The podcast from the Divorced Playbook, a guide for living your life as a single parent. Hosted by Scott and Dan Levy. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been divorced eight years — like Scott — one year — like Dan — or one week, there is something everyone can connect with here. The Levy brothers share everything about their lives, and talk through important issues facing parents today. From co-parenting to online dating, this show runs the gamut, in hopes of finding (and sharing) ways to spend less time stressing out and more time with our kids.
Ep 44: D-I-V-O-R-C-E (Seriously, WTF Tammy?)
Dan just procured nearly 200 of his parents' old records, and in piles and piles of hidden gems, one album stood out: Tammy Wynette's "Kids Say The Darndest Things," a compilation of the First Lady of Country's biggest hits about divorce, co-parenting and the traumatizing stigmas that come with a family splitting up that, two generations and half a century later, we're just starting to destroy.
This album is terrifying. So we break it down.
(This is 30 minutes you won't get back. Sorry and you're welcome.)
EP 43: The 25 Percent Boyfriend
Scott is still recovering, but he did set up a fundraiser to help people with addiction. Donate here: https://www.instagram.com/linking/fundraiser?fundraiser_id=1372978096406079
Dan isn't flying solo, however, as Nicole Grey makes her second visit to the show. She isn't talking about interior design, though. She's talking about the perils of online dating! And she brought a friend!
Dan, Nicole and Kate Finlay have a spirited conversation about the most do-and-don't topics around online dating. What are some tell-tale mistakes people put in their dating profiles? What stands out in a profile, and does it translate into a date? What's the worst date they've ever been on?
And what's the 25 Percent Boyfriend?
Leave your thoughts in the comments. We imagine after this conversation...you'll have some.
Ep 42: It's Been A Long, Long Time
We're back! Well, one of us is.
Dan is flying solo on this episode. Unleashed. Untethered. Un...der an hour by a few seconds!
First, an update on Scott's recovery from back surgery. All your best wishes are appreciated so keep them coming.
Key moments from the show:
• Which is worse: someone telling you that they’d rather hang out with no one, or someone telling you they’d rather hang out with a dog?
• Guess which newsworthy politician this is about and you could win money for "ice cream", or "school" or "tuition": "You look at that guy’s face and you think he’s either trying to stick something in me or take something from me. That’s it."
• "In terms of morality, everyone’s got their own level. What are you willing to do? What can you live with? Not what are you willing to do, excuse me. What can you live with?"
• "I play GardenScapes for Christ’s sake. I’m like a grandmother."
• "It’s been a long, long time since I’ve been in a situation where I care about someone this much…as a human, but also in a romantic sense."
• "I mean, I can pay for Top Golf, but I can’t buy a house."
• "I felt less than my wife and then resented her for it and she did nothing. Cognitive distortions."
• "Is part of someone better than none of them?"
• "Am I setting myself up to feel less-than again?"
Ep 41: S.T.O.P. Collaborate & Listen
Today's episode focuses on #15 of our 21 Tips for Spring Cleaning Your Life.
Distress Tolerance - S.T.O.P., which stands for:
Stop/Stay in control, (23:00)
Take a step back, (27:30)
Proceed Mindfully (44:10)
With Easter coming up, and possibly being the first time in 18 months that families can gather for a major holiday, we discuss the importance of limiting stressful situations, and dealing with conflict when it arises.
We talk about the idea of Wise Mind, where the Emotional Mind — thoughts we have based on emotion and feelings — intersects with the Reasonable Mind — the area of the mind for rational thoughts.
Wise Mind is a combination of knowing and feeling something is true and valid.
Download our guide. Here are some quotes:
14:00 - "When you feel like you’re self aware, and you realize you’re not, it’s like devastating. Because then you have no idea. Then you question everything."
17:00 - "I’m constantly asking people in my life, ‘how am I doing? How am I coming across?’"
18:00 - "The idea of being right and being righteous are not the same. You could be right, but you have to play along with other people. But when you’re righteous about it, it’s like, ‘no, this is the way. Everyone follow me. This is the way,’ and some people aren’t going to follow you if you say that."
50:00 - "Just because we don’t have the loudest platform or voice box at this moment doesn’t mean we can’t change the world. And by changing the world, it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to change the entire world. It doesn’t mean that you have to have millions of people following you. If you’re affecting one other human, you’ve changed somebody’s world."
59: 30 - "I’m going to look at it and say, ‘did I make the world a better place in my time?’ And, again, my point is I’m focused on making THE world a better place, instead of making MY world a better place. And that’s a mistake."
1:01:00 - "I think the goal in life is to make THE world, whether that’s the world you can see and you interact with every day a better place, or slightly larger, whatever it is — it’s the definition of what you want it to be, which is the world.
Our job, in addition to just being parents, is to try to make the world a better place when we leave it than when we got here. It doesn’t say you’ve got to impact millions or billions. It doesn’t say you’ve got to have a whole pile of cash in the bank, or whatever it is. You’ve just got to leave the world a better place than it was when you got here. I don’t think that that’s so overwhelming, and I think a lot of people think they need to do more.
If I leave the world a better place than when I got into it, then I’ve done something right."
Ep 40: Passing On, Passing Over
Do you feel like you're sitting in the waiting room...of life?
You are not alone. With more people getting vaccinated and the weather allowing for more outside activities, it's a good time for people to take stock of where they are in life.
But what if you feel like you're in the same place as when the pandemic started? What if you feel like you're in stasis? What do you do?
On today's show:
• Scott follows up on the story about his grandfather coming back as a bird to watch over him, the belief in spirits, reincarnation and religion.
• More detail on our 21 Tips for Spring Cleaning Your Life.
• Dan remarks at the number of people he's matched with or gone out with who are on Instagram now, celebrating #Love with some other guy.
26:50 - "I am in stasis. This whole year feels like, for everyone, your life has been put on hold. But for me, specifically, it’s been the culmination of three years where my life has sort of been on hold and I’m just starting to try to find my footing again to get myself back into this existence and it’s not easy."
35:50 - "I feel like I’m being hung by, like, a hook and just floating, and I’m waiting for someone to come around with a giant stick and a blindfold and just whack the shit out of me until stuff falls out. Because that’s the feeling right now. That I’m just waiting for my guts to fall out on the floor. And yes, I just turned myself into a piñata. I don’t know how, but I felt it was apt."
37:50 - "Social media...it’s all b******t. It's controlled. People put out there what they want you to see."
38:50 - "I’m at the point where I’ve seen people that I’ve gone out with in the past do this three or four times with dudes. So now I realize what people are doing. I want someone that is there for me. I think the love that I want, and that you are now just beginning to talk about, is the kind of love that…I don’t care if anyone knows. I’m not trying to find love to broadcast it to the world, I’m trying to find love so I have peace with me."
39:25 - "We need to help the people that want to be helped. We need to love the people that want to be loved. We need to keep that feeling and that love to ourselves."
41:55 - "You have a tendency, Dan, to focus a little bit more on the negative than on the positive and I just think that’s something you are working on. Correct? Yes?"
"Anyone who has ever met me or listened to this show once is like falling on the ground laughing. You needed to say that? Is that something you felt you needed to explain to the audience or to me?"
45:00 "That's where I'm focused. If you give up on being the best, what's the point?"
45:30 - "I’m always focused on being my best. 'The' best? I don’t know what that means."
Ep 39: 21 Tips for Spring Cleaning Your Life
In this episode, we run through our new downloadable guide, 21 Tips for Spring Cleaning Your Life, available for FREE for a limited time at http://divorcedplaybook.com/springcleaning
Other episode highlights:
Scott explains that he talks to the Levy Bros.' grandfather all the time -- but in the form of a robin (the bird, not the comic character).
Scott also makes the case for business casual to now include sweatpants.
Fun fact: The average American spends 7.7 hours a day being sedentary.
Non-sequitur Quote of the Episode:
Dan: “I got very drunk and did something dumb. That’s what I was going to talk about. When have I ever told a story where I end up and ‘the moral is…I got some!’ It’s always like I’m in a park, being robbed or something. Have you listened to the show?”
Scott: “Not being robbed. Being robbed of your —“
I’ve been a divorced dad for 4 years and wish I had this to listen to when I was newly divorced since none of my friends are divorced then, or now. This is still relatable and helpful. The brother dynamic really helps the show.