Fare of the Free Child podcast focuses on Black people, Native Indigenous people, and People of Color (BIPOC) families who practice unschooling and other forms of Self-directed, decolonized living and learning. Each weekly episode examines a particular way that we’ve accepted coercive, emotionally and physically damaging habits as a normal part of adult-child relationships. With a focus on deschooling one’s self, decolonizing education, and exploring radical self-expression, this podcast challenges and informs us to walk toward a model for living with children that believes in trusting and respecting children and ourselves. #fofcpod #raisingfreepeople
Ep 255: Season 9 Preview - Notes from the other side of the Pause
What's on the other side of a pause? Last season, we leaned into a focused pause, over and over, episode by episode. We also took that pause with us when the episode ended, and now we are ready to slow-walk our way into what arose for us, and for you.
Listen as Naazneen (also known as Fatima) Mookadam and Akilah S. Richards speak to some of the themes we'll be sharing this season. You'll hear the voices of all five women who are centered in season 9. Here they are in the order you heard them in this episode:
Chemay Morales JamesDr. Crystal MenziesNaazneen (Fatima) MookadamAkilah S. RichardsVanessa MolanoAnd here are the some of the topics we touched in this episode, and will explore all season long:
Shift /pivot/changeSpiritual workFreedom, truth, trustSpirituality intersects with SDETruth shiftsGraceBullets for safetyArrows of justiceSavor, not saviorSeek, don't solveStay tuned. More soon!
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Ep 254: Listening Party for ‘E. for Exploration
Grief. Avoidance. Funky energies. We’re wrapping up Season 8 with all kinds of feelings in the mix. How do we embrace or transform these feelings as they arise? That’s the pausewerk, and this week we arrive at E, for Exploration.
“Noticing your behavior in that moment is about noticing that moment, which is really powerful. It grounds you in the now.” Akilah encourages us to trust the wisdom that emerges from a pause, and Domari shares a story speaking to this experience.
Domari reminds us that pausewerk is deschooling work. It’s the little moments where we stop to notice ourselves in our environment. But in what ways might this be a privilege? In what ways might this be radically transformative? How can pausewerk shape the way that we treat ourselves and others in community?
Why we pause
We are pausing from colonial habituation. We are pausing from autopilot. We are pausing to give ourselves undivided attention and to identify our needs.
“Definitely deep emotions this week…because I see myself sitting at this intersection where my liberation work is always about being in relationship with, not free from.” - Jonie
Around this gem, Akilah reflects on how it might feel to gather yourself and be in relationship with that emotion, embrace it, and learn to be ok with it.
Domari recalls a moment when she navigated an opportunity to pause and pivot: “I did [it], and I didn’t die.” Jonie (our wonderful Listening Party regular) validated how threatening a pause can feel: “this all can feel like negotiations with our survival sometimes.” Transformation ain’t easy! But we’re embracing the practice with open questions.
Madd Question Askin’ …
What system, patterns, or habits do you want to stick to or pivot away from?Why pause? When to pause?Why do we choose what we choose? Why do we feel the way we feel about it?What might feel good to begin re-imagining?How might it feel to spend more time focused on yourself and your interests as opposed to what your children are not learning?What are you trusting right now?What brings you back to notice what is impacting you?What keeps you grounded?What makes you proud about your children?In case you missed any episode here you can revisit our P.A.U.S.E acronym:
Episode 244: There is Real Power in the Pause tho!
Episode 245: P for Pain Points: What’s hurting you? What’s hurting them?
Episode 246: Listening Party for “P. is for Pain Points”
Episode 247: A for Absent: What feels missing in your current relationships?
Episode 248: Listening Party Replay for ‘A. is for Absences’
Episode 249: U for Understanding
Episode 250: Listening party for ‘U. for Understanding’
Episode 251: S. for Sorting and Shedding
Episode 252: Listening Party for ‘S. for Sorting and Shedding
Episode 253: E. For Exploration – Seeing What’s Available Right Now
We’ll be away for a while but you will hear from us in-between seasons, so stay tuned with Raising Free People Network for more resources and surprises.
Thank you for sharing this 70-day pausewerk focus with us, #fofcpod fam!
Check our LIBERATION WALK at https://www.raisingfreepeople.com/254/
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Ep 253: E. for Exploration What are some resources you can tap into, based on where you are right now?
The second to last episode in season 8 is live, #fofcpod fam! This week’s inquiry is about the E (for Exploration) in our P.A.U.S.E. acronym. We’re also sharing some post-season offerings and spaces, so be sure to take notes on the things that perk your ears up! These spaces help us find community and connection and are tools to decolonize and revisit our relationships and practices while we navigate through this deschooling journey with our #pausewerk tools in hand and in heart.
Madd Question Askin’
Have you thought about pausing as a skill set, not just an action?Are any of your current beliefs stopping you from showing up how you want to show up?How often do you reach for tools of oppression such as silencing, physical punishment, and emotional manipulation?What do you trust? And why do you trust it?Spaces where inquiry and pausewerk are welcomed!
Live Virtual Training “Co-creating a Thriving Family Culture”: Dr. Sundiata teamed up with Maryella Marie and Tomis Parker, two other SDE-minded facilitators, to create a fantastic offering: The live virtual training, “Co-creating a Thriving Family Culture.” This will take place on June 11-12, 2022. “A weekend intensive training designed for individuals in relationships and families with children who want to be intentional about learning new skills and processes for making decisions and resolving conflicts peacefully and collaboratively.”My Reflection Matters Village: Decolonizing educationMy Reflection Matters co-learning for Liberation Membership (OPEN FOR REGISTRATION)Community and connection through local spots like Kid Cultivators, a space that Leslie Bray and Taiwan started and still help steward. You can hear more from Leslie on:Episode 18: Self-Care + Sacred SpaceEpisode 110: Leslie Talks Conscious Community CollectivesWe also have upcoming community workshops (late summer/early fall) on Reframing the idea of value. These workshops will focus on deschooling ideas about money and worthJoin us for the FINAL EPISODE OF THE SEASON!! It’s a live recording on May 30th. Here’s the link (this link will add it to your calendar)
Share your thoughts by pressing that “Leave a Voice Message” button on the right side or email Akilah and speak about what resources you found useful based on where you are right now at email@example.comGive us some feedback about this episode, reflect inside FOFC Village, or directly in our Make It Happen Family on PatreonSubscribe to Akilah’s Youtube ChannelSupport the show
Ep 252: Listening Party for ‘S. for Sorting and Shedding
Peace #fofcpod fam! This week, Domari is in the buildin’ for our Listening Party Live Chat,and she and Akilah share some experiences and examples of zoning in on the letter S. in P.A.U.S.E. We also continue speaking about the differences between practice and process. As we question what Sorting and Shedding look like, our hosts share some examples where pause work might be effective. What can we notice or re-imagine in our relationships, language, and self-care?
Domari talks about her relationship with pleasure (the card that continues to speak to her from our Practice Deck) and how pausing opened up comfort and awareness to think about the practices she has been sorting and shedding with her children and herself. Domari names aspects of decoloniality at home and points out the importance of honoring boundaries and consent.
“I’ll be working on identifying the ways that my kids and I are disrupting on a daily basis, and being intentional about noticing these moments and P.A.U.S.E.ing in order to listen and lean in. I’ll also be spending more time intentionally designing pleasurable experiences for myself as a mom (with the kids), as a woman (with others), and as an individual (with myself).” - Domari
Our two hosts talk about the importance of honesty and trust work by acknowledging our needs and honoring others as well. Just because I don’t understand something, doesn’t mean it isn't right or important. It’s about building a partnership where everyone can feel safe enough to speak up and say “I don’t want to do this” or “I want to change the way we are doing this” without feeling someone is disappointing or hurting others. If we can pause we can connect with certain situations, not necessarily figure them out.
As they speak about the differences between practice and process, they name the importance of paying attention to what triggers us and practice a different response. Be more kind to yourself, forgive yourself, and understand that “we have the right to change our mind” as we are navigating through joy and pain.
Then our hosts continue chatting about the distractions or systems that don't allow us to follow our intuition. They reflect on how practice invites more of the intuition, more of the specific needs, delights, and quirks.
Live out the #pausewerk with My Reflection Matters co-learning for Liberation Membership. This is open through May 20, 2022, and is accepting 30 new members. The first 10 BIPOC members that get accepted get free access to our Fare of the Free Child course, “From Schoolish to Self-Directed.”
Don’t forget to join us next week, we will be talking about the E. in P.A.U.S.E. a continuation of today’s convo.
Share your thoughts by pressing that “Leave a Voice Message” button on the right side or email Akilah and speak about what does imagining feels like at firstname.lastname@example.orgSubscribe to Akilah’s Youtube ChannelGive us some feedback about this episode, reflect inside FOFC Village, or directly in our Make It Happen Family on PatreonSupport the show
Ep 251: S. for Sorting and Shedding - What’s good for YOUR family?
This week in Episode 251, we droppin’ gems around the S. in P.A.U.S.E. S. is for Sorting and Shedding. Domari (put her links here as usual) starts us off with a nursery rhyme remix to remind us about the side effects of neglecting to slow it on down sometimes!
This week, Akilah offers us seven distinctions between process and practice. She reminds us about a convo with Tiersa McQueen Think about what feels present, the models of living and learning that you practice, and what you might need to pivot away from or at least, revisit.
Be sure to join us next week for our Listening Party where we will be sharing some musings and goodness in our Live Chat.
Discovery as part of designing
Akilah points out the importance of questioning and deschooling our beliefs. Besides people’s consent, boundaries, and shared meanings as ways to invite understanding and trust, resistance feels like a key element in the mix, allowing us see (through our discomfort) what we might need to shift.
“That pushback, that resistance—my children’s as well as my own—has been like a magnifying glass for all of us to examine (sometimes in painstaking motherf*kin’ detail) what might need shedding, what might need sorting and what might need shoring up.” - Ep 251
PROCESS and PRACTICE
Ongoing ritualWisdom-centeredAgile and variedDone for acceptance and integrationInner ecology-focused (it can include useful healthy external influence but it doesn’t rely on it)Centering and now-y (even when unpleasant)Does not always come as a result of a processProcess is:
Repetitive actionSeeking-centered (I don’t have what I need and I need to go find it somewhere else)Rigid and particularDone for discovery of how to do a thing “right”Validation focused (often includes potentially toxic external influence)Extractive and should-y (even when easy)Can help inform a healthy practiceCheck Tiersa McQueen’s insights around Practice Vs Process in Episode 211: A Feel Trip Recap about Process vs Practice.
While you are here, share some thoughts by pressing that “Leave a Voice Message” button on the right side or email Akilah and speak about what might need sorting or shedding for you at email@example.comGive us some feedback about this episode, reflect inside FOFC Village, or directly in our Make It Happen Family on PatreonSubscribe to Akilah’s Youtube ChannelSupport the show
Ep 250 - Listening party for ‘U. for Understanding’
Peace, #fofcpod fam! This week we’re still focused on the letter U for understanding as part of our P.A.U.S.E.werk. Domari (of Positive and Purposeful Parenting) and Akilah hosted the listening party, and Jonie, Reese, Ana Maria, and Erica joined live to share and hear feedback and touchpoints. Together, they reflected and inquired about our relationship with understanding, how autonomy and trust are intertwined, the many layers around discomfort, compassion, trust, and then some.
Let’s agree to disagree
Our two hosts reflect on what they’ve been noticing around their relationships and pause work, on the importance of taking the space to go through certain feelings, crying, for example, as a liberation practice. As our hosts speak and share their stories, pausing and understanding emerge as key components in the trust work that builds up community and healthy partnership.
Check some of the offerings the listeners gave us during this Listening Party Live Chat
“In my family, disagreement equals disrespect.” - Erica
“For me, I’ve been working on shedding the belief that needing to be understood equals being loved. I think I've tried so hard to get the members of my family to understand me when I think what I was really looking for was compassion, and not actually needing to be understood.” - Ana Maria
“I’m feeling into understanding so much more as a verb, it’s not a set destination, it’s movement, it shifts, morphs and transforms.” - Jonie
Careese shares some thoughts about Ieishah’s reflection on gentle parenting as a privilege. If you missed the previous episode you can replay it here Episode. 249: U for Understanding and get more details.
Then Akilah pulls a card from the Raising Free People practice deck:
Take up space, let them take up space too, practice allowing yourself and them to take up space, work it until it invites boundaries that work.
Remember that the Raising Free People Card Deck is available now, click here to order it.
Next week we will be talking about the S in P.A.U.S.E. for sorting or shedding, we will reflect on what’s good for your family and what might need releasing or re-imagining?
We love feedback, so don’t be shy and share some thoughts by pressing that “Leave a Voice Message” button on the right side or email Akilah and speak up about today's revelations firstname.lastname@example.orgSubscribe to Akilah’s Youtube ChannelGive us some feedback about this episode, reflect inside FOFC Village, or directly in our Make It Happen Family on PatreonSupport the show
This is the resource I have been needing without knowing it existed! Thank you thank you thank you Akilah for this beautiful resource and light and validation!
Love this podcast! What a gift to the homeschool community.
Love this pioneering podcast!
Always dropping some fascinating ideas and considerations! I don’t have kids yet, but listening to this podcast helps me think through how I might one day raise them. Thank you for podcasting outside of the box!