Crappy Friends Crappy Friends

I have learned so much from these women and their guests. I have applied suggestions to my own relationships and have become a much happier person because of it. I really miss when they are unable to post new shows when busy but am happy to relisten to old episodes. Keep up the great work ladies

I started off with really liking the advice given and found the hosts funny. But the more episodes i listened to, i was kind of shocked at the “advice”. The hosts make a lot of assumptions about what people are thinking (outside of letter writer) with very little information about people’s motivations.

I just finished listening to an older episode where a letter writer wrote about hurt feelings of being excluded from something. The hosts said that the letter writer sounded exhausting and maybe her friends didn’t want her there which is… so judgmental. I would hope that the letter writers don’t internalize their feedback too much. It was hard to listen to.

I am in my 50s and used to really enjoy listening to Crappy Friends. There were some great, funny conversations and analyses offered that helped me navigate some of my own tricky friendship situations. But recently, I am finding myself more and more irritated listening to the podcast for a number of reasons:

I love Joss’s advice but her role has become more of an assistant on what feels like, “The Kristan Show”. The power balance makes me uncomfortable especially when the white WASPy woman is the one doing most of the talking and the one who insists she is right about whatever issue comes up.

Kristan’s demeanor has changed over the last 1-2 years and she now comes across as very “mean girl” rather than a sister in womanhood. I actually gasped out loud when she first responded to the most recent letter-writer because her response was cold and shaming rather than supportive and helpful. Joss had more balanced and even advice but it was overrun by Kristan’s monologues and declarations about what is “obviously” going on. Is she just drinking more and so her filter isn’t working as well? Women are writing in because they are struggling socially and it feels like Kristan just wags her finger and feigns sympathy.

The ladies definitely need to educate themselves more about disability, gender and sexual identity. Kristan especially comes across as ableist and ignorant in regards to the things disabled folks have to deal with. She has used the, “I have a _____ friend and so therefore I know the experience and feelings of all ______” angle more than once and I cringe every time it happens. Just because you have one Black/lesbian/neurodivergent friend doesn’t mean you can dismiss the real experiences that others have. Also, just so “the ladies” are aware, when someone has a disability, they are not required to disclose this to an employer (despite what you suggested in an episode). Disclosing a disability to an employer and/or co-workers can put that person at real risk for losing a job, being treated differently (as less capable, talked down to) and it can cloud others’ judgements as those without disabilities can often hold narrow views of those who are disabled. So many disabilities are hidden - especially in women - and so these women are having to work extra hard: Harder than the non-disabled women co-workers to achieve the same goals, and much harder than the non-disabled men they work with because they’re not men.

I keep trying to give Crappy Friends another chance but I find it so off-putting that I end up regretting having listened. I mostly listen to Dear Prudy now instead because it’s entertaining and fun but also offers more helpful and balanced insight.