COLLABORATING as a Couple in the HARD Struggle of Recovery & Healing

This is PBSE's 250th Episode! Our deepest gratitude goes out to our global audience of listeners!!! YOU all make this possible! THANK YOU!

After reviewing the last several months of PBSE Episodes, we have tackled a LOT of HEAVY topics! For this 250th episode, we want to focus on all of the hopeful, optimistic, positive reasons WHY we all do the CRAZY hard work of betrayal trauma healing and addiction recovery. To illustrate just how "worth it" this can all be, here's a comment that one our of our Dare to Connect clients just submitted to us—

When I first started with D2C I had a year and half of sobriety from porn and masturbation addiction. My wife and I were still struggling with communication because of her trauma response and my lack of shame resilience. D2C sessions have helped us identify these issues which has helped us to start the true healing and recovery process. We are communicating and now collaborating with each other like we never have before. We are still learning new things a year in and plan to continue with D2C for a while longer. Thank you Mark and Steve for all the effort you put into your work.

You will notice in the title the words in all caps—”COLLABORATING in the HARD”

The greatest CONNECTION, INTIMACY & RELATIONSHIP RESILIENCY come from coming together as a “collaborative team” to face the STRUGGLES!

Our experiences in our own relationships as well as what we have witnessed working with couples for more than 20 years—

• Hard challenges and struggles can tear us apart OR unite us—
  • How does the hard disconnect couples?
    • Turning away instead of turning toward: fear, shame & pain leading to going it alone; trying to CONTROL outcomes
    • Without proper boundaries, the desire to emotionally caretake one another can blur the lines of accountability and diminish collaboration
    • One or both partners engaging in avoidance cycles can establish a pattern of seeking peace at the cost of growth
• How can the hard unite couples— 
  • Acknowledging challenges, as well as their accompanying fears, hesitations, insecurities, and vulnerabilities sets the stage for truly intimate dialogue. 
  • Steve and Brittany: we may not last through Christmas…
  • Mark & Ladawn: I don’t want to hurt her anymore; I’ll take care of this on my own; let’s not rock the boat on what are at least somewhat stable waters in how she sees me, where we are as a couple, why make this harder than it needs to be . . .

Owning and “being real” about the obstacles ahead puts us in the driver’s seat as a coupleship: Once we know where we are really starting, we can begin to truly prepare for and actually set out on the required journey.

Developing coupleship “skills” in the HARD means REAL SKILLS! We are “welded” together–an atomic bomb can’t break us apart! I’ve got you; you’ve got me; we’ve got US!

We actually get to decide for the first time if we want to CHOOSE “all” of each other—and KEEP choosing each other.

For a summary article from the transcript of this podcast, go to:  "COLLABORATING as a Couple in the HARD Struggle of Recovery & Healing"