Coffee with The Couple Cure Jay & Lori Pyatt

What caused Jay to take all of this more seriously (even if he felt attacked)? And what would cause Matt to say, “This is stupid!” We cover both of those here, in this LAST EPISODE OF THE SEASON.





TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section)





0:00 Intro

0:19 Did Jay feel like doing those things when he felt unfairly attacked? *

2:59 One Solution: Giving guidance vs “This is stupid” *

4:11 Jay took it more seriously because he knew this…

4:52 One Solution: How we phrase it instead

5:38 Steps Jay and Lori took

6:35 One Solution: Shared experiences can be risky (so wives consider trying…)

8:07 For the betrayed/traumatized regarding the “Right” way to do this *

8:26 What we tell couples

10:03 Where to subscribe for next season



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https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website

https://matthewfray.com - Matthew Fray's website

https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners

https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery



#betrayal #trauma #relationships #rebuildtrust #marriageadvice

Transitioning from dating to marriage has its challenges, even without addictions. But healing a relationship after betrayal is even more challenging. Here are some things you can do to make the process easier–without resenting your spouse–especially if you’re trying to rebuild trust.





TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section)





0:00 Intro

0:11 It doesn’t take much

1:06 What some guys resent

1:46 The counselor told Jay, “You can’t crank her up like a machine and expect…”

2:14 What Matt thought marriage would be like (dating) *

2:50 One Solution: If he had continued dating his wife

3:40 Being intentional about continuing to date each other *

4:00 How a “perceived lack of finances” can impact relationships

4:56 Solutions to a lack of finances while rebuilding trust *

7:02 $7 cheese and other trees

9:09 In the next episode: How to rebuild trust when you feel attacked



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https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website

https://matthewfray.com - Matthew Fray's website

https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners

https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery



#betrayal

#relationships

#pornaddiction

#marriageadvice

Rebuilding trust takes more than honest answers to the questions you are asked. You have to share what is going on for you without being prompted. This is huge in rebuilding trust after betrayal.





TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section)



0:00 Intro

0:12 Not lying but not sharing (this) either *

2:37 One Solution: Share thoughts & feelings for connection

3:41 One Solution: Openness vs honesty to rebuild trust *

5:36 Matt’s lightbulb moment: “It meant we weren’t freaks”

7:36 Blind spots may be why good men harm relationships *

8:14 One Solution: One of the best things Lori did for Jay’s blind spots (***NOTE: Lori only did this after she knew Jay wouldn’t use the information against her***)

10:44 In the next episode: One thing some guys resent



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https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website

https://matthewfray.com - Matthew Fray's website

https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners

https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery



#betrayal

#relationships

#pornaddiction

#marriageadvice

Connection doesn’t just happen. You have to make plans and create opportunities to connect. This episode shows specific ways to do this that may work better for both partners.





TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section)



0:00 Intro

0:24 Because it was majestic or because it was shared?

1:29 One Solution: Face-to-face and Shoulder-to-shoulder *

4:03 From intense talks every night to resting *

6:27 The ‘majestic or shared’ question answered

8:05 One Solution: Porn use parallels the desire for human connection

8:42 In the next episode: One thing many guys hide



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https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website

https://matthewfray.com - Matthew Fray's website

https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners

https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery



#betrayal

#relationships

#pornaddiction

#marriageadvice

#brokentrust

This video covers some brain science behind video games. We also discuss how Jay replaced his entertainment addiction with a bigger life so he could finally feel satisfied.





TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section)

0:00 Intro

0:21 The brain science? (It simulates success) *

1:46 Distraction due to trauma? (What many addicts do)

4:01 Lori to Jay: “You can’t sit still”

4:32 How to create something healthier

5:07 The doctor said, “Video games WILL affect his mood”

5:38 One Solution: How Jay replaced it with a bigger life *

8:28 It’s not as bright, but it is more valuable

8:47 Solution: Measuring the difference (Entertainment vs whales & trees)

10:58 Satisfaction compared to video games *

11:20 In the next episode: 2 ways to connect after broken trust





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https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website

https://matthewfray.com - Matthew Fray's website

https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners

https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery



#betrayal

#relationships

#pornaddiction

#marriageadvice

This episode covers video games and hobbies, and how being distracted by learning things can harm trust restoration. We also discuss how entertainment actually helped our relationship.





TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section)





0:00 Intro

0:11 How video games affected our marriage

1:42 I couldn’t entertain him

2:55 One Solution: Watch out for dissociation *

5:45 Distracted by learning (but not applying)

7:37 Solutions: Some refreshing time is needed (when distractions help) *

8:53 How Jay helped Lori with video games, etc

10:10 In the next episode: Entertainment vs True Satisfaction



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https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website

https://matthewfray.com - Matthew Fray's website

https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners

https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery



#betrayal

#relationships

#pornaddiction

#marriageadvice