26 min
Episode 104 - Reintegration Simply Resilient - A Podcast For Military Wives
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- Education
In this episode we are talking about reintegration. The key is to focus on managing your mind and your emotions and giving your partner the space to work through their feelings without adding a lot of extra hurt/drama/pressure/stress by making the way they are behaving mean something about you. You are both going through this reintegration transition and it isn't easy, but when we give our partner the benefit of the doubt and focus on ourselves/our mental health/ our behavior rather than what you think they need to be doing so that you can feel better it goes so much better. There are so many excellent resources available on reintegration and I recommend you seek those out as well. My main message is this is a time that we get easily offended and hurt because we're so excited they are home and whether we want to or not we have expectations that are often not met.
The visual I use is whenever you catch your finger pointing out at your partner (he isn't doing this, he won't stop doing this, I cant believe he blank, why won't he blank) then you know you are SUPER focused on him and ignoring you. The truth is that you both need to work through this. So if you're struggling during deployment then some of the problem is with you and some of the problem is with him which means that some of the solution is with you and some of the solution is with him. But if your finger is pointed at him and you are focused on him and his behavior and you are feeling hurt and resentful, then you are trapped in thinking the whole problem is with him and the whole solution is with him. The problem with that is it is not true and it makes us feel very out of control because we can't control him and make him change his behavior and "fix" the problems. I ask my clients to turn the finger around and focus on themselves and what is in their control. What you both need is time and love and space and grace to work through it in whatever ways you do that and that comes from focusing on the parts in your control which is you. Enjoy!
In this episode we are talking about reintegration. The key is to focus on managing your mind and your emotions and giving your partner the space to work through their feelings without adding a lot of extra hurt/drama/pressure/stress by making the way they are behaving mean something about you. You are both going through this reintegration transition and it isn't easy, but when we give our partner the benefit of the doubt and focus on ourselves/our mental health/ our behavior rather than what you think they need to be doing so that you can feel better it goes so much better. There are so many excellent resources available on reintegration and I recommend you seek those out as well. My main message is this is a time that we get easily offended and hurt because we're so excited they are home and whether we want to or not we have expectations that are often not met.
The visual I use is whenever you catch your finger pointing out at your partner (he isn't doing this, he won't stop doing this, I cant believe he blank, why won't he blank) then you know you are SUPER focused on him and ignoring you. The truth is that you both need to work through this. So if you're struggling during deployment then some of the problem is with you and some of the problem is with him which means that some of the solution is with you and some of the solution is with him. But if your finger is pointed at him and you are focused on him and his behavior and you are feeling hurt and resentful, then you are trapped in thinking the whole problem is with him and the whole solution is with him. The problem with that is it is not true and it makes us feel very out of control because we can't control him and make him change his behavior and "fix" the problems. I ask my clients to turn the finger around and focus on themselves and what is in their control. What you both need is time and love and space and grace to work through it in whatever ways you do that and that comes from focusing on the parts in your control which is you. Enjoy!
26 min