anne lays out some of the outward signs that someone is a victim of human trafficking:







    * A change in physical appearance* A change in school or work performance* Anxiety







    Help Prevent Human Trafficking: Who Do Recruiters Seek Out?







    Victims of human trafficking vary in every way, but traffickers may seek out victims who appear to be:







    * Socially isolated* Less confident* Wanting a boyfriend* Prone to accepting and believing flattery







    Practicing radical self-care and seeking a strong support system can help women and girls arm themselves against the grooming tactics that recruiters and traffickers use.







    Help Prevent Human Trafficking: Just Ask







    "She needs the courage of someone else to come there and ask pointed questions because I think at the end of the day there are pointed questions that give people courage, they really do. To really think about things they've probably wondered themselves,

    • 26 min
    Human Trafficking & Abusive Men

    Human Trafficking & Abusive Men

    Whether it's objectifying one human being through domestic abuse or many through human trafficking, dehumanizing women is a despicable act that BTR continues to speak out against.







    Anne Basham, CEO of Anti-Trafficking International (ATI), joins Anne on the free BTR podcast to take a deep dive into the correlations between pornography use, domestic abuse, and human trafficking. Read the full transcript below and listen to the BTR podcast for more.







    Anne Basham has worked in both the legislative and executive branches of the federal government, as well as government relations in the private sector where she advocated on behalf of human rights issues such as violence against women, child welfare, human trafficking, and genocide. She began her career working on Capitol Hill for a US senator, but most recently, Miss Basham was the senior advisor at the Department of Justice for Victims of Crime, the largest federal funder of anti-human trafficking efforts in the United States. OVC allocates over 6 billion in federal grants and other projects and Anne helped develop strategies to help victims of human trafficking, sexual assault, violence against women and children, and elder abuse. Throughout her career, Anne has served victims from all over the world helping them safely leave dangerous situations, navigate the legal system, and secure safe housing and trauma recovery.







    With a master's degree in education from the University of Virginia, Anne understands that education is truly the best form of prevention against human trafficking and other threats to children. This is why she is especially passionate about empowering children, parents, and frontline responders to effectively recognize and respond to human trafficking. Welcome, Anne.







    Grooming: A Tool Used By Human Traffickers and Abusive Men







    "Grooming really is conditioning someone to do something that is not within their nature. Basically, it's conditioning them to accept abuse, and this can obviously happen in a marriage, as well as in trafficking."Anne Basham, CEO of Anti-Trafficking International (ATI)







    In an abusive marriage, grooming may look like:







    * An abuser pushing your sexual boundaries* An abuser agreeing to perform certain safety benchmarks without actually changing his abusive mindset* An abuser slowly introducing increasing levels of emotional and verbal abuse over time* An abuser gradually introducing physical violence into the relationship* An abuser using blaming, shaming, and deflection* Gaslighting







    Grooming is a universal tool of abusive, manipulative people. It is used both on the large scale, as with human trafficking, and in personal, one-on-one abusive relationships.









    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOyeyycxblA









    Exploitation: The Motivation Of Human Traffickers & Abusive Men







    "When I was at the Department of Justice, I had a meeting with a man who spent his life working on reforms in the criminal justice system. He's written books, he's a leader in a college, and he said to me point-blank on the phone that the connection between an abuser in a domestic violence relationship, and a human trafficker are the same. It's just in one case they do it with one person and in the other, they do it with many people and for money."Anne Basham, CEO of Anti-Trafficking International (ATI)







    Power, control, exploitation, greed.







    Abusive men do not abuse because they:

    • 30 min
    When He Uses The Kids To Hurt You

    When He Uses The Kids To Hurt You

    At BTR, we know that there is no fear or pain equivalent to the trauma that comes from an ex-partner using your children to harm you.







    Whether it's through the family court system, co-parenting, or simply creating chaos out of every-day situations, abusers know that one of the most effective ways to harm a woman is through her children.







    When he uses the children to hurt you, you can still seek deliverance and peace. Anne shares her thoughts on the free BTR podcast and in the full transcript below.







    When He Uses The Kids To Hurt You In The Courtroom







    Abusive men use the courtroom as an opportunity to not only torment victims, but to manipulate court professionals and seek validation. They don't want parenting time, they want to win. They don't want a peaceful resolution. They want chaos. They enjoy the fight.







    When he uses the kids to hurt you in the courtroom, it is essential that you seek support, practice radical self-compassion and self-care, and live by boundaries.







    Family court systems all over the world are broken. Outcomes are completely unpredictable. However, you can determine now to love and accept yourself no matter what happens. You can determine now to surround yourself with people who love you and build you up. You will need support and community as you face your abuser in the courtroom.









    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rD89GkQTlPg









    When He Uses The Kids To Hurt You, Accept & Embrace Your Own Anger







    "You have one choice, one path, and the path is to get to real true emotional and psychological safety. That is your goal, and if on that path to safety you’re angry, great. If on that path to safety you seem crazy to some people because you move out, and they're like, "Your husband's so great, why are you moving out, you seem crazy," fine. The goal, the one possible option for you is to get to safety. And my belief is that the safer and safer you feel and the actual distance you put between yourself and the harm, the less angry you will feel over time, and that's because your anger is a gift from God that will help you take action. And the reason why everybody is afraid of an angry woman is that an angry woman takes action and people do not want women to take action."Anne Blythe, founder of Betrayal Trauma Recovery







    When He Uses The Kids To Hurt You: Abuse By Proxy







    When an abuser harms or manipulates the children in order to harm you, it's called "abuse by proxy." This is a severe form of post-separation abuse.







    Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group is here for you with daily, live sessions. Join today and find the community, validation, and support that you need. Talking through the post-separation abuse that you are enduring is a powerful way to seek healing from trauma. We are here for you.







    Full Transcript







    Anne: Welcome to Betrayal Trauma Recovery, this is Anne.







    Before we get to today’s episode, BTRG is our daily online support group. We have 21 plus sessions per week for you to choose from. You don't have to wait for an appointment, you don't have to leave your home. We are here for you. We'd love to see you in a session today.







    For everyone who has given this podcast a five-star rating on Apple podcasts...

    • 29 min

Customer Reviews

4.8 out of 5
824 Ratings

824 Ratings

Fruffelus ,

Saving grace

I am a 37 year old woman who was raised in the church , whose parents were heavily involved in ministry. At the age of 14 my father started using pornography and continued to do so until I went to college. Fast forward today and I escaped an abusive marriage which included police getting involved several times.

I won custody of my girls but the abuse is far from over and my healing is very slow.

Listening to BTR every day for at lease an hour.
I would recommend this podcast to anyone!
I would like to join BTR as a member but can’t afford the fee.
Thank you Anne and the whole BTR team for working for us who cannot fight.

Stefanie

Miss Priss Sparkles ,

Saving grace

Amazing podcast!

Amg11073 ,

One of the best

This is one of the best podcasts if you are dealing with any kind of emotional or psychological abuse and coercive control. Although it focuses on the abuse of pornography use, even though that wasn’t my specific issue SO many episodes have helped me so much. Abuse is abuse and getting clarity of what is happening is critical. The focus on safety first is a key theme and so important.

I wrote this review a while ago, but felt I needed to edit it because today’s episode was so very powerful. To hear the truth spoken out loud that although we have done the work, set the boundaries, found safety in the ways we can, if you have children there isn’t really a path to be away from the abuse is so sad, but so true. Amazing perspective Ann.

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