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The Balcony View Audio Article- 12/08/2023
On Relationship with the Body. Part 2: Identity & the Body
https://balconyview.substack.com/p/on-relationship-with-the-body-part-2
Hi Everyone,
Over the last week, I moved house and hit 30 weeks pregnant with twins. This is alongside launching a programme for the US Air Force at eight bases across Europe with my company Team Triad and recording Season 5 of the Relationship Matters Podcast, which will go live in September. The over-ambitious part of me believed writing an article (or two) during this time was a reasonable target. Life, on the other hand, had other plans. So, whilst I began writing this article over a month ago, my experiences from the past few weeks and acknowledgement of what my body can and can't do right now have shaped what you're reading. Discovering flexibility in our abilities feels vital to finding balance in the changing tides of our lives. To quote Byron Katie:
"If you want real control, drop the illusion of control; let life have you. It does anyway. You're just telling yourself the story of how it doesn't."
Katie x
In Part 1, I discussed the mind body battle many of us find ourselves in and my ongoing journey to feel connected and aligned with my body. In this article, I continue my exploration by considering the link between identity and the body. When our bodies undergo significant change, it can act as a mirror, causing us to re-examine who we believe we are in the world. And whilst this article primarily uses examples from my life, I encourage you to examine how your sense of self lives in your body. Instead of wishing for what is lost or has never been, how can we meet the body we wake up with today?
The Body Project
Last year, I co-created a podcast series called Conversations on Cancer with co-founder of CRR Global Faith Fuller after she discovered she has stage 4 uterine cancer. Across the 6-part mini-series, we interviewed cancer patients and their caregivers on what it means to find right relationship with a life-threatening illness. Throughout the conversations, a theme emerged: cancer acted as a mirror revealing who they believed themselves to be. This was often an uncomfortable yet powerful reflection to face up to. For Faith, her chemotherapy caused her to become more forgetful and less sharp. As a psychologist, who has spent much of her life identifying with her witty intelligence, this wasn't an easy reality to face up to. Yet, it made her keenly aware of how she identifies in the world. Other people on the podcast spoke about how losing their hair, or a body part, changed how they saw themselves in the world. In one particularly courageous account, a guest revealed how prostate cancer had altered his sense of masculinity and sexual identity due to the side effects of his treatments.
These powerful conversations had me questioning the identity I have constructed for myself. There are certain qualities that I identify with; that I hold as me. Yet, as with everything, these qualities are in a constant state of emergence and can be impacted by our changing bodies in both small and significant ways. So, the "who am I?" inquiry is really more of a process than a product, in which we continually define who we are for ourselves and other people.
Another side of self
As mentioned in Part 1, I underwent several knee surgeries in my mid-20s that forced me to slow down. Initially, it felt like someone had pulled the emergency brake on my life, which was a jarring and uncomfortable reality to face up to. I distinctly remember a phone call with a colleague (taken from my sofa with my left leg elevated and iced) where I responded to: "How have you been?" with "Oh, you know, busy." Now my life had been many things in the aftermath of surgery, but being busy was not one of them.
Suddenly, I became acutely aware of how identified I was with 'busyness.' It was a part of how I saw myself in the world. And when I dug a little deeper, I discovered that

The Balcony View Audio Article- 14/07/2023
On Relationship with the Body. Part 1: A Mindy Body Battle
https://balconyview.substack.com/p/on-relationship-with-the-body-1
We can apply the lens of relationship to everything. Relationships with a partner, child, or dog are often more apparent than our relationships with money, nature, or global warming. Yet looking through the lens of relationship, even when considering objects, concepts, or ideas, can provide a powerful paradigm shift for examining our interdependence. No person is an island, and by looking through this lens, we can appreciate that relationship is a two-way street. We are all in a constant state of emergence, continually shaping and being shaped by the web of relationships within which we exist.
A few weeks ago, I wrote about the concept of Right Relationship. In this article, I explore the body through the lens of relationship. Inspired by my personal explorations from the past year, which have been amplified since becoming pregnant with twins (which you can read about here), I hope that my inquiry, whilst personal to me, might help you consider your relationship with your body. What does it mean to be in Right Relationship with your body?
An unhealthy relationship
I've got a confession to make: for over 15 years, I've been in an abusive relationship with my body. I've criticised it for being the wrong shape, mocked it for being too weak, and found myself frustrated when it was tired, sick, or slow. Yet, on the flip side, when it's been healthy, helped me hit a PB, or just simply supported me through a busy day, I've never thought to appreciate it. My body didn't always meet my high expectations, yet on the occasion when it surpassed my lofty goals, there was little thanks or praise.
In my mid-teens, my knees started to give way. I'd wake up to find them locked in a particular position. Or I'd have to take the stairs one at a time, which was excruciatingly embarrassing for a 16-year-old desperately trying to fit in. As I later discovered, I have a rare condition called Osteochondritis Dissecans, which occurs when a lack of blood supply causes bone and cartilage to crack and loosen. This led to two big holes (or "craters", as my surgeon described them) forming in my knees. The adolescent condition usually only affects one joint; however, I hit the jackpot and was the first patient at the Royal National Orthopaedic Hospital to have a stem cell transplant in both knees, albeit not at the same time. After four surgeries in my early 20s, I found myself on crutches and in a chunky knee brace for the better part of a year. However, what this story doesn't tell you, is how positive this experience was for me. For the first in my life, I was forced to slow down. I could no longer live my life on a treadmill, and as much as I tried to keep up with my old pace, my body had other plans. It had its own recovery timeline, and it demanded to be heard.
In the weeks following surgery on my left knee, I found myself easing into the slowdown and attuning to my body's subtle signals. And with these new insights, my yoga practice took on a whole new character. No longer was I restricting (or forcing) myself to a specific set of postures; instead, I rolled out my mat and allowed my body to dictate the flow of my practice (often accompanied by loud, upbeat music!) I adored this new-found mind-body connection which continued off the mat and into my life. Until it didn't. I remember feeling so grateful to walk again, only to take it for granted a few days later.
Six months on, I went through the same process again, this time with my right knee. Same body, same condition, same surgery- so I felt confident I knew what to expect. Yet, it was entirely different. After my left knee surgery, I had been practising yoga balances after 2 days! However, after surgery on my right knee, I was in agony for weeks, and my recovery was much slower. It was another huge lesson. My left knee taught me

In this episode, Katie Churchman with Alexander Beiner about the power of storytelling. Across the conversation, they discuss how to use storytelling to make sense of complicated concepts and ideas, using storytelling to weave together seemingly unrelated disciplines, story as a bridge between different systems, the darker side of storytelling, and much more.
Alexander Beiner is a writer, podcaster, and facilitator with a love for making sense of culture, hosting transformative experiences, and exploring how we can evolve and thrive in the chaotic times we live in. He is one of the founders of Rebel Wisdom, a popular alternative media platform that ran from 2017-2022 and explored cutting-edge systems change and cultural sensemaking. As well as publishing regular essays and articles on his Substack, The Bigger Picture, he is also an executive director of Breaking Convention, Europe's longest-running conference on psychedelic medicine and culture, and also co-created and co-facilitated a legal psilocybin retreat called Regenerative Stewardship. He is the author of 'The Bigger Picture: How psychedelics can help us make sense of the world,' which was released this month and is available on Audible, Amazon, and more. I would highly recommend picking up a copy- everything Ali writes is hugely thought-provoking and has me questioning my worldview.
This was a fascinating deep dive into storytelling and how it helps us make sense of the world. Enjoy!
Episode 2: We’re Wired for Story with Alexander Beiner
Key
KC- Katie Churchman
AB- Alexander Beiner
KC: Ali. Welcome to the Balcony View Podcast. Delighted to have you on the show.
AB: Delighted to be here. Thanks for having me.
KC: I'm very excited about this discussion today, and I want to start by talking about the fact that you use a range of different mediums and platforms. So you write, you podcast, you create videos, and across all of these, I've noticed a theme around storytelling. And so, I want to start by asking you why storytelling is so integral to your work and what you do.
AB: Yeah, well, I mean, the first thing to say is that I love it, and I think many of us love a story. I have really vivid memories of sitting in school at the age of like six or seven for story time. A teacher will read, or my mum and dad actually used to read to me as well. And there's just something magical about it, I think. But aside from that quality of it, there are a few reasons I think storytelling is so important. One of them is that if we want to communicate ideas to each other, we generally do it through stories. And there’s actually a lot of neuroscience to back this up, that we learn much more through stories rather than just facts.
KC: Right.
AB: Which is, of course, why the news isn't just, this happened, this happened, this happened, this happened. And here are the statistics. We, of course, tell stories around stuff. In fact, we're just kind of completely immersed and wrapped up in stories everywhere. Our own stories, the people we're connected to, the stories we tell about our culture. So, the world is, in some way, the social sphere is made of stories. And so, if we want to communicate or make sense of it or hopefully change aspects of it, we have to do that. Not exclusively, but definitely a huge part of it is through storytelling. There's another aspect of stories which is that they are one of the most inclusive ways to communicate because it's cross-cultural; every culture has stories. It's part of how we're wired; we’re kind of like storytelling animals, in a way. And also, the stories that we tell have something more going on in them than just entertainment or even lessons. A Jungian view on storytelling would say that really what's happening in stories is that it's an external communication of a deep internal world that we all share and a kind of collective unconscious that we share as well. So people might be familiar with Joseph Campbell, who was a famous mytholog

The Balcony View Audio Article- 09/06/2023
I'm Pregnant. With Twins: My story, the day after I found out I was pregnant with two...
http://balconyview.substack.com/p/im-pregnant-with-twins
CONTEXT: This article was written when I was 11 weeks pregnant, before my husband and I shared the news. I’m now 21 weeks pregnant, and the four of us are healthy, happy and well over the halfway mark! It was lovely to re-read this article from 10 weeks ago, as I can appreciate how much I have grown on this journey so far (and no, I’m not just talking about my belly!)
Yesterday, my husband Dan and I discovered we’re pregnant with twins. Yes, we're having two. At this moment in time (11 weeks and 1 day), we haven't shared the pregnancy news with anyone, partly because of the risks in the first trimester but mostly because we liked the idea of settling into this new chapter and dreaming about what we want it to look like, before sharing it with the world and being shaped by other people's thoughtful - yet sometimes intrusive- experiences and expectations. We’ve spent the last six weeks imagining one child, and now we’ve just discovered- to our complete surprise- that we’re having two. As Dan said, seconds after seeing two babies on the ultrasound screen, “we’re going to need more space!”
So far, so good…
From a pregnancy standpoint, my experience so far has been straightforward and uncomplicated. I've been slightly tired and have napped occasionally, but other than that (and peeing more), I really can't complain. I was skiing at seven weeks (I’m a very competent skier and trust myself on skis more than I do running around my local park). At nine weeks, I led an interactive training for leaders and pilots from the US Air Force. And whilst I wisely cancelled my hot yoga membership early on, I started working out with a PT for a more personalised and pregnancy-friendly approach. So far, so good. In fact, days have gone by when I’ve barely thought about being pregnant. It was exciting and not all-consuming, which felt like a lovely space to be in.
Ignorance is Bliss
Given that this is our first and that we are relatively naïve to all things pregnancy and babies, I was confident that the playful yet curious energy that Dan and I were bringing to the process was impacting my experience. And whilst a lot of luck is involved (I haven't been sick once), I still believe there is a valuable lesson here. As I discussed with Mark Ovland on The Ways of Looking Podcast, the lenses we look through will be shaping our reality to a certain degree. Suppose I had spent many hours on Reddit, reading up on #pregnancyproblems, I'm sure certain aspects of my journey wouldn't have felt quite as light and manageable. It may have caused me to view my experiences- like intermittent backache- through a 'challenges' lens instead.
There are many things that could go wrong. But I don’t believe that means we necessarily should know about all these potential issues. Just in case.
I must admit that being a complete beginner has been a blessing up until now, as I don’t know what I don’t know. (A friend, on the other hand, who specialises in paediatrics, was worried sick at every stage of her pregnancy because, to use her words, “I know too much.”) After spending most of my life trying- and sometimes pretending- to be an expert, there’s a great relief in not having to know. Instead, I figure if and when things show up, I will learn and work it out along the way. As one twin specialist shared with us, “If it’s your first and it’s twins, then you’re lucky; ignorance really is bliss!”
Comparison vs Trusting the Gut
I also appreciated the space to ask questions without finding answers immediately. Our phones give us access to so much information, often at the expense of our own wisdom. We seek to understand through other people's experiences or from the advice of experts- neither of which is wrong- but when they become primary, can ca

In this episode, Katie Churchman talks with Mark Ovland about the Ways of Looking approach, a framework for meditation. What if your deepest happiness and freedom had less to do with what happens and more to do with how you're relating to what happens? Across this conversation, Katie & Mark explore the Ways of Looking framework as developed by the late meditation master Rob Burbea and discuss the impact that different lenses can have on our lives. They investigate the idea that the way we relate to the world affects our perception of it - for instance, bringing more ease, freedom, and joy into our experience - and, thus, how this approach can create more flexibility, expansion and empathy in our lives. In this discussion, they focus more on the everyday application of the approach than on the formal meditative training behind it all. 
Mark Ovland began practising meditation in 2008 and is currently training to teach within the Buddhist Insight Meditation tradition. He has lived and worked in various monasteries and retreat centres around India and the UK and has spent around two years on intensive silent retreats himself. Mark helped to pioneer mindfulness courses within the UK prison system and was one of the co-founders of Freely Given Retreats, a charity that runs weeklong silent meditation retreats on a donation basis. In 2013 he and some friends set up DANCE (the Dharma Action Network for Climate Engagement), and in recent years, he has been particularly engaged with environmental and social justice issues. Mark was a close student of the late meditation master Rob Burbea.


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The Balcony View Audio Article- 12/05/2023
A Both/And Mindset: Synthesise polarities and stretch your leadership range
https://balconyview.substack.com/p/a-bothand-mindset
If you've ever received a 360-feedback report, what did you focus on first? I estimate that 95% of the people I've worked with scroll right to the bottom and scrutinise areas for improvement. Whilst this feedback can be invaluable for understanding growth opportunities, it can also cause us to underappreciate our strengths. Our brains have evolved to prioritise negative experiences over positive ones. When our ancestors lived on savannahs (approximately 2 million years ago), this kept us safe and away from danger. However, in the present day, this outdated operating system in our brains isn't so helpful. Like when reading your 360 and learning that one of your colleagues finds you "too direct." This happened to one of my clients, who immediately took it to mean that she should bring more of the opposite to her communication style. So, she suddenly stopped speaking up in meetings and began volunteering for fewer projects.
Before long, she was receiving the opposite feedback. People wanted her to bring more directness to her work. 
So, what happened? As many people do, my client read her 360 and interpreted "too direct" as bad. As a result, she marginalised the part of her that is 'direct' and focused on bringing the opposite, which in her case meant evasiveness. 
Leadership Range
This approach to feedback can lead us into binary thinking or a 'this or that' approach to leadership when, in fact, what excellent leadership needs is range. It's about knowing when to dial up directness and when to dial it down. The adult development company Andiron, which founded the Key Polarity Indicators Assessment, argues:
"Many leaders, teams, and organisations innocently and unconsciously approach polarities with an Either/Or mindset — either I have to do this or that. However, those using a Both/And mindset outperform those who don't. They direct and empower, exude competence and warmth, take action and step back to reflect. The key is knowing how."
As the company explains in a video discussing the power of a Both/And mindset: 
"Polarities are seemingly opposite states that must co-exist over time if we are to be successful. They require a Both/And mindset, because leaning too heavily in one direction or the other will likely lead us into trouble."
Both/And is an integrated approach that allows us to zoom out and hold all qualities- even the so-called 'negative ones' - more neutrally. From this perspective, it's less about right or wrong, but rather, what does this situation call for? When we can value all qualities- even the ones we have marginalised within ourselves- we find great opportunities to stretch our leadership range. 
The Best of Both
In my own life, this approach has helped me to lean into parts of myself that I had previously marginalised. Fearful of being labelled bossy, I have spent much of my adult life defaulting to friendliness. This wasn't an intentional choice but rather an unconscious reaction to some early life experiences. I was confident as a young child and was often called bossy by teachers and other kids. This culminated in me playing the lead in the aptly named school Christmas production, 'The Bossy Christmas Fairy'. That role- more than anything else- cemented my status as bossy throughout primary school.
So, as I moved into secondary school and into the awkward teenage years, I came to over-rely on friendliness. I wasn't even aware of this pattern until my early 20s when an acting coach asked me why I was smiling in a scene where my Grandma had just died. This feedback absolutely dumbstruck me because I hadn't even realised I was smiling (!) It was just my default facial expression by that point.
This is not unique to me. Numerous women have reported being labelled ‘bossy’ or ‘feisty’ whilst their male counterparts were