Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in Recovery

Allen Berger & Thom Rutledge
  • 4.4 (55)
  • MENTAL HEALTH
  • UPDATED WEEKLY

Bill Wilson, co-founder of Alcoholic's Anonymous, wrote in 1952, "If we examine every disturbance we have, great or small, we will find at the root some unhealthy dependence and its consequent demand." Wilson suggested that if we could identify and continually surrender these unrealistic and unrecognizable demands, that we may then be able to accomplish what he imagined to be recovery's next frontier - something he called emotional sobriety.   Flash forward 70 years, and join psychotherapists and best-selling authors Thom Rutledge and Dr. Allen Berger, who have taken up the mantle of exploring Bill Wilson's new frontier. Welcome to Emotional Sobriety.

  1. Moving Forward After Relapse, Part One

    6D AGO

    Moving Forward After Relapse, Part One

    Thom’s Nutshell: “You cannot work both sides of the serenity prayer. Choose. Commit.” Emotional sobriety is about moving forward. The key to unlocking long term recovery is learning to support ourselves internally by organizing our experience to deal with the struggle. To move through and out of relapse, we can’t collapse into a pile of “shoulds.” Relapse occurs for addicts when they haven’t accepted at an unconscious level that they are powerless. In acceptance we begin to take back our power. Our love and prayers go out to all victims of the wars raging across the entire world. Visit our website: www.emotionalsobriety.info Follow us on social media: Instagram: thomrutledge2 Joe C. Twitter: @Rebellion_Dogs Learn more about Joe C., Secular AA and Rebellion Dogs here: https://rebelliondogspublishing.com    Friendly Circle Berlin workshops: https://friendlycircleberlin.org/events   Allen’s book, 12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety: https://www.amazon.com/12-Essential-Insights-Emotional-Sobriety/dp/1955415129/   Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night, 7pm PST Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below):  https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986   For our ongoing workshop video series on Emotional Sobriety and the 12 Steps, visit our YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHEM2-kqLkfp3I4c0jy-X-g   Also, please join our “Emotional Sobriety and Recovery” FB Group at the following link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/120450976662519 We’d love to stay in touch in between meetings.   We appreciate feedback! Contact Patrick, our producer, at pndirective4@gmail.com for any questions or comments. Chapters (00:00:00) - Working the Serenity Prayer: The Next Step in Recovery(00:04:32) - A Couple's Humility in Recovery(00:09:44) - "Self-Esteem Is Not an All or None"(00:11:13) - How to Talk to Someone Who Relapsed(00:15:33) - The Recovery Decision(00:20:02) - What's the Cause of Early Recovery?(00:22:38) - Tom: Self-Love(00:28:03) - A shout out to our military personnel

    30 min
  2. Adjustments at Close Range

    FEB 24

    Adjustments at Close Range

    Thom’s Nutshell Wisdom: “Practice conversations to convey rather than convince.” Healthy Conversation is “present-centered.” In a healthy conversation, we don’t need to know exactly what we’re trying to convey. With defenses down, we learn more. How much “we,” and how much “I” can we include in any relationship? How can we get on the same side of the problem? Anxiety is at the root of why we do this. We feel threatened so we feel a compulsion to manipulate someone into our point of view. The first step of dismantling this is awareness that its happening. Then we “befriend our experience,” which we derive from the work of Nathaniel Branden. Visit our website: www.emotionalsobriety.info Follow us on social media: Instagram: thomrutledge2 Joe C. Twitter: @Rebellion_Dogs Learn more about Joe C., Secular AA and Rebellion Dogs here: https://rebelliondogspublishing.com    Friendly Circle Berlin workshops: https://friendlycircleberlin.org/events   Allen’s book, 12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety: https://www.amazon.com/12-Essential-Insights-Emotional-Sobriety/dp/1955415129/   Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night, 7pm PST Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below):  https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986   For our ongoing workshop video series on Emotional Sobriety and the 12 Steps, visit our YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHEM2-kqLkfp3I4c0jy-X-g   Also, please join our “Emotional Sobriety and Recovery” FB Group at the following link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/120450976662519 We’d love to stay in touch in between meetings.   We appreciate feedback! Contact Patrick, our producer, at pndirective4@gmail.com for any questions or comments. Chapters (00:00:00) - Talking to Yourself(00:03:54) - John Ammodeo on Self-Acceptance(00:08:17) - Talking to Your Partner(00:12:03) - Getting On the Same Side of the Problem(00:18:20) - The Importance of Negotiation in a Mixed Relationship(00:21:10) - Tom Petty on His Relationship With Deedee(00:24:13) - I Had A Complaint About My AA Friend

    31 min
  3. “The Power of Gentle Presence” with John Amodeo

    FEB 16

    “The Power of Gentle Presence” with John Amodeo

    Former guest and longtime friend John Amodeo joins Allen and Thom to advocate “gentle presence” 9 making ourselves available to the full range of what we’re experiencing in the moment, whether pleasure and pain. People are afraid of their emotions - “If I start crying, when will I stop?” The greater danger, in our experience, is the suppression of emotion. We also touch on processing failure and mistakes, cautioning against blame. When we get stuck in blame, we don’t learn and grow from our experiences. Buy John’s new book, The Power of Gentle Presence: Insights for Inner Peace & Deeper Relationships here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0G1HLNFV5 Visit our website: www.emotionalsobriety.info Follow us on social media: Instagram: thomrutledge2 Joe C. Twitter: @Rebellion_Dogs Learn more about Joe C., Secular AA and Rebellion Dogs here: https://rebelliondogspublishing.com    Friendly Circle Berlin workshops: https://friendlycircleberlin.org/events   Allen’s book, 12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety: https://www.amazon.com/12-Essential-Insights-Emotional-Sobriety/dp/1955415129/   Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night, 7pm PST Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below):  https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986   For our ongoing workshop video series on Emotional Sobriety and the 12 Steps, visit our YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHEM2-kqLkfp3I4c0jy-X-g   Also, please join our “Emotional Sobriety and Recovery” FB Group at the following link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/120450976662519 We’d love to stay in touch in between meetings.   We appreciate feedback! Contact Patrick, our producer, at pndirective4@gmail.com for any questions or comments. Chapters (00:00:07) - Emotional Sobriety with Dr. John Ammodeo(00:01:21) - John Feist in Personal Growth(00:06:42) - Exploring Boundaries(00:11:32) - Boundaries of Personal Experience(00:15:33) - John on Self-Acceptance(00:20:36) - What is Healthy Shame?(00:21:47) - The Importance of Gentle Presence(00:26:31) - Goodbye, Emotional Sobriety(00:27:33) - John and Alan on The Three Pillars of Love(00:32:01) - Emotional Sobriety and Relationships

    37 min
  4. Whitehat Addictions

    FEB 9

    Whitehat Addictions

    Thom checks back in after a long period of freezing weather and system crash in Tennessee, Allen gets honest after recent familial struggles. What makes it difficult for us to own our bad behavior? This week is emotional sobriety through fear and wreckage, demanding cleanup. Thom's Nutshell: Can you describe how you think as well as you can describe what you think?" "In The Daily Stoic, Ryan Holiday offers a question that is simple and profound: "Am I in control of this or is this anxiety?" - anxiety being the tell-tale sign that we feel the need to control what we cannot. When I am experiencing anxiety, then I am wasting valuable energy focusing on what I do not and cannot control. Once I recognize that I am doing this, I shift all of my focus on levitating that chair h with my mind. This is a good example of focusing on PROCESS rather than CONTENT. Focusing on HOW I am thinking rather than WHAT I am thinking. These kinds of changes must be radical in order to be effective. You know, simple but far from easy. (And if you move the chair, please let me know.) Follow us on social media. Instagram: thomrutledge2 Joe C. Twitter: @Rebellion_Dogs Learn more about Joe C., Secular AA and Rebellion Dogs here: https://rebelliondogspublishing.com    Friendly Circle Berlin workshops: https://friendlycircleberlin.org/events   Allen’s book, 12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety: https://www.amazon.com/12-Essential-Insights-Emotional-Sobriety/dp/1955415129/   Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night, 7pm PST Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below):  https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986   For our ongoing workshop video series on Emotional Sobriety and the 12 Steps, visit our YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHEM2-kqLkfp3I4c0jy-X-g   Also, please join our “Emotional Sobriety and Recovery” FB Group at the following link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/120450976662519 We’d love to stay in touch in between meetings.   We appreciate feedback! Contact Patrick, our producer, at pndirective4@gmail.com for any questions or comments.

    35 min
  5. Excavating Your Lost Self

    FEB 1

    Excavating Your Lost Self

    Thom’s Nutshell: "How much of what you believe do you really believe?" Allen and Patrick review a recent Slate article about Emotional Sobriety and push back on some of its premises. Emotional Sobriety isn’t just about taking care of ourselves, it’s about dismantling expectations and developing an entirely new way of living. It offers not just inner peace, but true freedom. The article: “I Quit Drinking. It’s Great. There’s Just One Small Problem.” https://slate.com/advice/2025/08/drinking-alcoholism-emotional-sobriety-dry-drunk-advice.html Follow us on social media. Instagram: thomrutledge2 Joe C. Twitter: @Rebellion_Dogs Learn more about Joe C., Secular AA and Rebellion Dogs here: https://rebelliondogspublishing.com    Friendly Circle Berlin workshops: https://friendlycircleberlin.org/events   Allen’s book, 12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety: https://www.amazon.com/12-Essential-Insights-Emotional-Sobriety/dp/1955415129/   Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night, 7pm PST Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below):  https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986   For our ongoing workshop video series on Emotional Sobriety and the 12 Steps, visit our YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHEM2-kqLkfp3I4c0jy-X-g   Also, please join our “Emotional Sobriety and Recovery” FB Group at the following link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/120450976662519 We’d love to stay in touch in between meetings.   We appreciate feedback! Contact Patrick, our producer, at pndirective4@gmail.com for any questions or comments.

    22 min
  6. "Focus Mokus" with Joe C.

    JAN 27

    "Focus Mokus" with Joe C.

    On clarity, which comes with emotional sobriety: an antidote to impulsivity, rumination, indecision and procrastination. Thom’s nutshell wisdom: Your ego has one value system, your spirit another. Beware of identifying with one and acting from the other. We all experience this. It is the source of our deepest hypocrisy. This is the human struggle: personally and globally. Our hearts go out to the people of Minneapolis. Follow us on social media. Instagram: thomrutledge2 Joe C. Twitter: @Rebellion_Dogs Learn more about Joe C., Secular AA and Rebellion Dogs here: https://rebelliondogspublishing.com    Friendly Circle Berlin workshops: https://friendlycircleberlin.org/events   Allen’s book, 12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety: https://www.amazon.com/12-Essential-Insights-Emotional-Sobriety/dp/1955415129/   Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night, 7pm PST Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below):  https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986   For our ongoing workshop video series on Emotional Sobriety and the 12 Steps, visit our YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHEM2-kqLkfp3I4c0jy-X-g   Also, please join our “Emotional Sobriety and Recovery” FB Group at the following link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/120450976662519 We’d love to stay in touch in between meetings.   We appreciate feedback! Contact Patrick, our producer, at pndirective4@gmail.com for any questions or comments.

    37 min

  7. JAN 19

    Personal Agency in Emotional Sobriety

    "I didn't have a choice." You're selling yourself short. Or you mean, the choice seemed obvious to you. But still, you made the choice. Or - you are making an excuse, ducking responsibility, for a poor choice that you made. Because... We always have choices. Even not making a choice is a choice. Follow us on social media. Instagram: thomrutledge2 Joe C. Twitter: @Rebellion_Dogs Learn more about Joe C., Secular AA and Rebellion Dogs here: https://rebelliondogspublishing.com    Friendly Circle Berlin workshops: https://friendlycircleberlin.org/events   Allen’s book, 12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety: https://www.amazon.com/12-Essential-Insights-Emotional-Sobriety/dp/1955415129/   Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night, 7pm PST Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below):  https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986   For our ongoing workshop video series on Emotional Sobriety and the 12 Steps, visit our YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHEM2-kqLkfp3I4c0jy-X-g   Also, please join our “Emotional Sobriety and Recovery” FB Group at the following link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/120450976662519 We’d love to stay in touch in between meetings.   We appreciate feedback! Contact Patrick, our producer, at pndirective4@gmail.com for any questions or comments.

    28 min
  8. Tout Est Possible

    JAN 12

    Tout Est Possible

    Today’s Nutshell Wisdom: The big difference between passing judgment and exercising judgment: One focuses attention on something I do not control. The other focuses on precisely what I do control. Today we’re back to the serenity prayer and describing what emotional sobriety’s “discovery of new possibilities” could practically mean. Follow us on social media. Instagram: thomrutledge2 Joe C. Twitter: @Rebellion_Dogs Learn more about Joe C., Secular AA and Rebellion Dogs here: https://rebelliondogspublishing.com    Friendly Circle Berlin Workshop Group meets every Monday @ 7:30pm (Berlin), 6:30pm (Ireland & UK), 1:30pm EST, 10:30am PST Zoom Link:  https://us02web.zoom.us/j/5505019905   Allen’s book, 12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety: https://www.amazon.com/12-Essential-Insights-Emotional-Sobriety/dp/1955415129/   Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night, 7pm PST Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below):  https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986   For our ongoing workshop video series on Emotional Sobriety and the 12 Steps, visit our YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHEM2-kqLkfp3I4c0jy-X-g   Also, please join our “Emotional Sobriety and Recovery” FB Group at the following link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/120450976662519 We’d love to stay in touch in between meetings.   We appreciate feedback! Contact Patrick, our producer, at pndirective4@gmail.com for any questions or comments.

    23 min
See All (200)

4.4
out of 5
55 Ratings

About

Bill Wilson, co-founder of Alcoholic's Anonymous, wrote in 1952, "If we examine every disturbance we have, great or small, we will find at the root some unhealthy dependence and its consequent demand." Wilson suggested that if we could identify and continually surrender these unrealistic and unrecognizable demands, that we may then be able to accomplish what he imagined to be recovery's next frontier - something he called emotional sobriety.   Flash forward 70 years, and join psychotherapists and best-selling authors Thom Rutledge and Dr. Allen Berger, who have taken up the mantle of exploring Bill Wilson's new frontier. Welcome to Emotional Sobriety.

Information

You Might Also Like