Coming Out with Lauren & Nicole Coming Out Pod

We have a conversation with psychoanalyst Avgi Saketopoulou that is truly unlike *anything* we've ever broached before. Avgi's new book is called "Sexuality Beyond Consent," and if that title makes you a tad uncomfortable...that's kind of the point. Avgi's work gives new meaning to the idea of "risky" sex by exploring the eroticism around shame, humiliation, and objectification, with a particular focus on the controversial sexual roleplay fetish known as race play. She guides us through an incredibly nuanced conversation about "finding the erotic in the domain of the traumatic" (an experience that can be both frightening *and* exhilarating), and explains how, especially when it comes to queer sex, "we are both fenced in, and fencing ourselves in." Avgi is absolutely BRILLIANT, and we are so grateful that she was game to dive into this very complicated (but equally fascinating) territory!

(TW: explicit sexual acts; discussion of race play, and accompanying discussion of Jeremy O. Harris' "Slave Play")

Check out Avgi's website at https://www.avgisaketopoulou.com/, and follow her on Instagram at @avgolis98. You can purchase "Sexuality Beyond Consent: Risk, Race, Traumatophilia" via the above site, or wherever books are sold. And don't forget to leave a review!

Okay: so last month in Episode 234, we had a good ol' fashioned bitch session about how gatekeep-y the Los Angeles queer scene can be. But because we are mature and balanced adults, it seemed only fair to highlight the founder of one queer event in L.A. that is getting it 100% RIGHT! Enter Lilly Brown, the creator and organizer of Queer Field Day! Fostering community has always been a central part of Lilly's life, tracing all the way back to one night in college when she found herself at a queer oil wrestling after-party, looked around, and realized "everything feels right here." Lilly explains how a beach get-together that she figured would draw maybe twenty to fifty people ended up being a 300+ person event, and how from there she built Queer Field Day into one of the most popular gatherings in L.A.! Also, the tale of how a mismatched room share situation at Dinah Shore unexpectedly led Lilly to the love of her life...

Follow Lilly on TikTok and Instagram at @lilly27sings, and check out Queer Field Day at https://www.queerfieldday.com/, and on Instagram at @queerfieldday! For those local to L.A., other queer community resources mentioned in this episode were https://www.hicuties.com/ (make sure to sign up for their fantastic email list!), and @beingqueerinla on Insta.

At long last: it's actor, writer, director, and educator, Carolyn Ratteray (Outfest 2022's (UN)CLAIMED)! We've been wanting to have Carolyn on the pod for ages, because she and her wife, Kelli, were one of the first poly couples that Nicole EVER met! Carolyn regales us with a twisty-turny story that involves a sleepaway arts camp, a Black Baptist conference on homosexuality, and two *incredibly* prophetic dreams! She also shares how kink helped free her from the residual shame she was carrying from her long and arduous coming out process, and we have a tantalizing discussion about BDSM (Lauren mostly listens!).

Follow Carolyn on Instagram at @carolynratteray, and watch (UN)CLAIMED on Vimeo at https://vimeo.com/694127928!

It's Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week, and our guest (and current med student) Stella is LEARNING US UP on this oft-misunderstood identity! In addition to being aromantic, Stella also identifies as asexual and queer, but it's the first of these labels that most strongly shapes and affects how she experiences the world. Stella discusses how, to her, being aromantic feels like existing on "a different plane entirely," and not at all like "operating from a deficit" - an incredibly important distinction that alloromantic folks often don't understand. Stella also explains how health providers tend to pathologize asexuality and aromanticism, treating these identities as a problem to be solved rather than trusting their patients' lived experience. It's a fascinating episode that sheds a lot of light on not just aromanticism, but relationships in general. Happy Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week, y'all!

Follow Stella's advocacy page on Instagram at @aroacespec_tacular.ca, and check out The Aspec Affirming Practitioner Directory at https://aspecaffirmingdire.wixsite.com/aspec-affirming-prac!

In honor of Black History Month, we're doing a special episode covering a selection of Black queer trailblazers who are especially meaningful to us! We've put our focus on activists and artists who fly a little bit below the radar, so chances are you won't know most of these folks, but you absolutely should. Lauren finally talks about a singer/songwriter who ISN'T Joni Mitchell! Nicole shares the work of a spoken-word poet who made her heart go pitter patter as a teen! We also recommend present-day accounts to follow, and discuss some of the uprisings helmed by queer people of color that pre-date Stonewall. Happy Black History Month!

Discussed in this episode:
Bayard Rustin
Antoinette Scully (@AntoinetteForLA on Twitter and Insta)
Staceyann Chin (@staceyannchin on Twitter and Insta)
Joan Armatrading (@ArmatradingJoan on Twitter; @joan_armatrading on Insta)
Cheryl Dunye (@cheryldunye on Insta; @cdunye on Twitter)
Gladys Bentley
Stormé DeLarverie
The Cooper Do-nuts and Compton's Cafeteria riots
Janaya Future Khan (@janayathefuture on Insta; @janaya_khan on Twitter)
@BlackQueerJoy on Insta
Raquel Willis (@raquel_willis on Insta; @RaquelWillis_ on Twitter)
Octavia's Chariot (@octavias_chariot on Insta; virtual Speed Friending event on Feb. 24th!)

We have a fashion-forward conversation with the OUTRAGEOUSLY stylish Amir Levi! Amir is a non-binary performer who uses the pronouns he, she, and they ("I like it when they get turns, so that none of them feel left out"), and their story has alllll the hallmarks of the late '90s: Coming out to your friend after seeing Scream 2! Guys from chat rooms calling your family's fax machine! Problematic senior yearbook quotes! Your dad offering to buy you porn! Amir explains how two acting roles they were playing simultaneously finally unlocked their understanding of their own gender, and the brilliant plan they concocted to explore their feminine side! Plus, Nicole shares a fascinating story about Leif that proves just how deeply heteronormativity runs in our culture...

Follow Amir on Instagram at @theamirlevi, and check out theamirlevi.com!