Episode 019: Holiday and birthday gifting with our kids: Why we (try to) focus on giving experiences vs toys The Best We Could: A Parenting Manual for Our Kids
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- Parenting
My six-year-old son recently asked me to tell him a story about Christmas, specifically about the gifts I got when I was a little boy. I told him that I found it difficult to recount any gifts, not because I didn’t get any, but because with one or two exceptions, the gifts were utterly forgettable. Experiences that were given as gifts, on the other hand, produced vivid memories even decades later. In this episode, I discuss how we used to think about giving, and how we think about it now.
Summary and Notes
[00:00:50] – Lionel Train set, the annual gift tradition
[00:02:37] – Experiences vs objects for gifts
[00:06:36] – The Nerf gun vs My son’s favorite toy
[00:09:40] – Birthday party gifts, handmade… no stress
[00:13:00] – Intentionality in gift-giving
[00:18:25] – Intrinsic vs external motivations
Quotes from the episode:
“It was wonderful because although the experience itself was fun, the train ride in whatever, the kids are going to remember highlights from the train highlights from the hotel, but they’re going to remember being together.” [00:05:50]
“But the bottom line is that there may be a novelty to getting something new and there is value in novelty, of course. But I think that I would rather, I would rather have him focus on getting, Oh, a smaller number of quality toys. That he remembers and works with and potentially even saves as a, you know, as he grows into a young adult and then a man, versus filling our house, like a landfill filled with toys for us to trip over, and eventually either donate or give away or throw out.” [00:08:15]
“So much material stuff., it just seems like the kids are chasing the next high. It’s like. They open one thing and they can’t even look at it, and they want to know what’s next and what’s next and what’s next. And obviously eventually that ends. And it’s a huge let down because you can’t open presents from now until eternity.” [00:12:24]
“I definitely would challenge people to think about how to focus more on the experiences and if you are going to give material gifts, real intentionality behind it, like what is the kid going to get out of this. And are they going to remember it even six months from now, let alone a lifetime from now when they’re an adult.” [00:14:33]
“I want my children to understand what they are signaling to other people by wearing a specific name brand or a specific style or whatnot… And what comes along with that signaling… if they’re not aware of it (why they buy certain things), I think is the biggest danger… Granted, there can be some utility to dressing up in a certain way if your job requires that… but, at the same time, if you just go out and copy what somebody else (you admire or aspire to) is doing without thinking about that and just acquire those things because you think that by virtue of acquiring those things it will somehow imbue the qualities of someone who you aspire to be on you. Then that’s a really dangerous and slippery slope… that I once fell into” [00:19:23]
Transcript Below
My six-year-old son recently asked me to tell him a story about Christmas, specifically about the gifts I got when I was a little boy. I told him that I found it difficult to recount any gifts, not because I didn’t get any, but because with one or two exceptions, the gifts were utterly forgettable. Experiences that were given as gifts, on the other hand, produced vivid memories even decades later. In this episode, I discuss how we used to think about giving, and how we think about it now.
Summary and Notes
[00:00:50] – Lionel Train set, the annual gift tradition
[00:02:37] – Experiences vs objects for gifts
[00:06:36] – The Nerf gun vs My son’s favorite toy
[00:09:40] – Birthday party gifts, handmade… no stress
[00:13:00] – Intentionality in gift-giving
[00:18:25] – Intrinsic vs external motivations
Quotes from the episode:
“It was wonderful because although the experience itself was fun, the train ride in whatever, the kids are going to remember highlights from the train highlights from the hotel, but they’re going to remember being together.” [00:05:50]
“But the bottom line is that there may be a novelty to getting something new and there is value in novelty, of course. But I think that I would rather, I would rather have him focus on getting, Oh, a smaller number of quality toys. That he remembers and works with and potentially even saves as a, you know, as he grows into a young adult and then a man, versus filling our house, like a landfill filled with toys for us to trip over, and eventually either donate or give away or throw out.” [00:08:15]
“So much material stuff., it just seems like the kids are chasing the next high. It’s like. They open one thing and they can’t even look at it, and they want to know what’s next and what’s next and what’s next. And obviously eventually that ends. And it’s a huge let down because you can’t open presents from now until eternity.” [00:12:24]
“I definitely would challenge people to think about how to focus more on the experiences and if you are going to give material gifts, real intentionality behind it, like what is the kid going to get out of this. And are they going to remember it even six months from now, let alone a lifetime from now when they’re an adult.” [00:14:33]
“I want my children to understand what they are signaling to other people by wearing a specific name brand or a specific style or whatnot… And what comes along with that signaling… if they’re not aware of it (why they buy certain things), I think is the biggest danger… Granted, there can be some utility to dressing up in a certain way if your job requires that… but, at the same time, if you just go out and copy what somebody else (you admire or aspire to) is doing without thinking about that and just acquire those things because you think that by virtue of acquiring those things it will somehow imbue the qualities of someone who you aspire to be on you. Then that’s a really dangerous and slippery slope… that I once fell into” [00:19:23]
Transcript Below