Principled‪?‬ Tom Marshall

Life is an adventure. But with so many different paths, how can we navigate through it? I’m Tom and I’m a personal development nerd. I’ve read all the books, watched all the TED talks and tried all the life hacks.
Based on this, I wrote my 12 principles for an Extraordinary Life. Aged 26, I thought I had designed the new bible for how to live. But then I started doubting myself. Do these principles make sense in practice? Is it possible to live every day according to them? The only way to know is to find people who do.
Join me on my quest to discover the ultimate formula for living an extraordinary life. Each episode I’ll share one principle and interview a guest who embodies it.
If you want to live an extraordinary life, then this podcast is for you. Let’s go on this journey together to gain confidence and direction to navigate the adventure that is life.  
Follow me on Spotify or subscribe on your favourite platform. Do this by going to tommarshall.life/podcast

How can you find the courage to live life on your terms? Tom explores Principle 1: You are more than enough, be yourself. Show your authentic self to attract what you desire. Together with guest Brian Bloom, a relationships coach, they discuss how we can discover and unleash our authentic selves.

Selected Links
·       Connect with Brian Bloom
            Website | LinkedIn
·       Connect with Tom Marshall
             Website | LinkedIn
·       Landmark education
·       Non-Violent Communication workshop series, Marshall Rosenberg
·       Burning Man
·       Nowhere, regional Burning Man in Spain

Show Notes
Tom’s personal story about why he created this principle. [1:25]
Challenges with the principle that are explored in this episode. [3:50]
Introduction to Brian Bloom. [4:27]
What does authenticity mean to Brian? [05:40]
How Brian realised he’d succeeded by the societal scripts but was incredibly dissatisfied. [06:45]
Brian shares how he redefined the meaning of divorce. [08:45]
How does Brian now relate to his ex-wife? [11:20]  
Not everyone will understand your life choices and it’s not your responsibility to make them. Don’t bow to the expectations of others. [13:00]
How Brian explored his sexuality and alternative relationship structures. [14:10]
Thank people who express concern about your life choices. [15:55]
How does Brian find the courage to be his authentic self? [17:15]
How showing his authentic self has helped Brian attract what he desires. [21:35]
Surrounding yourself with people like you gives you permission to be more self-expressed. [22:10]
Why Brian deserves the “purple heart of weirdness” medal. [23:55]
How Brian invests in finding his people by being his authentic self [25:50]
Brian shares his experiences of radical inclusion at Burning Man, an experiment in creating community. [27:45]
Unconditionally accepting people around you helps them be authentic. [29:03]
Brian shares his exploration of wearing dresses. [30:02]
“Until you try stuff on, you don’t really know who you are.” [32:03]
What advice Brian has for early career professionals who have trouble being fully authentic [33:11]
Brian shares how he “threw his hat over the fence” to overcome the challenge of moving to Europe. [35:21]
Always accept free samples. [37:51]
How to use social accountability to live more authentically [39:32] 
“How much energy are you going to waste trying to live up to others’ expectations instead of exploring your own?” [42:15]
Summary of the episode. [42:27]
How Brian’s story challenges us. [43:49]

How can you stay focused on your own desires?
Tom explores Principle 2: Know yourself better than anything else. Explore your purpose and define your own success. Together with guest Sabrina Jammy, a mindfulness teacher, they discuss how we can better connect with both our body and mind.
 Selected Links
·       Connect with Sabrina Jammy
            Website | LinkedIn
·       Connect with Tom Marshall
             Website | LinkedIn
·       Extraordinary Life, Tom’s non-profit personal development foundation
·       Tom’s Graduation Speech
·       Tom’s Blog about his experiences with meditation 

Show Notes

Tom’s personal story about why he created this principle. [01:25]
Challenges with the principle that are explored on this episode. [05:00]
What does self-awareness mean to Sabrina? [07:13]
You can better navigate a changing world if you know yourself. [08:34] 
How did Sabrina wake-up to the importance of self-awareness? [09:26]
Our mind and emotions can change so quickly. Just like the ocean, we have good waves and bad waves, but our essence remains the same. [12:23]
How has self-awareness helped Sabrina stay focused on her purpose? [13:43]
Mindfulness helps prevent external influences such as social pressure from contaminating your purpose. [14:35]
How Sabrina re-defined her success. [16:25]
How did Sabrina push away the influence of others when setting up her meditation studio? [17:55]]
Focus inwardly on your bodily sensations to understand whether you’re making the right decisions. [18:30]
How can we use thinking and feeling together to create honest reflection? [20:20]
One of the biggest myths of the 21st century is that our minds and bodies are not connected. [22:13)
How does Sabrina build meditation into her daily routine? [23:25}
The danger of doing mindfulness for utilitarian benefits is you stop practicing it when you don’t receive them. [26:25]
The benefits of self-awareness only come when you can sit with both your angels and demons. [28:15]
How has Sabrina’s self-awareness helped her focus on her purpose? [28:39]
How does Sabrina make decisions when she feels conflicting desires? [30:12]
We are curious about our external world but have lost our curiosity about the world within us. [33:08]
We all just want to be seen, loved and heard. [35:15]
Sabrina’s advice for early career professionals who feel like they’re living by other’s definition of success. [36:20]
Sabrina explains her “finding your why” exercise. [36:40]
Take a breath during the day, even if it’s just for three seconds. Self-awareness will arise. [37:59]

How can you experiment in a world of uncertainty? Tom explores Principle 3: Experimentation is self-discovery. Take action on your reflections to discover who you. Together with guest Shelly Kawatra, an explorer of inner worlds, they discuss how to question your belief systems.
 
Selected Links
·       Connect with Shelly Kawatra
            LinkedIn
·       Connect with Tom Marshall
             Website | LinkedIn
 
Show Notes
Tom’s personal story about why he created this principle. [01:33]
Challenges with the principle that are explored in this episode. [04:12]
Introduction to Shelly Kawatra. [04:37]
What Shelly is exploring, including her connection with the extended universe. [05:57]
Pauses trigger reflection. We often brush off negative feelings in our fast-paced lives and need mental space to process them. [08:45] 
It’s difficult to admit to others that you’re unhappy when you’re succeeding according to their definitions of success. [09:25]
What belief systems have Shelly challenged through her experiments? [11:20]
“For me, my head was my heart” [12:46]
How doing what feels right helped Shelly to experiment. [14:10]
Connection with others helps us connect with ourselves. [18:26]
What’s the most important experiment Shelly took in her life? [19:02]
How does Shelly respond to negative self-talk? [22:03]
Voices that take you out of the present are a source of misery. Thinking is suffering [22:30]. 
Shelly’s advice for people who want to experiment. [24:23]
Understand what need you are seeking to experiment in and whether that comes from you or external expectations. [25:10]
“It becomes a life of choice, over a life of should’s” [28:45]
What are Shelly’s future plans for experimentation? [28:50]
We can have plans, but we shouldn’t become too attached to them. [29:15]
Shelly being on this podcast is an experiment for her – so meta. [31:30]
Summary of the episode. [35:20]
Tom’s reflection on Shelly’s story. [43:49]

How can you push beyond your comfort zone? Tom explores Principle 4: Strive to thrive, not just survive. Step outside your comfort zone to really experience life. Together with guest Tony Shriller, an entrepreneur & performer, they discuss how we can push our limits to achieve what we thought was impossible.
Selected Links
·       Connect with Tony Shriller
            Website | LinkedIn
·       Connect with Tom Marshall
             Website | LinkedIn
·       Tony’s TEDx Talk
·       Blueprint Book, Nicholas Christakis 
·       Why success is 80% mindset, Tony Robbins
·       Tom’s Blog about the 3-Why Analysis

 Show Notes
Tom’s personal story about why he created this principle. [01:30]
Challenges with the principle that are explored in this episode. [05:00]
How Tony defines the comfort zone. [07:00]
Just because we want to push our comfort zone, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t enjoy it at times. [08:30]
What gives Tony the courage to keep pushing his comfort zone? [10:05]
Tony had a natural curiosity as a child that made him instinctively push his comfort zone. [10:50]
The mindset we develop influences how we see challenges – growth vs fixed mindset. This is shaped by how our parents praise us. [14:30]
Being who you are and what you want is essential for pushing your comfort zone. [16:55]
Collectivistic cultures promote conformity, inhibiting our ability to push our comfort zones. [17:15]
Tony explains how “emotional intelligence is more powerful than our logical thinking”. Harness it in the right way when making decisions. [17:59]
“Success is 85% mindset”. [18:57]
We need both a sense of individual identity and group identity – which can create a contradiction. Find that balance. [20:55]
How Tony’s self-awareness helps him deal with nervousness in pushing his comfort zone. [24:30]
The feeling of nervousness and excitement is physically the same. The meaning we give to that feeling dictates our emotions. [25:05]
When you make a performance about yourself, you get the most nervous and self-conscious. Focus on your impact. [26:10]
How Tony primed himself before his TEDx talk. [28:10]
“True confidence comes from not taking yourself so seriously”. [28:55]
The words you choose impact how you feel. Saying “today was wonderful” feels much better than saying “today was great”. [30:05]
How Tony persists in challenging times. [31:35]
Visualise achieving your goals. Remind yourself why you’re working towards them. [32:10]
Focusing on the pain from not achieving your goals can be more powerful than pleasure. [33:45]
How stepping out of his comfort zone has helped Tony fully experience life. [35:30]
Pushing your comfort zone in micro ways could have a macro impact. Taking cold showers or going to the office bathroom on a different floor could profoundly improve your life. [38:30]
Summary of the episode and Tom’s reflection on Tony’s story. [39:40]

How can you live a wealthy life? Tom explores Principle 5: “Invest in yourself, not only material possessions. Spend your resources on experiences that provide a life-time return on investment.” Together with guest Dorine van der Wijk, an entrepreneur & researcher, they explore the different forms of wealth and how we can attain an abundance of life’s riches. 
Selected Links
·       Connect with Dorine van der Wijk
            LinkedIn
·       Connect with Tom Marshall
             Website | LinkedIn
·       Dorine’s Article about her wealth research 
·       Tom’s Blog about he discovered communal wealth in Uganda
·       Life Balance exercise
 
Show Notes 
Tom’s personal story about why he created this principle. [01:40]
Challenges with the principle that are explored in this episode. [06:20]
Introducing Dorine. [06:52]
Why Dorine defines herself as a human being in progress. [07:55]
We are wrapped up in layers of society that hide our true selves. [08:45]
How Dorine discovered she was in “human doing” mode. [09:40]
“I had it all on paper, but it didn’t really make me happy”. [11:35]
Dorine explains her alternative forms of wealth. [12:30]
All forms of wealth must be in balance, in order to be happy. [13:45]
The importance we place on different forms of wealth is continuously changing, so we must keep reflecting. [15:15]
We need to first “be” to understand what actions we should “do”. [16:40]
Dorine’s advice for how people can transition from a “human doing” into a human being. [19:16]
Ask yourself: am I choosing to do this, or am I doing this because my external environment expects me to? [22:20]
How Dorine’s old colleagues reacted to her new lifestyle choices. [23:00]
Consciously choosing what we invest in shapes our lives. [24:15]
“I don’t want to be rich only in a bank account.” [25:35]
Why The Beatles got it right. [26:30]
Transacting from a place other than money creates the emotional benefits of giving and receiving. [27:35]
Capitalism captures only a tiny aspect of wealth. [29:55]
We cannot say we are rich if there’s so much poverty in the world. We’re connected to it, even if it’s on the other side of the globe. [31:55]
Why Dorine thinks people in the “East” are wealthier than those in the “West”. [33:10]
Until you’ve experienced monetary wealth, you don’t realise it won’t satisfy you. [34:55]
If we stop teaching monetary wealth as the definition of success, we can change it. [36:00]
As individuals, we can influence other’s perception of wealth with the way we talk about money. [37:20]
Dorine’s next steps with her research on wealth. [38:35]
Love yourself first and you can then give more to others. [40:45]
Monetary wealth is not wrong, but we must align it with what we want – not external validation. [42:30]
“I never regret a single thing I invested in my journey.” [43:25]
Tom’s reflection on Dorine’s story. [44:00]