86 episodes

These podcasts are a reflection of Ruth & David’s ongoing conversations, which are both intimate and professional and touch on complex topics like how systems fail victims and children, how victims experience those systems, and how children are impacted by those failures. Their discussions delve into how society views masculinity and violence and how intersectionalities such as cultural beliefs, religious beliefs and unique vulnerabilities impact how we respond to abuse and violence. These far-ranging discussions offer an insider look into how we navigate the world as professionals, as parents and as partners. During these podcasts, David & Ruth challenge the notions that keep all of us from moving forward collectively as systems, as cultures and as families into safety, nurturance and healing. Note: Some of the topics discussed in the episodes are deeply personal and sensitive, which may be difficult for some people. We occasionally use mature language. We often use gender pronouns like “he” when discussing perpetrators and “she” for victims. While both men and women can be abusive and controlling, and domestic abuse happens in straight and same-sex relationships, the most common situation when it comes to coercive control is a male perpetrator and a female victim. Men's abuse toward women is more closely associated with physical injury, fear and control. Similarly, very different expectations of men and women as parents and the focus of Safe & Together on children in the context of domestic abuse make it impossible to make generic references to gender when it comes to parenting. The Model, through its behavioral focus on patterns of behavior, is useful in identifying and responding to abuse in all situations, including same-sex couples and women's use of violence. We think our listeners are sophisticated enough to understand these distinctions. Have an idea for a podcast? Tell about it here: https://share.hsforms.com/1l329DGB1TH6AFndCFfB7aA3a1w1 

Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel Ruth Reymundo Mandel & David Mandel

    • Society & Culture
    • 4.8 • 20 Ratings

These podcasts are a reflection of Ruth & David’s ongoing conversations, which are both intimate and professional and touch on complex topics like how systems fail victims and children, how victims experience those systems, and how children are impacted by those failures. Their discussions delve into how society views masculinity and violence and how intersectionalities such as cultural beliefs, religious beliefs and unique vulnerabilities impact how we respond to abuse and violence. These far-ranging discussions offer an insider look into how we navigate the world as professionals, as parents and as partners. During these podcasts, David & Ruth challenge the notions that keep all of us from moving forward collectively as systems, as cultures and as families into safety, nurturance and healing. Note: Some of the topics discussed in the episodes are deeply personal and sensitive, which may be difficult for some people. We occasionally use mature language. We often use gender pronouns like “he” when discussing perpetrators and “she” for victims. While both men and women can be abusive and controlling, and domestic abuse happens in straight and same-sex relationships, the most common situation when it comes to coercive control is a male perpetrator and a female victim. Men's abuse toward women is more closely associated with physical injury, fear and control. Similarly, very different expectations of men and women as parents and the focus of Safe & Together on children in the context of domestic abuse make it impossible to make generic references to gender when it comes to parenting. The Model, through its behavioral focus on patterns of behavior, is useful in identifying and responding to abuse in all situations, including same-sex couples and women's use of violence. We think our listeners are sophisticated enough to understand these distinctions. Have an idea for a podcast? Tell about it here: https://share.hsforms.com/1l329DGB1TH6AFndCFfB7aA3a1w1 

    Season 5 Episode 2: Women’s Use of Force in Intimate Relationships: An Interview with Lisa Young Larance

    Season 5 Episode 2: Women’s Use of Force in Intimate Relationships: An Interview with Lisa Young Larance

    Both men and women can be violent and controlling. In this episode of Partnered with a Survivor, Ruth and David speak with international expert Lisa Young Larance about her research and clinical practice related to women’s use of force in intimate relationships. In the conversation, Lisa highlights the importance of context and intersectionalities in any analysis of women’s use of force in intimate relationships.
    In recounting her work, Lisa shares about:
    The importance of a behavioral and life span lens when understanding the use of force in intimate relationshipsHow practitioners need to remain curious about the specifics of situations related to use of forceHow to explore the relationship between trauma histories and the use of forceThe importance of seeing beyond the “victim/offender” binaryWhat the work with women who use force in intimate relationships can teach us about the work with men who use force against their partnersCheck out Lisa Young Larance’s work
    Keep an eye out for her forthcoming book:  Larance, L. Y. (Forthcoming, 2024). Broken: Women’s stories of intimate and institutional harm and repair. University of California Press.

    You may also be interested in these related episodes of Partnered with A Survivor

    Season 2 Episode 6: The Male Victim

    Season 3 Episode 6: 7 Myths about the Safe & Together Model


    Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in realCheck out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."

    • 58 min
    Season 5 Episode 1: Sexual and Domestic Violence In the Military: An Interview with Never Alone Advocacy

    Season 5 Episode 1: Sexual and Domestic Violence In the Military: An Interview with Never Alone Advocacy

    Sexual and domestic violence in the military challenges recruitment, retention, team cohesion, operational readiness, security and organizational health. Yet, most militaries around the world are still struggling to effectively address these problems. Gaps in the response harm military families, and allow the destruction of the careers and health of survivors. The Safe & Together Institute, through its work with the UK Ministry of Defence, has seen the positive impact of domestic violence-informed practice in this area.
    In this episode, David & Ruth speak with Amy Braley Frank, founder of Never Alone Soldiers, and Joanna, a survivor who now advocates for others. Never Alone Soldiers advocates for the safety and wellbeing of military personnel and families affected by sexual or domestic violence. They assist victims, advise them and push for greater transparency, accountability and policy changes, leaving no one behind.
    Ruth & David discuss with Amy & Joanna:
    Current problematic military attitudes & practices in responding to perpetratorsSilencing of victim/survivors of sexual and domestic violenceNever Alone’s advocacy for victims and drive for systemic changeRetention policies enabling those with histories of criminality and violenceAdverse career impacts for service members reporting abuseLinks between unaddressed military violence issues and domestic violence perpetration in law enforcementJoanna shares her experiences seeking safety from domestic abuse, and how policies, communication approaches and attitudes endangered her and others. She discusses how Never Alone successfully pushed for her perpetrator's removal.
    Amy defines policy and cultural changes needed to support survivors over retaining perpetrators.
    Learn more about Never Alone 
    You also may be interested in these related episodes 
    Episode 25: When police officers commit domestic violence
    Episode 26: Listening to the voices of survivors of officer-involved domestic violence: An interview with Nanette Chezum
    Episode 27: “How much crime are you willing to let your police commit?”
    Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in realCheck out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."

    • 56 min
    Season 4 Episode 12: Research That Puts Survivors at the Center

    Season 4 Episode 12: Research That Puts Survivors at the Center

    Historically research hasn’t always involved or benefited the population being studied. Dr. Elizabeth Dalgarno, the Director, and Founder of the SHERA Research Group is staunch advocate of research that is undertaken by and with the people it concerns rather than “on” them. In this far-ranging interview, Ruth, David, and Dr Dalgarno discuss:  
     SHERA’s research into health effects on survivors of their family court involvement in Brazil and England (Spoiler Alert: The negative health effects of family court involvement for domestic abuse survivors is significant!) What practitioners can do differently within the current context of family law environment to improve outcomes for child and adult survivorsHow to use research to help improve the social care and family court response to domestic abuseThe need for greater accountability and transparency as it relates to systems that impact survivors The need for appropriate credentialing, training, and experience for evaluators in the family court contextThe need for adequate data on the impacts of family law policies & practices on victim survivors.The global need for domestic violence-informed training for lawyers, children’s representatives, and judges around family violence, custody, and access The SHERA Research Group, a collective of multidisciplinary professionals with over 100 years cumulative experience of working in health inequalities, law, finance, social care and domestic abuse research and support organizations. 
    Dr Elizabeth Dalgarno, the Director and Founder of SHERA Research Group and a Lecturer at University of Manchester England.Dr. Dalgarno has worked in public and private health and social care for over 20 years and specialises in challenging inequalities and systemic challenges in health and social care. Her work with women who have been through family court focusses on their health-related experiences and the harmful pseudoscience of so-called 'parental alienation' and has been featured in a documentary 'Mums on the Run' on the BBC iplayer, at the UN Human Rights Council and in multiple media outlets.
    Related Podcasts 
    Season 4 Episode 10: Ensuring The Voice Of The Child Is Heard, And Child’s Best Interests Are Considered In Domestic Abuse Cases
     Season 3 Episode 2: Perpetrators’ Weaponization Of Mental Health And Addiction Against Survivors
    Season 2 Episode 19: Using The Concepts Of Collaborative Co-Parenting To Hold Perpetrators More Accountable In Family Court

    Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in realCheck out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."

    • 48 min
    Season 4 Episode 11: Human Resources Policy & Domestic Violence: Creating A Domestic Violence-Informed Organization

    Season 4 Episode 11: Human Resources Policy & Domestic Violence: Creating A Domestic Violence-Informed Organization

    Domestic violence represent 27% of workplace violent events 1 in 5 victims take time off from work due to abuse 20% of victims of domestic abuse had taken off month or more in prior year 56% arrived late at least 5x/month53% missed at least 3 days of work/month 65% of companies do not have domestic violence  policy (SHRM)These statistics only represent a fraction of the picture of how domestic violence perpetrators impact their partner's employment, but also how they impact employers and the overall workplace environment. In addition to the impact on the survivor's employment (poor performance, lateness, absenteeism, lost of  income, lost of career advancement), employers face worker attrition, performance related loses and even liability.   

    In this podcast, David and Ruth discuss a range of issues associated with domestic violence perpetrator behavior and the workplace. Their discussion covers:
    The importance of consistent domestic violence-informed culture (inside and out) especially if your organization's work touches on familiesDifferent ways perpetrators harm a partner's employment including abuse at work, interfering with their ability to work and hindering career advancementDifferent strategies organization can engage in to make their human resource policy more informed including using the Safe & Together Institute Ally Guide as resource Check out these related episodes
     Season 4 Episode 4: Being abused by a partner while advocating for others
    Season 4 Episode 2: Coming “Out” As A Survivor in a Professional Setting: A Practitioner’s Journey
    Season 3 Episode 3: Minisode On Worker Safety & Well-Being: When Workers Have Their Own Histories Of Abuse
    Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in realCheck out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."

    • 52 min
    Season 4 Episode 10: Ensuring the Voice of the Child is Heard, and Child’s Best Interests are Considered in Domestic Abuse Cases: How the Safe & Together Model Helps Promote the Rights of Children

    Season 4 Episode 10: Ensuring the Voice of the Child is Heard, and Child’s Best Interests are Considered in Domestic Abuse Cases: How the Safe & Together Model Helps Promote the Rights of Children

    Are children domestic violence victims in their own right? Are they co-victims with the adult survivor? What is the relationship between the child and the adult survivors’ experiencesHow do we hold domestic violence perpetrators accountable in their role as parents? How do we consider the child’s relationship to the perpetrator in decisions related to them? How do we make sure both adult and child survivors receive the support they need and deserve? How do we consider the best interests of child survivors as we craft our policy and practice response to domestic violence? How do we ensure that child survivors’ voices are heard in matters that are relevant to them? These are some of the critical questions being asked around the globe as governments, through their courts, legislatures and agencies, work to ensure the safety and well-being of children impacted by domestic violence perpetrators’ behaviors. They are not just academic questions as they are central to decisions made every day by governmental bodies like child protection and family court.  For governments and non-governmental organizations (NGOs), a primary touchstone for these questions is the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child (UNCRC), the most widely accepted human rights document in history.  
    From its inception the Safe & Together Model has employed a robust child-centered framework to keep the focus on children’s experience, needs and wishes in the context of domestic violence cases. Compared to other domestic violence assessment and practice frameworks which often treat children as an afterthought to the safety and well-being of the adult survivor, the Safe & Together Model has always focused on addressing the children’s distinct lived experiences. It differs dramatically from other approaches which assume that you don’t need to focus separately on the experience of the child but only need to keep the children safe by keeping the adult survivor safe — in essence making invisible the unique and individual experience of the child. 

    In this episode, David and Ruth discuss how the Safe & Together Model supports the rights of children through the lens of its alignment with the UNCRC. With a special focus on the "voice of the child" (Article 12) and children's best interest decision-making (Article 3),  David Ruth talk about


    How domestic violence perpetrators' actions attack children's human rightsHow a literal interpretation of the "voice of the child" is not enough especially when it comes to the most vulnerable childrenHow many of perpetrator's behaviors of coercive control happen outside a child's view but still impacts themHow the Model helps listen deeply and understand children's experience  and assists in best interest decision making in domestic violence cases involving childrenDownload the paper:
    Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in realCheck out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."

    • 51 min
    Season 4 Episode 9: The Last Drop Film: A revolutionary new tool for professionals working with young people around Coercive Control

    Season 4 Episode 9: The Last Drop Film: A revolutionary new tool for professionals working with young people around Coercive Control

    The problem of  dating violence and coercive control among young people has been sorely overlooked, and educational resources are hard to find...until now! In order make coercive control visible to youth &  to fill a gap in professional  education materials & intervention strategies for young people, we have partnered with the revolutionary new abuse prevention film, The Last Drop . In this Podcast interview, Ruth & David interview Adam Joel, the Writer & Director of the Last Drop Film. 
     
    In this interview we speak about 


    how this film came to be, how a diverse group of Lived Experience Experts informed the film  & what he hopes the films impact will be.Why the way we tell the story of abuse is vital to preventing & intervening with abuse. How messaging & advocacy about domestic violence needs to include a focus on coercive control, not just physical violence How youth populations have unique patterns of coercive control, often invisible to adults, like digital coercion related to the social media world that is so important young people Safe & Together Institute's role in as Executive Producer on the film including producing  a Professional Ally Guide as a companion to The Last Drop to assist professionals working with youth populations with strategies & tools when working with youth experiencing or perpetrating coercive control.

    Watch the Trailer

    Purchase the film for one year unlimited use 

    https://www.instagram.com/lastdropfilm/Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in realCheck out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."

    • 34 min

Customer Reviews

4.8 out of 5
20 Ratings

20 Ratings

Edi Marie ,

Thank you!

This podcast is so needed! As a former victim I wish that the lawyers, judges, and DV center employees had had this type of awareness about abuse. You are doing such a service by addressing the pitfalls and biases around a subject people still have so much to learn about.

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