EP 2 | 5 Signs of Toxic People and How to Get Rid of Them Helping Women Heal From Narcissistic Abuse Such as Gaslighting and Controlling Relationships

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Hey Queens!

I am Christy Jade, adoring wife, adoptive mama and abuse survivor. I now help other women who have gone through abuse (or are going through it) find confidence, power and peace.

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In today's episode, we will talk about the tell-tale signs of a toxic person and how to end toxic relationships. Spoiler alert: you don't owe abusers ANYTHING! 

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TRANSCRIPTION

Speaker 1: (00:00)
Hey Queens. I am so excited you're here today. I'm gonna talk about the top five signs of a toxic person and how to get rid of them. Cuz guess what? We don't like 'em. We don't want toxic people around. Newsflash. That's why we're here, right? Okay. Toxic people are most likely abusive, okay? That is a majority of them are abusive and emotional abuse is often dismissed because there isn't that physical proof like there is with physical abuse. However, it can be just as damaging as physical abuse. And many of you know this, some of you are just figuring this out, and we're gonna dive in to those signs of toxic people and how to get rid of them.

Speaker 1: (00:44)
Welcome to the, but still She Thrives podcast. I'm Christy Jade, adoring wife, adoptive mama, empowerment coach and queen of helping women who have gone through abuse, turn their lives around and start thriving. I know you are sick of feeling not good enough, questioning your decisions, not knowing how to say no, and the stress is still in your body and in your life. You're looking for more joy and just some freaking peace. You wanna feel confident, take your power back and run your life your way. So if you're ready to go from surviving to thriving, grab that venti mocha and let's dig in. If you need help healing from an abusive situation or even leaving an abusive situation, you can grab a call with me. It's $20 off your first empowerment coaching call with me over at Bitly, that's bit.ly/firstcoachingcall. I would love to help.

Speaker 1: (01:42)
Okay, so let's dive in. The five signs of emotional abuse from these toxic people. First of all, they criticize and judge you. They can even pass it off as joking or turn it around and tell you, you are just sensitive, right? I'm here to tell you it is not normal behavior to be constantly criticized and judged by anyone. These people do it as a power play. And if you feel like you have to even ask, are these people always critical of me? The answer's probably yes, and that is a very good sign, right? So you're not too sensitive, you're not crazy, you're a human being with normal emotions and they're messing with you. So we're gonna, we're gonna say a big note of that one, okay? The next sign, they do not respect your boundaries. And you might notice they don't respect other people's boundaries as well, or privacy.

Speaker 1: (02:39)
So these people are very entitled and really don't give a rat's about what you want. Plain and simple. Often abusers are very controlling. They care about themselves and their needs over everyone else. They often really target people pleasers, people who are very over accommodating so that it is easier to control you so they can cross your boundaries without losing you. Okay? So if you feel like you tell them your feelings or you ask them not to do something and they keep on doing it, or they invade your privacy, that is definitely a red flag. Next, they are controlling and possessive, okay? Everything has to be their way. You literally fear speaking up to them or doing things your way because of the wrath that will come. I know when I went through my abusive situation, I felt like I was constantly walking on eggshells.

Speaker 1: (03:42)
I was scared to say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing at all times because I had that constant fear of if I did that, what is to come? Usually emotional abuse for me, there was physical abuse as well, right? So if you are feeling like you are afraid to speak up because of what their reaction will be, that's another telltale sign that you are being emotionally abused. Another sign is they are manipulative and gaslight you. If you don't know what gaslighting is, and an upcoming episode, I am going to be covering all the narcissistic tendencies and gaslighting all of this verbiage for you guys. Um, but plain and simple gaslighting in a nutshell is kind of making you feel crazy and like you're the crazy one. You're at fault making you believe things that aren't true. Switching things around, there's, it's, it's kind of a layered, a layered behavior that they do.

Speaker 1: (04:42)
But in the end, they manipulate and turn things to look not as they are. And in turn, you feel like you are going crazy, but you're not the crazy one, okay? They know how to get you, these people know you. They know how to push your buttons. They know how to get in, you know, play with your heartstrings and get in there. They know how to persuade you and make you think you're nuts. Again, you're not right. So that is a definite sign. If you feel like you're questioning yourself because you could have sworn X, y, Z happened and they say it went this way and they're believable. That's where it can get tricky because you question yourself. So a lot of these traits will add up together and you'll realize you have been the victim of emotional abuse. And so the last one we're gonna talk about today, these are not all of them, but just five big ones, is that they dismiss your feeling.

Speaker 1: (05:38)
This is one of my own triggers from my years of being abused, is if I feel dismissed Now, even though I'm on kind of this other side and healed a lot, there's still a little trigger in me that feels like, oh, I just, I feel dismissed and like I don't matter. And it kind of pokes at that wound, okay? At the end of the day, again, they care about one person themselves, not you, not your feelings, not your desires. They will dismiss you and your feelings and they don't feel bad about it. This can get tricky and we'll do another episode about it, but where especially narcissists and just controlling abusers will be able to fake apologies if they are desperate. Usually they won't own up or be self-aware, but if they're in a desperate situation where they need to fill their own need to either keep you in a relationship or have you not, you know, tell anyone and not they don't wanna look in a bad light, they care what other people think of them, then they may do an apology and pretend to care about your feelings.

Speaker 1: (06:42)
But overall, you get the feeling they don't really care about your feelings unless it is of a benefit to them. Okay, so you've evaluated, maybe you've checked all those lovely boxes, , and you're like, yeah, this is where I'm at, or this is where I was and now I'm recovering and we'll get into that in, in this podcast as a whole. But this is, you know, for everyone to just kind of validate because we often aren't validated. So these signs are for our own validation or to evaluate if you're currently in a situation. So if you have not gotten out of your situation and you're in it, we're gonna talk about how to, you know, get rid of the toxic person. If you're on the ot