Ep76: Are you an over-functioning woman in your relationship? With Dr. Ashley Southard

There's a difficult dynamic in many relationships: over-functioning people (usually women) are together with an under-functioning partner. Dr. Ashley Southard has been a family therapist for over two decades and in the past couple of years has given voice to many unhealthy dynamics couples find themselves in. 

"Over-functioning really speaks to kind of the emotional and mental labor that somebody is carrying in the relationship to keep that relationship going...they are doing the bulk of the relationship work. And conversely, then the under-functioning partner is not carrying the load. They are not really focusing on the relationship. They're not putting the effort and the energy into keeping this relationship functional and healthy. The over-functioning partner is doing nearly all of that work on their own and trying to hold this relationship together with their own hands without the help of their under-functioning partner." (Dr. Ashley Southard)

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Dr. Ashley Southard is a psychotherapist in Scottsdale, AZ, specializing in The Overfunctioning Woman in Love who is struggling with the confusing, exhausting, and lonely dynamics of one-sided, unfulfilling love relationships. With over 20 years of clinical experience treating complex trauma, anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and relationship issues, coupled with her own personal journey out of Overfunctioning, Dr. Ashley loves nothing more than creating an emotionally safe space for women to discover that they are not ‘crazy’ or ‘broken’…and that they have the power to become the Self-Restored Woman they were always meant to be! Dr. Ashley is also very active on Instagram, offering life-changing information to “make sense out of the nonsense.” She has amassed a strong following of women who are remembering their power, learning how to come back home to themselves, and healing in community with other Self-Restoring women.

You can find Dr. Ashley at https://www.instagram.com/drashleysouthard

or her website at https://www.drashleysouthard.com/

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Chapters

00:00 Understanding Over-Functioning and Under-Functioning 02:34 The Dynamics of Emotional Labor in Relationships 05:25 Identifying Practical Examples of Over-Functioning 08:27 Navigating Feelings of Discrepancy in Relationships 11:20 The Challenge of Making Partners Change 14:21 The Pain of the Liminal Space 17:20 Stepping Back vs. Quiet Quitting in Relationships 29:11 Navigating Communication in Relationships 31:19 The Challenge of Parenting with an Under-Functioning Partner 35:28 Understanding the Impact of Under-Functioning on Children 42:23 Roots of Under-Functioning: Childhood Dynamics 47:21 The Cycle of Over-Functioning and Under-Functioning 53:51 The Journey of Self-Restoration and What We Deserve 01:00:37 Navigating Relationship Dynamics 01:02:07 The Risks of Over-Functioning 01:04:20 Self-Restoration Journey 01:06:34 Facing the Fear of Self-Discovery 01:09:00 The Power of Awareness 01:11:29 Personal Journey of Transformation 01:15:30 Shifting Focus to Self-Change 01:18:59 The Importance of Self-Validation 01:21:51 Parting Thoughts on Kindness and Compassion