185 episodes

Divorce Dialogues brings experts together to talk about what works (and what doesn't) to reach a better life on the other side of divorce.

Divorce Dialogues Katherine Miller

    • Kids & Family
    • 4.5 • 10 Ratings

Divorce Dialogues brings experts together to talk about what works (and what doesn't) to reach a better life on the other side of divorce.

    Coping with Divorce from a Covert Narcissist With Debbie Mirza

    Coping with Divorce from a Covert Narcissist With Debbie Mirza

    Most people think of narcissists as obnoxious and self-absorbed. They’re flashy, loud and charismatic. And it’s obvious that they’re looking out for #1.

    But a covert narcissist is much harder to identify.

    They are generally well-liked and well-respected by others. And the way they manipulate their partner is much more subtle and difficult to recognize.

    So, how do you know if you’re in a relationship with a covert narcissist? Is there anything you can do to make the divorce process more manageable?

    Debbie Mirza is a speaker, singer/songwriter and restorative coach with expertise in helping people heal from covert narcissistic abuse.

    Debbie is also the bestselling author of The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse, Worthy of Love: A Gentle and Restorative Path to Healing After Narcissistic Abuse and The Safest Place Possible: A Guide to Healing and Transformation.

    On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Debbie joins Katherine to discuss what differentiates an overt narcissist from a covert one, explaining why it’s challenging to recognize a lack of empathy in your marriage to a covert narcissist.

    Debbie walks us through the three phases of a relationship with a covert narcissist, describing how a covert narcissist cuts off their partner during the discard phase and makes divorce particularly brutal.

    Listen in for Debbie’s insight on choosing an attorney who understands narcissism and learn how to protect yourself and your children through divorce from a covert narcissist.

    Topics Covered

    What it means to be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder
    What differentiates an overt narcissist from a covert narcissist
    Why it’s challenging to recognize a lack of empathy in a covert narcissist
    Debbie’s advice for someone divorcing a covert narcissist
    The type of person a covert narcissist targets for a relationship
    How a covert narcissist’s words and actions don’t match
    How a covert narcissist uses their partner as an energy supply
    The 3 phases of a relationship with a covert narcissist
    1. Love bombing
    2. Demeaning and devaluing
    3. Discard
    What to look for in an attorney when divorcing a covert narcissist
    Protecting yourself and your children in divorce from a covert narcissist

    Connect with Debbie Mirza

    Debbie’s Website:
    https://www.debbiemirza.com/
    Debbie on Twitter:
    https://twitter.com/debmirza
    Debbie on Facebook:
    https://www.facebook.com/debbiemirzacoaching
    Debbie on Instagram:
    https://www.instagram.com/debbiemirza_author/
    Debbie on YouTube:
    https://www.youtube.com/@debbiemirza1744

    Connect with Katherine Miller

    The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
    Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
    Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
    The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246
    Email: katherine@miller-law.com
    Call (914) 738-7765

    Resources

    DSM-5 Criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder:
    https://www.mind-diagnostics.org/blog/narcissistic-personality/narcissistic-personality-disorder-dsm-5-criteria-and-treatment-option
    The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse by Debbie Mirza:
    https://www.amazon.com/Covert-Passive-Aggressive-Narcissist-Recognizing-Psychological/dp/099862134X/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=
    Worthy of Love: A Gentle and Restorative Path to Healing After Narcissistic Abuse by Debbie Mirza:
    https://www.amazon.com/Worthy-Love-Restorative-Narcissistic-Narcissism/dp/0998621382/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1637933306&sr=8-1
    The Safest Place Possible: A Guide to Healing and Transformation by Debbie Mirza:
    https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0998621307/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i1

    • 25 min
    The 4 Ingredients of a Heart-Healthy Divorce With Judith Weigle

    The 4 Ingredients of a Heart-Healthy Divorce With Judith Weigle

    After 10 years of working in the divorce business, Judith Weigle reflected on the couples who were able to communicate well and navigate the process with less stress.

    And she identified the elements of what she calls a Heart-Healthy Divorce.

    So, what steps can you take to make your divorce more amicable and less acrimonious?

    Judith is Founder of Divorce Resource, Inc., a firm that provides both mediation and filing services for divorces, legal separations, paternity cases, and post-judgment revisions of settlement agreements.

    She has 12 years of experience as a mediator and 10 years in private practice family law. Judith also serves as host of The Amicable Divorce Expert Podcast.

    On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Judith joins Katherine to share the four ingredients of a Heart-Healthy Divorce, explaining how to settle the emotional divorce before you file for a legal one.

    Judith discusses how to compartmentalize your time, using work as a respite and scheduling specific times to address your divorce.

    Listen in for Judith’s insight on developing a self-care program that includes laughter and learn the communication skills for conflict that will help you sustain a Heart-Healthy Divorce!

    Topics Covered

    The 4 ingredients of what Judith calls a Heart-Healthy Divorce
    1. Settle the emotional divorce before filing for a legal divorce
    2. Learn how to compartmentalize your time
    3. Learn communication skills for conflict
    4. Develop a self-care program that includes laughter
    Engaging a therapist or divorce coach to work through the emotional aspects of divorce
    Why some attorneys take a scorched earth approach to divorce
    How to use work as a respite and schedule specific times to address your divorce
    The service Judith offers as a ‘paralegal on steroids’
    A mediator’s role in helping divorcing couples come to settlement decisions
    Getting educated on divorce law in your state as a first step in the divorce process

    Connect with Judith Weigle

    Divorce Resource, Inc.:
    https://divorceresourceinc.com/
    The Amicable Divorce Expert Podcast:
    https://theamicabledivorceexpert.com/
    The Amicable Divorce Expert on Instagram:
    https://www.instagram.com/theamicabledivorceexpert/
    Judith on Facebook:
    https://www.facebook.com/JudithMWeigle
    Email judy@divorceresourceinc.com

    Connect with Katherine Miller

    The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
    Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
    Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
    The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246
    Email: katherine@miller-law.com
    Call (914) 738-7765

    Resources

    Katherine on The Amicable Divorce Expert Podcast:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=VzS5wNj32uA
    Bill Eddy at the High Conflict Institute:
    https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/bill-eddy
    On Death and Dying by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross:
    https://www.amazon.com/Death-Dying-Doctors-Nurses-Families/dp/1476775540

    • 26 min
    How Unresolved Trauma Causes Communication Breakdown With Dr. Don Wood

    How Unresolved Trauma Causes Communication Breakdown With Dr. Don Wood

    Communication breakdown in a marriage often leads to divorce.

    But the way your partner triggers your nervous system often has nothing to do with them and everything to do with trauma you’ve experienced in the past.

    So, what if you could change the way your mind accesses that trauma and stay present with your partner in those moments?

    Dr. Don Wood, PhD, is CEO of the Inspired Performance Institute and creator of the patented TIPP method for clearing the effects of traumatic events and rebooting the brain for peak performance.

    Dr. Wood is also the author of two bestselling books, Emotional Concussions and You Must Be Out of Your Mind.

    On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Dr. Wood joins Katherine to explain how communication breaks down when the mind perceives a threat and describe how his TIPP method neutralizes our fight-or-flight response.

    Dr. Wood walks us through his memory reset process, weighing in on how unresolved trauma adversely effects our physical and mental health.

    Listen in to understand how trauma interferes with our ability to perform at the highest level and learn how to interrupt the trauma loop that threatens your marriage!

    Topics Covered

    The communication breakdown in Dr. Wood’s marriage that inspired his work
    How communication breaks down when our mind perceives a threat and activates our nervous system
    Why it’s challenging for couples who’ve both experienced trauma to communicate effectively
    How the TIPP method works to reset the way our mind accesses trauma
    What Dr. Wood’s 4-hour memory reset process looks like
    How unresolved trauma impacts our physical and mental health
    How the excess cortisol associated with trauma leads to weight gain
    Why Dr. Wood suggests that both people in a marriage clear their trauma
    How trauma interferes with our ability to perform at the highest level
    Examples of professional athletes Dr. Wood has helped improve their performance

    Connect with Dr. Don Wood

    Inspired Performance Institute:
    https://www.inspiredperformanceinstitute.com/
    Inspired Performance on Facebook:
    https://www.facebook.com/inspiredperformanceinstitute
    Inspired Performance on YouTube:
    https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTKWCHeUmPZSqkvuRTblajA
    Dr. Wood on LinkedIn:
    https://www.linkedin.com/in/dr-don-wood-phd-a71b8412/

    Connect with Katherine Miller

    The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
    Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
    Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
    The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246
    Email: katherine@miller-law.com
    Call (914) 738-7765

    Resources

    Books by Dr. Don Wood:
    https://www.inspiredperformanceinstitute.com/books
    Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman:
    https://www.amazon.com/Thinking-Fast-Slow-Daniel-Kahneman/dp/0374533555
    Adverse Childhood Experiences Study:
    https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/aces/about.html

    • 26 min
    Are You a Trustworthy Partner? Are You Sure? With Matthew Fray

    Are You a Trustworthy Partner? Are You Sure? With Matthew Fray

    Matthew Fray considered himself a good guy. He didn’t lie. He didn’t cheat. He wasn’t violent.

    But his wife didn’t trust him, and the marriage ended in 2013.

    What subtle cues did Matthew miss? What led his ex to believe she couldn’t count on him?

    Today, Matthew is a relationship coach and writer who leans on the lessons of his failed marriage to help others avoid making the same mistakes he did.

    His work has been featured in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal and The Atlantic, among many other media outlets.

    On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Matthew joins Katherine to discuss his book, This Is How Your Marriage Ends: A Hopeful Approach to Saving Relationships.

    Matthew shares the mistakes he made in his own marriage, explaining why conversations broke down any time he disagreed with his ex’s thoughts or feelings.

    Listen in for insight on what it means to be trustworthy in a relationship and learn how to honor your partner’s experience when they ask for help or tell you something’s wrong.

    Topics Covered

    How journaling to understand his divorce led Matthew to write This Is How Your Marriage Ends
    Why conversations broke down any time Matthew’s disagreed with his ex-wife’s thoughts or feelings
    Why it’s crucial to allow your partner the dignity to have their own perspective
    How Matthew’s definition of ‘trustworthy’ includes being there when your partner needs you
    Why relationships are not sustainable in the absence of trust
    How honoring his ex-wife’s experience makes Matthew a more effective coparent
    How Matthew made himself the victim every time his ex asked for help or said something was wrong
    How failing to consider how your partner experiences you demonstrates a lack of respect

    Connect with Matthew Fray

    Matthew’s Website:
    https://matthewfray.com/
    Matthew on Twitter:
    https://twitter.com/mbtttr
    Matthew on Facebook:
    https://www.facebook.com/matthewfrayMBTTTR/
    Matthew on Instagram:
    https://www.instagram.com/frayrelationships/

    Connect with Katherine Miller

    The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
    Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
    Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
    The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246
    Email: katherine@miller-law.com
    Call (914) 738-7765

    Resources

    This Is How Your Marriage Ends: A Hopeful Approach to Saving Relationships by Matthew Fray:
    https://www.amazon.com/This-Your-Marriage-Ends-Relationships-ebook/dp/B097RPC1SD
    ‘The Man Who Coaches Husbands on How to Avoid Divorce’ in The New York Times:
    https://www.nytimes.com/2020/05/18/parenting/marriage-invisible-labor-coach.html
    ‘She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes by the Sink’ on Matthew’s Blog:
    https://matthewfray.com/2016/01/14/she-divorced-me-because-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink/

    • 25 min
    Healing Conversations with Children of Divorce With Ellen Bruno

    Healing Conversations with Children of Divorce With Ellen Bruno

    In 2013, Ellen Bruno released the documentary Split: Divorce Through Kids’ Eyes. In the film, 12 kids aged six to 12 share their experience of their parents’ divorce.

    Ten years later, Ellen sat down with the same 12 kids for a sequel, Split UP: The TEEN Years. What did she learn about how to best support children through the process of divorce?

    Ellen is an award-winning filmmaker with a background in international relief work. She is on a mission to change the culture of divorce in our country through her films and the Split Outreach Project.

    Ellen is also a recipient of both Guggenheim and Rockefeller Fellowships, a Goldie Award for Outstanding Artist and the Shenkin Fellowship from the Yale University School of Art.

    On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Ellen joins Katherine to explain how kids benefit from hearing straight talk about divorce from other kids.

    Ellen shares key lessons from the new film, describing how much time and energy kids spend caretaking their divorced parents and why it’s crucial to tell your children that your divorce is not their fault.

    Listen in to understand how Ellen’s films help parents refocus on their kids’ needs and find out how being heard helps children heal from divorce.

    Topics Covered

    How Ellen’s films give children the opportunity to share their experience of divorce
    What makes kids good ambassadors for changing the culture of divorce in this country
    How much time and energy children spend caretaking their divorced parents
    Ellen’s personal experience with divorce (as a child and adult) and how it inspired the creation of Split
    How kids benefit from hearing straight talk about divorce from other kids
    How Ellen’s films help parents refocus on their kids’ needs and make more skillful choices
    The universal truths that came out of Ellen’s interviews with children of divorce
    Why it’s crucial to tell your kids that your divorce is NOT their fault
    The profound relationship between parental cooperation in divorce and kids’ wellbeing
    Why Ellen suggests opening up a dialogue on divorce with your children

    Connect with Ellen Bruno

    Split Film:
    http://www.splitfilm.org/
    Split Film on Facebook:
    https://www.facebook.com/splitfilmforkids
    Split Film on Instagram:
    https://www.instagram.com/splitfilmforkids/

    Connect with Katherine Miller

    The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
    Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
    Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
    The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246
    Email: katherine@miller-law.com
    Call (914) 738-7765

    Resources

    Split: Divorce Through Kids’ Eyes:
    https://missionfilms.gumroad.com/l/CrAny
    Split UP: The TEEN Years:
    http://www.splitfilm.org/professional_video.html
    Split Outreach Project:
    http://www.splitfilm.org/mailinglist.html
    Split Guide:
    http://splitfilm.org/order.html
    Ellen Bruno on Divorce Dialogues EP045:
    https://divorcedialogues.miller-law.com/empowering-kids-to-share-their-experience-with-divorce/
    Dr. Christina McGhee:
    https://divorceandchildren.com/about-christina-mcghee/

    • 25 min
    Accelerate Your Healing with a Divorce Coach With Wendy Sterling

    Accelerate Your Healing with a Divorce Coach With Wendy Sterling

    Most women realize that the right team can help us move through the divorce process more quickly and easily.

    But what if you’ve already got a therapist and supportive friends and family—and you still feel stuck?

    Wendy Sterling is a top divorce recovery coach and healer, life transition specialist and creator of The Divorce Rehab program. She also serves as host of The Divorced Woman’s Guide podcast.

    Wendy helps newly divorced women who are having trouble moving forward find joy, self-worth and freedom, and her work has been featured on NBC, The List and Thrive Global, among many other media outlets.

    On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Wendy joins Katherine to explain what differentiates a divorce coach from a therapist and describe how she helps divorced women identify what we want and build a vision for the future.

    Wendy discusses what a divorce coach can do that friends and family cannot and walks us through the five steps of her signature Divorce Rehab program.

    Listen in for Wendy’s insight on giving your children the tools to respond to questions about your divorce and learn how investing in a divorce coach can help YOU accelerate the healing process.

    Topics Covered

    What differentiates a divorce coach from a therapist
    How a divorce coach helps you focus on where you want to go based on where you are today
    How building the right support team accelerates your healing
    Why so many divorcing women don’t know what they want and how Wendy coaches them into a vision for the future
    What a divorce coach can do that friends and family cannot
    Wendy’s 5-step Divorce Rehab program
    The spiritual aspect of Wendy’s Divorce Rehab program
    Giving your children the tools to respond to questions about your divorce
    Why Wendy suggests inviting kids to therapy to process their parents’ divorce
    What Wendy would do differently in her own divorce

    Connect with Wendy Sterling

    Divorce Rehab with Wendy Sterling:
    https://wendysterling.net/
    Divorce Rehab on Facebook:
    https://www.facebook.com/wendytsterling
    Divorce Rehab on Instagram:
    https://www.instagram.com/divorcerehabwithwendy/
    The Divorced Woman’s Guide Podcast:
    https://wendysterling.net/podcast/

    Connect with Katherine Miller

    The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
    Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
    Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
    The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246
    Email: katherine@miller-law.com
    Call (914) 738-7765

    • 26 min

Customer Reviews

4.5 out of 5
10 Ratings

10 Ratings

Great Source for Divorce! ,

Sage advice!!

Not only is Katherine a leader in the collaborative divorce space, but she expands her reach beautifully by sharing more conscious collaborative approaches to divorce here! Such a gift!!

phoenix-joli ,

A much needed conversation

Katherine is having the conversations we need to be having more! I wish I’d heard these conversations during my own divorce process but even now, married once again (much more happily), I’m finding it helpful to think about what relationships can become if we are not mindful of the full impact of divorce.

Adam (Muzikm4n) ,

Awesome podcast!

Great podcast for people dealing with or who have dealt with divorce before. Great host and information!

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