SELFLOVE with SHARMILA Sharmila Bhowmick

Welcome to episode 29 of Selflove With Sharmila.

Autumn is here and with it, thoughts of curtains slowly closing on the year.

The festival season too is round the corner – celebrations – though a lot muted this year, will be certainly make its presence – but more than the celebrations out there it is perhaps also time that we should celebrate ourselves this year for being able to go through all the challenges that came our way and how. Unprepared as we were, we simply kept braving it all – one day at a time.

The hard facts and the truths it forced us to face and finally all the self-discoveries that we made while being shut up and locked down for almost half the year – deserves acknowledgement.

Coming out of the lockdown, I only feel the urge to celebrate – not just big things, but the small things as well – things that we often forget to notice in a hurry.

Many of us are quick to be harsh, but seldom do we make time to sit down with our journey.

Selflove is about acknowledging the sentiments of satisfaction and gratitude for making through this difficult year. For most of us - be it work or health, the summer and the monsoon has tested us well during peak lockdown.

Just to tell yourself that you are enough and your journey is unique and how you have been able to live from your personal truth this year – are enough to be grateful for..

Autumn is always a time of reflection and introspection. It’s the harbinger of the emptiness that is about to come.

Many of us started out with goals and plans for the year which never materialized – nevertheless, something else did. For me, the greatest gift for this year has been this selflove podcast as it kept me sane through the lockdown days. It has given me immense reason for celebration.

So as the year comes to close and the festivities and celebrations come alive, give yourself credit for all that you have discovered about yourself this year and in what ways it has helped you grow. And make a note of how you have learnt to love yourself a little bit more. That’s all I have for this episode. Thank you for listening.

Self-denial, the willingness to give up personal pleasures for the sake of another – the doctrine is so ingrained in many cultures world-over that when you talk about self-nourishment, self-care it almost sounds like counter-culture. Welcome to episode 28 of selflove with Sharmila. Today’s episode is on self-denial.

Self-denial or skipping meals, skipping pleasures, being hard on yourself and basically avoiding what your heart desires may seem poetic but are primarily behaviours that spring from and in turn give birth to self-alienation – basically distancing yourself from what you truly love.

Self-loathing may sound like an extreme expression but often springs from a sense of perfectionism that you may have created for yourself or been thrust upon by your environment but which is not truly quite aligned with you or who you are. Self-denial is also about not leading an authentic life. Forms of self-denial as a way of discipline, say by fasting, dietary control, or other hardships  when taken on voluntarily are sometimes useful in creating a deeper appreciation as well.

Others feel self-denial involves avoidance and holding back of happiness and pleasurable experiences from oneself that damages other people. Some argue it is a form of a micro suicide because it is threatening to an individual's physical health, emotional well-being, or personal goals. Self-denial is used by almost all religious practices as a way of self-purification.  By denying yourself something, you realise how much you actually want something – because you may not buy that dress you saw at the window, but it will keep haunting you forever. A better strategy to replace self-denial with, is – to be able to consciously listen to yourself, and when you are sure that you want something, give it to yourself. With selflove, we can slowly move from self-denial to self-acceptance and fulfilment. That’s all I have on this episode of selflove with Sharmila. Thank you for listening.

Last night in a conversation on Saturday Night Selflove, an Instagram live series we had a detailed discussion on how some of us fail to maximise ourselves – despite knowing full well our abilities or being in the possession of adequate resources. How some of us, when we do have everything put together, end up sabotaging our scope for success - Welcome to episode 27 of Selflove With Sharmila. This week we talk about the subject of self-sabotage – the worm in the wood which slowly eats away at our potentiality as professionals, as humans when you allow your own weaknesses to eat away at yourself. So how do you really identify self-sabotage – imagine a situation where you want to write a book and every time you plan a good long session to write it out, you think of two or more things to do and while attending to them first, you give up on the time slot you fixed for yourself to write your book. Your procrastination kicked in and drove you away from your own self-actualisation. Self-sabotage is dangerous turf and the worst is that no one really knows how it creeps in – some times it is though our work, sometimes it is through the people who obstruct your success or sometimes our own lethargy and lack of discipline kick in to do the damage.  So, what are the traits of self-sabotage? Some of the typical signs   are Self-criticism, negativity, procrastination, disorganisation, an imposter syndrome, over indulgence, initiating conflicts, being out of focus, comparing yourself to others and questioning your purpose. Basically, any strain of emotion that can erode your focus and faith in your goal, is self-sabotage. It takes immense selflove to understand these strains in ourselves and give them a fair fight so we can achieve what we plan to and not crush under self-created dysfunction. That’s all I have on this episode and I shall be back again with yet another episode of selflove with Sharmila. Keep listening.

Being conscious of your mental state, managing your thoughts, releasing emotions and reactions are necessary for our mental health hygiene and takes a lot of Selflove.

Welcome to episode 25 of Selflove with Sharmila. I love food, I am a foodie. How many times have you heard this? The truth is – everyone loves to eat. And everyone loves to eat food they have growing up eating, what is close to their culture, what they are familiar with. Everyone loves comfort food which rekindle childhood memories or seems like the most natural form of nourishment. But it seems everyone has an opinion about what food one should eat. What you put on your plate is a matter of culture, politics, status and so much more. To me, what I put on my plate is a personal business. What I love to eat is close to who I am. What I love to eat is something I have learnt through m   y family, race, community, culture, origin, history, geography or what have you. What I eat is nobody’s business but mine.Selflove is all about setting all kinds of boundaries, and that also includes the food on your plate. So naturally, I do have a problem with fad diets which try and shock the system and make the metabolism react.  Unless it’s a medical condition and your diet is restricted by a physician – when it comes to everyday food habits, I think food is a personal experience and not even a spoonful of it should be compromised or influenced by another’s idea of what it should be for you. In short, the message is, eat what you love and eat well. A lady I met sometime ago said something about eating to me that stuck with me – never eat when you are stressed or when you are not composed. Eat with time on your hand, make eating a ritual and then every meal of your life is a feast. This stuck with me. While compromising your breakfast or lunch has now become a regular lifestyle statement – it is most disrespectful for your body and soul to work while you are hungry or skip meals. Eating is directly related to emotions. Eating disorders, stress eating all stem from underlying mental issues. So how you eat and what you eat is actually reflects your wellness. Eat consciously, spare time to really eat your favourite food frequently to feel fulfilled. Source the foods your crave. Make your own soul food meal plan. The more connected you get with the food you eat, you start rebuilding your connection with not just the food on your plate but the entire idea of nourishment. We grow when we are nourished.  As we start eating consciously, we automatically start picking food that is good for us. So pay attention to what you are putting on your plate – make sure you are biting into something your soul craves and not someone’s opinion. With that food for thought, I close this episode and I shall be back again with yet another episode of Selflove With Sharmila. Keep listening.

Many of you may have heard of this story of two saplings – when one sapling, over a period of time when told loving things, grew to become leafy and healthy; the other one which was just abused at and cursed at, eventually withered. Words act on us like that. Welcome to episode 24 of Self love with Sharmila. In this episode we will talk about why we should watch our self-talk. What others say, make an impact on our emotional well-being, affect our self-esteem and self-perception. What we tell ourselves, affect us much more than that. Watch how you react to a difficult situation – you either feel the situation is going to crush you and say – this is not for me. I can’t deal with it. Or you can take it as a challenge and say, I can get over it and find a way around it, and move on. But how do you speak to yourself with selflove and build yourself with your words? Though self-compassion. Positive self-talk can help you lift your mood. “If you can change your – I can’t do this anymore to let me try and find how I can work on this,” you immediately shift your self-talk to a more empowered pitch. Sportsmen do it all the time. A habit of positive self-talk based on selflove can help you shape your world in a whole different way – reduce stress and give clarity where it lacks. Negative self-talk stems from self-blame, focusing on the negative of a situation, catastrophizing or expecting the worst beyond logic, and polarising events as bad or good and not trying to find a middle-ground. So, watch your self-talk. Every time you catch yourself going down a negative spiral, switch out – divert to a more positive thought. As you practice this over a time, you will see your entire approach to problem solving change. It will also begin to tell on your wellbeing. Also, actively cut out negative feedback and surround yourself with positive people. We are like sponges and others negativity often seeps in, so watch that too. Give yourself a positive push each morning, give yourself a pat on the back each night. Make it a selflove habit. On that selflove vitamin shot, I end this episode and I shall be back again with yet another energising episode next Sunday. Till then, keep listening.