The world is a noisy place where you fight to be heard every day. Despite the fact that we have been taught at home and at school how to speak, none of us has had any training in how to listen. Multiple academic studies have shown that between 50% and 55% of your working day is spent listening, yet only 2% of people have been trained in how to listen.
We feel frustrated, isolated and confused because we aren't heard.
As a speaker, it takes absolutely no training to notice when someone isn't listening - they're distracted, they interrupt or drift away as you talk.
Yet the opposite is also true, without any training in how to listen we struggle to stay connected with the speaker and the discussion.
This results in unproductive workplaces where people fight to be heard and need to repeat themselves constantly, send emails to confirm what they said and then have follow-up meetings to ensure what was said was actually heard by those in the meeting. It's a downward spiral that drains energy from every conversation and reduces the productivity of organisations.
This podcast is about creating practical tips and techniques to improve your daily listening.
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Five ways to listen better at work
Today is going to be a little different - some adjustments.
In Episode 100 - you'll get to deconstruct how I listen to the guests. I've interviewed over the past 100 episodes.
If time allows after the interview has formally concluded, I have a simple and consistent habit where I ask the guests, just one question -
What did you notice about my listening?
Now, this is a Level Four listening technique.
It's designed as a way for me to make incremental improvements in each conversation.
When I hear what people notice in the way I listen, I am making some very simple notes in my mind, that's a very important listening signal, make sure I continue to do it the next time.
Occasionally people will highlight things that surprise me. They highlight things that wow, I didn't realize that was a listening signal for the person speaking.
It's critical to understand that when you listen deeply, gently, thoroughly, carefully, you will change the way the speaker communicates.
Not just what they say, not just what they think, but also what they make of the conversation, what it means for them.
What can you expect today?
You'll hear reflections of 11 people and their perspectives on how I was listening to them. You'll notice some very, very consistent themes. And yet you'll notice some subtle variations as well.
You'll hear from six females, five males from deaf and blind people you'll hear from people whose first language is English and you'll hear from people whose home language isn't English.
You'll hear from authors, musicians, professors, former military leaders, researchers, psychotherapists, and a range of many others. As you listen to them, deconstruct my listening, please keep these points in mind. This is just the way I listen. My listening context is very specific.
Listening is situational. It's relational and contextual.
The way I listen during an interview is with a listening orientation for the audience, for you. There are many questions I would love to ask the people that I interview yet, they're only appropriate for me. They're not going to help you and I play with this duality while I'm listening.
How do I stay in the moment long enough - not to listen, but to listen on behalf of you.
In chapter one of the upcoming book - how to listen and at the end of every chapter in the book, we have a series of three invitations, they're practices that we invite the reader or the audiobook listener to explore, we invite them to explore something to practice because we recommend that you read the book one chapter per week while practicing a technique during that week.
So at the end of chapter one, we pose these three invitations and.
Who's the best listener, you know, and what's one thing they do well? When was the last time somebody fully and deeply listened to you? and what did they do well during that conversation? When you think about that conversation where you were deeply listen to, how did you think speak and feel differently as a result? I'm delighted to be engaging with a range of the Deep Listening Ambassador community as they provide Advanced Reader Copy feedback on this and Bailey was kind enough to send me a photo of the exercise that I just mentioned from chapter one of the book where she very thoughtfully, thoroughly and deeply considered those three invitations, and came to some interesting insights, all of her own.
It gives me a lot of joy to be celebrating episode 100 with you and I want to thank you
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Chapter 5 - Explore the backstory
Why it's worth listening to people you are in conflict with
I am delighted to introduce Christopher Mills, a psychotherapist, a family consultant, a supervisor, and a trainer. Christopher began his work alongside family lawyers, helping them to develop skills to help them collaborate across divorce teams.
In 2009, he made "Deadlock to dialogue". It was a film, an unrehearsed role-play combining the skills of mediation and psychotherapy when working with separating couples. His interest in mediation around childcare disputes led him to write "The complete guide to divorced parenting", a strong advocate of the need for lawyers to receive more support in their work with family trauma.
He became the UK's first professional to offer specific regular supervision for family lawyers and QCs.
About six months ago, I was lucky enough to work with this community in Australia as well. And they bear a huge burden when they act on behalf of their clients in these cases. Deep listening podcast listeners have asked if I could do an episode on how to listen in conflict through the lens of relationships.
What Versus How
Are you listening to the content or the context?
Are you discussing the system and process or details?
The Dramatic Listener Villain
How to professionally tune your mind for listening in a group meeting
If you've got a question about workplace listening, send me an email firstname.lastname@example.org
Because you can’t change other people
Oscar‘s book in this podcast have help me become a listener that gets noticed. The highest compliment I’ve received of late is that I ask really good questions. I would not be able to ask these “really good questions” if I wasn’t listening deeply.
We all can listen better. Oscar Trimboli is here to help!
If you’re looking to improve your listening skills (and who isn’t?!) Oscar Trimboli’s Deep Listening podcast is for you.
He’ll share stories about the catastrophic impact of not listening, the phenomenal impact of good listening and concise tips on how you can listen deeply. In doing so you’ll truly understand what people say and … what they haven’t said, which can be even more important.
Listen to Oscar and you’ll listen more deeply so you can understand colleagues, friends and family much better.
A wealth of knowledge
I have enjoyed listening to this podcast!