Advice for smart men on how to succeed with women in sex, dating, relationships, and marriages. Beautiful women give you a peek behind the curtain into what the feminine really craves from the masculine ... and how to give it to us. Personal growth is sexy, haven't you heard? Get in touch at firstname.lastname@example.org. Take our free training for men at https://evolutionary.men/dearmen
241: What if you've ticked the big boxes in life ... but you're still not happy? (ft. Jason Lange)
Ever felt "flat" in life? Like you've done a lot of the things you were "supposed" to do, but you're still not fulfilled? Or perhaps you just have this nagging feeling that more is possible.
This is often a subtle pattern, but it's one we've seen in a number of our clients. Some have got a pretty good relationship with pretty good sex, but the sense that the level of depth and closeness with their partner could be much richer. Others have experienced success in certain aspects of life (i.e. job/career), and are struggling because it almost seems a bit "selfish" to want or expect more. But they yearn for, yes, more.
If you've ever had a gnawing feeling of emptiness, or a growing suspicion that there's MORE to be experienced in your life, you're not alone. And you're not wrong. We frequently find that the men showing up with this kind of pattern do have a way out, and that what's waiting on the other side of the path forward is more glorious than perhaps they were even anticipating.
240: How do we raise good men? (ft. Luke Entrup)
How did you know when you stopped being a boy and became a man (if that's how you identify)? And if you're raising a son, how will he know when he's a man?
Rites of passage are critical to our development as humans ... but they're sorely missing from mainstream culture. Indigenous cultures and first nations have much to teach here.
A big issue in mainstream culture is that there's little guidance for dads on how to guide boys into becoming the healthy masculine. There's a lot of talk about toxic masculinity; we know what we don't want, but how do we teach boys what we do want?
Luke Entrup's son is 11 years old, about to be 12. And his question has been, "How do I do my part to raise a good man?" So he's leading a rite of passage retreat for fathers and sons -- specifically, fathers and sons where the boys are aged 10-14.
Here we discuss rites of passage across the ages, the relationship between fathers and sons; how to have a healthy connection with men; what it means to be a healthy dad; how to help teenage boys resist the cultural programming that "Any form of emotion is a sign of weakness, and if you show it you’ll get torn up socially"?; and how to raise good men.
Memorable quotes from this episode:
"A fear a lot men have is, 'Your power is dangerous. You hurt people.'""Initiation takes a level of bravery.""As men, pain turns into numbness. Numbness turns into rage. And beneath it all is the pain of the past.""How do I show up as a good dad?"
For more info on the retreat:
The Father-Son Connection Experience: A Rite-of-Passage for Boys and Their Father-Figures
Luke's website and podcast
239: Realized I’m a "Nice Guy." Now what do I do about it? (ft. Jason Lange)
Ever read No More Mr. Nice Guy, or heard about Nice Guy Syndrome and related to it? If you've identified yourself as a Nice Guy, you may have the feeling, "Where do I go from here?"
Jason, a self-proclaimed recovering Nice Guy, goes through the steps related to overcoming Nice Guy Syndrome. Instead of being a Nice Guy, there's a new archetype: the Kind Man.
Overcoming Nice Guy Syndrome includes addressing the pattern of rumination (being in your head a lot, obsessing about what the right thing to do is); addressing the need to please (i.e. not rocking the boat); as well as even figuring out know what you want in the first place. A lot of our clients report having trouble even figuring out what they want at first, which makes it a lot harder to get it!
Fortunately you don't have to stay stuck in Nice Guy Syndrome forever -- there are concrete steps to take to overcome this pattern and feel your sense of freedom and power around sex, dating, relationships, work, and life overall.
238: How do I approach a woman at the gym without bothering her? -- and other common dating questions (ft. me!)
Here are 4 common questions I get from men, whether clients or listeners like you:
How do I approach a woman at the gym or grocery store or other public place?How do I approach someone I work with to date? What do I do if I contend with erectile dysfunction (ED) or premature ejaculation (PE) and find that that blocks me from even approaching women at all?Which dating app should I use, and how do I regulate myself around the apps (i.e. not checking them all the time)?
Here, I answer all four of these questions. I address the common pattern I find in the men I work with around not wanting to "bother" women, and describe how to respectfully approach a woman in a public environment.
I also cover how to lead a conversation with a coworker around asking her out. There are certain things you can bring up that will have her feel safe and desired at the same time. I also talk about the tricky nature of navigating power dynamics (she's your manager, or you're hers, for example). As I mention in the episode, social science research suggests that one-third of folks who date someone from work end up marrying that person. So there’s definitely something to be said for it.
And if you find yourself not even approaching women at all because you're still looking to overcome erectile dysfunction (ED) or premature ejaculation (PE), then definitely take a listen! I don't think this needs to block you from dating; you can simply communicate with women about it in a way that feels good to both you and them, and I give you some language on how to do just that.
Finally, I talk about which dating apps I recommend, why, and how we recommend clients handle the use of them (i.e. how to avoid being on them constantly).
Note: This episode is an experiment. I'm testing it out to see if this is valuable, so let me know! If you find it helpful or you have a question of your own you'd like answered, hit me up at dearmenpodcast at gmail.com. I'm listening!
237: Going after the women YOU want (ft. Jason Lange) [replay]
If you’ve ever had the experience of being too scared to approach or pursue the women you really want, this one’s for you. (It’s also for you if you’ve ever felt like you were settling for a partner, rather than feeling thrilled and pumped to be with them.)
Many men we work with have found themselves dating or even marrying women who approached them — in other words, they haven’t felt empowered to go after the women they really wanted.
But this often means that they’re not the ones choosing to get into the relationship — sometimes they’ve fallen into it. Here, we talk about sex, dating, relationships, and choice. Because often, when we think we’re stuck or can’t get what we want, we’re really talking about how to work with our anxious/avoidant attachment style. Fortunately it’s more than possible to do so, heal trauma, and enjoy a flourishing sex and love life.
236: GirlTalk: Four women share their hottest sexual experience ever [replay]
Ever wished you could be a fly on the wall while women talked frankly about their sex lives!? We got you. Here, four of us women who have sex with men go into detail around the best sex we've ever had. We talk about dating, relationships, and what made certain men stand out when it came to the sex part.
A few things that made the cut: blow jobs, being tied up, oral sex (him going down on her), intercourse, destination sex, getting wet, anticipation, kink, and "The Jump-Off Guy" (you're definitely gonna wanna hear about that one!).
Memorable quotes from this episode:
"He had me blindfolded so he was like, 'I'm going to take care of you, and I'm going to do all the work.'" ;)"You know when you meet up with an ex and it's like, 'Do we or don't we?'""He was very curious and made sure to know what I liked and what I didn't like."
Bringing Men back into their True Power
Reminded me how to share myself and my truth with authenticity & vulnerability. The episodes I gravitate toward have helped me in ways I often didn’t expect. Thank you 🙏🏼
This is what is needed!
Melanie and her guests are not only experts in the field, they understand the art of presence - and that is the truly transformational aspect of sexuality - beautiful, keep it up!
Connect to yourself and change your life!
During my divorce, I found this podcast and it has radically transformed my life for the better. Her selection of topics and guests are usually of high quality. Her ability to traverse a topic and identify themes therein is masterful. And her delivery is fun and crisp.
Dear men is a standout podcast in the categories of sexuality, men’s work, and relationships.
Listen to Melanie’s podcast to uncover your dysfunctional patterns, detect what has been lost within you, and discover a life of courage and fulfillment.