Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic with Jon Seidl

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Jon Seidl is the bestselling Christian author who became an alcoholic, not the other way around. It's usually the other way around. Or is it? "Confessions of a Christian alcoholic" (based on the book by the same title) is all about real stories, radical vulnerability, and remarkable comebacks of people who have struggled with alcoholism and addictions of all sorts. The show features interviews with fellow addicts and alcoholics as well as professionals in the fields of trauma, faith, and addiction recovery. Because let's be honest, we're all addicted to something. "Confessions" is a place for the desperate, the downtrodden, the destitute, and especially, the drunk. But it's also a place of hope and healing. Jon found sobriety after decades of struggling, but more importantly than finding sobriety, he found Jesus. In every episode, he gets radically vulnerable as he explores what it looks like to be on this journey of messy sanctification. Visit christianalcoholic.com for more resources.

  1. 1D AGO

    A Pastor's Confession: Andy Reveals His Secret Addiction, Affair, and How God Met Him in His Mess

    “I knew all the right things to say about Jesus, but I was living a completely different life when no one was looking.” That’s how Andy describes the reality of leading in the Church while quietly unraveling behind the scenes. Andy wasn’t just a Christian struggling in private—he was a pastor. He was preaching, leading, and helping others follow Jesus, all while hiding a life that didn’t match what people saw. Alcohol had a grip on him, but it didn’t stop there. What began as hidden drinking eventually gave way to deeper compromise, including an affair that would force everything into the light. In this episode, Andy walks through what it’s like to carry that kind of double life—not just the behaviors, but the weight of knowing the truth, teaching the truth, and still living in contradiction to it. There’s the pressure to maintain an image, the isolation that comes with secrecy, and the slow erosion of self that builds until there’s nowhere left to hide. He also brings us through the moment everything came to the light. The moment he thought would destroy him that actually became his door to freedom: his confession. He details what it was like to sit down with his wife and tell her everything—not just the drinking, but the affair. And he’s honest about the fear, the exposure, and the sense that everything he had built was about to collapse. And yet, he's also open about what happened after. The consequences, yes, but also the reality of how God met him and the freedom he experienced as a result of radical vulnerability.  Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible here. We explore: — How you can know the truth about Jesus and still live a completely different life in secret — Why hidden addiction thrives in environments where image matters most — The quiet tension of leading spiritually while falling apart privately — How secrecy and isolation don’t just hide addiction—they feed it — Why behavior change alone never touches what’s really driving it — The deeper desires underneath addiction that rarely get addressed — What actually happens when everything finally comes into the light — Why confession feels like the end—but becomes the turning point — The difference between managing sin and being transformed at the root — How the Gospel confronts both what you do and what you love Follow Andy's Podcast on YouTube, Spotify, or AppleGet addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.orgFollow me: @jonseidlOrder my new book, Confessions of a Christian AlcoholicGet the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0 Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

    1h 38m

  2. APR 8

    Drunk Poets Society: Poet Amy Leigh Wicks on How Alcohol Stole More Than It Ever Delivered

    “Alcohol is not a kind or fair lover.” That’s how Amy Leigh Wicks describes the relationship that quietly shaped her life for years—one that didn’t always look chaotic from the outside, but was slowly taking more than it ever gave. Amy is a poet, professor, actor, and mom. But long before the PhD, the published poetry books, and the life she has now, there was a different story unfolding beneath the surface. One marked not by obvious addiction, but by a growing pattern she couldn’t fully explain—blackouts that “just happened,” nights that blurred together, and a relationship with alcohol that felt normal… until it wasn’t. In this conversation, Amy shares how alcohol crept into her life—not as rebellion, but as something that promised more. More life. More experience. More feeling. And for a while, it seemed to deliver. But over time, that “more” began to cost her clarity, presence, and ultimately, herself. That realization didn't come after a rock bottom. Instead, it came after a long period of sobriety. Years of it, in fact, where she gave up drinking to prove something—only to find that even while not imbibing alcohol still held a powerful place in her thoughts. That’s when the deeper question surfaced: not “how long can I go without drinking?” but “what kind of relationship is this, really?” What follows is a story not just about sobriety, but about identity. About learning to sit in discomfort instead of numbing it. About discovering that what feels like loss at first can actually be the doorway to a fuller, more integrated life. And ultimately, about a God who meets us not just in our sin, but in our pain, our confusion, and the places we don’t yet understand. If you’ve ever wondered whether your relationship with something—alcohol or otherwise—is quietly shaping more of your life than you realize, this episode will resonate with you. Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible here. We explore: — What it actually looks like when alcohol slowly becomes an “abusive relationship” — How blackouts and overdrinking can feel accidental—but reveal a deeper pattern — Why Amy never set out to numb pain, but simply wanted “more life” — The subtle ways alcohol can take more than it gives, even without a dramatic rock bottom — How a three-year “fast” exposed how much control alcohol still had on her mind — The difference between taking a break from drinking and actually changing your relationship with it — Why feeling pain again was uncomfortable—but ultimately necessary for healing — How early church experiences and disillusionment shaped her choices — The role of compassion in looking back on your story without excusing it — What it means to grow up emotionally and spiritually instead of escaping discomfort — Why true recovery is about integration, not just behavior change — How the Gospel speaks not only to sin, but to suffering, trauma, and healing Amy's books: Orange Juice and Rooftops and The Dangerous Country of Love and MarriageAmy's websiteFollow Amy: @amyleighwicksGet addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.orgFollow me: @jonseidlOrder my new book, Confessions of a Christian AlcoholicGet the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0 Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

    1h 13m

  3. APR 1

    The Identity Crisis We're All Facing: Jamie Winship on Fear, Finding our Identity, and His Own Alcohol Addiction

    “Most people don’t actually know who they are. And when you don’t know who you are, you will always live in fear.” What if your struggles with alcohol, food, or whatever else is tripping you up wasn't about the substance as much as it was about something below the surface you never would have put your finger on? Today's guest, Jamie Winship, has a pulse on what that "thing" is better than anyone I know. It's your identity, and Jamie is going to unpack today why our identity is so important not just for uncovering why we struggle, but just as important for figuring out where we go from here. And it all starts with a question: What are you most afraid of?  That question helps uncover your false identity, which is a sneaky lie that too many of us embrace. Jamie is a former police officer, conflict resolution expert, and the author of the book Living Fearless: Exchanging the Lies of the World for the Liberating Truth of God. And while that may not seem like a book about recovery, the truth is it was one of the most important books in my recovery. Because when I started unpacking the core of my issues, I found a lot of fear and identity issues.  That makes sense because, as Jamie surprisingly shares today, he actually struggled with his own alcohol addiction—something I never heard or realized until we started talking, and something he doesn't talk about often.  In this episode, we talk about why identity, how fear becomes the default motivator when identity is unclear, and why so many of us, even as Christians, end up living out of that fear without realizing it. He also walks through the difference between information and revelation, and why hearing truth about God isn’t the same thing as actually believing it at the level where change happens. I worked for almost a year to get Jamie on the podcast, and I can tell you this is one of the most important episodes we've ever recorded. If you’ve ever felt stuck in patterns you can’t explain, or frustrated that knowing the right things hasn’t led to lasting change, this episode will help you see why—and also give you a practical path to true and lasting freedom. Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible here. We explore: — What it actually means to not know who you are and how that leads to fear-driven living — How identity confusion sits beneath struggles with alcohol, food, and other addictive patterns — Why fear becomes the default motivator when identity is unclear — The connection between fear, shame, and the behaviors we can’t seem to stop — The one question that exposes what’s really driving you — Why behavior change alone doesn’t lead to lasting transformation — The critical difference between information and revelation in the Christian life — Why hearing truth about God isn’t the same as believing it at a level that changes you — How lies about your identity quietly shape your decisions, relationships, and habits — What it looks like to begin living from truth instead of fear — How Jamie’s framework applies directly to addiction recovery and spiritual growth — Jamie’s personal story of alcohol addiction and how he was confronted about it — Why uncovering your true identity in Christ changes not just what you do, but how you live Jamie's book: Living Fearless: Exchanging the Lies of the World for the Liberating Truth of GodJamie's resources and courses: Identity ExchangeFollow Jamie: @thejamiewinshipGet addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.orgFollow me: @jonseidlOrder my new book, Confessions of a Christian AlcoholicGet the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0 Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

    1h 36m

  4. MAR 25

    He Loved Jesus but Couldn’t Stop Drinking: How JP Graves Went from Hidden Addiction to True Freedom

    “You think you’re losing your best friend, but you’re gaining the ultimate friend in Jesus.” That’s how JP Graves describes what it felt like to walk away from alcohol. I felt that, too. Alcohol was always there for me no matter what. It told me I was right, it comforted me when I was wrong, and it always made it better—even if “better” was fleeting. When I gave it up, I had to grieve it. So did JP. On the outside, JP looked good. He loved Jesus. He was active in church. He had a career, a family, and a life that seemed normal and intact. But behind the scenes, alcohol had quietly become a constant. What started as freedom slowly turned into dependence. And then it got worse. By the end, JP wasn’t just drinking heavily—he was drinking all day. Vodka replaced beer. Ten drinks became twenty. His throat was so damaged he could barely swallow. He was hiding alcohol, living in deception, and drifting further from his wife and kids. And yet, he was still showing up to church. This episode doesn’t just explore addiction—it exposes the world that I and so many others have come to know: addiction that exists despite knowing and loving Jesus. We talk about the subtle ways church culture can blur the lines, how stress and isolation accelerated his drinking during COVID, and the moment everything finally broke—a heartbreaking story involving JP and his daughter’s baptism. That’s when the truth became unavoidable. What follows is not a story about behavior modification or quick fixes. It’s a story about surrender, confession, community, and what it actually looks like to find freedom—not just from alcohol, but from the deeper need to escape. If you’ve ever felt the tension of loving Jesus while still hiding something, this conversation will hit closer than you expect. Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible here. We explore: — How a Christian can love Jesus and still quietly fall into addiction — The impact of church drinking culture and the misuse of Christian freedom — Why some people can’t “just have one” and what that reveals about the heart — How stress, career pressure, and COVID accelerated hidden addiction — The progression from casual drinking to full dependence and physical breakdown — The role of secrecy, deception, and compartmentalization in addiction — What rock bottom actually looked like for JP and the moment everything shifted — Why confession and community are essential to real recovery — The difference between behavior change and true Gospel-centered transformation — What it means to replace alcohol with something better—not just remove it Get resources and help: veritasrecovery.orgFollow me: @jonseidlOrder my new book, Confessions of a Christian AlcoholicGet the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0 Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

    1h 23m

  5. MAR 18

    When the Drinking Problem Doesn't Look Like a Problem: Heidi Mills on the Signs Alcohol Might Be an Issue

    “It was taking so much more of me than it was giving.” That’s how Heidi Mills describes her relationship with alcohol—and not in a dramatic, rock-bottom kind of way. In fact, that’s what makes her story so relatable. There wasn’t a single moment where everything fell apart. Instead, there was a long, quiet, up-and-down relationship with alcohol that looked normal on the outside but felt increasingly out of alignment on the inside. Heidi is a certified life and relationship coach and the founder of Reclaim and Soul Care 75, where she helps women pursue personal renewal. But for years, she found herself stuck in a cycle that many of us know too well—drifting in and out of drinking, convincing herself it was under control, and silencing the internal whisper that something wasn’t right. In this episode, Heidi shares how alcohol first entered her life as a teenager, how it faded during seasons of early motherhood and a faith awakening, and how it quietly re-entered in her 30s—this time dressed up as “normal” and even reinforced by church culture. In environments where drinking was accepted (sometimes even encouraged behind closed doors) it became easier to justify patterns that were slowly becoming more ingrained. Eventually, though, she began to see clearly that she was in an abusive relationship, not with a person but with a thing called alcohol. And it wasn't adding to her life but quietly taking from it. Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible here. We explore: — How Heidi’s relationship with alcohol developed in cycles rather than a single breaking point — The role church drinking culture played in normalizing and reinforcing her habits — How alcohol became a coping mechanism for stress, anxiety, and relational pain — What cognitive dissonance looks like in everyday drinking patterns — How cultural messaging and marketing shape our beliefs about alcohol — Why “it’s under control” is often a warning sign, not reassurance — The moment Heidi began to recognize alcohol as a toxic relationship — What it looks like to slowly unravel the stories we believe about what alcohol does for us — The fear of losing community and connection when stepping away from drinking — How awareness—not willpower—is often the first step toward change — What it means to live in alignment with your convictions instead of numbing them Heidi's article: A Glass Half Empty: Leaving My Most Abusive RelationshipWork with Heidi here.Heidi's Soul Care 75.Heidi's Substack newsletter: In the Waiting RoomFollow me: @jonseidlOrder my new book, Confessions of a Christian AlcoholicGet the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0 Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

    57 min

  6. MAR 11

    Chronic Illness, Suffering, and the Idols We Don’t Recognize: Kimberly Phinney's Story of Perseverance

    “Suffering brings you to the end of yourself and you have to decide—do I love the Giver or do I love the gifts the most?” That realization didn’t come easily for Kimberly Phinney. It came after years of chasing the kinds of addictions people rarely call addictions at all—perfectionism, workaholism, people-pleasing, and the relentless drive to prove your worth. And it came after chronic illness stripped away the very things she once used to define herself and led to an unraveling. For Kimberly, that unraveling eventually led to a nervous breakdown in her twenties. But the story didn’t stop there. Years later she was diagnosed with severe stage-four endometriosis. What followed were multiple surgeries, catastrophic complications, sepsis, months of being bedridden, and the long process of learning how to walk again. In a short span of time, the things that once shaped her identity—productivity, professional success, physical strength, reputation—were stripped away. What remained forced her to confront a deeper question: when suffering removes the gifts we’ve relied on, do we still love the Giver? In this episode, Kimberly shares how perfectionism, anxiety, and eating disorders quietly shaped her early life, how chronic illness dismantled the idols she didn’t know she had built, and how suffering became the place where her faith was both tested and deepened. If you’ve ever wrestled with perfectionism, self-reliance, the "shiny" addictions as Kimberly calls them, chronic illness, shame, or the tension between faith and suffering, this conversation is an honest look at what it means to keep trusting God when he's all you have to hold on to. Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible here. We explore: — The “shiny addictions” that often hide behind success, including perfectionism, workaholism, people-pleasing, and control— How trauma, anxiety, and identity wounds can quietly build toward a mental health crisis— Why socially acceptable addictions can be just as destructive as substance addictions— The devastating physical toll of severe stage-four endometriosis and chronic illness— What happens when suffering strips away productivity, independence, and reputation— The connection between shame, secrecy, and healing— How chronic illness exposed the idols Kimberly did not realize she had built— Why suffering can deepen faith instead of destroying it— What it means to love the Giver more than the gifts Get Kimberley's books: Of Wings and Dirt and Exalted GroundThe website: The Way Back to OurselvesKimberly's Substack newsletter: My Way BackFollow her on InstagramFollow me: @jonseidlOrder my new book, Confessions of a Christian AlcoholicGet the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0 Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

    1h 11m

  7. MAR 4

    Your Shame Story: Dr. Zoe Shaw on Why We All Have One and What We Can Do About It

    “Everyone has a shame story.” That’s from this week’s guest, Dr. Zoe Shaw. And she’s right. Shame isn’t reserved for the dramatic or the scandalous. It’s universal. It goes back to the garden. It hides deep. And it quietly shapes far more of our behavior than we’d like to admit. Dr. Zoe is a licensed psychotherapist, speaker, and author of Stronger in the Difficult Places: Heal Your Relationship with Yourself by Untangling Complex Shame. Her story has been featured on the OWN Network, and her clinical work focuses on helping people untangle complex shame, break cycles of codependency, and build emotionally healthy relationships rooted in truth instead of hiding. In this episode, we unpack what shame really is, how it forms, and why so many Christians confuse shame with holiness. Zoe shares her story of becoming pregnant at 15, being sent away to give birth in secret, and returning home carrying layers of hidden shame that shaped decades of overachievement, people-pleasing, and self-protection. And if you’ve spent any time in recovery, you know this pattern. Shame doesn’t make you better. It makes you hide. It drives behavior underground. It convinces you that if people really knew you, they wouldn’t love you—and maybe that God wouldn’t either. Zoe explains the difference between guilt and shame, simple shame and complex shame, and why guilt can lead to repentance, but shame leads to isolation. We talk about how complex shame snowballs over time, how overachievement can become a coping strategy, and why external validation doesn’t always dissolve what’s happening internally. We also talk about faith. About bringing your real self—not just your cleaned-up self—to Christ. Because the gospel tells us we are loved despite our flaws and invites us out of hiding. We wrestle with forgiveness—not as minimizing what happened—but as “giving up all hope of a better past.” We talk about codependency, about trying to fix others in order to feel worthy ourselves. And we explore what Zoe calls the “maintenance phase” of healing, where shame still shows up but no longer gets to run the show. If everyone has a shame story, the real question becomes: What are you doing with yours? Are you hiding it? Managing it? Overachieving around it? Or are you bringing it into the light—where Christ has been inviting you the whole time? Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible here. We Explore: —The difference between guilt, simple shame, complex shame, and toxic shame —Why shame drives behavior underground instead of transforming it —How complex shame builds in layers over time —The connection between shame and overachievement, self-harm, and addiction patterns —What it means to “deconstruct the blame” —Forgiveness as giving up hope of a different past —The link between shame and codependency —Why fixing others won’t fix you —Healthy vulnerability versus oversharing —What the maintenance phase of healing actually looks like Get Zoe's new book: Stronger in the Difficult PlacesFollow Zoe on InstagramWatch Zoe's story on OWNFollow me: @jonseidlOrder my new book, Confessions of a Christian AlcoholicGet the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0 Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

    58 min

  8. FEB 25

    Simon Cowell Gave Him a Record Deal, and Yet He Still Wasn't Fulfilled: Eddie Brett on Hitting Rock Bottom and Finding Jesus

    “I feel like I’m seeing colors now that I didn’t know existed.” There should be a study done on how many recovering addicts say this exact thing (or something similar) about colors and their senses. It's what I said after getting sober and pursuing Jesus, and it's what Eddie Brett told me happened to him after he did the same thing.  Eddie is someone who had it all. He had the record deal. The top 10 hit. The Simon Cowell contract. He stood on the stage of Britain’s Got Talent and nearly won the whole thing. From the outside, it looked like momentum and success. But inside, things were unraveling. After getting dropped from his label, the drinking escalated. Nights blurred together. Shame piled up. A drunk-driving incident forced him to sit with a question he’d been avoiding: What if this isn’t just normal partying? What if this is something deeper? In this episode, Eddie opens up about chasing blackouts, losing himself in alcohol culture, and the moment he admitted in a lonely studio, “I’ve actually got a problem.” He talks about what sobriety exposed in him—old wounds, fear of rejection, and a lifelong habit of running—and he shares how faith grew out of his climb toward finding the parts of himself he had numbed away. If you’ve ever felt empty after getting everything you wanted, you'll want to hear Eddie's story. Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible here. We Explore: – Fame, record deals, and the identity crisis that followed success – The cultural pressure of British drinking culture and why “I’m fine” is so easy to believe – The drink-driving incident that forced an honest look inward – Writing a song alone in a studio and realizing, “I’ve actually got a problem” – Why early sobriety felt like missing out—and how that shifted – Replacing alcohol with discipline, fitness, and intentional habits – The impact of a 30-year sober church member who radiated joy – How faith reshaped his fashion, language, career decisions, and relationships – Why pursuing Jesus changed more than just his drinking – What it means to “see colors you didn’t know existed” in sobriety Listen to Eddie's new Album: Common KalosFollow Eddie on InstagramFollow me: @jonseidlOrder my new book, Confessions of a Christian AlcoholicGet the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0 Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

    57 min
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About

Jon Seidl is the bestselling Christian author who became an alcoholic, not the other way around. It's usually the other way around. Or is it? "Confessions of a Christian alcoholic" (based on the book by the same title) is all about real stories, radical vulnerability, and remarkable comebacks of people who have struggled with alcoholism and addictions of all sorts. The show features interviews with fellow addicts and alcoholics as well as professionals in the fields of trauma, faith, and addiction recovery. Because let's be honest, we're all addicted to something. "Confessions" is a place for the desperate, the downtrodden, the destitute, and especially, the drunk. But it's also a place of hope and healing. Jon found sobriety after decades of struggling, but more importantly than finding sobriety, he found Jesus. In every episode, he gets radically vulnerable as he explores what it looks like to be on this journey of messy sanctification. Visit christianalcoholic.com for more resources.

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