Divorce Dialogues Katherine Miller

Anxiety around money puts a strain on any relationship. But for blended families, there’s an added layer of complexity. Who will pay for what? And where is the money coming from? The good news is, remarried couples can alleviate a lot of that stress with a little planning.

Jay Mota is a Certified Financial Planner and Chartered Financial Consultant with Prudential Financial. Born and raised in the Bronx, Jay served in both the US Marine Corps and Army National Guard before transitioning to financial services. Jay studied at NYU, Fordham University and The American College of Financial Services, earning degrees in Business Management, Marketing and Communication. With 20 years of experience in financial planning, Jay is a sought-after international speaker on financial wellness and other industry-related topics. 

On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Jay joins Katherine to discuss the finer points of financial planning for the blended family, explaining how disputes around alimony and child support take both a financial and emotional toll on all involved. He addresses the financial expectations of stepparents, challenging remarried couples to have an honest conversation about their current circumstances as well as their goals for the future. Listen in for Jay’s insight on estate planning in a blended family and learn how to make sure your children from a previous marriage are taken care of after you’re gone.

Topics Covered 

Why Jay recommends that blended families track their income and expenses 

How disputes around alimony and child support take an emotional and financial toll on a blended family

How Jay helps blended families identify the financial facts today, understand each other’s goals and plan for the future

The financial expectations of a stepparent around paying for college

Communicating your decisions re: estate equalization and your stepchildren with your new spouse

The estate planning concerns associated with blended families (and what you can do to make sure your children from a previous marriage don’t get left out)

The value in envisioning how you want your estate to be handled and creating a plan right now

Jay’s fiduciary responsibility to introduce difficult conversations

Jay’s insight on the challenge of retirement planning in a blended family 

Connect with Jay Mota

Emai: jay.mota@prudential.com 

Call (929) 207-3838

Jay on Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/Jay.J.Mota/posts_to_page/

Jay on LinkedIn:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/jaymota

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246
Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com
Call (914) 738-7765

Resources

FAFSA:
https://studentaid.gov/

Family formation through gestational surrogacy can be a beautiful thing. It is also a lengthy, expensive process that comes with mental and emotional challenges. So, what do potential surrogates and intended parents, or IPs, need to know before they move forward? And how are both parties protected so that the surrogate-IP relationship thrives throughout the process?

Alexis Cirel serves as partner in the Matrimonial and Family Law Group at Warshaw Burstein. Alexis is also a recognized leader in the area of reproductive family law, and she was instrumental in the recent passage of the Child-Parent Security Act (CPSA) , the legislation that legalizes gestational surrogacy in New York and ensures protections for New York families formed through assisted reproduction.

On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Alexis joins Katherine to discuss how the relationship between the surrogate and intended parents is formed, explaining what motivates women to serve as surrogates and how the CPSA provides a team of support for all involved. She walks us through the extensive provisions required by law in every surrogacy agreement and describes how negotiated provisions can be tailored specifically to the parties involved. Listen in for Alexis’s insight on how surrogates are compensated and learn how the surrogacy process can both put stress on a marriage and bring intended parents together.

Topics Covered 

How the Child-Parent Security Act legalized gestational surrogacy in New York State 

Why the CPSA is considered the gold standard for assisted reproductive technology

How the relationship between the surrogate and intended parents is formed

What motivates women to serve as surrogates

How the CPSA builds in ongoing protections to make sure the relationship between the surrogate and intended parents thrives throughout the process

The extensive provisions required by law in every surrogacy agreement

How negotiated provisions can be tailored to the specific parties involved

How surrogates are compensated and what a surrogate might ask for beyond base compensation

Where to find resources for professionals involved in the surrogacy process

The financial, mental and emotional challenges associated with entering into a surrogacy arrangement and what happens if the intended parents separate or divorce

How the surrogacy process can both put stress on a marriage and bring a couple together

Connect with Alexis Cirel

Email: acirel@wbny.com 

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246
Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com
Call (914) 738-7765

Resources

The Child-Parent Security Act: https://health.ny.gov/vital_records/child_parent_security_act/

Reproductive Technology Law at Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/reproductive-law-planning

American Society for Reproductive Medicine: https://www.asrm.org/

How do you talk to your partner about money? How about your kids? Many of us are afraid to discuss our finances, so we avoid the subject altogether. But what if you had a new way to initiate the money conversation with your family?

Judith Stern Peck is the Director of the Money and Family Life Project at the Ackerman Institute for the Family, where she serves as Senior Faculty. She has 40 years of experience as a family therapist and family business consultant, helping people break through the barriers of talking about money. Judith is also the author of Money and Meaning: New Ways to Have Conversations About Money with Your Clients—A Guide for Therapists, Coaches and Other Professionals.

On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Judith joins Katherine to explain why money is still such a taboo subject for most people and describe why it’s challenging for many divorcing couples to have explicit discussions about their finances. She introduces us to her framework for talking about money, walking us through an exercise for recognizing when your spending contradicts your values. Listen in for Judith’s insight on getting educated around your household finances and learn a new approach to communicating with your family about money.

Topics Covered

How money carries many different subconscious meanings for people

How to communicate money decisions to your children

Why money is still such a taboo subject for most people

The challenge of talking about money when a couple has established the provider-distributor dynamic

Why the shift from an implicit contract to explicit discussions about money feels uncomfortable for divorcing couples

What people can do to start having better conversations around money

Judith’s exercise for aligning your financial decisions with your values

Recognizing when your spending contradicts your values and having a conversation about it

Judith’s advice for people in families where money is used to control or manipulate behavior

Why getting educated about the use of money in your family is the first step toward spending with intention and taking ownership of financial decisions

Connect with Judith Stern Peck

Judith at Ackerman Institute for the Family: https://www.ackerman.org/faculty/judith-stern-peck-lcsw/

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246
Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com
Call (914) 738-7765

Resources

Judith’s Money and Family Life Research: https://www.ackerman.org/faculty/judith-stern-peck-lcsw/

Money and Meaning: New Ways to Have Conversations About Money with Your Clients—A Guide for Therapists, Coaches and Other Professionals by Judith Stern Peck: https://www.amazon.com/Money-Meaning-Conversations-Clients-Professionals/dp/0470083425

A marriage is more than a romantic alliance. In the eyes of the law, saying I do makes you part of a financial partnership and social unit. And that has implications for EVERY couple, not just the rich and famous. So, what makes a prenuptial agreement a good idea? Is there a way to initiate the discussion without offending your husband- or wife-to-be?

Soumya Evans is a family lawyer, trained mediator and experienced litigator with a clear understanding of the emotional and psychological issues affecting families in separation and divorce. She has been practicing family law exclusively since 2013 and joined Miller Law Group 18 months ago to continue her work helping divorcing couples find solutions that prioritize the family’s wellbeing.

On this episode of the podcast, Soumya joins Katherine to explain why everyone should consider a prenuptial agreement, describing how it creates guidelines for a couple in the event of divorce or death. She introduces us to the difference between separate versus marital property and describes what can and cannot be dictated by the terms of a prenup. Listen in for Soumya’s insight on raising the issue in a non-adversarial way and learn how a prenuptial agreement can benefit you and your future spouse.

Topics Covered

How a prenuptial agreement creates guidelines in the event to divorce or death

Why every couple should consider a prenuptial agreement

How estate planning can be customized to your specific circumstances

The difference between separate property and marital property

Why a prenup can be especially important if you have children from a prior relationship

What can and cannot be dictated by the terms of a prenuptial agreement

How a lawyer can help a less-moneyed partner understand their rights and negotiate for the best possible arrangement under a prenuptial agreement

How long before the wedding Soumya recommends negotiating the prenup

How to raise the issue of a prenup in a non-adversarial way

Why you shouldn’t be offended if your partner asks you to consider a prenup

Connect with Soumya Evans
Soumya at Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/our-attorneys/soumya-evans/
Email soumya@westchesterfamilylaw.com
Call (914) 862-7487

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246
Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com
Call (914) 738-7765

Dating after divorce is intimidating, especially for those of us who never dreamed we’d be looking for love online. So, how do you know when you’re ready to get back into the dating scene? How do you choose the right app? And how do you build a profile that reflects the best version of you?

Alyssa Dineen is the dating coach and personal stylist behind Style My Profile, a consulting agency that helps clients feel better about online dating. Style My Profile is a first-of-its-kind service that offers 1:1 profile help and wardrobe consultation as well as a Mindful Dating Workshop and Membership Program. Alyssa’s has 20-plus years of styling expertise, and her work has been featured on the Today Show, NBC and The New York Times, among many other national media outlets.

On this episode of the podcast, Alyssa joins Katherine to discuss dating after divorce, encouraging us to look at online dating as a language we can pick up with a little practice. She explains why staying in an unhappy marriage is not good for anyone (including your kids) and challenges us to make sure we’re ready to date before we go online. Listen in for Alyssa’s insight on choosing the right dating app for you and get her top tips for putting together an intentional, creative online dating profile.

Topics Covered

Why staying in an unhappy marriage is not good for anyone (including your kids)

How to get past feeling intimidated about dating after a divorce

The importance of modeling a happy, functional relationship for your children

Alyssa’s take on online dating as a new language that you can pick up with practice

How to find the right dating app for you based on age, lifestyle and where you live

Alyssa’s argument for online dating vs. meeting someone in real life

Alyssa’s advice around making sure you’re ready to date again before you create a profile

Why it’s crucial to put effort and creativity into your profile pictures and bio

Why casual photos of you doing things in real life are better than studio shots

How Alyssa serves clients who need support with online dating

Connect with Alyssa Dineen
Style My Profile: https://stylemyprofilenyc.com/

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246
Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com
Call (914) 738-7765

Resources

Alyssa on Divorce Dialogues EP099: https://stylemyprofilenyc.com/
Alyssa’s 12-Week Mindful Dating Webinar: https://stylemyprofilenyc.com/mindful-dating-workshop/
Alyssa’s Dynamic Dating Membership Program: https://stylemyprofilenyc.com/dynamic-dating-membership/
Match: https://www.match.com/
Bumble: https://bumble.com/

As society evolves, the landscape of what a family looks like and who can be parents is changing, too. More and more single people, same-sex couples, transgender individuals and people with medical issues are building families by way of surrogacy or adoption. So, what do those of us who are considering surrogacy need to think about before we start the process?

Lisa Schuman is the licensed clinical social worker behind The Center for Family Building, an organization working to make the journey to parenthood easier. She also serves as the Director of Mental Health Services for Reproductive Medicine Associates of Connecticut and Gay Parents to Be. Lisa offers counseling for parents and children who formed their families through sperm and egg donation or adoption, and she recently testified as a surrogacy expert for the New York State Senate Judiciary Committee.

On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Lisa joins Katherine to discuss the pros and cons of New York’s new surrogacy law and explain why more and more people are using surrogacy to become parents. She describes the separate roles of the surrogate and the egg donor, offering insight on how intended parents decide whether to contribute their own genetic material and why it’s important that everyone involved knows what to expect. Listen in for Lisa’s advice on how to best support single people, gay male couples, transgender women and people with medical issues as they build families through surrogacy.

Topics Covered

Lisa’s take on the pros and cons of New York State’s new surrogacy law
Why more and more people are using surrogacy to become parents
The four categories of people who might use surrogacy to build a family
The process Lisa uses to make sure the intended parents, the surrogate and her partner (if she has one) know what to expect
The separate roles of the surrogate and the egg donor
How intended parents decide whether to use a sperm donor or contribute their own genetic material
Lisa’s insight on the psychological impact of a child being biologically related to one parent and not the other
The altruistic personality type of a typical surrogate
How to support single people, gay male couples, transgender women and people with medical issues who are building their families through surrogacy
Lisa’s advice on getting educated before you look for a surrogacy clinic

Connect with Lisa Schuman

The Center for Family Building: http://familybuilding.net/
The Center for Family Building on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecenterforfamilybuilding/?hl=en
Email lisa@familybuilding.net: mailto:lisa@familybuilding.net

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246
Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com
Call (914) 738-7765

Resources

Family Equality Council’s LGBTQ Family Building Survey: https://www.familyequality.org/resources/lgbtq-family-building-survey/
American Society for Reproductive Medicine: https://www.asrm.org/
ASRM’s Surrogacy Resources: https://www.asrm.org/topics/topics-index/gestational-carrier/
ASRM’s Recommendations for Practices Utilizing Gestational Carriers: https://www.asrm.org/globalassets/asrm/asrm-content/news-and-publications/practice-guidelines/for-non-members/recs_for_practices_utlizing_gestational_carriers.pdf
New York’s New Surrogacy Law: https://www.governor.ny.gov/news/governor-cuomo-unveils-16th-proposal-2020-state-state-legalizing-gestational-surrogacy