Coffee with The Couple Cure Jay & Lori Pyatt

What should you do if the addict keeps relapsing/betraying you–especially if your friends keep telling you to leave? Should you divorce? Should you stay? Can life get any better if he keeps relapsing and lying? We talk about this, while giving you 3 things to try.



0:00 Intro

0:07 Question: My friends say I should leave my husband because he keeps relapsing–what do you think?

0:26 Lori’s thoughts (what she told one friend)

0:48 You can stay and have a really good life

1:01 Solution 1: God / Viewing the relationship differently

2:50 Narcotics Anonymous says it this way

3:34 Relapse is not inevitable if…

3:54 Solution 2: What makes recovery easier

4:23 Solution 3: “Give back” to your wife versus to a group (and why)

4:58 What Jay used to say about his relationship with God



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https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website

https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners

https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery



#betrayal

#relationships

#pornaddiction

#marriageadvice

In our work, we have seen some husband’s who have lied about their wives to the helping community–lying to pastors, counselors, family and friends–about her. Or the husband will diagnose her with a mental disorder of some sort. We address that topic, as well as what a partner can do, in this situation.



0:00 Intro & Question

0:34 When the husband thinks, “My apology should be enough!”

0:50 One early professional opinion

1:13 Solution for partners (and what the addict can do)

2:16 The main goal of his helping community

2:47 A probable truth about your husband

3:07 Solution: One thing you can say to your husband

3:43 Solution: Another thing you can say



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https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website

https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners

https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery



#betrayal

#relationships

#pornaddiction

#marriageadvice

There are many things I wish I had known right after D-Day… things that would have helped me recover more quickly. In this video, I cover several of them, and Jay gives extra input from the addict-who’s-found-sobriety point of view. (Please note: We do not condone hitting your spouse. If this is happening, please reach out to your local shelters/authorities.)



Timestamps:

0:00 Intro

0:23 Coming down hard on yourself regarding boundaries

0:55 I’m in!!! I’m out!!! (what many guys do with this and one Solution)

2:46 Solution: How to find safe people & safe counselors

5:05 One way to keep from being blinded: Change your job description (Guys, nurse her back to health)

8:16 Solution to “falling for lines”

9:53 One clear sign Jay was taking his addiction recovery seriously

10:22 Solution to “You’re being too sensitive!”

11:16 Getting back at him / betraying yourself

12:58 Some addicts think, “It’s a license to keep acting out”



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https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website

https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners

https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery



#betrayal

#relationships

#pornaddiction

#marriageadvice

What caused Jay to take all of this more seriously (even if he felt attacked)? And what would cause Matt to say, “This is stupid!” We cover both of those here, in this LAST EPISODE OF THE SEASON.





TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section)





0:00 Intro

0:19 Did Jay feel like doing those things when he felt unfairly attacked? *

2:59 One Solution: Giving guidance vs “This is stupid” *

4:11 Jay took it more seriously because he knew this…

4:52 One Solution: How we phrase it instead

5:38 Steps Jay and Lori took

6:35 One Solution: Shared experiences can be risky (so wives consider trying…)

8:07 For the betrayed/traumatized regarding the “Right” way to do this *

8:26 What we tell couples

10:03 Where to subscribe for next season



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https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website

https://matthewfray.com - Matthew Fray's website

https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners

https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery



#betrayal #trauma #relationships #rebuildtrust #marriageadvice

Transitioning from dating to marriage has its challenges, even without addictions. But healing a relationship after betrayal is even more challenging. Here are some things you can do to make the process easier–without resenting your spouse–especially if you’re trying to rebuild trust.





TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section)





0:00 Intro

0:11 It doesn’t take much

1:06 What some guys resent

1:46 The counselor told Jay, “You can’t crank her up like a machine and expect…”

2:14 What Matt thought marriage would be like (dating) *

2:50 One Solution: If he had continued dating his wife

3:40 Being intentional about continuing to date each other *

4:00 How a “perceived lack of finances” can impact relationships

4:56 Solutions to a lack of finances while rebuilding trust *

7:02 $7 cheese and other trees

9:09 In the next episode: How to rebuild trust when you feel attacked



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https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website

https://matthewfray.com - Matthew Fray's website

https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners

https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery



#betrayal

#relationships

#pornaddiction

#marriageadvice

Rebuilding trust takes more than honest answers to the questions you are asked. You have to share what is going on for you without being prompted. This is huge in rebuilding trust after betrayal.





TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section)



0:00 Intro

0:12 Not lying but not sharing (this) either *

2:37 One Solution: Share thoughts & feelings for connection

3:41 One Solution: Openness vs honesty to rebuild trust *

5:36 Matt’s lightbulb moment: “It meant we weren’t freaks”

7:36 Blind spots may be why good men harm relationships *

8:14 One Solution: One of the best things Lori did for Jay’s blind spots (***NOTE: Lori only did this after she knew Jay wouldn’t use the information against her***)

10:44 In the next episode: One thing some guys resent



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https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website

https://matthewfray.com - Matthew Fray's website

https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners

https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery



#betrayal

#relationships

#pornaddiction

#marriageadvice