EP 83 | Saddle Your Own Horse - Part 3: Stop Rescuing, Start Leading

In this episode of Being in the Arena, Zach Arend pokes about the pitfalls of leaders always stepping in to save their teams, which can stunt growth and create a hidden culture of irresponsibility. Using a heartfelt story about his daughter’s talent show, Zach illustrates the importance of letting people figure things out on their own. This episode is part three of his series on the principles from his TED talk, Saddle Your Own Horse. Tune in to learn how giving others space to take responsibility can lead to extraordinary results.
Learn more about Zach:

• Zach’s Website

Episode resources:

• Work with Zach
• Book Zach to Speak

If you enjoyed this episode then please either:

• Follow, rate, and review on Apple Podcasts
• Follow and rate on Spotify
  
  

Connect with me on Instagram and Facebook!

TRANSCRIPT BELOW:

Zach Arend: We jump in and we rescue them. We are so unwilling to see them fail that we will not give them the space to figure it out on their own.

So therefore they never grow.

Welcome to being in the arena. This is a podcast for leaders, executives, sales professionals, people who are in the arena of their lives and their leadership, trying to create results for the organization while maximizing their impact and influence with those they lead.

So today we're going to call this part three of a four-part series, where we're diving deeper into this idea of Saddle Your Own Horse. I did a TED talk on this about a month ago now. And I only had 10, 12 minutes to really deliver that message. And I've just wanted to go deeper. And this four-part series is somewhat of a masterclass on some of the concepts I introduce in the TED talk. And so if you've been following along then you know, part one we really explored how we're not burnt out, we're bored out. More of us are actually bored than we are burnt out. We know deep down, we're not doing what we know we can do, and that's true for us. And that's true for a lot of the individuals in our organizations and for those we lead. And as long as we keep reacting to what we believe is burnout, we're going in the opposite direction.

So that's what we explored in part one and how we've got to start asking more of people, not less, that's actually what they want from us. They want us to expect more of them. And that starts ultimately with you and me expecting more of ourselves. That's part one. Part two, we looked at three questions that you have to answer yes to, to create the conditions for you to fully be your best and come to work fully engaged. And again, what's true for you is also true for those you lead. So those three questions. What's your answer to those three questions? Do you feel sense of choice in what you're doing? Do you feel effective while also challenged by it?

And do you feel you're able to do it on your terms? Those are the three questions, but we take a unique perspective in looking at those three. In the last episode and I'm realizing that the sound quality of the last episode, isn't great. There's something going on with my mic. But once you get over, it just sounds a little different.

You can still make it out. I might be going back and recording that at some point. But it's still worth listening to co cause it's the relationship to those three questions. Do I feel sense of choice? Do I feel effective while also challenged by what I'm doing? And do I feel like I'm able to do it on my terms? It's your relationship with those questions that really determine that really make the difference. So that's part two.

Today is part three. And I'm calling this one Resolving the Hidden Culture of Irresponsibility. Resolving the hidden culture of irresponsibility, because it is hidden. We don't realize it's there. It's very subtle, but it is diminishing our ability to create extraordinary results together, which we're going to get to in part four like, how exactly to do that.

But first we have to address this hidden culture of irresponsibility. And I. I was like, I wrote the word. I'm like, "ah, that's kind of harsh, irresponsible. I'm saying we have hidden cultures of irresponsibility?" And I'm like, "wow, I don't know. I, it seems a little extreme," but I looked up the word irresponsible and I'm like, no, it's, that's what I'm saying. Lack of proper sense of responsibility.

That's the meaning of irresponsibility? A lack of proper sense of responsibility. Proper sense of responsibility. Those, those five words. Are really what I'm getting at, the sense of responsibility. We don't feel a sense of responsibility. The individuals in our organizations do not feel the weight of responsibility.

And I believe and what I've witnessed and observed in myself and teams I've lead and my clients is it's not until we feel the weight of responsibility that we really truly thrive in and be our best. And bring our full A-game to the table and that's what we're here to do. And I believe when you're bringing your A-game to the table, you're, you're engaged with life.

Like your life is exciting. And it has vitality and people don't leave companies that feel like where they feel like they're challenged and effective at what they're doing and able to bring their A- game and have impact and feel like they're making a contribution. Like, I don't know about you, but I wouldn't, I don't leave organizations like that. Because I feel I have a sense of purpose.

I have necessity and we explored in a previous episode, modern society has perfected the art of making people not feel necessary. And so to do this, we have to allow people to feel the weight of their own responsibility. And that is the very definition of necessity and feeling necessary. And we have this hidden culture of irresponsibility, meaning we don't have this sense of responsibility. And I want to, I want to share a story. My daughter, my middle daughter.

She's she's nine. She's going to be 10 in like a month. Well, she's my musical theater child. She loves musical theater, dance, theater acting, singing all of it. And we've been auditioning a lot and working really hard on some songs and, and, and just It's been our world for the last several months. Well, it, funny story is she comes home from school and we get a little piece of paper in the folder.

You know, I don't know about you, but my kids don't really ever tell me anything. It's just like we find out because we opened the folder. Well, there's this folder. It's like talent show, you know, it's like 30 days out talent show, third grade talent show. And I asked her, I'm like, you know, Sophie, I, are you you doing the talent show?

She's like, "no." I am like "okay." And I just was a little shocked, cause she's usually all over that stuff, but she's like, "no." And weeks go by and now it's like a week out. And she comes home. She's like, "mom, dad, you know, I'm, I'm going to sing in the talent show" and, and then apparently her teacher talked her into it.

Teacher found out she could sing. And so she's like, "Sophie, you need to be in the talent show and stuff." And Sophie's like, "okay." Well, we have been busy and doing all kinds of things and we're in the car the day before the town show and I'm like, Sophie, how are you feeling with your song? She's like, I'm pretty good. And I'm wondering like, well, she knows the song, but she knows like a minute of the song.

Cause that's the section she's been practicing for additions, but it's like a three, four minute song. So I'm like, Does she know the song? So, you know, I put it on Spotify and we find a an instrumental version of piano version where there's no words. Because I'm like, let's see if she knows it.

If she's ready for tomorrow. And so sure enough, she just starts with a bang. She knows like the first minute, minute and a half of the song. And then all of a sudden it's like, Oh, And dad, you know, me, I'm like, oh, she's not ready. And there was a part of me. That's like, oh my God, she's not ready.

She's she's gonna bomb, you know? And. And. I wanted so bad to jump in and rescue her. I'm like, oh, we've got to practice tonight. Maybe I maybe, maybe she could tell the teacher that, you know, let's just play this two minute part. Let's not play the whole song. And I just stopped myself. I'm like, you know what?

She signed herself up for this. She says, she's ready. Who am I to say she's not ready? Like give her some room, let her figure it out. And I did. It was hard. Well, part of letting her figure it out was it's 10 o'clock at night. And I hear her belting the song from her room and I want to walk in a room like Sophie it's time for bed, but I'm like, no, like, let her, let her practice, you know. Leave her alone. Let her, let her do it her way. And then this morning, I hear her practicing some more and I'm like, you know what? Maybe she's ready.

I don't know. Like I haven't heard her. You know, I'm just letting her be, do her thing. Well, we get there to the performance and she's up. And she's standing in the center of the stage already, you know, hands to her side. And then I see her walk up, walk acros