FeatureBang hosts Tara and Jim have a message for the world: adult films have plots, and sometimes they’re pretty interesting! Two amateur writers summarize feature length erotic films in their own words, providing narrative analysis, topical insights, and lots of jokes along the way. For anyone who agrees that the naughtiest parts of any erotic film are the plot holes.
In a fascist near-future, Jane has eight days to take a world-saving thumb drive through an apocalyptic nature walk. Meanwhile, an unpurged newscaster tags along. It’s the episode with the personality of that weirdo in the elevator.
Pirates II: Stagnetti's Revenge
When Ed and crew seek a pardon for ex-pirate Serena, The Governor of Jamaica asks them to kill a Chinese Pirate Empress first. Will they defeat enough pixelated monsters to complete their quest? Will you look up “cephalopod” to complete this episode? It’s our review of the film that has more stereotypes than Radio Shack.
Wannabe pirate hunter, Ed Reynolds and crew face off against an immortal swashbuckler. Moreover, a cadre of pixelated skeletons just have a lot of feelings right now. If a ship floats through Sword Scabbard Island, does that make it a wide-berth canal? It’s the episode that’s ballistic for the ship gunner.
Pirates - 2005. Dir: Joone.
Murphy resents his boring life with his partner, Omi, and their kid, Gaspar. He pines instead for the volatile romance he had with his ex, Electra. But when Electra goes missing, Murphy loses himself fully in nostalgia. Can Murphy’s rent-a-shaman unceremoniously pull him out of his rut? Can Americans even behave themselves in Paris? It’s the episode with more red-and-green radiance than a traffic light.
Love - 2015. Dir: Gaspar Noé
The Friend Zone
Kevin and Gina are near-picture-perfect roommates. There’s just one problem: Kevin wants to evolve their relationship into its final romantic form, while Gina is happy keeping it platonic. Things go south when Kevin develops a scheme to catfish women online and inadvertently matches with Gina.
Can Kevin learn how to soul-patch things up? Does Gina snort manic pixie sticks? It's the episode that's comfortable blowing boogers all over your shirt.
The Friend Zone - 2012. Dir: Eddie Powell
The Devil in Miss Jones
Otherwise sin-free Justine is *technically* destined for Hell after she ends her lonely, boring existence. But the afterlife’s bureaucracy is willing to bend a few rules so she can rightfully earn her place there. It’s French Existentialism with a Bronx accent in the episode from which there is No Exit.
The Devil in Miss Jones - 1973. Dir: Gerard Damiano