Ep 5 | How to Handle Narcissistic Abusers : The Grey Rock Method | Abuser Recovery for Professional Women

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Hey Queens!

In a situation with a Narcissist and can't seem to navigate how to handle the situation? If you cannot go no contact with this abusive person, the next best thing is what is called, "The Grey Rock Method" and this episode is dedicated entirely to it. Because it is that good and effective! Make sure to save this episode, as you surely refer back to it.

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I am Christy Jade, adoring wife, adoptive mama and abuse survivor. I now help other women who have gone through abuse (or are going through it) find confidence, power and peace.

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---------TRANSCRIPT----------

Speaker 1: (00:00)
Hello Queens. So you've tried everything from being sticky, sweet, and kind to yelling back at a toxic person in your life. Nothing seems to work at keeping them away or stopping their horrible behaviors. Well, in today's episode, we're going to talk about my second favorite technique to use against the toxic and narcissistic abusers called the Grey Rock Method. My first favorite is No Contact . We talked about that in episode four. If you wanna refer back to that one, if you haven't already, and for this episode, trust me, you're going to want to save it and go back to it again and again.

Speaker 1: (00:41)
Hey friends, welcome to the But Still She Thrives podcast. I'm Christty, Jade, adoring wife, adoptive mama, empowerment coach and queen of helping women who have gone through abuse, turn their lives around and start thriving. I know you are sick of feeling not good enough, questioning your decisions, not knowing how to say now, and the stress is still in your body and in your life. You're looking for more joy and just some freaking peace. You wanna feel confident, take your power back and run your life your way. So if you're ready to go from surviving to thriving, grab that venti mocha and let's dig in. Do you need help leaving or help healing from an abusive situation? I gotcha. I wanna help you. That is what I am here for. It is my specialty and I am giving $20 off your first call for a limited time. Um, it's empowerment coaching call 60 minutes and then we can go from there and you can sign up over at Bit.ly/firstcoachingcalll. I would love to help you.

Speaker 1: (01:50)
So I can say from experience, this is the second most successful tool I used against a narcissist in my life. I will not say it was easy, especially at first, but whoa, the results were amazing and continue to be amazing. So, you know, my favorite tool is called Run the F Away Fast. But if you cannot go no contact, if you have shared custody, maybe it's your boss and you need the job desperately, uh, maybe you have adult children that you can't let go of elderly parents, this one is for you. So what is the Gray Rock method? It is exactly that. A gray rock is boring, right? It blends in with everything. It's just kind of there. Nothing can be as boring as a gray rock. The result is being ignored. So you are engaging in no or very minimal response to the toxic person.

Speaker 1: (02:45)
Not explaining yourself, not defending yourself, not arguing, just, just not, not taking the bait. And you become boring to them. Eventually, I say eventually and no longer a source of narcissistic supply, right? They always need that supply. And over time when you do this, they are not getting what they literally need from you. They want to argue, they want to have conflict with you. So in a normal relationship, it is normal for you to engage. Let's say you're in conflict, it's normal to engage question to pry even to defend your point of view. All of that is very normal when you're having discussions, maybe arguments and anything like that in normal relationship. But when you do that with a narcissist, you will feel the wrath. Do you know the wrath? I think we're all familiar with the wrath of a narcissist. So all of the things we talked about in the past episodes will come up.

Speaker 1: (03:42)
The gas lighting, you know, all the, the hoovering, all of those things will come up after you have had conflict with them and they feel out of control. Okay? So this gray rock doesn't come from defeat though, but power, and that's what I love about it. It doesn't come from this just, gosh, I'm so just, ugh, I just can't do this anymore. I'm wrecked, I'm tired, which you probably will be, but take your power back and decide I am going to be a grey rock and get that power back. It's intentional. You're not going to play their game anymore. You are choosing to not play. So to avoid being treated poorly over and over and over, you are choosing peace for yourself. When you become uninterested in playing the game, therefore you become uninteresting to them and won't give them the supply they seek, that's when it gets good.

Speaker 1: (04:41)
It can take time to get there. At first, they typically will get angry. That will be the response. They feel like they're being ignored or they're not getting what they often seek, right? They're not getting that emotional response from you. They're not getting these long drawn out fights that they crave. You are basically cutting the oxygen off to a fire. So they may threaten you, they may bait you more, come at you harder, et cetera. Keep gray rocking. And that's the hardest part is the beginning. Because they will come harder, they will come louder. But the key here is eventually they will give up and find a new source or try to find a new source. And this can take time but is obviously very worth it. So be strong. This part is very important to hold on to those boundaries. Acting like the gray rock and just really, really being very strong and grounded in this.

Speaker 1: (05:40)
Okay? When you first gray rock, they will feel you have moved on and they'll feel out of control because keep in mind they're always seeking control of you or they are trying to check if they still have control. Always those two things, okay? So when they feel like they do not have control or, or they are losing control of their victim, they get very, very insecure and you have to not care about their reactions. They're gonna have loud reactions. Uh, they will do the gaslighting. They will say things like, oh, you're too good for me now. All of those things, okay? They will dismiss you, be condescending, they'll try whatever they need to. They're desperate. You have to be strong again, you may start to even feel guilt that they are actually finally uncomfortable and they seem outta control. And they may cry, they may put on the tears, they might be kind of out of their minds.

Speaker 1: (06:30)
And you might as an empath, as uh, someone with a big heart who they usually prey on. I'm assuming you may have a couple of those traits. You may feel guilty or bad. This is where it's hard. This is where you have to be very, very strong. So do not appease them. Keep on the track to avoid the drama and keep your peace. Protect your peace, protect your peace. When you stick to it, you will see them start to lose interest. Slowly. It takes some time and they will back away. Even though this is good, if you've been w