Creating a Family: Talk about Adoption & Foster Care Creating a Family

Question: I was the one who wanted to adopt.  My husband agreed because I wanted it so bad, but now, I’m the one who wishes we hadn’t done it. We adopted a 5-year-old little girl, who is now 7.  The awful truth is that I don’t love this child. I don’t even like her very much. I wish I could turn back the clock.

Resources:
Creating and Cultivating Attachment (Resource)Understanding and Overcoming Blocked Care (Free Course)Creating a Family Online Support GroupThis podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Weekly podcastsWeekly articles/blog postsResource pages on all aspects of family buildingSupport the show
Please leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamily

Are you confused about having an open adoption? Do you worry about what this means for your family. Join us today to talk about open adoption with Sara Easterly, an adoptee, Kelsey Vander Vliet Ranyard, a birth parent, and Lori Holden, an adoptive parent. In addition to co-authoring the book, "Adoption Unfiltered", they host a podcast of the same name.

In this episode, we cover:
What is meant by the term “open adoption”?Contact vs. openness.What open adoption is not:Co-parentingA courtesy to birth parentsConfusing to the kidsAbout/for the parentsWhat are some of the challenges of open adoption from the birth parents’ perspective?Lack of understanding of what open adoption means when they place their child.Renewed pain after each contactTwo vs. oneLack of powerFearWhat are some of the challenges of open adoption from the adoptive parents’ perspective?What are some of the challenges of open adoption from the adoptee's standpoint?What are some of the benefits of open adoption from the adoptee’s perspective?What are some benefits of open adoption from the birth parent’s perspective?What are some of the benefits of open adoption for adoptive parents?How to establish healthy boundaries with an open adoption, including both ways.Examples of healthy boundaries from the adoptive parents’ perspective.Examples of healthy boundaries from the birth parents’ perspective.Examples of healthy boundaries from the adoptee standpoint.Keys to establishing healthy boundaries.How do you handle “openness” when birth parents are unreliable?How to maintain an attitude of openness or the spirit of openness without contact.Importance of birth siblings. How the existence of children that the birth parents are parenting affects adopted children.Allow space for change and growth on all sides of the adoption constellation: birth parents, adoptive parents, and adoptees.This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Weekly podcastsWeekly articles/blog postsResource pages on all aspects of family buildingPlease leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamily
Support the show
Please leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamily

Question: Hubby and I are finally ready to take the plunge and become foster parents. We wanted to wait until our youngest was in high school. We’ve started listening to your podcast, and you’ve mentioned on several of the shows that we would likely have a choice between the local county child welfare agency and a private agency. Which should we choose?
Resources:
Choosing a Foster Care Agency (Resource page)Becoming a Foster Parent (Resource page)Working as Part of a Foster Care Team (Resource page)This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Weekly podcastsWeekly articles/blog postsResource pages on all aspects of family buildingPlease leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamily
Support the show
Please leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamily

Do you worry about applying the Reasonable and Prudent Parent Standard as a foster parent? Check out this interview with Rhonda Serrano, a senior attorney at the ABA Center on Children and the Law, and Kate Schultz, the Deputy Director at Foster Family Alliance of North Carolina and a licensed foster parent. 

In this episode, we cover:
Where does the concept and term for “reasonable and prudent parent” come from?What were the problems that the reasonable and prudent parent standard is trying to address? The intent is to promote and support normalcy. Why is normalcy so important for foster youth?Who does this standard apply to? Does it apply to all children and youth in foster care?Why is the distinction between an “activity” vs. a “service” important? What is included in extracurricular activities?What is included as an enrichment activity? What is included in cultural activities?What is considered a social activity?Would these activities usually be included?Phone and computer useBeing on social mediaReasonable curfews and rules for dating and socializingDriver’s licenses and learner’s permitsSocial activities with friends and peers, including unsupervised social activities, such as:Going to the moviesDatingVisiting friends’ houses overnightWould background checks be needed to spend the night at a friend's or foster grandparent’s house?Are there some activities that are inherently too risky for the foster parent to make the decision on whether to participate?The activity is supposed to be age or developmentally appropriate. Who makes this decision?Factors to consider when applying this standard. 
Does the child/youth want to do this activity? Does it fit with their interests, likes, and dislikes?Is this activity appropriate for their age and something other kids their age get to do? Can this youth/child participate safely for their selves and others, given their behavioral history?Is there appropriate adult supervision for this activity?Does this activity encourage the child’s emotional and developmental growth?Does participating in this activity normalize life for this child/youth? Does it provide a more family-like experience?Does this activity provide a way for the child to further their self-identity (including ethnic, cultural, religious, etc)?Does it provide an opportunity for healthy risk-taking?Will the youth gain adult skills for transitioning?Does the biological parent want the child to participate in this activity? Can you afford this activity?Risk factorMental health: are there any triggers to be aware of?What liability does the resource parent have if things go wrong at the activity?How can biological parents be included in decisions about the reasonable and prudent parent standard?What happens when the biological parent objects to an activity, but the foster parents are in favor of allowing the child to participate? This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
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Question: We’ve been waiting for 15 months for an expectant mom to choose us to adopt her baby. We finally got chosen, but I’m filled with fear. Are we the right family for this baby? Are we up to parenting her? Will we be ruining our lives and maybe hers?

Resources:
Evaluating Risk Factors in Adoption (Resource page)Raising a Child with Prenatal Substance Exposure (Resource page)Explaining Prenatal Substance Exposure, ADHD, and Autism (Suggested books)This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Weekly podcastsWeekly articles/blog postsResource pages on all aspects of family buildingPlease leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamily
Support the show
Please leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamily

Are you parenting an adopted teen or young adult? Check out our interview about important conversations we need to make sure we have. Our guest is Katie Naftzger ,an LICSW, an adult adoptee, and the author of Parenting in the Eye of the Storm: The Adoptive Parent’s Guide to Navigating the Teen Years. She also has a course for adoptive parents: The Four Paths To Securing The Relationship With Your Adopted Teen Or Young Adult.

In this episode, we cover:
What are two conversations we should have about adoption with our youth?What conversations should we have about mental health?What are some conversations we should have about race with our youth who are of a different race than we are?This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Weekly podcastsWeekly articles/blog postsResource pages on all aspects of family buildingPlease leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamily
Support the show
Please leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamily