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Hi! Welcome back…. Those of you that are new to the podcast I want to give you a warm welcome, I am so glad you are here. As the longtime listeners know, this show is part informative and educational, part deeply personal, and always authentic and, I hope, relatable. That is always my goal.
We are on a collective journey.
Good/ bad, right/wrong, winning/failing à how about effective/ ineffective?
Takes the judgment out Allows us to know be in this role where we SHOULD know exactly what to do Shifts us out of the idea that there IS a right thing to do
It’s all a grand experiment.
Shout out to my new group of parents who are doing PD with me through zoom. So excited to be in service…
What I notice:
I always encourage people to speak up I prompt when I feel the energy shift Common Won’t work for my kid I’m not her It’s too late Kids have to pay for their behavior
This last one is a big one. None of us want spoiled kids AND we all want to feel respected. So, letting go of their mischief when they are flipped is really challenging because this is when they are at their worst.
Let’s review the brain science
Brain in the palm of the hand review THIS MEANS, they aren’t consciously aware of what they are doing/saying when the brain stem of the amygdala is in charge – NONE OF US ARE YET, we get really worked up about how our kids treat us when they are flipped – I GET IT – I live here too, I have teenagers that are normal teens and they flip and get nasty to me – just as when I flip I tend to get nasty too. We are taking it TOO DAMN PERSONAL when they behavior IS NOT ABOUT US – their behavior is their level of emotional response coupled with the tools they have at their disposal – and when we are flipped, we’ve pretty much lost the tool box that is so accessible when we are in our rational brain. Imagine…… you’ve had a really tough day. You’ve really worked hard to get all that needs to be done complete, you’ve cooked for everyone AND taken care of paying the bills, your kids have been a pain, but you’ve kept it together. And then, you see your oldest picking on your youngest. You lose it. You come completely unglued on your oldest. Blah blah blah, you slide into your flipped lid and you shame and blame and basically let your emotions run the show – the emotional freight train has pulled in and picked you up…. Some time passes and you get yourself together. You realize that maybe you don’t know the whole story of what was happening with your kids and maybe your oldest didn’t need the wrath that you delivered. You acknowledge your mistake and the way you treated her. You reconnect and work to repair the relationship. You may even do some reflecting on how you can set yourself up for success the next time you are caught up in this type of challenge. You work on your own practice for learning more tools to stay peaceful and present even when it’s hard to do. Do you need a punishment? A consequence so that you won’t act like that next time? NO, that never would occur to you as helpful, and yet, how often do we impose this on our children??? Most of us w