26 min

Divorce From a Narcissist, Part 2 Real Life Resilience

    • Personal Journals

Talk back at the mean girl voice in your head! If you don’t have loving people supporting you when you’re in an abusive relationship or you’re unhappy, that mean girl voice in your head starts to take on a life of her own. She represents all the negative people in your life: bad boss, bad mother or father, angry spouse, whoever. You have the power to change that mean girl voice, and anything else about your life. Lindsey Ellison helps people get unstuck and stop beating themselves up.



Destructive Journaling vs Constructive Journaling

We’re back for Part 2 with Lindsey Ellison, founder of Start Over, Find Happiness to talk about journaling your way to a positive place.

Today, we’re going to be covering how constructive journaling can help silence your inner critic and give you clarity when dealing with the narcissist in your life.  For more information specific to narcissism, see Part 1 of Lindsey’s interview at www.stacybrookman.com/lindseyellison1/



* There is a difference between ‘Constructive’ and ‘Destructive’ Journaling.

* Stay away from the negative stories that we tell ourselves, such as “I’m so stupid”, “I’m a horrible mother”, “My kids don’t love me”.

* Instead, create a loving situation for yourself, be kind.  Write as if you are talking to yourself from a 3rd person vantage point.



* If you’re a faith-based person, what would God say to you? If you are not faith-based, what would your best friend say?

* When you write to yourself, you will see a completely different angle on the problem than you see from ‘inside’ the problem.







Journaling for Healing



* Many of us live outside of our bodies-we are just powering through our days.

* Journaling is your one moment where you’re looking inward and dealing with what’s in your heart.

* There are a lot of healing benefits from that and it’s very similar to meditating.



* In yoga, it’s called seeing with your Third Eye. Writing can have the same effect.







Boundaries



* There’s a reason why you’re with a narcissist and it is probably traceable to your childhood.



* If you were being raised with a narcissist or co-dependent, you were likely rewarded for not standing up for yourself.

* If you spoke up or voiced needs, you were probably told you can’t be so ‘selfish’, and you were probably denied what you needed. These small moments are all a form of rejection.

* So when you kept quiet is when there was peace in the household.





* Now, you tend to maintain those patterns through your adult relationships because you haven’t or weren’t able to resolve them. Starting today, you must learn those skills that will make you healthier.



* When you are dealing with narcissists, you have to have boundaries. They don’t like them.

* You must say the words ‘that’s not okay’. You don’t have to say it to them, but you have to start by saying it to yourself.

* Variants can include “You can’t speak to me like that”, ‘I won’t tolerate that”, or “I require change”.





* Having boundaries also means not engaging the narcissist in their behavior



* They cause a drama over virtually everything, called ‘The Narcissistic Vortex’, where even a seemingly innocent compliment can escalate into WWIII

* The tendency for the partner/relative is to get sucked into an argument, try to change their mind, and get them to ‘see the light’.



* This is a fool’s errand because the narcissist is incapable of having a balanced conversation or realizing they are wrong.





* The only way for you maintain emotional health is to not engage with them. Walk away.





* You do not need to be perfect to have boundaries. No one is perfect.

Talk back at the mean girl voice in your head! If you don’t have loving people supporting you when you’re in an abusive relationship or you’re unhappy, that mean girl voice in your head starts to take on a life of her own. She represents all the negative people in your life: bad boss, bad mother or father, angry spouse, whoever. You have the power to change that mean girl voice, and anything else about your life. Lindsey Ellison helps people get unstuck and stop beating themselves up.



Destructive Journaling vs Constructive Journaling

We’re back for Part 2 with Lindsey Ellison, founder of Start Over, Find Happiness to talk about journaling your way to a positive place.

Today, we’re going to be covering how constructive journaling can help silence your inner critic and give you clarity when dealing with the narcissist in your life.  For more information specific to narcissism, see Part 1 of Lindsey’s interview at www.stacybrookman.com/lindseyellison1/



* There is a difference between ‘Constructive’ and ‘Destructive’ Journaling.

* Stay away from the negative stories that we tell ourselves, such as “I’m so stupid”, “I’m a horrible mother”, “My kids don’t love me”.

* Instead, create a loving situation for yourself, be kind.  Write as if you are talking to yourself from a 3rd person vantage point.



* If you’re a faith-based person, what would God say to you? If you are not faith-based, what would your best friend say?

* When you write to yourself, you will see a completely different angle on the problem than you see from ‘inside’ the problem.







Journaling for Healing



* Many of us live outside of our bodies-we are just powering through our days.

* Journaling is your one moment where you’re looking inward and dealing with what’s in your heart.

* There are a lot of healing benefits from that and it’s very similar to meditating.



* In yoga, it’s called seeing with your Third Eye. Writing can have the same effect.







Boundaries



* There’s a reason why you’re with a narcissist and it is probably traceable to your childhood.



* If you were being raised with a narcissist or co-dependent, you were likely rewarded for not standing up for yourself.

* If you spoke up or voiced needs, you were probably told you can’t be so ‘selfish’, and you were probably denied what you needed. These small moments are all a form of rejection.

* So when you kept quiet is when there was peace in the household.





* Now, you tend to maintain those patterns through your adult relationships because you haven’t or weren’t able to resolve them. Starting today, you must learn those skills that will make you healthier.



* When you are dealing with narcissists, you have to have boundaries. They don’t like them.

* You must say the words ‘that’s not okay’. You don’t have to say it to them, but you have to start by saying it to yourself.

* Variants can include “You can’t speak to me like that”, ‘I won’t tolerate that”, or “I require change”.





* Having boundaries also means not engaging the narcissist in their behavior



* They cause a drama over virtually everything, called ‘The Narcissistic Vortex’, where even a seemingly innocent compliment can escalate into WWIII

* The tendency for the partner/relative is to get sucked into an argument, try to change their mind, and get them to ‘see the light’.



* This is a fool’s errand because the narcissist is incapable of having a balanced conversation or realizing they are wrong.





* The only way for you maintain emotional health is to not engage with them. Walk away.





* You do not need to be perfect to have boundaries. No one is perfect.

26 min

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