Closing Crawl Drew, Jared, Jon, Matt, and McCormick

Ahsoka is accused of bombing the Jedi temple and killing clones to cover up the crime and she's now on the run. The Jedi council, having decided that Ahsoka is guilty, chooses to send the most logical people to catch her: the two Jedi she has the closest relationships with, Anakin Skywalker and Plo Koon. 
After calling Barriss Offee to ask for help, she is spotted by police, and escapes into the lower levels of Coruscant, where she is captured by bounty hunter Asajj Ventress. Ahsoka offers her a deal - help Ahsoka prove her innocence, and Ahsoka will get Ventress a pardon.
Barriss offers Ahsoka a lead - Letta visited an old munitions factory nearby when acquiring the nano-droids used in the bombing. As they depart, they are spotted by Commander Wolfe and his men. Ahsoka and Asajj fight their free, making sure not to kill any of the clones. Once Ventress is on her own, she's knocked out by a mysterious assailant, who takes Ventress' mask and lightsabers - then attacks Ahsoka while in disguise! The clearly Force-using masked attacker manages to knock Ahsoka out and into the hands of Anakin and Wolffe, who take her into custody and back to the temple.
Tarkin is SpaceTiming(™) into the Jedi temple with the Senate’s demands that Ahsoka be tried for her crimes. Yoda says that Ahsoka will be tried by the Jedi and Tarkin makes a pretty salient point that a bunch of weird space ninja wizards with a penchant for kidnapping young children might not be willing to let justice take its course. 
The Senate is asking that Ahsoka be expelled from the Jedi order so she can be tried by a military tribunal. Yoda says that the dark side clouds many things, but still wonders who might have force choked Letta if not Ahsoka. Yada yada perception dump stat yada. If only telepathy were a Jedi skill. 
Ahsoka is kicked out of the Jedi, and stripped of her rank in the Grand Army of the Republic. Anakin tracks down Ventress in the slums and proceeds to get investigatory. Ventress cops to wanting to turn Ahsoka in for the reward, but changed her mind when she realized that Ahsoka was also betrayed by her master and abandoned by the Jedi order. Anakin goes slack jawed when he realizes maybe other people exist in the universe beyond being bit players in his own personal drama.
Ahsoka’s trial begins and Sheev is adjudicating (and sounding suspiciously like Nigel Thornberry). Anakin is adrift because Ventress is the only one Ahsoka talked to, but AHa! Ventress remembers her talking to Barriss.
Anakin goes to chat with Barriss, and decides that only swinging a lightsaber at her head can reveal the truth. Nat 20 and she fends him off with Ventress’ stolen lightsabers. That was almost a very awkward conversation with Luminara.
Anakin takes Barriss to the trial to undercut Sheev’s monologuing. Barriss admits to everything but gets in a pretty good takedown of the Jedi before she gets taken away. Yoda offers her her place back in the Jedi, but Ahsoka declines. Anakin catches up to Ahsoka and tries to make it about himself, and to her credit Ahsoka says it’s not about him. Best character in Star Wars. Anakin says he understands wanting to walk away from the order, and Ahsoka says she knows. Padme’s sex yacht is the galaxies worst kept secret.
Ahsoka walks into the sunset and Anakin is left alone.
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Anakin and Ahsoka are leading an invasion of Cato Neimoidia in their starfighters. Anakin gets cocky and is covered in buzz droids. R2 says don’t threaten me with a good time and indulges in some fun sized droid murder. Unfortunately he can’t clear Anakin’s undercarriage, and it is filthy with buzz droids (I passed out from STD joke choice paralysis when writing this for a few minutes.)
Yoda Spacetimes(™) Anakin and tells him: “his butt back to Coruscant get.” Someone bombed the Jedi temple! The council thinks that it was perhaps… a Jedi? Since they know Anakin and Ahsoka weren’t there they are the ones tasked with investigating.
Mace has also tasked a droid named Rizzo with investigating. Russo and Ahsoka go to interview the survivors. A Pantoran, knowing that the Jedi can’t find their own butts with two hands, gives Ahsoka and Russo a solid lead: Jakkar Bomani.
Anakin says that this must have been a well planned out caper to escape notice by the Jedi, probably involving a ridiculous accent and a fake mustache. Family and friends of the victims gather and Leta, Jakkar’s wife, makes her presence known.
Meanwhile Ahsoka and Russo have recreated the explosion with a hologram. They find no bomb residue, but they do find nano-droids. Jakkar’s file indicates he’s a munitions expert with a specialty in nano weaponry.
Russo has found Jakkar’s hand with nano-droids in his blood stream: so he 'set us up the bomb,' as it were. Anakin and Ahsoka investigate the run down tenement that Jakkar lives in and they get so close to the truth when they say that they thought working for the Jedi paid better. They find Jakkar's last meal was laced with nano-droids. 
Leta confesses, but says this is bigger than they know! (I mean, it could be smaller than a bread box and that would still be true for the Jedi...) But for now, the Jedi are cleared!
The Jedi are trying to return to normalcy as Master Yoda eugoogalizes the fallen Jedi. Ahsoka talks to Barriss Offee, who is taking this hard since she trained with one of the fallen: Tutso Mara.
Tarkin tells Anakin, Ahsoka & Barriss that the bomber, Letta Turmond, has been captured. Letta will be held by the military since “clones and civilians died as well”. Anakin tells Ahsoka to comfort Barriss, and follows Tarkin into the lift with basically a “Women! Am I right?” kind of comment.
While comforting Barriss, Tarkin Spacetimes (™) in to say that Letta will only speak with Ahsoka. Letta reveals that a Jedi made her do it, and that this Jedi thinks the the once-peacekeepers need to stop their warmongering. After Ahsoka gains her trust, Letta reveals that is was Jedi Master Aaaaarrrrgggghhhh. The video of the cell shows Ahsoka, with arms outstretched, while Letta is being force-choked… and there is no audio. As such, Ahsoka looks to have killed her and is imprisoned for the crime.
Anakin tries to visit, but he is refused per Tarkin’s orders. Ahsoka sees a keycard in the hallway, force swipes it, and gets out of her cell. She runs into stunned clones, and sees her comlink and lightsabers on the ground. She then comes across dead clones as well… And she’s getting framed. While searching every hen-house, farmhouse & outhouse; Anakin finds her, she proclaims that she didn’t kill her wife in her best Harrison Ford voice, then proceeds to Richard Kimball onto a passing ship.

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Darth Maul and Savage Oppress are floating in a escape pod in space. A lightsaber cuts a hole in the hatch, but that’s no lightsaber: it’s a darksaber! We see Pre Vizsla and is that Bo-Katan?
Deathwatch return to their camp and it’s got a real master race vibe to it. Maul declares himself the true lord of the Sith so I think we can assume the Deathwatch base is on the planet Avignon. Pre and Maul then have a tea party. That’s not even a joke.
Maul decides to shake down the Black Sun syndicate (it’s pronounced SheeZor). After some aggressive negotiations Maul has their loyalty. Maul says his Pre’s, plans lack clarity, his Gantt charts are sloppy and his online PMP certification isn’t from an accredited source. The Pyke Syndicate decides to volunteer instead of being conscripted. Maul tries the same tactic with the Hutts that he tried with Black Sun, but the Hutts have bounty hunters of their own: Dengar, Embo and some of our other B-list bounty hunters deliver a counter proposal via blaster fire.
Next Maul plans to attack Mandalore, hitting key targets to sow distrust in Satine as a leader. The Pikes take over the shipping docks, the Black Sun Clan terrorizes the city center. Vizla “captures” Savage for show, and uses his new found popularity to take over Mandalore and imprison Satine. Vizla also captures Maul, not part of the plan.
While in prison with Savage, Maul looks for a worthy successor to Satine/Vizla… and what better place to go shopping than a prison. He finds Almec, the former Prime Minister that Satine had jailed for… was it poisoning kids with watered down tea? With Almec in tow, Maul challenges Vizla to combat for leadership of Mandalore. After a lightsabery/darksabery/blastery/grenady/jet-packy/ropey/punchy/kicky fight, Maul beheads Vizla. Darksaber in hand, he claims the right to lead Mandalore. Bo-Katan and company will never accept an outsider as leader and escape after a firefight.
Almec, in his new position of power, tells the public that Satine killed Vizla. Maul, while on his throne of lies, is happy to be playing puppetmaster.
The kids from Season 3’s “The Academy,” all aged 10 years somehow, stage a prison break to free Satine, along with Bo-Katan. The escape is short-lived, but Satine gets an emergency message to Obi-Wan Kenobi. Strangely, when he receives it at the Jedi Temple, it's a few sentences longer than the one we just saw her send. SpaceTime(tm) is weird.
Because Mandalore is neutral, the Jedi Council will not act to help. Obi-Wan Kenobi will have to come to Satine's aid on his own. He walks into the prison and once more easily walks Satine out. They need better guards at this prison. Satine says her sister can help, but they are recaptured by Maul.
Maul explains his plan isn’t to kill Kenobi, but to make him suffer, then kills Satine with the darksaber in front of Obi-Wan. With her dying words, she says she has always loved him and always will. Maul orders Kenobi imprisoned to rot in his suffering. They take him to the prison, but he immediately is freed by Bo-katan and her men. Really, prison security is an issue. Obi-Wan realizes Bo-katan is the sister Satine mentions, and gives his condolences. 
Meanwhile, Darth Sidious, having sensed a disturbance in the force, has arrived on Mandalore in person to deal with his former apprentice. Sidious says Maul has become a rival. Maul, Savage, and Opress draw their sabers - Sidious kills Savage Opress in the fight but instead of ending Maul, reveals he has other uses for him as we reach THE END.
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The droids have successfully obtaining the super-secret data from the Separatists, and then gotten stranded in THE VOID. We open on the droids and Corporal/Colonel Gascon in a sub-ground level city that is… occupied…? by people. Sort of.

Gascon and WAC try to get food and power, in the local diner, but are denied service. WAC follows some space-cockroaches to the dumpster behind the diner, where Gascon is reluctant to dine. There they run into a clone that doesn’t know he’s a clone despite Gascon telling him he is one. Gregor, the lost clone, starts to ask his diner-owner boss some questions, but gets no answers.

Gascon rushes to the clone’s house, where Gascon reveals his true identity to him… that of Captain Gregor after R2 pulls up his service files. The traumatic amnesia he got from his final battle starts to fade and memories start to flood back.  After a shave and a haircut Gregor goes to the diner to retrieve his armor and weapons with the help of the droid posse.

The team, now whole, discovers a plot by the Separatists to load a very explosive material into a shuttle and blow up a cruiser in orbit. Gregor goes sickhouse on the separatists droids to allow the R2 posse an escape path. BZ (with Gascon inside) goes down! Gregor runs to their rescue, with the R2 posse on the ship, Gregor tells them to leave without him. He pulls a Butch and Sundance level final battle… leaving it up to the viewer if he survives or not. So, listener, is your glass of blue milk half empty or half full?

Then the Radio Announcer gives us a literal 3 sentence summary of the past three episodes. (He's better at his job than I am at this.) D Squad arrives aboard the Jedi cruiser to discover no one there, except some holograms on the bridge. When the cruiser jumps to hyperspace, they learn it's actually being piloted by Separatist droids! After some light droid-on-droid crime, D-Squad discovers that the entire ship has been packed with fuel and rigged to explode! 

They meet up with some other Republic droids who were left behind, including Bunny, an LEP service droid, an MSE messenger droid, a GNK and a PLNK power droid, and a WED-15 Treadwell. Bunny informs the crew that the ship is headed for the Carida system, where Gascon knows a Republic Strategy Conference is about to be held - the Jedi Council and much of Republic command will be there! D-Squad realizes they have to do something, but they are spotted by a buzz droid and attacked by its friends. The battle rages! BZ decides to win the fight by opening the airlock, somehow forgetting that literally everyone except Gascon is designed to operate in the vacuum of space. This plan works for some reason, but at the cost of BZ being sucked into space with all the buzz droids. 

After Gascon gives a halftime pep talk, we come up with a new plan: everyone but R2 hides, and R2 does all the work by rigging the ship to blow early. The Treadwell is comedically killed while slowly crossing a hallway, because it's sad when an astromech dies, but not a Treadwell. When R2 has trouble with his part of the plan, Gascon finally decides that saving droids is important, and decides to try to help! But WAC-47 doesn't get the message, the shuttle leaves, and R2-D2 sacrifices himself, blowing up the cruiser before it reaches the station. Ha! No, R2 is fine, despite being in the room where the explosion literally started. Colonel Gascon says R2 can be his wingman anytime, but WAC-47 says actually, he has been assigned to be Gascon's wingman as we reach THE END.
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A blue(!) title card leads into our show. The Jedi have intercepted a Separatist transmission that they are unable to decode. They plan an undercover mission to steel an encryption module using troops the Separatists would never expect - droids! (Although the Separatists have used undercover droids before...). The droids will be led by Lilliputian Republic strategist Colonel Meebur Gascon, making his first foray into field command! His team, D-Squad, consists of 4 astromechs: R2-D2; Aayla Secura's QT-KT, Thongla Jur's U9-C4, and Tera Sinube's M5-BZ, as well as Clone Commander Neyo's pilot droid, WAC-47. 

Gascon lays out the plans for the heist and the astromechs are outfitted with their special weapons from Q Branch, which are cool tech for most of them and a lobotomy for BZ. Are droids people? They depart for the Separatist fleet and are brought aboard the dreadnought. When BZ gets killed (?) breaking into the comm-vault, they have to shift to plan B, which is apparently just R2 opening the door instead. They make it to the vault in time to be caught by droids. The battle and/or wacky hijinks rages! After a brief bout of zero-G hilarity, R2 recovers the encryption chip _and_ executes an avalanche senton on a super tactical droid.

The droids recover BZ with the intent to repair him on the shuttle. Which they walk to and fly away on without being interrupted because nothing unusual is happening on this ship and the shuttle we just captured is allowed to leave. Colonel Gason congratulates himself, and, a bit backhandedly, the rest of the team.


BZ is being worked on by the droidy dozen, dirty droidzen? We’ll fix it in post. Gascon Zilkinsplains the mission and R2 looms over him. iMurdering Kalani and some droids either sated his lust for blood or whetted his appetite. Meebur better watch his back.


WAC flies into a comet storm and the autopilot decides that maybe this is the time for some out of the box thinking and hits every comet it can. Just crazy enough to work. R2 decides that QT and U9 are useful (see Russian prison slang: Milk Cow) so he saves them.

D squad crash lands on a salt planet, and R2 keisters the decoder chip. The planet is flat, smooth and barren, but for droids with wheels its basically paradise. R2 takes off and the mutiny has begun. Gascon reduces droids to programming and WAC makes a pretty good point that Gascon’s training isn’t that much different. Gascon backs into the fact that droids aren’t any different than organics and then conveniently changes the subject.

Our heroes stumble on another downed ship and I’m not going to ruin this for Jared: We get a pretty sweet cameo!

Gascon questions his unthinking adherence to a useless ethos. Because the Mortis arc allowed the Force to punch a hole through into the galaxy, the Force chooses this moment to unleash some Perfectly Normal Beasts to save Gascon and WAC. Lessons are learned and one of them is that R2 is probably the only fully actualized being in the universe because he’s already found civilization.

Gascon proves he’s learned nothing and instead of treating WAC like a peer conscripts him into the same outmoded way of thinking that almost got them killed. WAC has also learned nothing and tries to pull rank on R2. Fortunately for him, R2 believes in the motto: frag a mouthy droid, and you've murdered for a day, bury your rage and complete the mission and the continued war allows you to murder for a lifetime.


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The younglings are stranded on a swiftly tilting starship. They’re able to get Obi-Wan on the SpaceTime(™), Obi-Wan is pretty sanguine about what happened considering Ahsoka was captured and Hondo can obviously track the ancient sentient database that the Jedi rely on to build lightsabers. 

Jocasta Nu senses a disturbance in the Force and starts brushing up on COBOL. Obi-Wan cautions the younglings against heroism, and it’s a good thing Anakin isn’t around because he’d have told them to stop talking and go get his Ahsoka back. 

Obi-Wan’s task force is intercepted by a Separatist fleet and the younglings are on their own.  The younglings have to land the ship so they choose to do it on Florum, and just coincidentally they can mount a rescue attempt for Ahsoka. They had to. My kids use the same logic on chasing toys down stairs. If I’m an expert, and I think that I am, this is going to end in tears and, let’s say… R2 getting yelled at for being irresponsible.

Back on the Negotiator, Obi-Wan proves he’s at least smarter than Wilhuff Tarkin and calls to abandon ship. Back on Florum the younglings convince a traveling circus (because why not) to take them on as an acrobatic troupe for a performance for Hondo. With a certain sense of narrative whiplash we find that the Separatists have secured Obi-Wan’s command cruiser. However we quickly find out that Obi-Wan’s favorite captain is Janeway because he has already rigged the ship to self-destruct. Grievous beats feet, and makes certain to actively brutalize some droids on his way out because he has a code. Obi-Wan and Cody aren’t coming to the younglings rescue anytime soon.

Speaking of, a circus! Hondo big times the circus ringleader and I honestly am disappointed in him. Youngling shenanigans and acrobatics and Hondo ends up concussed and Ahsoka is free. Ahsoka says that doing the right thing sometimes means bending the rules, because the ends justify the means and I’m going to pretend that Ahsoka just stayed quiet on this one.  

The younglings are racing towards their starship, but Hondo’s forces are in hot pursuit. They perform a bit of a Serenity-style barn swallow to get back on their ship. However, despite previous acrobatic prowess, they are unable to leap the 4 feet into the air to get on the ramp. As such, they are all captured.

Dooku Spacetime’s (™) in and tells Hondo that all your base are belong to us. Ahsoka convinces Hondo’s crew to free them and work together to save Hondo in order to get to his hidden ships.

The kids show off their lightsabers, but Katooni hasn’t finished hers yet. With some encouraging words from… Hondo(?!?) she manages to finish it. The younglings and Hondo’s crew flee, but a chase ensues. Katooni (on Hondo’s speeder) gets separated from the rest of the Jedi-lings. Hondo is ready to leave the rest behind, but she convinces him to go save them.  

Grievous catches up to Ahsoka and the Jedi-lings and says “so many lightsabers to add to my collection,” just then., Hondo and Katooni show up on Slave1. Ahsoka keeps Grievous busy while the kids escape, and then escapes herself after they are onboard.

Hondo and the Jedi-lings rendezvous with Kenobi and the Republic fleet. Hondo departs, but not before handing Obi-Wan a bill for his losses, and not before giving a parting nod of respect to Katooni. Huyang tells the kids he hasn’t had an adventure like that since Master Yoda found his crystal - but that’s a story for another day.


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