143 episodes

Welcome to playing with fire, the podcast for people who are ready to custom build their love.

We’re talking about non-monogamy–however you design it–as an individuation opportunity.

Want to leave the default and make your life spectacularly you? You’re in the right place.

Playing With Fire Joli Hamilton

    • Society & Culture
    • 5.0 • 58 Ratings

Welcome to playing with fire, the podcast for people who are ready to custom build their love.

We’re talking about non-monogamy–however you design it–as an individuation opportunity.

Want to leave the default and make your life spectacularly you? You’re in the right place.

    144 Handling polyamory problems: Q&A with Polywise authors Jessica Fern and David Cooley

    144 Handling polyamory problems: Q&A with Polywise authors Jessica Fern and David Cooley

    We’re back with Jessica Fern and David Cooley, co-authors of the incredible book Polywise, and this time they’re answering your questions.

    We cover so much in this episode, but it’s all through the lens of a restorative relational framework, which is an incredibly powerful way to transform how you move through conflict in your relationships. Their responses include both practical exercises that you can implement in your life today, and important, big-picture discussions about polyamory, attachment, jealousy, reassurance, parenting, and so much more.

    Here are the questions that Jessica and David answer in this episode:


    What would you recommend for a hinge partner working to unpack codependence in non-monogamy?
    How do I manage this feeling? - When my partner is getting closer to someone else, in my head, that means that they're moving further away from me.
    How can I rebuild or repair metamour relationships when resentment and misunderstandings have started to pile up?
    What do you do when you're parenting with someone that you're disentangling from?
    How do I meet attachment needs within long distance partnerships?

    Jessica Fern is a Psychotherapist, Certified Clinical Trauma Professional, and author of the book Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and NonMonomgamy and The Polysecure Workbook. In her international private practice, Jessica works with individuals, couples, and people in multiple-partner relationships who no longer want to be limited by their reactive patterns, cultural conditioning, insecure attachment styles, and past traumas, helping them to embody new possibilities in life and love.

    Learn more at www.JessicaFern.com

    David Cooley is a professional Restorative Justice facilitator,
    diversity and privilege awareness trainer, and bilingual cultural
    broker. He is the creator of the Restorative Relationship Conversations model, a process that transforms interpersonal conflict into deeper connection, intimacy and repair. In his private practice, David specializes in working with non-monogamous and LGBTQ partnerships, incorporating a variety of modalities including trauma-informed care, attachment theory, somatic practices, narrative theory, and mindfulness-based techniques.

    To learn more about doing restorative partner work with David, visit his website here: ⁠www.restorativerelationship.com

    JOIN The Year of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.theyearofopening.com⁠⁠

    Playing With Fire has been featured as one of the top 5 ⁠⁠best non-monogamy podcasts⁠⁠!

    Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at⁠⁠ www.JoliQuiz.com⁠

    • 57 min
    143 Consent, stronger relationships, and hotter sex in a changing world with author Dr. Eric FitzMedrud

    143 Consent, stronger relationships, and hotter sex in a changing world with author Dr. Eric FitzMedrud

    Consent can be a difficult topic for everyone. And there's a particularly large gap in our cultural conversations, sexual education, and practical skill development when it comes to consent and men. So many men (and that includes anyone who identifies as a man!) know there’s a problem, and want to do better, but aren’t entirely sure how to fix it.

    Our guest for this episode, Dr. Eric Fitzmedrud is here to remedy that. His work dives deep and does not shy away from difficult conversations. He knows from his own experiences, and from his experiences as a therapist, how important support and connection are for men, and how often men struggle to find it, because of our suffocating cultural norms around masculinity.

    No man can—or should—live up to the 2-dimensional, patriarchal image of what a man is supposed to be. So many people know that, but when we’re faced with difficult situations, it’s easy to slip back into outdated gender roles. In this episode, we’re digging into how you can develop the emotional skills you need to navigate these relationship challenges with more nuance and integrity.

    Eric FitzMedrud is a therapist specializing in relationship and sexual issues in the San Francisco Bay Area. His specialty is helping men improve their sex lives by learning to regulate emotions, remove sexual entitlement, and hone sexual consent and negotiation skills. FitzMedrud is a member of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. He has been published in academic books, presented at conferences, and taught many graduate courses in psychology. He is polyamorous, bisexual, and lives with his wife of twenty-three years and his life partner of six years in San Francisco’s East Bay area, California.

    Read Dr. FitzMedrud’s new book HERE

    Get the support you NEED to have the open relationship you WANT in my
    year-long group program, The Year Of Opening. Go here now >>> www.TheYearOfOpening.com

    Playing With Fire has been featured as one of the top 5 ⁠⁠best non-monogamy podcasts⁠⁠!

    Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at⁠⁠ www.JoliQuiz.com⁠

    • 53 min
    142 Enmeshment: Are you over-functioning in your relationship?

    142 Enmeshment: Are you over-functioning in your relationship?

    Enmeshment doesn’t have to be a big scary subject. In this episode we’re breaking it down into two simple (but super important!) pieces: over-functioning and under-functioning.

    If you suspect you might be enmeshed in your relationship(s), and you want to start identifying those patterns, this one is a must-listen. We take it all the way to the root and examine the core wounds and beliefs that could be underlying your relationship patterns. AND, we talk about how practical tools like embodied awareness can help you honor your and your partners’ individuation journeys.

    Get the support you NEED to have the open relationship you WANT in my year-long group program, The Year Of Opening. Go here now >>> www.TheYearOfOpening.com

    Playing With Fire has been featured as one of the top 5 ⁠⁠best non-monogamy podcasts⁠⁠!

    Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at⁠⁠ www.JoliQuiz.com⁠

    • 40 min
    141 Being polywise with Jessica Fern and David Cooley

    141 Being polywise with Jessica Fern and David Cooley

    Individuation, enmeshment, symbiosis, co-dependence, individualism, interdependence… how on Earth can we navigate through all these paradigms and bring balance to our relationships??

    Luckily, in this episode, we’re joined by Jessica Fern and David Cooley, two all-star authors and practitioners in the non-monogamy space. We get into the nuances of individuation, and how to work towards differentiation in a way that is intentional instead of reactive.

    We talk about the monomind (that sneaky thing is always causing trouble!!) and how it can be a barrier to individuation and healthy conflict resolution in non-monogamous relationships.

    Jessica and David’s new book Polywise is a must-read. Learn more about it here!



    Jessica Fern is a Psychotherapist, Certified Clinical Trauma Professional, and author of the book Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and NonMonomgamy and The Polysecure Workbook. In her international private practice, Jessica works with individuals, couples, and people in multiple-partner relationships who no longer want to be limited by their reactive patterns, cultural conditioning, insecure attachment styles, and past traumas, helping them to embody new possibilities in life and love.

    Learn more at www.JessicaFern.com

    David Cooley is a professional Restorative Justice facilitator,
    diversity and privilege awareness trainer, and bilingual cultural
    broker. He is the creator of the Restorative Relationship Conversations model, a process that transforms interpersonal conflict into deeper connection, intimacy and repair. In his private practice, David specializes in working with non-monogamous and LGBTQ partnerships, incorporating a variety of modalities including trauma-informed care, attachment theory, somatic practices, narrative theory, and mindfulness-based techniques.

    To learn more about doing restorative partner work with David, visit his website here: ⁠www.restorativerelationship.com



    Get the support you NEED to have the open relationship you WANT in my
    year-long group program, The Year Of Opening. Go here now >>> www.TheYearOfOpening.com

    Playing With Fire has been featured as one of the top 5 ⁠⁠best non-monogamy podcasts⁠⁠!

    Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at⁠⁠ www.JoliQuiz.com⁠

    • 58 min
    140 [Replay] Balancing individuation & secure attachment with Polysecure author Jessica Fern

    140 [Replay] Balancing individuation & secure attachment with Polysecure author Jessica Fern

    Jessica will be back next week with her coauthor David Cooley. Prime the pump by listening to this episode!

    ~

    It's normal to want your relationship to feel secure.

    It's normal to want to individuate.

    It's normal to want to explore what life can look like beyond the constraints of default monogamy.

    But how do you actually deal with your specific attachment wounds and still create a love that makes space for multiple loving connections? 

    Joli & Jessica dove into how attachment theory can help us make a relationship that actually works for us, but we went beyond the surface of attachment theory. Y'all are smart- and she's done a lot of interviews already (google is your friend), so I wanted to go deeper and find out how Jessica weaves other theories into her work and how she helps people move out of relational trauma loops and into the life they desire. 

    Jealousy, internal family systems/parts work, and narrative therapy... oh, and some sneak peeks of Jessica's upcoming book Polywise!



    Jessica Fern is a Psychotherapist, Certified Clinical Trauma Professional, and author of the book Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and NonMonomgamy and The Polysecure Workbook. In her international private practice, Jessica works with individuals, couples, and people in multiple-partner relationships who no longer want to be limited by their reactive patterns, cultural conditioning, insecure attachment styles, and past traumas, helping them to embody new possibilities in life and love. 

    Learn more at  www.JessicaFern.com 



    Get the support you NEED to have the open relationship you WANT in my
    year-long group program, The Year Of Opening. Go here now >>> www.TheYearOfOpening.com

    Playing With Fire has been featured as one of the top 5 ⁠best non-monogamy podcasts⁠!

    Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at⁠⁠ www.JoliQuiz.com⁠

    • 54 min
    139 Hinge skills part 2: How to go from squeaky hinge to skilled tapestry weaver

    139 Hinge skills part 2: How to go from squeaky hinge to skilled tapestry weaver

    Communication, transitions, new relationship energy, oh my! Being a hinge partner between multiple consensually non-monogamous relationships can be so overwhelming. Don’t worry—in this second episode of our hinge skills series, we’re diving even deeper into the skills you can develop that could take you from squeaky hinge to skillful tapestry weaver.

    We discuss all the tricky aspects of polyamorous relationships and metamours—needs, boundaries, emotions, schedules, energy levels, the list goes on…—and how you can bring these various pieces into harmony.



    Get the support you NEED to have the open relationship you WANT in my
    year-long group program, The Year Of Opening. Go here now >>> www.TheYearOfOpening.com

    Playing With Fire has been featured as one of the top 5 best non-monogamy podcasts!

    Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com

    • 48 min

Customer Reviews

5.0 out of 5
58 Ratings

58 Ratings

Zerf1 ,

Needing to Grow While Opening Up? Listen to this podcasts.

If you want to be open, but you’re also looking for emotional maturity, stability, and intimacy this will help. This podcast will help you walk through the internal processes to move towards YOUR path to YOUR best capacity to that maturity, stability, and connection.

Justin_Time. ,

This isn’t a non-monogamous podcast

This podcast shouldn’t say it’s specifically for non-monogamy. It’s much more than that. I believe this podcast could help anyone who is in any type of relationship. It brings up real life stuff that people are usually just not consciously discussing. It just so happens that non-monogamy is the catalyst to really dissect a relationship.

EmbraceTruthCreations ,

A Wealth of Information in this Podcast!

This podcast is rich with juicy and useful information about how to color outside the lines with our relationships. What freedom these concepts can gift us!

Thank you, Dr. Joli and Ken!

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