Okay girlfriend, we're going there. We're talking about the thing nobody talks about when it comes to eating disorders: sex, intimacy, and what's happening (or NOT happening) in your bedroom. If you've noticed your sex drive has disappeared, you're avoiding intimacy with your partner, you can't be present during sex because you're too busy worrying about what your body looks like, or your relationship is suffering and you don't know why - this episode is for you. Host Lindsey Nichol gets incredibly vulnerable about her own experience with blocked intimacy during her eating disorder - how she was physically shut down, emotionally unavailable, and performing instead of experiencing. She shares the research-backed reasons why eating disorders completely sabotage intimacy (spoiler: your body is literally in survival mode), and gives you practical tools to address it. This isn't just about emotional connection - we're talking about SEX. Physical intimacy. The bedroom. Your relationship with your spouse or partner. Because your eating disorder isn't just stealing your relationship with food and your body. It's stealing your relationship with your partner too. In this episode, you'll learn: The 5 reasons why intimacy gets completely blocked when you have an eating disorder Why your libido has disappeared (hint: hormones, energy, survival mode) How body shame follows you into the bedroom Why you can't experience pleasure when you're disconnected from your body How to check your "intimacy temperature" and get honest about where you are Exactly what to say to your partner about what's going on Practical steps to start reconnecting This is real talk. This is vulnerable. This is the conversation we need to have. So grab your favorite Tarjay journal and let's get into it. Content Note: This episode discusses sexual intimacy and eating disorders openly. Best listened to in a private space. In This Episode, You'll Hear: Lindsey's Vulnerable Truth What intimacy looked like when she was in the thick of her eating disorder Being in a relationship while physically and emotionally shut down Not being present during sex - performing instead of experiencing Constantly worried about what her body looked like during intimacy Anxious thoughts: "Is my stomach flat enough? Can he feel certain parts? Should the lights be off? Should I keep my shirt on?" The realization: She wasn't experiencing intimacy, she was performing it The Research Nobody Talks About Women with eating disorders experience significantly higher rates of sexual dysfunction Lower libido, avoidance of intimacy, relationship dissatisfaction are common We suffer in silence, fake it, avoid it, make excuses And our relationships suffer while we pretend everything is fine The Question We're Answering Why is intimacy blocked when you struggle with an eating disorder? And what can you actually DO about it? The 5 Reasons Why Intimacy Gets Blocked: Reason #1: Your Body is Literally Shutting Down When you restrict food, your body goes into survival mode Sex, reproduction, intimacy are NOT essential for survival Your hormones tank: estrogen, progesterone, testosterone plummet Your libido disappears completely You lose your period (amenorrhea) Your energy is non-existent Research shows women with anorexia and bulimia have significantly disrupted hormone levels All of these hormones impact sexual desire and function If you have zero sex drive, if intimacy feels like a chore, if you're exhausted - your body is saying "I don't have resources for this" Your body is trying to keep you alive, not reproduce Reason #2: You're Disconnected From Your Body When you spend every day hating, criticizing, punishing your body - you disconnect You dissociate from physical sensations The problem: You can't experience pleasure in a body you're not connected to Intimacy requires being IN your body, feeling sensations, being present But when you're trapped in your head analyzing what you look like - you're performing, not experiencing Research: Women with eating disorders report significantly higher body image concerns during sexual activity This directly correlates with lower sexual satisfaction and avoidance behaviors You can't enjoy intimacy when you're worried about appearance the entire time Reason #3: The Shame is Paralyzing Body shame doesn't stay in the mirror - it follows you into the bedroom When you feel disgusting in your own skin, how are you supposed to let someone see it? Touch it? The shame is so heavy that many women avoid intimacy altogether Making excuses, shutting down, pulling away Being vulnerable and exposed when you feel shame about your body is terrifying Intimacy requires vulnerability - shame blocks that completely Reason #4: You're Emotionally Unavailable When you're consumed by an eating disorder, there's no room for anything else Your entire mental and emotional bandwidth is taken up by food thoughts, body checking, planning, restricting, compensating You don't have capacity to show up emotionally for your partner Can't connect, can't be present, can't be intimate beyond the physical act Intimacy requires emotional availability When your eating disorder is screaming 24/7, you're not available - you're surviving Reason #5: Control Issues Prevent Vulnerability Eating disorders are about CONTROL Intimacy requires letting GO of control, being vulnerable, surrendering If you can't let go of control long enough to eat without anxiety, how can you surrender during intimacy? The same rigidity and need for control with food shows up in the bedroom It blocks true intimacy completely The Impact on Your Relationship: What This Means: Distance and disconnection in your relationship Your partner might feel rejected, confused, helpless They might think you're not attracted to them anymore They might think they did something wrong You feel guilty, broken, like you're failing at one more thing "I can't do anything right - not food, not my body, and now not my relationship" The Truth You Need to Hear: This is not a personal failure. This is a SYMPTOM of your eating disorder. Just like: Restriction is a symptom Body checking is a symptom Blocked intimacy is a symptom The Hope: Research shows that as women recover from eating disorders, sexual function, desire, and satisfaction improve SIGNIFICANTLY. Recovery doesn't just give you food freedom - it gives you intimacy freedom too. If your relationship is suffering, recovery is the answer. Not just for food. Not just for your body. But for your relationship too. What You Can Do About It (6 Action Steps): Step 1: Check Your Intimacy Temperature Get honest with yourself. On a scale of 1-10, where is your intimacy RIGHT NOW? Not where you think it should be. Not where it used to be. Where is it TODAY? Ask yourself: Am I avoiding intimacy? Am I going through the motions? Am I anxious the entire time? Am I emotionally checked out? Is my libido non-existent? Am I making excuses to avoid it? Get real about what's actually happening. You can't change what you won't acknowledge. Step 2: Recognize This is an ED Symptom Stop blaming yourself. Stop thinking you're broken or wrong or failing. This blocked intimacy is a SYMPTOM of your eating disorder. Your body is depleted. Your hormones are disrupted. You're disconnected. You're consumed. This isn't about: Not loving your partner enough Being inadequate Being broken Personal failure This is about your eating disorder stealing one MORE thing from you. Name it for what it is: An eating disorder symptom. Step 3: Bring It Into the Light - Talk to Your Partner This is the scariest step, but it's the most important. You have to talk to your spouse or partner about what's going on. When to Have This Conversation: NOT in the moment NOT during intimacy In a calm, safe space where you can be honest What to Say (Script): "Hey, I need to talk to you about something that's been hard for me. I've been struggling with my relationship with food and my body, and it's affecting our intimacy. I want you to know it has nothing to do with you or how I feel about you. My body is depleted, my hormones are off, and I'm having a hard time being present. I'm working on it, but I need you to know what's going on." You Don't Need: All the answers A complete plan To have everything figured out You Just Need: To be honest about what's happening To help them understand it's not about them To let them in instead of shutting them out Step 4: Start Small With Reconnection You don't have to fix everything overnight. Start somewhere small. Ideas: Physical touch that's NOT sexual - holding hands, cuddling, hugging Reconnecting with non-sexual physical intimacy first Being honest when you're not in the mood instead of forcing it or avoiding it Working on being present - staying in your body during intimacy instead of in your head Taking pressure off yourself and your partner Just start. Somewhere. Anywhere. Step 5: Work on Body Acceptance You don't have to LOVE your body to be intimate. But you do have to accept that your body is allowed to: Exist Be touched Experience pleasure Take up space This is work: Therapy work Coaching work Recovery work Daily practice work The more you work on accepting your body (not loving it, just ACCEPTING it), the more available you'll be for intimacy. Step 6: Prioritize Your Recovery If you want intimacy back in your relationship, you MUST prioritize recovery. Because the eating disorder is the blocker. What This Looks Like: Get support (coach, therapist, dietitian) Join a community Do the work of nourishing your body Work through the shame Address the control issues Heal the disconnection Recovery gives you: Food freedom Body peace Your relationship back Intimacy freedom Key Takeaways: ✨ Your ED isn't just stealing food freedom - it's stealing intimacy too ✨ Blocked intimacy is a SYMPTOM, not a personal failure ✨
