Jesse Eigner and Lance Pauker are two comedy chefs in New York City. On stage, they constantly cook up piping hot bits that might burn your mouth if you're not careful. But in your earbuds, the bits are braised, slow cooked to precision and carefully considered.
Braised Bits is an hour of observational humor, good humor ice cream bars, and even some Humor Esiason mixed in. We're talking food, we're talking sports, we're talking awkward situations and the never-ending tide of technological determinism. We're even talking about practice. Come for the fun, stay for the umami.
#94 Discord Inferno
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00:00-00:30: Jesse sings a raucous tune
00:30-3:20: Jesse asks Lance how the hell he is and Lance plug uglies his recording on September 26
3:20-11:00 The chefs prepare a meal hirsch with some meal prep surrounding the latest hot ryan goss from the discord. Jesse is scared of his canvas from which he creates his comedy art.
11:00-17:30: Jesse ambled around Astoria and enjoy a Jason Street fair. Lance had a rare outing in which he socialized with comedians and ate cheesecake.
17:30-55:27: The chefs pound the pavement and share their top 9 street foods
55:27-1:00:40: Phil shares his predictions for road dawg Jesse. Lance shares some minor ryan gossip
1:00:40-1:07:56: Lance doesn't get the Steve from Blues Clues memes. Jesse eats some bloody brilliant buffalo wings.
1:07:56-Close: The chefs bring in the closer and strike out the side to wrap up another all-star ep
#93 Brussel Crowe
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00:00-00:30- Lance reads an ad for Ben Franklin Next of Kin.
00:30- 00:30- The chefs submerge Ibaka into the podkitchen as Jesse asks Lance how the hell or highwater he is.
01:45-03:07- Jesse and Lance debate whether or not it is important to have a Lance arm strong face.
3:13- 4:26- Lance delivers the goods with a Michael Good reference.
4:55- 7:58- Lance shouts out Zachary Shnackery for adding nice color commentary to the chefs Paul Blart Mall discussion.
7:58- 9:22- Jesse defends his Shannon sharper image position.
9:22-11:40- Lance proves Jesses point pleasant with a panic at the discord picture of over flowing gerrit cole slaw.
11:40-17:00- Lances highlight had him being a family guy as he made his families chopped liver recipe wee herman and also went on a hike Lee.
17:00- 21:03- Jesses highlight had him also being a family guy fieri while he enjoyed a weekend filled with salmon and Alec Baldwin.
21:03- 57:37- The chefs Joe list their top nine side dishes.
57:37- 1:02:27- Phil Jackson and Kate predict the chefs favorite side dish networks.
1:02:27- 1:09:19 - Lances QAB had him taking carey mulligan of his table mate at a wedding.
1:09:19-1:14:00 - Jesses QAB had him getting called the Dave Matthews Band of comedy at his local Bart Starrbucks.
1:14:00- 1:15:19 - The chefs bring in the closer and Lance promotes his upcoming live stand up recording on 9/26. Jesse promotes his Giggles N’ Cream show on 9/30.
#92 Lurk Nowitzki
The chefs get a ride from their parents to the mall as they chat their top 9 things about malls. Also, a luke-wilson-warm debate about bagel freshness and a heated discussion about the Meredith Kercher murder case.
00:00-00:30: Jesse reads an ad for Bo Burnham's Burnt Ends.
00:30-02:15 Jesse reveal parmesans that he's the head chef, and Lance is the Sue Nicholls Chef.
2:15-10:00: Lance bear grills Jesse about his bagel getting experience discussed on the Patreon episode, and the chefs argue barrymore as to what constitutes a truly fresh bagel.
10:00-13:35: Lance compliments honorary chef Eric Seidel's Paul Graf. Jesse predictably ruby rails on the whimsical poker player.
13:35-19:45 Jesse gets a compliment from a pair of fans for his wordplay and paranormal activity. Lance had plans that got cancelled and made lemonade out of cancelled plans.
19:45-58:15: The chefs have cinnabon on their hands as they chat their top 9 things about suburban malls.
58:15-1:02:34: Phil Jackson and Kate share their Curly Headed Conjectures and LPPs.
1:02:34-1:14:45: Lance is not the change he wishes to see at Joe's Pizza. Jesse and Lance then get into a semi major tiff haddish about the media narrative surrounding the 34 year-old journalist Amanda Knox.
1:14:45-Close: The chefs conclude van nistelrooy another great episode.
#91 Entree 3000
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Epi 91--The chefs dip into a fresh episode of Braised Bits with a buffet of delicious meal prep to devour. The chefs get into it as they list their top 9 restaurant pet peeves which seamlessly transitions into their weekly questionable at best segment.
Thanks for listening and being a braiserback!
#90 Carlos Peruser
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00:00-00:30- Jesse reads an ad for West Wings Buffalo Wings.
00:30- 00:55 - The chefs dip into episode ninety the right way with a David Wright angle.
00:55- 1:30 - Lance chers that he is wearing Kates hat and Jay Feels like he can yell at people for standing too close to the Erik Flowers.
2:30-4:45 - The chefs debate whether an outdoor shower is a scam Newton.
4:45- 6:00 - Lance shouts out the newly formed discord and specifically Michael Kay for post maloning a delicious salmon dish.
6:00- 10:00 - Jesse discusses what he thinky and the brains about the Shnackerys cavatelle and detleff shrimp dish network.
10:00-13:01 - Lance chers meal prep regarding Zachary Shnackarys discord post about the Kitchen Farts and Letters
13:01-15:02 - Jesses highlight had him taking a dip in the Frank Ocean.
15:02-19:21 - Lances highlight had him enjoy beharing his thyme in Newport, Rhode Island.
19:21- 22:15 - Lance reveal parms that he needs to purchase new blue suede shoes for a fancy reagan dinner.
22:15- 1:03:20 - The chefs Joe List their top nine Nickelodeon characters.
1:03:20-1:07:10 - Phil Jackson and Kate predict the chefs top nine lists.
1:07:10- 1:10:50 - Lances QAB has him showing appreciation for a crazy derrick car driving on a sidewalk to avoid traffic.
1:10:50-1:16:19 - Jesses QAB has him having to deal or no deal with a hackey bartender recycling bits.
1:16:19-1:18:0 - The chefs bring in the closer and promote the pod.
#89 Plateau Bice
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00:00-00:30: Lance reads an ad for the comedy/food/2003 reference podcast Braised Bits
00:30-3:25 The chefs reflect on the evolution of the pod. Lance says the pod is stale bread but Jesse "Eager" Eigner is making croutons. The chefs announce the launch of their DISCORD channel, which is exciting stuff!
3:25-10:00 Jesse has a lot of beef with the pod-nemesis' sloppy jalopy lasagna, the first food post in the discord. Lance chats about his breakfast quesadilla.
10:00-11:55 The chefs aren't resting on their Andrew Lauria's as they fish for bits.
11:55-23:15 Highlights time! Jesse keeps yapping away about his bachelor party trip to Last Vegas. Lance is crabby in Annapolis Maryland and then enjoys Baba's Pierogies with some top braiserbacks.
23:15-58:25: Land ho! The chefs formulate arguments on their top 9 landforms. Is this the peak of the pod?
58:25- 1:03:50: Phil Jackson and Kate cher the singer their predictions.
1:03:50-1:14:40: Jesse's unmasks some frustration about mandates. Lance has a Chris Leak in his ceiling and it takes him a little while to SEC the problem.
1:14:40-Close: The chefs bring in Eric Gagne and close out another excellent eppy. Braise on!
A Must Listen
Hilarious podcast you need to add to your list
I was cleaning my apartment and listened to this podcast.
These guys are hilarious! So thankful to have these eps to binge during quarantine!!! My new favorite pod!!!!